Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

Recommended Posts

Hey, my name is Panda, and this is my story, 

As far back as I can remember, I started playing games at 6 years old, that's when my brothers introduced me to them, and ever since I have been hooked. From the beginning I didn't really have an addiction and I still don't but I consider it more than a hobby. From the age 6 to the age of 12 it was just a normal hobby to be fair nothing really went on, I would play and then I would stop for the day. It was normal, and I still did my homework and everything. However, in school I faced a fair amount of bullying, this is because of my disability and I got frustrated I couldn't do a lot of things the other kids could, because well back then I wanted to fit in. At the age of 14 that's when the impacts of being bullying turned into a depression. I had little friends at school, with my childhood friends and I not really talking, and I was socially anxious because I was afraid the people who bullied me would tell potential friends assumptions/lies about me and no one would want to be my friend. I also didn't tell my parents because I thought they wouldn't understand. Around this time was the peak of my video game issue. Although I would still play games the same amount of hours as I did when I was younger, I joined gaming communities such as Discord because I knew, it being a community for gamers, they would understand me. However, I wasn't mature enough to be on an online community, despite being old enough, this caused me to be cyberbullied as well, albeit me trying to create a different persona for myself. 

 My gaming problem in my teen years made me isolated in my room, not talking with anyone, and made me believe my parents were untrustworthy, and worst of all, not love my parents. Ultimately, I would become upset with them over the smallest things and become defensive about anything. This is one habit I am still trying to break now. It put me on bad terms with my parents. This issue carried on until the middle of being 16. In that time frame, I would also fake being sick so I could play games, as well as either pull all nighters or hide under my bed covers while playing with the sound off. Basically, like some people I assume, I used games to run away from my problems, but in reality it wasn't changing anything. I finally broke that I was depressed during an ASP (Appalachia Service Project) trip, one thing my group does at the end of the work week is a share circle, where we share things about our week, and the thing I shared was my depression. However, the depression carried over into my Junior year of High School. I genuinely thought about writing a Suicide note and committing suicide, but I couldn't bare to think about how my parents, grandparents, friends, teachers etc. would feel so I never acted on it.

After it came out that I was so depressed, I knew I couldn't live the way I did any longer so when quarantine hit, I used the time to improve myself, and today I am soooo much better than I was, I am out of my depression, I am not hard on myself, I am starting to love myself etc. Despite all of that good stuff, gaming continued, but not as an escape, but because it's just there and I get easy dopamine from it. I am trying to quit though because gaming is a wrecker of my goals, and dreams, it still makes me cranky after I play them, it ruins my productivity, and honestly I don't want to get stuck back in the rut I'm in. So I'm hoping for some support. The step I have done so far today is I took all my gaming systems (Switch, DS, 3DS) and put it at the back of my closet, where if I want to reach it I have to crawl back there and grab it. (This worked with my phone and laptop).

Anyway, I don't know how to close this off, sorry if this seems like a mish mosh, I just kind of strung stuff together. My goal is to go 90 days clean, I am struggling though with things to fill my time, like I know what I can do, I just don't know how to start them, once I start them, I can continue them. Anyways, thanks for reading my story. 

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I dealt with severe depression for most of my life. It's only gotten better recently thanks to being put on anti-depressants. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better now. I hope you're able to quit gaming through your participation on this site. It's helped me quit for sure. Cam's videos on YouTube were helpful too. What's your disability you mentioned? I have schizoaffective disorder. That means I have tendencies toward depression and delusions that aren't real but are so distressing to me that I have contemplated suicide in the past. And basically I can't do most hobbies or even watch most shows because they cause me too much anxiety. Most of life is barred from me. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Erik2.0 

I have a mild case of Cerebral Palsy. I am able to walk on my own two feet without any support, but when I was younger I couldn't jump bike, balance easily etc. And all the other kids could. (Now I can do all those things). My hands shook a lot back then, they shake less now, cerebral palsy is abnormal muscle movement. Even today when I am walking sometimes my feet step out of line or go crooked that was cause of my cerebral palsy. On the scale of it I am very lucky as it's a hard disability to live with, yet I overcome most of it. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

My CP doesn't limit my walking at all. I can walk just fine but sometimes I walk crooked. The only time it can be a slight problem during hiking is when I am walking uphill a lot, which then I get problems in my lower back. Also I do like walking yet I haven't done it in a bit.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.