Panda's achievement and life journal

[royal panda]

Update: 
 

I will now be posting about my life and achievements here. I have decided i will post whenever i want, and when i come on I will communicate with the community.

Notes 1: Started binge watching cam's videos, I forgot how inspiring and helpful they are! 
 

Now i will break up hobbies I want to do based on seasons (things i want to learn) 

Spring: 

Fishing (or summer)

Kite Flying 

Orienteering (includes hiking!)

Canoeing 

 

Summer: 

Sailing 

Swimming (i can swim but I want to practice my strokes)

Barbequeing (I have no idea how to use a BBQ)

Diving

 

Fall:

going to tag sales (this could be anytime but fall seems nice)

Holiday decoration (also anytime based on the holiday but most holidays come during the latter half of the year)

Making homemade food (homemade apple cider, pumpkin pie etc.)

Pumpkin carving

 

Winter: 

Snowshoeing 

Fire building (no idea how to start and maintain fire in fireplace)

Skiing

Ice skating

Home designing (can do anytime but doing it in winter sounds fun, like re moving things)

Thing i want to do rn 

The thing i want to do rn is design an app that helps people get off their phones. According to research Americans spend over 5 hours every day on their phones. I have noticed that like games phones can cause the same feelings; brain fog, crankiness, headaches and more. Like forest, reducing screen time. instead however i want it to show things people can do besides their devices and what negative things come with phones, just like cam for games in a sense. While the app is on the phone, the app will be used for good instead of sucking them in.

 

 

[BooksandTrees]

I think I accidentally posted in your first journal. You might want to put a post in there directing people to this one. Tom did that when he wrote here.

[royal panda]

@BooksandTreesdone!

 

12/25/20

First hand experience of how gaming impacts people

Today i did spend time with my family. However I then decided to go and see how my online friend was doing, so i hit him up on Twitter. We talked a bit and I suddenly realized how gaming impacts them. When i was gaming I thought he was cool and understanding. This time we didn't talk about games, no, he brought up the old discord server i was on and the activity. While active in some parts, sometimes it's dead. I thought this was surprising because Christmas is the time when it's MOST active yet no one was talking according to him. So i mentioned how people were spending time with families, and because it wasn't as active as previous Christmas's i said everyone was moving on, which was true, before i left so many people i knew when I joined had moved on from that point. But low and behold, because he gamed he wouldn't face facts. Again it wasn't about games, but if it was and i said gaming was bad, he would have a similar reaction as what occurred in this conversation. In short, he totally freaked out and said "well I still find it fun" even though i said nothing about it being unfun because of the inactivity, yet he rehashed his argument like 5 or 6 times and wouldn't come to grips with the fact that i said nothing about it being unfun. On my end, i did say he was dumb for not realizing what i was saying, which i regret now, and i realize that my responses need work after gaming but as you can expect he got mad at that too. While faults on both sides, i still think that games caused him to say what he said, and I'm not trying to say it's anyone's fault but he could've rethought and realized "oh she isn't saying its a boring or bad place now." I might've missed the point of what he said but I'm pretty sure someone saying "it's still fun for me." Usually implies that someone else was implying that it was boring, anyway. That was my first hand experience of the effects of gaming on someone else.

 

12/27/20 + 12/28/20

Triggers

Watched gaming content and played a mobile game today. However I know my triggers. Now I love football, I love watching sports in general. However, football I think ever since 8th grade has caused a problem for me. This dates way back to 6th grade but whenever I saw a game, i would then want to go and pretend like i made the epic plays the players were making. In 6th and 7th grade before i got a phone, i would go out to the front yard, throw the ball in the air and try to catch it. However when I got a phone, especially now, watching a football game always triggered wanting to play Madden. I would still do what I did as a 6th grader but I can't seem to find the ball, anyway. I still want to watch football, i honestly think that once i watch the games, or in between a game, to go outside anyways to avoid relapsing. Also don't bring my phone with me. 
 

Another thing that triggered me was today. We were clearing out games we didn't want which was good. Problem was, i was the only one actually helping put games away in boxes. What were my brothers doing? ALL THREE OF THEM WERE PLAYING!! What was worse was that they were right next to each other. Our basement isn't huge, i mean the workout area is right next to the game area, the other area is for music. The thing is my oldest brother was on the tv, right in front of where me and my mom were cleaning. Another brother was on his pc to the left of us and my third brother also on his pc right fucking behind me, it was hell I literally couldn't escape at least seeing a glimpse of a game, no matter how hard i tried. They gave input, but if you're getting rid of games you shouldn't be playing for christ sakes, fucking idiots. Anyway this caused me to re download mobile games, i mean ffs if you hadn't completed the 90 days and in my position what the hell would you do. I mean I could have resisted the urges but literally there was no way i could not watch, i didn't want to but they were right in front of me. This one isn't even my fault, i am blaming it all on my brothers who just gave input instead of actually helping.

12/28/20

Possible detox aid

This is a big one, self care. Based off what i mentioned prior about my thoughtless brothers. When  i downloaded the games i played and watched gaming content for the rest of the day. Then i realized there  was one big thing that makes me want to get rid of it. Self care. No not like my mental health, it's part of it but not completely. I mean basic things any functioning member of society would do daily. Wake up, brush their teeth, comb their hair, get dressed make their bed, maybe put makeup or jewelry on, eat breakfast. All those basic things. Sure they are small but like I have learned, over time they all add up. When i was watching, I saw my hair in the mirror. Now I have an afro, well one because I am African American, so it needs to be treated differently than the straight hair you see among white girls. Anyway, it may have been because I was wearing my new headphones i got for Christmas, which anything I put on my head mads my hair down. But I really didn't like how it was looking. I don't want to look like miss perfect or anything, just look presentable, and I didn't look presentable. Games definitely are in the way of this. Especially when I gamed a lot I didn't do any of those small easy basic chores, and i am sure other gamers don't either. 
 

Another thing that may be a possible detox aid is career. Like I mean, having a career based around games? No thanks. I mean why would you want to be known as a "gamer," in general. You can be so much more than that, but thats a story for another time.

just a quick update on how the past few days have been.

[Bird By Bird]

1 hour ago, royal panda said:

whenever I saw a game, i would then want to go and pretend like i made the epic plays the players were making. In 6th and 7th grade before i got a phone, i would go out to the front yard, throw the ball in the air and try to catch it. However when I got a phone, especially now, watching a football game always triggered wanting to play Madden.

Its like whenever I watch MMA fighting or an old kung-fu movie I would feel like doing exercise but now watching fighting shows makes me feel like playing fighting games. Its so weird how games rewire us to put more energy into games-of-the-activity instead of the activity itself.

[royal panda]

@Bird By Birdyou are exactly right! This is why it's extremely important to complete the detox and re-wire our brains so we CAN do the activities like we see in media instead of just a game version of it. Let's be honest too, the game doesn't get us anywhere.

1/2/2021

Update: 

Dream blocker?

Hope everyone had a good new year! I have already set up how my 2021 will play out. Each month I will pick up a basic easy skill every young adult should have / do, and each month I will begin one new hobby. I realized that since I am going to start my freshman year in August, that the lazy and unresponsible behaviors had to stop. Not that it was gaming, just lack of time management and I do know that college, if you want to be successful, doesn't take slackers.

 

Questioned why I was not working towards my dream, and questioned what my dream really is. For the latter, i think it's writing but at the same time I am not sure. Who knows? For the former, it wasn't gaming or the fear of accomplishing my dream or anything. For a while i didn't know what it was. Why wasn't i going on the grind for my dream? Then i thought it was because I struggle with starting things, like starting my homework or getting out of bed. This might be a part of it but again i highly doubt it. However I think I came to a conclusion. I'm still kind of nervous what people will think of me, and for some reason I try to be very secret about the things I am doing. Like not with like porn or anything, but 99% of the time I am not doing anything against my parents rules, but i still want to be secretive. This is probably due to fear of judgement, but it's like i said, "those who truly love you won't truly make fun of you." Which is true. Sure my parents may send a tease my way but it's because they want me to have thicker skin, because i am pretty sensitive. Not in like cancel culture or people who cry about people having different opinions/views sensitive, but i still think something someone says is always an attack. This could also be just the teenage phase i am facing where I am like "Oh I am 17 now i don't need these old fuddy duddies, bossing me around." Again who knows, but i think fear of being judged is why i am being secretive and not starting my dream. Another reason i think it is is just overthinking of the future. I feel like i overthink things a lot, and so instead of anxiety i feel like i am just overthinking what will happen, like in my dreams when I dream of my dream it's just one set path, instead of anything can happen, which is the reality. That's one thing. 
 

Goals + year schedule

like i said, i set up one skill and one hobby for each month this year. 
 

This month the skill I am focusing on is working out more

and the hobby is photography 

 

For February I will focus on getting a better sleep schedule as the skill

March will be water month for the skill

April for skills will be being more social with family 

May will be eating healthy

June is cooking (this is also a hobby but im doing it just for basics) 

July will be cleaning and any other basic chores i haven't learned in preparation for august which is when i go to college. I will plan the latter half of the year at college

 

I haven't placed which hobbies i want to do for February- December but that's the first half

I am doing this because after my recent relapse i felt like i need to theme my months to gain hobbies and basic skills, and doing it monthly i think is the perfect amount of time as after a month i can just keep building on. 
 
going to respond to some things then read and watch more of Cam's videos 

[royal panda]

Update: 

1/5/21

Thoughts on restarting

Although I haven't relapsed to games yet, I have been thinking of restarting my detox. Here are a couple of reasons why: 

1. constant phone use

While I have been doing my activities like exercising, drinking water listening to podcasts, i still look for that stimulation, something to entertain me, and so instead I just go on my phone and use it for hours. As everyone knows it's hard in the beginning, and using things like our phones is fine, but using it still for like 7 hours or more is not what i want. In fact it's gotten to the point where I feel like I am relapsing, when I haven't searched up any game things. This is the biggest reason

2. not working at goals

like i said, in the past entry, overthinking of the future may cause not working towards my dreams. However I use me not working to my dream career as a justification to not fix the other parts of my life. I mean my social skills, my mental health, my hobbies, like i don't need to be working towards my career for those, i don't need to be in college to fix those. The excuses the justifications it has to stop.

3. Comfort zone

this. This little bitch right here has caused numerous relapses. Not being adventurous enough, not taking risks yada yada. Pretty much being too comfortable with the easy road. Overall my comfort zone, later makes me feel like shit. That i didn't do anything during the day cause of my comfort, it taunts me.

Yeah like i said first few weeks aren't easy but i hate myself for not actually getting my shit together like I was so adamant about when i first joined. Also haven't been counting my days so, although i haven't relapsed to games, i relapsed to internet. Today is day 0. 
 

Note: schedule for the year of skills and hobbies will remain the same

[royal panda]

1/11/21

 

[Bird By Bird]

Looks like things are in flux for you. See you after your phone detox.

[royal panda]

Update 

 

haven't been here for a while but I wanted to share something I realized about games. I found out after some thoughts about games I played in the past that games implement the doing things for other people element. Think about it, when in games have you ever done something for yourself (the protagonist of the game)? I can't think of any. If you don't believe me here are some examples: Mario; save a princess and stop the bad guy from taking over the mushroom kingdom (Mario could easily not give a shit about this but he is doing it for the princess, saving HER and HER kingdom). Any life sim; talk to your neighbors, do chores for THEM. Shooters; shoot the enemies to save your friends (your character could just try to run away). The only exception would be racing games but technically it's doing something for someone else cause I mean you're participating in a race for other people. Almost never doing it for yourself (the lead character/controlled character). The only way you can do things for yourself is in real life. 
 

that was my realization. I was getting some urges this made me keep going on my detox. I am 41 days clean! Also phone detox is going good