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Food schedule update 17.7-31.7 (Not including thrusday 31.7) Everything remains the same except for 1. Adding 10g almonds daily 2.Two oranges instead of one I allow myself time until saturday if there are any clarificiations needed

Entry 17.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2769 (80th birthday) it seems I needed to change this on 14.7 but didn't. This week, high focus on driving and moving the body, all the rest falls in between those two things. I say that without deep analysis, I'm pretty sure that was the focus the last week too, aswell as this one. Day 183: No Useless Videos Day 1015: Sticking to Food schedule Day 618: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 166: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - Morning jog - Watching a few tip videos regarding my lessons and one regarding highway - Making a lesson summary third day in a row 1 Thing I could do better - Schedule blood test x2 Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 185

Revising course materials today to pasd the exam. Day 1 of limiting talk shows and nba league.

Thursday morning, day 9: Basically spent Wednesday finishing reading that fiction novel. A lot of it revolves around music, but also the characters getting through ~50 years of life (1960s to 2010s), speeding up the years near its end. I don't really know its target audience, but I'm probably included; the author was born in 1950, so the timeline should have suited him at least. I'm now interested in what other people my age, as pre-adults, may have gone for in terms of entertainment that may have been too mature for them. I went for music and movies, while sticking to Harry Potter etc. at the same time. I had one moment where I considered the feeling of playing my first main profile on the problem game's re-release, almost to the point of my second, which should soon, too, be snug and boring in free-to-play status. The only thing a 'main' profile did was give a small sense of invulnerability: 'easy mode'. It would have reminded me of how I 'knew what I was doing' on the game, but had little real method or 'grit/patience'. But I shook my head after a couple of minutes - the thought occurring while washing up. No real bad news, though early abstinence seems to be a fragile state of affairs sometimes. Relatedly, today I was waking myself up and hoping to get to the gym, but who should start text-monologuing me but Wheatbiscuit Senior? If I thought that making 'how are you' a mandatory conversational starting point every day would help, I would, but it seems all I can realistically try to do is put it from my mind until a reaction/response is no longer interesting. I've had to start psyching myself up again from zero for the day, after the demoralisation of that. On the plus, I swapped for a new book, something a bit humorous I think. I should probably be less hard on myself for the time being - everyone outside of my family tells me that, at least. __________ Edit: Great day; largely a healthy-feeling day - but I can't say that it meant too much, which is also necessary. In 2009, I quit my only high-levelled profile for 2-3 months, giving away all of its items in a free-for-all. That was because I was outnumbered and out-strategised in PvP one evening by the antichrist - JK, probably only by someone worse off than me in life, and who was attempting to restore balance in their own way. Anyway, someone (who has sadly since passed away) came back to my school then, and heard rumour that I still played the same game. We shared my profile, as I had put in far longer hours, grinding, and finally during an in-person conversation, he told me of his regular swimming training on early mornings, outdoors, even in Winter. I took in his appearance for what felt like the first time, and wanted to look, or at least feel the same kind of 'tough'. So I expressed enthusiasm for it at home, and encouraged family to make regular pool trips. That was one of the beginnings of forcing myself to move/get exercise that year. I felt that overt 'toughness' was the only way to get through school life. In a way for me, it was, but I could have learnt a little more/better. There wasn't a lot more 'points per hour' grinding after we met, but I completed quests and clicked for more coins over the next 2 years, and the funny thing is, it felt good because I knew that by sharing my profile, someone else had value (of some relatively small sort, but value) added by almost the exact same avenue, at different times - turn-taking. I chatted with his gaming-friends (I only had a few), and it was perhaps generally accepted that we needed that game, in a way, in order to continue pondering life/relationships etc. Later on, I would usually tell whoever I was playing alongside that it was time for chores, and whatever else; 'Brb/Bbs/Bbl/Cya/Ciao (message)', you know. But outside of the game, I've been finding, things are too blurred together. During the trial shift I worked 2 weeks ago (I've now followed up on again), like the previous job, I heard someone confess (dramatically?) that they 'don't want to do this anymore'. Maybe outside earshot of me, people say it every day. Because of the ordered continuity I found initially while at school, I had to be desperate to even think such phrases. What it did mean though was that I felt a certain responsibility, even on the internet. Politeness carried over both ways, online and offline, for a positive feedback loop. My efforts compounded, until I met my ex, who had become a proverbial sitting stone. Things are fine, of course, until it happens that stones are existentially challenged from the outside. I knew this, but I had forgotten, until during a harmless (for me) text conversation, when I aired a few too many self-correcting thoughts, along with a 'you' statement, and was promptly told that I wasn't human (anymore - naturally) (not the exact words, but I'm tired of entertaining the actual opinion). For the first time, I tried to absorb the theory of what it is to be human, whenever and wherever I could. For my family, who may also have forgotten (especially with me on the same 'team', propelling it) the feeling of ordered continuity that I had, I still believe it was too challenging. For about 6 months, I thought I had no one but me, truthfully. The keyword was 'thought', not 'felt' or 'believed', but it was sometimes a close thing. That, unlike too many other times, was a kind of delusion. The reality was possibly that my specific efforts were at peak, where around me, there only seemed to be troughs. Since I started interacting with GQ, my felt morality seems to have peaked somewhat. Yet there is nothing that truly demands changing like things used to. Could I really say that people aren't as receptive to morality on the internet anymore? Is it just an avenue for boredom-alleviation/entertainment? I haven't consistently 'had my way' since I was 13, when my brother accidentally got me back for picking on him, and I had to leave him alone. I do learn, you know. But these days, and finally I've arrived at the point of this edit, it's as though the slightest inhibiting of someone's doing 'what I want, when I want' is a grave threat. Gyms, games, streets, even public amenities. I only hope that at yet another place I want to visit tomorrow proves me wrong, as things occasionally (yet welcomely) do, in cases like these. Peace. __________ ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ The book I just read was from a 'take one, leave one' park library; might check it out again and leave what I didn't the first time, plus this book, before trying to select another ~ Sun warmth ~ Checking my first main profile's statistics for memories, and a reminder of what playing it meant ~ I listened to myself this morning, unlike when going for yesterday's afternoon walk; that I shouldn't have forced myself onto popular streets while feeling anti-social

Entry 16.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 182: No Useless Videos Day 1014: Sticking to Food schedule Day 617: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 165: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - Afternon workout - 4 pomodoros - Making yet another lesson summary 1 Thing I could do better - Schedule blood test Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 184

Entry 15.7 written on 16.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 181: No Useless Videos Day 1013: Sticking to Food schedule Day 616: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 164: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 75% effort run - Fixed ublock origin - Having made a decision to take a few more classes to raise my chances of approval 1 Thing I could do better - Make time to call regarding the apartment Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 183

Still going strong(ish) Haven't played at all in 3 years. I still think about playing every single day. I still try to convince myself it'd be fine to break my streak. In the end, I stick to my guns and I'm much happier for it.

Thank you @Ikar and @Yan for your words. I did realize my struggle to gain good habits and be less on my phone was not because of my toxic living situation. It was because of myself, essentially using it as an excuse to not do anything. I was so afraid of being judged or ridiculed for messing up or experimenting, that I just didn't. The reality is as toxic as some of my relationships are at the moment, their judgement wasn't stopping me from doing things i enjoy or trying new hobbies. And if they do judge, that shouldn't stop me from enjoying it, and it says more about them than me. I don't know what it was, but I was so afraid of what I enjoy being discovered for some reason, that I just didn't do hobbies. I think social media still has a bit of impact on me because showing too much passion for something, or enjoying anything is seen as "weird" or "cringe". I am passed this feeling of hesitation though, and I'm already starting to see progress in terms of my sleep getting better, and increased reading.

Tuesday morning, day 7: Even though there's been a lot less ruminating, a third night (out of only seven) where I spent an hour awake, somewhere between 12-3am could now be considered a trend. I've been recently tired enough to want to fall asleep between as early as 6-9pm, which when gaming (aside from its effects) made for a reasonable 8 hours average, normally from 9pm to 5am; this week it's been 10-12 hours. I'm pretty sure that experiencing a series of positive emotions in a regular activity, that is cared about not only by me, would see me keeping better sleep hygiene, but part of me is very hard to convince of such care on an average day. Some regard has been given to a community centre by a peer and I about 20 minutes' walk away, but I never had the best suspicions about its location and members. It was still a 'maybe' for this Friday. I dreamt that I was in a new kitchen, run by a heated boss/manager - who, as the stories go, had a soft side. I bluffed my way through food preparation and then shone when it came time for cleaning - as everyone else seemed to be in a hurry to leave and did a poor job. Pleasant enough was when I was praised for my imaginary duties, but I woke up as though the bossiness and work was real. There was a hot-headed manager in my book as well, otherwise I can't see where the traits would have come from, other than my dormant side or from long-past-viewed TV shows. On the plus, the month that has just passed since seeing my therapist has gone quickly upon reflection, unlike this week. That was a major reason for grinding my historic game; slowing life down/appreciating time more. I still have to work on the appreciation bit. So even if I didn't feel like it 30% of the time, with reasonably-comfortable gym sessions/walks/chores, I have been 'winning'. I have a bit of a motive today though, in addition to thinking yesterday how great it would be to have gaming completely validated by my therapist and everyone else as being a part of my life, but I also know how strongly the guilt/shame comes out in my voice when I talk about my using them to get by (and the difficulties caused), when I'm there. Maybe the talk will be more of a check-up; what I mean is, I think I know what I'll say - which usually means few epiphanies to share. Well, that's all for now. Peace, ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ Mild shock followed by reassurance that I didn't wake up a second time at 4am; it's just grey outside. ~ Tea before cocoa - besides suffering, I didn't need the 'hit' straight away! ~ At least remembering to drink some water before sleeping the second block of hours ~ A second dream where my room was chaotically messy - it's only actually 2 or 3 out of 10 on that scale right now

Hey everyone, my name is Steve and a few years ago I was a part of the Game Quitters community. At that time I was trying to quit playing video games, but with minimal success. It's been a few years now and over that time I've allowed gaming to get the better of me and I'm looking to take back control. Over the last few months, my time playing video games has increased mostly because of being unemployed at the moment. With so much free time, apart from spending time with my wife, my family and doing other important daily activities, I would spend at least 5 or 6 hours gaming, usually 2 to 3 hours during the day and another 2 to 3 hours at night. At times this also could vary and may even be more than 6 hours, depending on the day and what type of mood I was in. Over the last few days I've been thinking about what avenue I'm going to take and have wondered if I may be able to keep gaming in the proper place and only play in moderation. I will give it some time and then reevaluate the situation to determine if it's possible for me to play in moderation. If I realize that it's not possible for me to game in moderation, I may need to consider quitting video games completely.

Entry 14.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 180: No Useless Videos Day 1012: Sticking to Food schedule Day 615: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 163: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - Afternoon workout - 3 pomodoros - Viewing 2-3 videos of "aprobado a la primera" 1 Thing I could do better - Plan somehow not to eat so much food right before the lesson Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 181

Entry 13.7 written on 14.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 179: No Useless Videos Day 1011: Sticking to Food schedule Day 614: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 162: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - Long jog - 4 pomodoros - Done sending the tax report documents 1 Thing I could do better - Same as yesterday Print my foodplanning of the p[lanning in the morning as template aswell as food names Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 180

late Monday morning, day 6: Almost a week since the latest revelation - when I blurted out over the phone, 'I was just playing my computer game', without caring who had asked what or how I was doing. Still, what would I say now? 'Catching up on people's ideas of popular history?' (through a novel). The thing I spent the most time doing on my past game was clicking on creatures for 'combat' - where half of any two-digit number might appear on the screen in red or blue. Some part of me has likened that to face to face conversation in person, where someone mightn't know what effect the next statement or question might have on the other(s), and vice versa. That wasn't one of the problems I had whilst gaming; it was my passing by of people in public, unable to hold a smile or show of courtesy for long enough, or going to places (even the gym) while half or more of my head was still at home, locked in. As long as I couldn't tell myself that I was more/completely 'for' the offline world, and not the virtual, I was anxious. So that's what that has been. As it happens, the day looks perfect today, but I was a little disappointed because on Sunday, while peaceful, I didn't really talk to anyone, except for getting a short text reply that had me thinking that a scheduled call was forgotten. I went to bed early and slept a ton, in two blocks again. The 'hangover' remained. If I don't get worked up enough for gym, I'll walk around properly soon. I've read from page 100 to 500 out of 900 in the last week of the new book that I at first found shallow. There were enough new phrases and scenes that kept me turning them over. Maybe this week I'll have finished it and picked up something to continue on from it with. __________ Edit: There were a few mild disturbances today, though. In the morning (though I can't expect everyone to be as considerate and reserved as me in person), I was twice near-laughingly called to my open window by a tradesman to ask if I minded the water being shut off for a moment/could I refrain from using the taps. I was reading and cooking at both 8:30 and 10am, which I imagined looked lazy and indulgent. I got out for my walk, during which most of the time I spent dismissing lapses in judgement/inconsiderateness, but still felt alright. Only once home, I indulged again in a second cocoa, and soon after heard what sounded like some of the regular stamping around on the floor above me - combined with the yapping and/or yelping of a small dog. Unfortunately, I was contemplating abusive behaviour for whatever reason, and was almost ready to investigate it, until the noises stopped. By then, I was up for more decaf tea, and couldn't see any way of out the slump except to read about my historic game's new 'skill', which I'm as unlikely to try as half of the new 'bosses' the producers have put out in the last few years. On the game's download page, there is some kind of staged scene of PvP fights, which I once again told thin air to 'F.O.' with, and engaged with step 1 of the process. - But wait - Why should I download something that's going to make my life 3 or 4x harder, and take up many more mornings, afternoons and evenings? That was enough to abandon the first file and the remaining process, and make another small meal. I was grasping for any minor rewarding feeling after 1.5 days of next-to-nothing. I think I'm avoiding getting my whole person dragged into anything serious, without the promise of calming down every day at about 6pm. It's a disability thing/precaution. Do I want to feel 'just OK', without further recognisable achievement, for 30, 40 or even 50 more years? That was what was on my mind the most. It doesn't seem unreasonable, but passing that time as such is as daunting as any other period/process of attainment. ____________ Good luck, all ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ Weather, unavoidably ~ Allowing for only a semi-cold shower ~ Even as my subscriptions to the game should run out this week, I realise my free-to-play plans would most likely get me in just as much trouble too *shrug*

Sunday morning, day 5: Is it really right to expect problems if I made an easy, natural or even neutral choice of reading material (Harry Potter) at the very end of the evening, that kept me calmer still? I had long, largely untroubled sleep and dreaming, got started moving about the room, but as I made breakfast, out of nowhere I simply remembered - like someone I knew - a confronting past situation (or several) that I didn't feel like squaring up for at the time, and let myself think of angry actions and vocalisations. Such is a disorder, remembering such things perhaps, but I could possibly link the timing of situations like that to significant achievements in gaming. Should we as problem-solving people always start at the root, at prevention of such things? As a teenager initially, I didn't trust the world enough to risk spending exploratory nights out or truanting from school - so I did homework and sat at my computer during many free hours. Blame seems to complement enduring anger, which is why I shouldn't choose it often. Did I not make good friends? Did people and I have too many stubborn differences? As a last comparison, while signing into that game whenever I had spare energy (not only time), some part of me at least felt that I was 'doing all I could' to progress - though it mostly led to empty feelings eventually. Such an attitude with none of that gameplay at all leaves almost too much time for me to spend chasing the same 'amount' of progress, offline. I avoid real trouble socially because my control over a situation seems to be perceived as contemptuous - as if people think that I'd rather lose control all of the time. 'Everyone' (this is a large majority) that I interact with, I have faith in their ability to grow and/or progress. Did people in my life give up on me too early? All I'd have to do in that case would be adjust my expectations and remember that in this abstinence journey, I am giving others time as much as I am giving myself, outside of cordial conversation. Maybe a difference is that I don't expect easy fixes from here, myself. Edit (Afternoon): In 'Life at the Bottom', the author uses his experiences as a way to indirectly imply that a softer, finer or perhaps more wholesomely-dedicated way of living is almost always preferable to the opposite. I may have finished deciding to type that because it's over a cup of tea - seriously though, only because the tea is warm, un-caffeinated, and it's technically Winter. I didn't have to resort to a seriously-consuming addiction to enjoy it, either. Anyway, would any of you say that having a majority of people with the favourite passion of say, staring up admiringly at the sky, and a minority of (dedicated) aggressive, warrior-types, would not be preferable to the reverse? Sure, maybe that's the case (or preference) that we have already, but I'm only convincing myself a little more here out of a need to put constant, aggressive reactions further behind me. That, and the internet is not always a psychologically calm place - even I have shown as much. I wish that the compulsion to stick to games was never as strong and aggressive, even when it's perhaps supposed to be mind over matter when playing at them. As a long term newbie-intermediate, I was still overly attached to it and its outcomes. Only, bearing witness as I did to several aggressive kids' behaviours in school, those which outstripped most of my own, seems to have been necessary to initially kick me into gear to later exercise my body as well - that said, I only lifted consistently-aggressively for 2-3 of my first years in the gym, from 2010 on. I had to get over that, just as I got over a couple of exes' attractions to that side of me. All factors of health are important, even when I personally started with some of the most basic. I should keep some idea of that in mind for balance, rather than an equally-advanced RPG character-level profile on a screen, and consequently keeping a guard so high that a seven-foot humanoid would still have to reach for it. The only downside to maintaining such a balance seems to be sleeping long hours again, for now. Gratitude: ~ Good weather ~ Some socialising at the gym, leading to a peaceful moment ~ Checked the chapter structure of the new book to see that it does speed up - I'd almost rather it was 150% longer, and didn't, but so it goes ~ Realising that cleaning before breakfast is slightly torturous - especially when it's made already Enjoy the weekend, all ~ Matt

Entry 12.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 178: No Useless Videos Day 1010: Sticking to Food schedule Day 613: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 161: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - Afternoon workout - 3 pomodoros - Calling two apartment owners 1 Thing I could do better - Print my foodplanning of the p[lanning in the morning as template aswell as food names Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 179

Saturday morning, day 4: I slept in two blocks, with literally two hours after midnight just spent reading and puzzling without suffering much tiredness at all, before going back down. One of my first thoughts today was of how perhaps experienced people give advice on real-world goals, with phrases like 'going after it'. What I thought is involved in that specifically is: A) General research, B) Telling key people of your interest, and C) Meshing together with those and other people, and learning their goals so that you find helpful information for them, when bored. Then perhaps comes D) Identifying one's self with a role, and taking smart social risks. I don't know, if I weren't so desperate to chill out still at almost every opportunity, I'd be ingratiated with the staff at my gym, say, - but I probably don't maintain seriousness enough for a lot of people. I thought of goals because after 6 months this year of gaming thoughts and plans, those online were so clear-cut compared to those I have in the real world, which is a scary realisation. I'm good at seeing, and distractions are difficult. Well, gym and other things today are very likely. Maybe I'll get a new perspective along with it. _____ Edit: The first 2/4-3/4 of the day are usually alright, in this abstinence gig; wake up, exercise, buy from supermarket if need be, and reading when idle. Most of the time, raw entertainment like too-action-packed movies/TV/games find no place in scheduling, even in my head. I've had two very human moments today and yesterday, just staring at interesting buildings when nothing else was drawing my attention. It's very nearly the most I get, other than the constant-action I tried to squeeze out of my days since long ago. PvP gaming, food service, exercise and fast music; it was not only fun, but made commitments feel easy and natural by comparison. When did I think it was ever too much? When it was 'just one more PvP fight, one more date, or five more minutes for the next bus'. Simple - easy. Suddenly people got sick of my way, and I couldn't see why, so I demanded honesty and clarity, and didn't get it. In fact, it seemed like punishment. I did my diligence to start reflecting regularly, but not enough improved. Thus, an eventual need for medication. I was actually ready to make a speech/slideshow to friends and family at a gathering once, ten years ago, to explain what gaming meant to me, but also what I was getting out of life, appropriately enough, but the scene was too disorganised, which I take some credit for. So I kept playing a little more, until there was my first episode. I could arrogantly say that 'nobody could keep up with me anymore', but maybe just no one was willing to. It sucked. Medication helped, if half because people took the situation more seriously after it was prescribed. I went back to gaming more steadily, but put in a ton more hours than ever, being a 'free' adult. I took stronger medication, and watched movies for 2 years instead. That was good for some movie scenery and dialogue (and the old sense of action) which I was missing, that people still weren't quite ready to give me. I made a new friend or two, and moved out of home alongside a sibling and friend. After a year of beating the system there, and a night at a friend's engagement, I picked up 2 hours of extremely simple and repetitive gameplay per night, for 2 straight years. From almost day 1, my new favourite 'gaming album' was desperately emotional music. I didn't really want to play; I didn't really know what I wanted. I got spiritually tired, as covid was finishing up, and it was lucky that I got the chance to move closer to town and had to forcibly change medication once more. I pretty much got my head back onto my shoulders. So much has happened though, and one of the few things I still care about is good, fair, social cohesion. Otherwise, I could be doing anything - though some activities I'd have to use significant force of personality/spirit to get through, and that might raise eyebrows again. It may be that I'll have to store up another several months of the aforementioned moments, even more consciously, before I can just muck in to work/close ties again. I know that constant electronic action doesn't do much good at all. Is this going to be a regular ranting tone? Probably not, unless too many things happen too soon. I all but promised to turn up at my local gym again tomorrow, but there was also almost no pressure applied from the promisee. We'll see about any progress on this new Sunday. Good luck all. _____ Gratitude: ~ 'Broken' sleep not making itself an issue ~ Guessing when to swap books/news for different reading intensity ~ Dish/washing machines ~ Getting positive guilt for not reaching out to/thinking of some people when they're online, then acting in some way Peace, ~ Matt

Entry 11.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 177: No Useless Videos Day 1009: Sticking to Food schedule Day 612: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 160: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - Afternoon workout - 3 pomodoros - Having called various accountants and finished filling most of the gain and loss statement 1 Thing I could do better - When I see I´m doing a lesson until late, do parts of the evening routine beforehand, to avoid missing important hours of sleep Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 178

Friday morning, day 3: Wow, intensely dreamt game compulsion - not even of a realistic past or planned scenario, just something I could 'easily' and quickly 'put right'. I used to wake up with that feeling from work, but less intense because this time, only I was interested in the outcome, and it was (previously) 'fun'. But you know, crawling out of bed and forgetting to do a whole half of the morning routine, just to get an in-game fix is hell to receive perspective on. I read some of that new book too for a couple of hours, and didn't find it as 'shallow' as before - I definitely gave more consideration to things generally yesterday, and that's probably because I don't ignore 1000 things a day without all that solo gameplay. Otherwise, good standard workout yesterday. I'll see what's really 'up' on Saturday morning there, hopefully. Edit: I'll tell you, that's a rough-darn book I've found. Harry Potter has its moments too, but you know what it reads him saying at the end? 'I've had enough trouble for a lifetime' - casually. This one is easier, unfortunately, to imagine an average person saying/thinking/doing. But maybe this is because it's one of the only books at home that I haven't read cover to cover. Maybe giving up that game was too easy to do, this time. To gym properly on back to back days, or not to gym? I'll clean some more, etc. anyway. Peace. Gratitude: ~ Forgot, free cocoa and gifted socks ~ Still 'sniffing the air' for caution, but placing more equal value on things ~ Being healthily reminded of details ~ Social meet today Cheers all, ~ Matt

Entry 10.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 176: No Useless Videos Day 1008: Sticking to Food schedule Day 611: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 159: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 75% effort run - About 38 hrs fast - 4 pomodoors 1 Thing I could do better - Call accountants or tax authority. All i have left is 2 questions and I might be done with the tax report. Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 177

Entry 9.7 (For some technical reason didn't post on 9.7, so reposting now on 10.7) Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 175: No Useless Videos Day 1007: Sticking to Food schedule Day 610: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 158: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - Afternoon workout - Finishing the driving lesson review message - 2 pomodoros at least 1 Thing I could do better - Plan simpler tasks for fast day, 4 pomodoros if that's my current norm, and other things like apt. search or german course (consumption). That is to say not to increase effort on this day I guess, but if I do these simpler tasks maybe I'll find myself retiring less to bed to escape the feelings of "fast day" Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 176

I'd find it difficult to call the main online game I've played massively multiplayer at all, now - the largest in-game groups of players I found recently were situated around passive/'away from keyboard' content, which said to me that few people were interested in getting old enjoyments out of it - one of my concerns. It's hard to explain how idiotic and far-flung some of the advanced achievements were though - you'd have to be SO locked in and hooked to successfully go for them. This year I created two new profiles to squeeze the lemon. My next big hit would have to be relearning how to span my natural motivation over full days again, working up to weeks. -> But I really did mean that I basically lost my sense of self sometimes, chasing its levelling system in my own tedious way. Man, I only typed this because the only thing in that game remaining was the 'RP/role-playing' aspect in 'MMORPG'. Hope good things are coming your way.

Thursday morning, day 2: I removed the game launcher and files (again), making the shameful/desperate act of visiting the website, clicking for the download (tailored to computer type, somehow) and re-installing once more a barrier. But what made me want to type was remembering the period of time when I'd spent 2-4 weeks being productive in a solo manner towards my degree, and then losing heart - only maintaining lifting, work and gaming. Back then, I had trouble telling when enough was enough, and a couple of workouts in the gym found me thinking that I was being glared at for trying too hard. One of those times, I screwed up my face mid-set at someone in their middle-age passing me with a look on his own face, so as if I was guardedly saying, 'Yeah, this is maximum effort; what of it?' I guess I mean to ask whether naturally, we all gradually find out what life simply won't let us get away with, even if it's towards growth. I told someone I'd be back at the gym today, and was undecided whether I'd try a similar workout to the one I was doing above, all those years ago (a favourite), or my standard targeted one, which I've also been missing. I was worried because I was on the verge of not caring, as long as I went, which proved unsuccessful on Tuesday. But 48 hours ago, I hadn't reached peace with the idea of not game-playing, or finished entertaining myself at the same time to distract from the problem of it. I aim to kind of read/meditate more before heading out, and I have another to-do list. For now, I am grateful for restful sleep, unhindered reading, and enough milk to spare until later. See y'all soon, ~ Matt

Entry 8.7 (Written on 9.7) Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) Day 174: No Useless Videos Day 1006: Sticking to Food schedule Day 609: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 157: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 4 hr bike ride in the direction of mount "Ojo de orgeg" - Writing the majority of the review of the double driving lesson - 2h and 15m or so of German learning 1 Thing I could do better - I guess the tax authority is a bit baffled by what I wrote and do not reply regarding whether tosend them the fixed report or the original. I guess I just need to send the fixed one and see what happens, since meanwhile the clock is ticking... Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 175

Entry 7.7 (Written on 9.7) Weeks until average life expectancy: 2770 (80th birthday) -Fixed bike breaks and got a tube with anti puncture liquid -Done summaries for all the driving lessons -Began a free trial of the StoryLearning course and finished the Goethe Trial Day 173: No Useless Videos Day 1005: Sticking to Food schedule Day 608: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 156: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 75% effort long run 2h 50m despite high sleepiness - 4 pomodoros - Having planned to wake up at 4 30 when I saw I do not manage to sleep at 20 00, rather at 20 53 (Last bite of food was at 16 53 so I allowed myself to be in bed at 20 38, so that I may fall asleep at 20 53 - calculating that it takes 15 minute to fall asleep 1 Thing I could do better - Leave a wider buffer for dinner to finish eating 4 hours before bed time Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 173

This is a bit of a risk, but I was reading and my brain hovered over something about sales tactics and general persuasion. If I've suggested sincerely, as my only piece of advice, that if a list of advantages is longer, outweighs or are substantially better than the list of disadvantages, a person should, or even must proceed - I still have doubts whether I could ever have meant it. Because there are needs I tend to have when it comes to convincing, like perhaps a well-and-fairly-fought battle being lost, in person, over a factsheet, in ordered company. I don't know, something like that. If it seems unfair, or to a lesser extent, inconsistent, I'm unlikely to properly participate. I would have some regret if I knew for certain that AllanJC/OP (here) read one or more of my posts this year and thought, 'F this, red flags and small bits of advice don't work on this Matt/Wheatbiscuit character', but I don't know. It just seemed plausible. I also however desire caution against the 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' line, when it comes to various communities. It would surprise me if Allan was gaming right now, to be honest. Rather, there probably are a few other places where decent education and skills would do better. Have you ever seen The Simpsons' AA meeting, where a character keeps a liquor bottle inside his shaped bible interior? If I could clearly see myself in that way; 'Yikes', indeed. No, I tried a small cost-benefit list everyday before signing in, but just didn't write it down. The difference is using those lists for serious personal gain, and what is being weighed against. I don't have all of those answers, but no one individual does, I think. That's why I've posted here at the same time as playing that game. Godspeed, all.