Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

I spent my whole life playing videogames and using my phone and now my social skills are terrible. What can I do about this?


CoolMan29
 Share

Recommended Posts

So as a child I loved videogames, which I still do now but not as much as before, I actually just recently quit them. I'm 19 now and for the past couple of years I've been putting myself down because of how I can't ever make good friends because of this. I never know what to talk about that interests them because of the videogames and phone isolating me from everyone. Everyone thinks I'm weird, especially girls, I can't even be trusted with the most smallest things like following them on social media, it's unbelievable. Once this girl who knew me was throwing an open invite party, but she would start making excuses and at the end it turned out she just did not want me coming even though almost the whole school was invited. I asked a couple people to hang, they said yes but haven't gotten back to me in over a month but always post them with their friends, it's like why do people have to lie to me?

What can I do to fix this? I want to be interested in more things or at least what they're interested in. Whenever I text people most of the time they just give one word or not even any response at all. I also have trouble with talking to girls, I creep them out unintentionally a lot because I don't know what I am doing most of the time. Sometimes when someone is so nice to me, I start to obsess over them and get attached to them too quickly. Nervousness and anxiety are also a big problem. Whenever I talk to people I'm always talking loud and fast due to my overexcitement. Any advice on how to increase my social skills?

 
 
Edited by CoolMan29
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Believe it or not, I was in a similar position as you are when I was 19. I am 24 now. I dedicated my life fully for 2 years in learning martial arts, and it helped me a lot in gaining confidence, and most importantly: proving other people wrong. People wouldn't want to hang out with me and they would think I am a creep, or I couldn't achieve anything. My best advice to you is to prove other people wrong by doing whatever you think you have to do. In my case it was martial arts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

like any skill, social skills must be learned the hard way.  Get in there.  Make mistakes.  Try to make a note of what you did that freaked someone out and figure out how not to do that next time.

In video game general chat, we are all anonymous, so people tend to blurt out whatever is on their minds.  But in real life, everything you say has consequences.  So hang back a bit, watch what other people are doing, listen to what they are saying before you join in.

Some other handy facts:

  1. No one is thinking about what a dork you are.  
  2. Most everyone is thinking about themselves, and wondering what everyone else is thinking about them.
  3. People do not care if you embarrass yourself.  They care of you embarrass them.

Two things I did that helped a little.

  1. Ask someone for something.  Ask the checker at 7:11 what time it is, or if they have jujubees.  Just talk to someone you don't know.
  2. Try to learn someone's name every day.  Say, "Hey, I've seen you around but I don't know you.  What's your name?"
    1. Then LISTEN.  It's amazingly good to listen to people.  Let them talk.  Associate their name with their face and whatever they are going through at the moment.
    2. When they tell you their name, look at their face and make a game out of their name.  Like my name is Bryan Valencia.  Look at my face and think BeeVee, or BryVal.

There is a great book my Dad read back in the day that he swears by.  It's called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  Try that.  I have not read it, but my Dad says it's amazing, and he spent a lot of years with a good circle of friends.  In fact I just bought it on Kindle.  Maybe it'll help me too.

 

I hope any of this helps.

Edited by Some Yahoo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Stanly Kwok said:

Believe it or not, I was in a similar position as you are when I was 19. I am 24 now. I dedicated my life fully for 2 years in learning martial arts, and it helped me a lot in gaining confidence, and most importantly: proving other people wrong. People wouldn't want to hang out with me and they would think I am a creep, or I couldn't achieve anything. My best advice to you is to prove other people wrong by doing whatever you think you have to do. In my case it was martial arts.

Wow, I started doing that recently but I need to be patient because it won’t work right away. Thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Some Yahoo said:

like any skill, social skills must be learned the hard way.  Get in there.  Make mistakes.  Try to make a note of what you did that freaked someone out and figure out how not to do that next time.

In video game general chat, we are all anonymous, so people tend to blurt out whatever is on their minds.  But in real life, everything you say has consequences.  So hang back a bit, watch what other people are doing, listen to what they are saying before you join in.

Some other handy facts:

  1. No one is thinking about what a dork you are.  
  2. Most everyone is thinking about themselves, and wondering what everyone else is thinking about them.
  3. People do not care if you embarrass yourself.  They care of you embarrass them.

Two things I did that helped a little.

  1. Ask someone for something.  Ask the checker at 7:11 what time it is, or if they have jujubees.  Just talk to someone you don't know.
  2. Try to learn someone's name every day.  Say, "Hey, I've seen you around but I don't know you.  What's your name?"
    1. Then LISTEN.  It's amazingly good to listen to people.  Let them talk.  Associate their name with their face and whatever they are going through at the moment.
    2. When they tell you their name, look at their face and make a game out of their name.  Like my name is Bryan Valencia.  Look at my face and think BeeVee, or BryVal.

There is a great book my Dad read back in the day that he swears by.  It's called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.  Try that.  I have not read it, but my Dad says it's amazing, and he spent a lot of years with a good circle of friends.  In fact I just bought it on Kindle.  Maybe it'll help me too.

 

I hope any of this helps.

You have a point, I need to listen more, and wow I am listening to that audiobook now and I’m not done so I will continue the rest, thanks for the advice!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The way you put it is like you are very much after recognition from peers. But this recognition really is within yourself and the way that you serve your community. 

I will quote a long time member on this forum: “the gamer is bound to repeat his mistake many times over. Because he slaved away at building success in a video game, he thinks he has to slave away to please peers and earn their recognition, then he has to slave away for his fiancee, which is a sure fire way to destroy your relationships. Trying to please will push people away, being a master of your time will attract the handful of relationships that will be of benefit to you.

 

Edited by Amphibian220
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 8/1/2020 at 5:54 PM, CoolMan29 said:

Everyone thinks I'm weird, especially girls,

You need to start doing activities that include social interaction. Like going into the baths or library or sport clubs.

Social interaction needs to be learned, like every skill.

If you go to some clubs where you can be anonym, you can make some mistakes at the start.
This is important for learning social interactions. Noone is perfect, and while people started learning social interactions in their child times gamers are mostly allone and do not learn that skill.

First you need to get comfortable being arround people.
Then you need to get confotable talking to them.

On 8/1/2020 at 5:54 PM, CoolMan29 said:

it's like why do people have to lie to me?

First of all, I do not know you personally. I do not know how you talk to people and what you talk to them.
But I guess they feel uncomfortable arround you, since you describe it that way.

People do not like to admit they own weaknes. So it's easier to lie to someone instead of loosing competence.
Suppose your the cool guy on the block, he hangs out with you. A friend comes to him and asks "why do you hang out with that guy instead of me.". So the cool guy would have to defend himselve.

On 8/1/2020 at 5:54 PM, CoolMan29 said:

at least what they're interested in

At least? So you think they are boring?
That's the point you need to learn to express yourselve. Our world is not created by rules, people are different. You need to learn empathy.
What will be a normal conversation to you, may offend someone else.
Like I wrote, people make mistakes and thats not a problem to anyone. But it gets a problem if you make them over and over again.

 

On 8/1/2020 at 5:54 PM, CoolMan29 said:

I also have trouble with talking to girls,

This will not be a problem if you fix your world view, like I wrote at the start.
Woman are the least offending to men, if you try (with exception to those who are just gold diggers).

On 8/1/2020 at 5:54 PM, CoolMan29 said:

Whenever I text people most of the time they just give one word or not even any response at all.

That happens to me till today.

That's just becouse I hate conversations by text. I hate bashing on my phone and write something into it. It bores me to death.
So I just call the people, but before you do that I suggest you learn sensitivity when you could call someone and when it may embarassing.

 

 

Overall, I really do not know you.
There are so many reasons people exclude others.
It may be becouse your poor, or your weak. That happened to me and the best thing I did was just find completely other people to hang out with (neighbours etc).

Every single man on this planet experienced this once btw. so your not allone.

Edited by creationlist
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 8/1/2020 at 12:54 PM, CoolMan29 said:

So as a child I loved videogames, which I still do now but not as much as before, I actually just recently quit them. I'm 19 now and for the past couple of years I've been putting myself down because of how I can't ever make good friends because of this. I never know what to talk about that interests them because of the videogames and phone isolating me from everyone. Everyone thinks I'm weird, especially girls, I can't even be trusted with the most smallest things like following them on social media, it's unbelievable. Once this girl who knew me was throwing an open invite party, but she would start making excuses and at the end it turned out she just did not want me coming even though almost the whole school was invited. I asked a couple people to hang, they said yes but haven't gotten back to me in over a month but always post them with their friends, it's like why do people have to lie to me?

What can I do to fix this? I want to be interested in more things or at least what they're interested in. Whenever I text people most of the time they just give one word or not even any response at all. I also have trouble with talking to girls, I creep them out unintentionally a lot because I don't know what I am doing most of the time. Sometimes when someone is so nice to me, I start to obsess over them and get attached to them too quickly. Nervousness and anxiety are also a big problem. Whenever I talk to people I'm always talking loud and fast due to my overexcitement. Any advice on how to increase my social skills?

 
 

I am in the same position: played games all my life but after 16 years of this addiction i finally decided to break free. Years ago i didnt wanted to be free from games, but this year i decided this: "No, i want to be free from this vice, not just free from 1 game or a time of detox, but a permanently liberation from this addiction". Also, my social skills are pretty low and i am finding a way get better with people. I am staying strong to my purpose: a new life with hope and light free from this addiction.

Edited by Guest
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, gameswillnotkillme said:

I am in the same position: played games all my life but after 16 years of this addiction i finally decided to break free. Years ago i didnt wanted to be free from games, but this year i decided this: "No, i want to be free from this vice, not just free from 1 game or a time of detox, but a permanently liberation from this addiction". Also, my social skills are almost 0 and i am finding a way to increase it. Im suffering from abstinence everyday, and my mind tell me stuff like this: "Just play a little Daniel, will do no bad for you" or "Games are not that  bad", but i am staying strong to my purpose: a new life with hope and light free from this addiction.

You are suffering from abstinence Daniel?

so if you are not a gamer, then who do you think you are? 

When I decided I am an amateur boxer, started living the dream, I gradually stopped having an abstinence problem. You see, my mind goes “Go train! Become fit!” and I don’t have a problem with this desire.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

You are suffering from abstinence Daniel?

so if you are not a gamer, then who do you think you are? 

When I decided I am an amateur boxer, started living the dream, I gradually stopped having an abstinence problem. You see, my mind goes “Go train! Become fit!” and I don’t have a problem with this desire.

I dont believe in the term "gamer' for people or for myself. This term for me is just a label that can be forgotten. Im not a gamer, just a guy who needs to be released from this vice. The term "gamer" dont apply to me anymore.

Everytime i occupy my time with good things i start to feel good. If i start to occupy my time only with good stuff, the need of games will disappear. In the end, my abstinence is not from games itself, but of good things to occupy my life.

I lost the interest in games and decided to live a new life with responsability: something called growing up. For 16 years the games always sounded like good, but after this time i realized how much opportunities, friends, girlfriends, and so much more i missed. Now i am helping others with the same issue, working on my church, going for a walk everyday, studying to get a job and trying to build a new life

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 8/12/2020 at 7:38 PM, CoolMan29 said:

I just hope I change soon. I hate this lifestyle it's awful...

This reminds me of the often-quoted prayer "God give me patience.  And give it to me NOW!"

You are not a computer program.  And changing lifestyle is something you have total control over.  It starts by choosing to do things that make you uncomfortable, yet move you in the right direction a little bit every day.

Think of it like walking from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  With the first step you have left San Francisco.  You may be 1 step away, but you've left.  That's what changing lifestyles is like.  No one goes from basement-dwelling gamer to beloved actor overnight (except Felicia Day).  Don't mark your progress by your "arrival" someplace you want to be.  Mark it with "progress toward" where you want to be.

When you go to bed at night ask yourself.  Did I talk to people today?  Did I fill my time with productive activities?  Did I still have fun?  Some days the answer will be no.  More often you will have taken some little step.  Or two.  Or twenty. 

Just learn to measure the steps not just the destination.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 8/12/2020 at 6:43 AM, creationlist said:

At least? So you think they are boring?
That's the point you need to learn to express yourselve. Our world is not created by rules, people are different. You need to learn empathy.
What will be a normal conversation to you, may offend someone else.
Like I wrote, people make mistakes and thats not a problem to anyone. But it gets a problem if you make them over and over again.

It's me who's boring you know, they don't want to talk to me because I keep talking about myself, I never realized it was wrong until now but I'm still working on it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share