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Listen to Cam and James Discuss eSports In Episode 2 of Gaming the System!

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  2. Hey dude, I was thinking I haven't seen your journal pop up into the feed recently. How are things? Hope everything is okay!
  3. Gosh, I hope so! Day 111, Aug 24 Today was an eventful day. Got called into work a bit early today so that threw things off in the morning a bit. Went straight from work to the gym like I planned. I did cardio and my first bicep workout in a few weeks. I can tell I lost some strength since last time I lifted. Went home, cooked dinner, and had to hang out with a friend unexpectedly when they called late asking about going for a walk. I probably should have just said no but now I can say no next time. I've now hit the gym 3 days in a row.. yessss! Momentum!! I know I'll be able to go the next two days as well, because it fits into my day nicely right after my work shifts. If I can incorporate a few more good habits over the next week or so, I'll be back to performing at a high level again and can be proud of myself. I wonder how much of a factor the buzz I'm getting from Colleen is helping? Whatever, haha. I'm such a sheep. Btw, today marked fifty (50!!) days of no fap. After nearly two decades of being addicted to PMO, I've now reached a point where it's almost effortless. The thought of breaking this streak for a few moments of pleasure seems like a poor decision I would immediately regret, and be mad at myself about for a long time. I know some day I will break the streak and that's okay but for now I'm going to take this as far as I can. I think it's helping me stay focused on my goals. Onward! 100 pushups a day counter: 38 no fap: 50 days
  4. Hey all, I am Third Degree, and I am going to start updating a journal here to help in my path to stay away from video games. This isn't my first attempt at staying away from gaming. I've made a couple month long absences but always come back. Recently, since graduating college, I've been playing a lot of video games when not in work, resulting in frustration from my partner in not prioritizing her and the cleanliness of our apartment over video games. My video game life goes back to when I was five years old, and playing video games has been an avenue of rage, escape, competitive outlet, social experience, and meter of personal improvement for me ever since. It's always been something that I can easily pay attention to and spend hours doing. 18 hour binges over weeks has not been out of the question for me, so in my worst throws of binges, I become a zombie. The most frustrating part of my experience with video games is my inability to fully understand what video games mean to me, like broadly understanding both the positives and negatives of my life surrounding them. I try and understand this better to replicate the things I love about video games in things that I can moderate better. Currently, I'm very tempted to continue watching twitch streams of people playing the games I like while I stay away from playing them, but I know that won't help me at all. Today, my first day without video games this current streak, I watched the anime Attack On Titan and have started reading a sci-fi Hugo-award winning book called Hyperion. I also cleaned the kitchen and have spent a lot of time with my pets. So, it has been a decent first day. I want to explore physical hobbies, like boxing and weight lifting. I used to weight lift regularly but have been away from it for a very long time lol. Anyways, that's my first day update. Will check in soon and hopefully start making some friends!
  5. Yesterday
  6. Day 118 No VG - 118 days, No SAH - 14 days, NF - 3 days (3/7) Finally the weekend. Last night I was VERY tired. I needed a night to myself. I just got back from a friends baby shower. I'm a little burnt out to be honest. But I cannot stay in tonight. I need to face the dragon. I know the anxiety will be there, but I have to go. The self-doubt will be there, but I have to go. I don't really have much of a plan right now, so how about my goal right now is to approach one woman in a club tonight? That sounds like a good goal. I'm going to eat a quick dinner and get my ass out of the house. I'm also going to try and be more social on my way to the club. I hope tonight goes well.
  7. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 126: I searched for investment advice during the morning. I am still somewhat confused, but I think I will be able to make a somewhat informed decision in several days if I keep researching daily. I also found some time to chill and read some articles. In the afternoon, I spent 3 hours outside. I am leaving home soon, so I am trying to make the most of my stay here. Evening I spent writing to friends and here. I did not do a lot of my list, but I nailed the most important thing, so I am fine with today! Tomorrow: monthly rep, 4 months @ home, cook (moneyinvest), podcast GQ, (book+write), laundry, GRS, meditate
  8. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Thanks for the comment, made me write what I thought about before. I think this might have something with the fact that I am still young and perhaps not as acceptant when people do not go in line with my values (this particular one was honesty). This was the section I am talking about: It stems from the fact moral relativism/nihilism messed up a lot of my life. I think I would be able to justify a murder, if I was set out in some circumstance for a longer time. I do not think true integrity can come from such behavior. I think integrity needs rules. Those rules need to be revised time from time, but they also need to be actually acted out. Only then you can perhaps push through harder times without fretting, even if lying would be the easy way out. What is perhaps interesting is that lies are generally inactions ("I will do this tomorrow."), rather than the act of consciously saying something you know to be untrue. Kinda wish I was in better focus now, but I hope that my reaction is still somewhat congrugent.
  9. Day 59 - Enjoying company Hanged out with friends today. Really enjoyed it. Haven't went out in a while, felt kind of isolated. We just talked about what's been going on, nothing too special. My sex drive is really high again, since I had a wet dream last night. So, I really want to interact with people. Tomorrow is a concert, so I might go. They're playing music that I kinda listen to. I should be able to fit in and meet new people. I'll also probably be going alone, since none of my friends want to go. Should help with my confidence. On tuesday I'm going out with this girl I know, just as friends though. Overall, starting to open up to girls more. Not much else to talk about, just forcing myself to do stuff. I've been getting heavy cravings, but the more I outlast the more confident I feel. I bought the gq challenge a while a go so I might start doing it again, since it will give me goals to work towards. It has some really discomforting challenges. I get sad sometimes about the future. Will I ever feel joy like when I was gaming? Is it all worth it? I don't know but I can't turn back now. I fucked myself up enough. Have a wonderful day!
  10. Hi all on this forum. I am with games for so many years. Probably since I got my first computer Atari 65XE in around 1986. I am 42 now, you can do the math. My main issue is that I do not know if I WANT to quit this. And yet I came here and I feel that not everything is fine with my life. I start to read Respawn and I didnt play anything since 17 August.
  11. Right on in agreement! I think it's around 1 in 25 people that are sociopaths and whenever I encounter one I go "Oh look, there's one of those assholes. This increases the chance the next person I meet will not be an asshole!" and when we are forced to be in proximity to them, all we have is our influence and what we choose to do with what is presented to us! Glad you are finding time to make connections around you and figure things out for yourself!
  12. That's awesome dude! And you got them to smile while you were sick?! Imagine how much you'll be able to get them to smile when you have the clean bill of health!
  13. Days 36 - 42 (6 Weeks!) Thank you @Ikarfor that YT page. Should be some good videos to watch! And thank you @Tzen1 Thanks for that piece of perspective as well. It is absolutely true that the system definitely has some cracks in it to be sure but it's important to remember that sometimes success is measured just one life at a time. On Sunday our friend was unable to come over so we took advantage of the great weather and rode our motorcycles into the mountains, clocking in around 90 miles of many winding, twisting, beautiful roads along the way. Really do enjoy my bike and will become more and more comfortable leaning it over time. There were certainly a few freak out moments but it just goes to show how important being the training is. Keeping your eye on the path and where it goes, focusing on a neutral mindset and seeing as much as possible to prepare for any issues. (Knowing you can push some corners because you know a car isn't coming on the other side in case you pushed too hard, etc.) After writing the last journal my sister-in-law found a stray kitten so we had it stay over night and spent Sunday and Monday really thinking if we wanted to commit to keeping her and giving her a better home, and we did decide on a yes so we have a new kitten and we named her Leslie. She seems to be around four or five months so we've been training her and getting her settled here (while preparing the house a little better so things don't break in the process.) She seems to have two modes - play and love, or she is undecided and can't tell what she wants haha. The work week began and the classes are continuing to go well overall. Definitely took some more ownership after doing some experimentation during the first week and the classes are running better overall. The two biggest challenges are the extremely low 3rd grade class (the behaviors are getting there but in terms of academic engagement they are not close to being there, but I'm determined to get them there.) We also have one kinder challenge (and, let's face it, just one challenge isn't bad) but they have zero language and no common languages spoken in school and they've taken a liking to stealing from everyone and playing keep away. This student should ultimately be in Pre-K and not in regular school but that is how the system works. They have zero school experience or social experience and that really puts them at one or two years of disadvantage behind their classmates. The rest of the kinder class is fine (which is always a relief.) Yesterday my husband did his long ride so I stayed in and watched more cooking shows (and damn do I want to try a lot more fancy cooking things!) On the ride he damaged his helmet and was apparently able to fix it but that made me frustrated, not that he had potentially broken the helmet, but because even with both of us working full time and me doing a side-lessons job, it is not enough to do the things we want to do. Received an E-Mail from one of the people I subscribe to and they were offering a webinar about selling resources and it's been something I have been considering on and off for a while. I am definitely fearful for our retirement plans and not getting to enjoy the life we want to enjoy and I feel that I would be able to help a lot of other teachers (which is something I particularly enjoy doing, sometimes more than helping the students). The big consideration right now is that, in order to go this route, whether or not I should go it solo with just free resources or to invest in a course about marketing. The second option I feel would be better and would hurt in the short-term but, in the long-term could really maximize how many other people I could help by creating resources (something else I enjoy doing). While I continue to ponder that question I will go ahead and work through my schedule for the day of getting some cleaning done, making some breakfast things I can just take in the morning, and doing some work. When my husband gets home I think we'll hop on the motorcycles and go for a ride and hit the range in the morning before our friend comes over. It is definitely true that there are easier days, and I feel that the longer I go into this 90 day journey the more I realize I am in complete control of myself and, while I don't crave playing games right now, I can definitely see myself being able to make moderation work in the long-term. I've definitely learned a ton about emotional fortitude, language, professionalism, and taking ownership of life through this first half of the journey. In the middle of this next week we are crossing the hump and will be on the second half of the detox! More and more I'm beginning to think that a large reason I speedran was because I wanted a niche to create a stream and I thought I could make a stream economy work to, again, create the financial freedom I want for me and my family. I want to be able to be comfortable and have enough to comfortably help other people when they are in need. I don't think it was always about the games, but about gaining those viewers and subs etc. But, more and more through discovering myself here, it's good to know one of the core reasons and how much it pulled me away from what matters and what, in the long run, could actually help me achieve those goals. Even during those streams, I knew it wasn't me and I didn't want to commit to that kind of a life. That life isn't fair to me or the people around me. What I do want to do is lead, encourage, and help other people. That is something I am absolutely passionate about and with the gift of this time I feel that now I really can take on the steps to be that self and work towards the goals I have.
  14. Re-thinked my post. I tended to react on short and impulsiv motivation moments. Above post is again a bit in this direction. Its not helpful. The good thing is I changed that long ago, I stopped living after those small motivation kicks. Life doesnt work like that and thats good. Just because I get the motivation because of one thing to give now 1000% to change everything is just selfdestructiv. Thats why I stopped watching motivation videos and stuff(anime, movies which give fast motivation peak). Progress is slow and steady, not once and fast. You are just frustrated after those motivation peaks because you end up doing nothing again most of the times. So, yes I want to change my habits. Its no magic. Search hobbys, search alternatives. Till I dont have them or dont do them Its meaningless to try to quit with bad habits. No need for ‚motivation‘ in this case. I know what I have to do, and I hope that I will do it soon. There is not one game changer moment. Just daily hard work! So learning went good, not perfect, but thats ok! Will now see what I can do else, some sport etc
  15. Good job mate 🙂 And I feel also more productive when I wake up early. Its somehow the feeling you are better than other people, who wake up late. It gives you kind of a benefit, you are one step more a head. But yea, enough sleep is more important(-> go earlier into the bed)
  16. Day 152 23.08.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for having a lot to do so that it is not possible to be destracted. Today I am grateful for doing some real sport after the vacation. One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1)started running and at first it was really hard because I thought I lost some stamina during nearly week of no real sport but after a few kilometers I realised that it was just a mental thing and not a physical one and it went great Workout/run more than 23k steps 10km running 2h workout at the gym Meditation 67min (in the morning and afternoon) Visualisation and daily affirmation did a lot visualisation during my run Reading (1hour of studying for the exam today) had enough time for a spanish podcast but was only able to study an hour because there was so much to organise after coming back my wake-up time 9:00 (to get a bit more sleep again) Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 4 perfect days in a row Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done during the summer, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible What went well today: (NF:0/NW:0/NS:1/NC:68) did some spanish and a lot of meditation, studied only around 1 hour but hopefully organised enough so that after this weekend (there will be 2! big birthday parties of relatives) I should be able to ramp up my study time significantly What I could have done to make my day better a lot of things: more spanish (especially reading my book), some more Tai-Chi (I only did some streching), more studying (the usual 😉 ) but the day only has a fixed amout of hours and I would have needed at least 5 more 😞 What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up around 8, go to the first birthday party, study a bit, Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future starting next week I will be waking up early again because I always experienced a greater productivity for the whole day when doing that (but only if I get enough sleep) also I am thinking how to cope with my webnovel problem because I reduced it down to less then an hour (more like a half) of the day but the last step is hard since it is my stress or boredom coping mechanism finally since my goal of at least one or more months without no fap is still far away I am thinking of following the advice of a few members in this forum and start with no porn and move slowly from there that should be more manageable
  17. Argh. Yesterday got mad a bit, because I saw some lazy friends which usually waste their time with useless stuff and they are kepp saying that they are ‚working‘. They are friends so i care that all goes good for them. However it wouldnt bother me much, but I am angry with myself, that to some part I am also not giving my best. You know the feeling, browsing in the internet, or playing a game. You see random people which are just writing dumb things to you/anyone else or they grind you in a game and you want to compete with them or argue it out. Then you realize: mate this guy you are talking too is probably a no lifer, sitting in his room 24/7 is playing a game all the time, or writing bs on reddit. Why do you do the same thing like him? I usually say to myself then: I am NOT like him and I NEVER want to be one of them. The truth is: 90% is thinking like me. They dont want to be the loser which sits in front of his computer all the time, doing meaningless thing. They think they are not ‚like them‘. But they are probably. And this is such a bad feeling. I wrote that down because its related to what i wrote at the beginning. Im mad about my lazy friends, because myself also isnt perfect. I can surely say I am not like them, but I am not near my limit of what I can and want to do. I want and have to change my habits, although its hard. This is my major goal. Right now on the way to library. Want to crush that day.
  18. Thanks mate, much appreciated and I am studying mechanical engineering and economy.
  19. Day 110 , Aug 23 Yesss, I think I've finally begun to generate some momentum again! It was another good day today. I ate good, worked a shift, got another short cardio workout in, and visited my mom for dinner. I scheduled workouts for my next 3 days directly after work. This way I'll go straight to the gym and it'll make everything much easier to do and allows for minimal interference. Small steps but I'm really happy with my last few days. The best part of today though was I got to talk to that girl at work again today for another 10 mins or so and it went super well. Conversation was flowing and fun, got her to smile multiple times. I felt awesome for hours afterwards haha. I'm so lame. Whatever, I'm happy. 😛 I'm almost over being sick also. Another day or two and I think I'll be back to a clean bill of health. 100 pushups a day counter: 38 no fap: 49 days
  20. Last week
  21. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 125: Nothing special happened today. Yesterday, I could not sleep for a while, because I napped too much during the day. I know I did about 6 days of true nofap and 18 days without ejaculatory masturbation up until yesterday. My thoughts regarding this are positive now. Tomorrow: monthly rep, 4 months, short walk, cook (money invest), podcast GQ, (book+write), laundry, GRS.
  22. Day 58 - Getting to know myself better I've realized something today about my personality. Over the years intentionally or unintentionally I've made myself an outcast. I like being different and I don't want anything to do with the mainstream. For an example. My music taste involves unpopular songs or just not mainstream. When my friends are doing something, i usually just dont want to do it. It's too, unoriginal. Like with me not going to university. Even now at work, I feel like I resonate more with my coworkers. When it comes to video games also, I would usually just not play what my friends played. I didn't want to connect with them in anyway. I'm just completely against what society has to offer. I've felt like an outcast for so long, that I grew comfortable with it. My psychiatrist says it has to do with not having love and affection from my dad. Mom was always there, but dad didn't seem to care much. I nevet thought of it that way, but my subconscious thinks different I guess. I like how things are. I want to embrace myself. I WANT to be an outcast. First, I'll need to find more friends I resonate with. I plan on doing this by going to trap parties. I think that's where I'll find like minded people. Second, I need to let loose a bit, embrace your awkwardness. For an example I could get a tattoo. Third, seek a skill that feels unusual, something that people won't like me doing. This one looks kind of stupid, but I want to try it out. It can be something dumb like, exp. Making rap music. Something that'll make people jealous. You could say I'm entering a rebellious phase. I like it, sounds fun 🤔. So TL;DR I want to let my ego out. Have a nice day people!!
  23. Day 6 It's funny how the mind works. All week I've been busy, no problems really. As soon as I submitted my work, I started thinking: "you could play a little", "you got a lot done, you could play couple of hours in the evenings", "are you really going to skip classic wow release", "why be such an extremist, just play a little" Extremist. For not playing games. For less than a week. Beyond ridiculous. It's really odd. Like, right now, I don't even want to play. At all. I'm not even sure last time really had fun playing anything. Seems more like work than fun, most of the time. And yet... it would be so easy, to click the night away. Anyway, going to visit some relatives tomorrow so that'll take up most of the day.
  24. Hey Stivmorrison, Playing WoW classic is a personal decision you can make. I get the good memories with the game. Just ask yourself one question before you do. Do you want to undo the hard work you put into getting up to 5 months without games? Will this game benefit you at all other than going down memory lane? I wish you the best with what you choose my friend. 🙂
  25. Hey mate, I read some of your last journal posts and it really seems like you are crushing it! Good job! What are you studying?(Probably you posted somewhere already)
  26. Day 147-151 18.08.19-22.8.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for having such funny and easy going friends. Today I am grateful for a great vacation., One amazing thing that happened/I did today 1)the water heater of our rented apartment broke down on the first day but we stayed strong and instead of complaining or looking for an alternative just showered cold until the end of the vacation^^ Workout/run around 8k steps and more then 1h swimming per day Meditation 5to10 min each morning Visualisation and daily affirmation left them out for the duration of the vacation Reading (0hours of studying for the exam today) had neither time for spanish nor studying my wake-up time around 8:00 each day Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 2 perfect days in a row (for the next week not this one) Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done during the summer, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible What went well today: (NF:6/NW:0/NS:0/NC:67) did some meditation, relaxed at lot of the days at the beach in the sun, did a bit of Tai-chi, the vacation was great What I could have done to make my day better ------ What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up around 8, clean the flat, go to the gym, study and maybe go playing basketball or for a run, do a normal diary again in the evening^^ Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future -----
  27. Hey what’s up. Today is my 14th day of the detox and so it’s been two weeks and I feel pretty good. There are things that could improve such as my energy levels dropping after like 30min of waking. I also exercise 2 hours everyday so. My schooling is going good and my business is getting going finally. I would procrastinate and procrastinate but I finally have started getting it going. Also I did not feel like getting up today because of all week full day productive the past week, but I remembered what my mentor said. He said inertia is acting on us when we sleep at night and that is why we don’t want to get up in the morning but if you it’s an object in motion tends to stay in motion. It worked. I told my body nope your getting up and we are going to be productive and I’m up.
  28. Its probably for all different, but for myself its also harder to quit internet usage for dopamin in general than quitting games. So I think its good that you are honest with yourself and try to improve that. Gz for your new job mate :)!
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