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It starts with a vent... - daily journal


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Today is 2nd July 2020 and I have relapsed into game playing several times over the last year. No matter what I do, gaming creeps back into my life and I am sick to death of it! I always have moments of weakness when I then go back to buying computer games and the inevitable occurs - hours pass, nothing achieved, mood lowered, anger and frustration builds at myself...you know how it goes.

I woke up this morning and asked myself "what will it take? What would it take to get you to stop literally wasting your time?". I want to stop because I want to do other things, develop myself and realise my full potential. Be the husband my wife deserves, be the person I owe it to myself to be.

Whilst recently trying to close an account with EA, I couldn't get into my account and I contacted the support team who said they couldn't verify the account and that was it. Given the amount of time I've played their games,  the money I have given to the company - I had a sudden realisation. They simply couldn't care less about me as a person or a customer. Do any of these Game production companies? The amount of our time and money we give to them and we are not appreciated or values in any way - it felt/feels like I've been politely robbed of time and money. Now, I know I've voluntarily done this - so why moan? Because to me, I feel like a complete and utter fool. I feel anger and frustration at myself for being suckered into this situation. The only person to blame here is me.

So what will it take? The thought I losing more time, money and potentially everything I have just for a company to obtain more profit for no real benefit to me. And that is where I am at today.

Going forward - 90 day detox, daily journals and re focusing on aims in life.

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Welcome to the forums, @DW1909X13!

On 7/2/2020 at 6:45 PM, DW1909X13 said:

I want to stop because I want to do other things, develop myself and realise my full potential. Be the husband my wife deserves, be the person I owe it to myself to be.

With this goal in mind, I believe you can finish this 90-day detox!

On 7/2/2020 at 6:45 PM, DW1909X13 said:

They simply couldn't care less about me as a person or a customer.

I felt the same way with Blizzard. 😅 It's also one of the factors why I quit playing games.

Good luck and remember to always take it easy except when truly needed. See you around! 😄

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10-Jul-20. So far, so good - Managed to stave off gaming for 7 days now. I've gone through the Respawn pdf and in process of deleting games/accounts. Just wondering what to do with console. We use it for sky app for movies mainly. Looking to delete game account and set up some sort of restricted account - otherwise just get rid of it for temptations sake.

Makes me sick to think how much money I've burned through in order to get these achievements and to get that feeling of satisfaction back.

I've realised just how much I dislike gaming now. I don't get the same feeling of euphoria or enjoyment or satisfaction I used to years ago. I guess its like any addiction - you have to have more and more until you get to a point where its unreachable.

I am about to embark on the 90 day detox - one day at a time. I have my calendar/rota setup, activates to try and focus on. I've selected:

Mentally engaging: Chess (physical board - not online/virtual), golf, self-defence, running & professional qualification study - all thing I want to be better at and enjoy.

Resting activity: Meditation, journal & reading

Social: here's where I struggle. I am an introvert and find social interaction and groups to be so difficult and awkward. Clearly an area to work on. Going to try to incorporate the chess and golf with social stuff. I am currently in a couple of support groups so that's social. May also try some classes to try and improve my social skills.

I am interested in learning more about the idea minimalism in terms of de-cluttering my mind & home. The idea of unplugging from unnecessary technology usage and just being healthier overall. I feel we have so much information thrust upon us that we often forget about the present and what actually matters to our lives. 

I feel the key here is to take it one step at a time and start forming a routine that is sustainable - so here I go.

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  • 1 month later...

Log: 12-08-20

Having to restart this process as I have had a wobble - I stupidly clicked on advert on phone and started playing game. I became bit hooked and even spent £20 on it. Realised this pm what I was doing and have now deleted it from phone and it has got me thinking...

What are the practical steps to stopping ads, links and anything gaming related appearing on apps & internet browsing?

Its got me wondering if the only thing to do is do an effective hard reset. Delete all accounts etc and start a new or maybe don't use internet/social media at all? Even if for a little while? Probably too extreme, but sometimes we need an extreme to break the cycles we entangle ourselves in.

That may give me the physical break I, and indeed maybe many other people, need. Take my young sister in law who is 11. She often has a laptop, Nintendo Switch and mobile all on the go - simultaneously! and nearly all for gaming/Netflix! Watching her grow up and losing all that potential is so sad and makes me think of all those out there who are unaware they may have serious issues with technology/gaming.

On another note, one of the things that I've focused on whilst not gaming has been my own finances and starting to become more financially solvent & responsible. I discovered that in the last 12 months, I've spent nearly £150 per month on video games "entertainment"...I mean...What. The. F**k!! And this was a quieter year for me on game front - god knows how much more I've spent over the last 10, 20 years! It makes me sick to think of all the things I could've done and saved for but no, I had to play those goddamn games.

I've made a decision to become debt free as soon as possible and that is part of the motivation to stop throwing my money away to these gaming companies who, lets face it, could not give a solitary shit about any of us as people.

Anyway, keep pushing on and find that Nirvana we are all hoping and striving to reach. It'll be worth it.



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