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Josh's Journal


mokeboy
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Day 1: June 6, 2020

I want to quit so badly. Frankly I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'll relapse. I'm also afraid that I won't be as productive as I could be. I want to unlock my full potential. I want to achieve my goals and gaming is holding me back. I'm also afraid that even if I do somehow quit gaming I won't be able to achieve the goals I set for myself. I'm getting a flood of emotions that I normally don't feel and I am having difficulty processing them. I feel anger, anxiety, hopelessness. I feel a great deal of stress also. My life feels stagnant and I don't know how to progress. I'm taking summer courses for college but I still have about a year left before I can maaaybe graduate. My gpa is so low I need to get like all straight A's if I plan on graduating by next summer. I'm 27 years old and still living with my parents. I have a dead end job that I hate and I just don't know what to do. Everything moves so slowly and to top it off I feel like I have no talents.

The only positive things I have going for me right now is that I'm very fit and I do high intensity training workouts 5-6 times a week and run on average 10 miles a week, with sprints mixed in. I guess that's one thing I'm proud of. I just need to eliminate my constant gaming. Whenever I finish an 8 hour shift at work and come home all I can think about is jumping on my computer and playing League of Legends or some sort of rpg. I want to stop. I want to improve my python coding and my information technology. I want to get better at messing with Archlinux and I want to be able to do CTF things eventually.

Anyway this is pretty long so TL;DR: I am so uncertain if I can ever live the life I dream of and I feel like I'm going no where.

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Welcome to the team! This place is awesome and has great support. What your feeling is completely normal when quitting gaming. I had a lot of the same stuff when I did my 90 days the anxiety panic attacks all of it. It's also DEFINITELY ok to be afraid. This is a change in your life but your taking the first step being here. You got this and welcome to the forums again. 

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Welcome @mokeboy!

Good day! I'm on my Day 22 of detox. With all honesty, I have felt almost exactly like that—everything you have written. Here's what I've learned after I somehow "get through" that phase.

1) Qutting is actually the 2nd step. The 1st step towards progress is knowing what you want. 🙂 ✔️
2) Most of the time, nobody cares about our job. For me, I found a job where I really like what I'm contributing—not doing. 😅 That's what made me settle and able to do my other interests.
3) Talents are either inborn or discovered. I have some talents since I was a kid but my interests with those talents was lost as I grew up. I discovered a new possible talent of mine—sales, and I really enjoyed it! Now, I'm enhancing it since I'm still a noob. 😂
4) If everything seems to move so slow, that's actually a good time! It means, you can plan things carefully and do things at your own pace. Don't mind the others!

On 6/7/2020 at 3:17 PM, mokeboy said:

I am so uncertain if I can ever live the life I dream of and I feel like I'm going no where.

Me too; but, I'm doing my best to make mine come true. Even if I've done only a very little progress each day, it's still a progress for me—better than none as they say.

Hope this helps. Good luck man, take it easy and looking forward for your future activities! 😁👌

Edited by chiliflavor
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Welcome to the forums. I recommend checking out respawn if you don't mind buying it. Sounds like you have a good idea that you want to quit gaming and do more programming etc. That's a great start. I hope to see you progressing on here.

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