Relapsing and recovery

[Laurie]

Hey everyone,

So yeah it happened, I relapsed and played League Of Legends. I was 7 months and 14 days gaming free, can you believe it ? It's 03:21am right now. Been a while since I staid up this late.

I mean I can't really explain it myself, honestly. I just got so hooked up with these new KPOP skins, makes no sense, it made me want to play very much. Also doesn't help that I kept checking up content about this game all the time even at work. I feel awful but at the same time I'll be gentle with myself and recognize that even though I made a mistake, I can get back up. I managed to do so much during these 7 months, it won't go to waste, that I promise to myself.

So for my first journal entry: I'm starting Respawn Elite again. I'll spend the rest of the night completing it, not have much of a choice. I'm starting work again tomorrow even though it's lockdown here in my country.

I'll update daily until I'm fully off gaming again.

See you soon,

Laurie

[Commissar]

Good on you for recognising it and jumping back on things. It's certainly not an unfamiliar feeling! If I had a dollar for every time I've replaced my steam library...

Nothing to do except try again. Keep on keeping on. You can do it!

Edited October 31, 2020 by Commissar

[BooksandTrees]

Welcome back. It's ok to fail. You can thrive. New streaks start whenever we want them to start. You're already on a new one. Maybe the skins on the characters played into an identity thing where you relate to those characters and still feel connected to being a member of that community? Who knows. Take this one step at a time and get some rest. You're tired and it's late.

[TheNewMe2.0]

12 hours ago, Laurie said:

I'll be gentle with myself and recognize that even though I made a mistake, I can get back up.

Good job resetting and getting back to game quitting. I strongly support you being gentle with yourself. Staying away from checking what's up with different games is a good idea. I feel like it's easy to get sucked in and difficult to stay away so we have to keep vigilant and not do anything related to gaming. Good job coming back and making it 7 months that's a while.

 

[Laurie]

First off thank you all for your support, it's very helpful. I don't have much time for this entry as I just came back to my working place and need to go to sleep.

@BooksandTrees What you say is actually quite spot on as I was projecting myself on these skins, as if I wanted to be a one of these character. I mean being a ninja rapper popstar riding a bike sounds cool to me. I'm weird like that. LOL

For my second entry I'll share my short term goals:

- Finish gesture drawing course on Skillshare by november 14th

- Finish the "Get Lean" Crossrope challenge by december 1st

-Start intermediate push up workout program by december 1st

- Finish a mental health course about controling my "monkey mind" by january 1st

- Finish Stefen Maurer's Java course by november 20th

- Finish reading and taking notes from the book "Anatomy of story" by John Trudy by november 20th

Feeling quite anxious to get back to work but it will pass. Take good care of yourself everybody.

See you tomorrow

[Laurie]

Day 3

Good day everyone! 

So back to work uh, it went well! Managed to beat my anxiety and get everything done. I'm starting to feel confident again, as it should be.

Made progress on that Java course! 5 course videos done even though I encountered some difficulties making the programs work.

Also did 1 practice video and watched 1 course video of that gesture drawing course.

Did my jumping rope workout and daily stretching routine. Now I'm going to brush my teeth, meditate for 3 minutes and read an amazing manga until I fall asleep.

See you all soon and take good care of yourselves!

PS: I think I'm going to redo the last week of my beginner push up workout program before moving to intermediate level.

[Commissar]

Awesome news, mate. Sounds like you're filling the days!

[TheNewMe2.0]

Hey I remember you. You wanted to draw manga as a serious hobby and were working in the military I think. Your drawing of Deku was good. I changed my name I used to be Erik2.0, I don't know if you'd remember me, but yeah I'm still here. Quitting games. Hope your goals and everything go well. Looks like you're making good progress.

[Laurie]

@TheNewMe2.0That's right that's me! Thanks for remembering, also of course I remember you. I'm glad you're still progressing yourself ! I wish you all the best.

Day 4

Had a good day! It's kinda late right now I'll be quick.

Again made progress on that Java course, 5 videos done and exercices attached to them. Managed to solve all problems by myself, starting to get a hang on Java.

Workout, again jumping rope and push ups.

Progressed on that gesture drawng course, re-watched yesterday's course video and did 2 practice video of 20min each. Drawing humans is hella hard. Also made 1 quick fun drawing.

Anyway heading to bed! Thanks and take good care of yourselves.

See you tomorrow,

Laurie

[TheNewMe2.0]

Thanks Laurie. It's good to be remembered. I'm glad you're back. I wish you all the best too. Good job drawing things. Seems like it's a good hobby for you.

[Laurie]

Day 6

Hey everyone! Missed yesterday, felt really tired for some reason. Well actually I've not been sleeping enough lately, I need at least 8h to function properly.

I'll try to find methods to get a good night sleep from now on.

Spent the day practicing drawing the human figure, it's just so damn hard really.

Just finished my jumping rope workout and it's frustrating because my biceps hurt so much that I can't finish a round. Maybe not drinking enough water.

Anyway I'll get to sleep kinda feeling frustrated with my overwhole performance today. Main goal tomorrow is to clean my room.

See you!

Laurie

[Commissar]

My drawing project for yesterday was a window, and that was hard enough. Human figure's a whole different ballgame. I'm envious! Keep with it, you'll get there. Same with the workouts, really (I say, rubbing at my aching legs).

Edited November 5, 2020 by Commissar