James' baby steps to a new life

[James S.]

Hello community,

I been a gamer since I was like 7, starting with NES games and anything I could get my hands on. I am very introverted and I have anxiety issues, so putting my head into a hole to hide...or enter a virtual world is easy like breathing. I been very fortunate that Jesus found me and saved me, I been healing from a lot of issues over the past 11+ years. I will be honest, escaping my porn addiction was way easier than breaking free from video games. With porn, I knew it was my enemy and what it was doing to me. Video games, it's like I am lulled to sleep and it is VERY hard to see it as my enemy. 

I attempted multiple times to quit. I made it 30 days, 90 days, and the last attempt was 9 months. I believe my main problem is I don't know what life to move forward into that take place of the current one I have. I believe this is my next challenge that I am preparing for. 

I am still a gamer right now on Lineage 2, and I am a clan leader. I am starting to see what my addiction is doing to me, and today is a baby step in the right direction. My goal is to back off gaming some, and take baby steps in finding a new life. As I find something worth fighting for, it will help me see my oldest enemy for what it is. 

10/7/20
First steps today, pull out my guitar, tune it, and spend 10 minutes on it.
Call my Mom and check in on her.

Edited October 7, 2020 by James S.
spelling

[dirac]

Hi James, how did you manage to do 9 months? And why did you go back to gaming then? I never made it that far 😅

[James S.]

On 10/8/2020 at 12:33 AM, dirac said:

Hi James, how did you manage to do 9 months? And why did you go back to gaming then? I never made it that far 😅

Hey bro!

First time I tried to quit, I kept myself busy with technical projects and such. I could only do that for so long, then I went back to my old routines.

Second time, I replaced gaming with streaming movies and TV shows. Watched a lot of the walking dead with my wife and such. burnt out on it and went back to gaming

Third time, tried my best to keep myself from gaming, at 9 months I was sitting there thinking I am still the same guy that tried to stop before. I literally feel no different since day one. I was just using will power to sit on my hands and not play. My job got EXTREMELY busy at the time, so I opted to let myself play till I was ready to fight it again.
 

Each person's recovery is different, others can quit gaming and move on with their lives. With my situation, nothing to move on to. I have to discover my new life to help reduce my dependency on gaming to have an artificial life. I live in a bubble and I need to burst the bubble. At least that is my current theory. 

[James S.]

10/14/20

I finally got some sleep. My mind is just overwhelmed with thoughts. Trying to make better decisions today. 

Observations

I am obsessed with improving things. I can literally feel my brain go into a hyper focus, to find anything in the market to achieve my goals or find good prices. So much mental energy poured out over nothing. 

Fake improvement vs real improvement

Small fake improvements, think I get small dopamine rewards for but it is totally not healthy thing. Feeling worn out and emotionally tired. Real improvements aren't instant gratification. 

[James S.]

11/2/20

Baby step, 20 minutes in the Word of God. Clean up the living room here and there. Clean my desk some. Spend time with my wife tonight.

Goal, let go of my clan and walk away from Lineage 2.