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JPAO

Im back

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Hey everyone, Im back.

I decided to see if I could game in moderation starting about 4 months ago, and it turned into a full on relapse. I ended up back on a team, and I quit today.

I feel bad about giving my friends short notice, but know I need to go on with my life, and that without the distraction of gaming, Ill be better off. 

I have no idea how this is going to go, and as its a fresh wound (quitting 20 minutes ago) i know it will be hard. This time, Im moving forwards, changing passwords and giving away accounts I can to others who will use them. 

John-

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Although not the best idea, Im likely to curl up and watch a show or something tonight rather then spend the time doing something creative. Tomorrow starts the arduous process of building new habits, finding new hobbies, and learning to love life as it is

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You absolutely did the right thing in realizing moderation does not work and is not possible. I think I tried this 2 pages into my diary and it became a life threatening relapse where I became very depressed. I'm going to be 75 weeks free on Saturday and I want you to know you can remove it from your life and be happy. You can find that peace and you can find real friends who care about you. 

Good luck and welcome back. 

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Awesome to see you back in the game. Every failure is a step closer to you goal. But beware: If you fail, fail quickly!

6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

You absolutely did the right thing in realizing moderation does not work and is not possible. I think I tried this 2 pages into my diary and it became a life threatening relapse where I became very depressed. I'm going to be 75 weeks free on Saturday and I want you to know you can remove it from your life and be happy. You can find that peace and you can find real friends who care about you. 

Good luck and welcome back. 

Yes, I agree. You can be happy if you don't let your cravings control you. When you quit you are like: "I will never do this again!" The next morning cravings start. I have been through this several times. It is important to create something that reminds you how the process of a relapse looks like emotionally.

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2 hours ago, Captain_Pilz said:

It is important to create something that reminds you how the process of a relapse looks like emotionally.

Unfortunately, I think the consequences if relapse cause the pain to permanently remind us of what we feel. I may have only relapsed once in my diary, but I've been trying to quit since 2008. It's a long process and I'm thankful to be here. 

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Day 2-3,

Havent broken any of my rules yet, and have been spending more time with my brothers and parents. 

On 3/27/2020 at 6:17 AM, BooksandTrees said:

Unfortunately, I think the consequences if relapse cause the pain to permanently remind us of what we feel. I may have only relapsed once in my diary, but I've been trying to quit since 2008. It's a long process and I'm thankful to be here. 

 I find this statement to be very truthful, and its the type of pain that takes some time to burn through. My issue was the slow but sure dissolving of my time being dedicated towards gaming, and the resulting depression (which started as unnoticeable, but over the past months has grown out of hand). Last time I had quit until September, when I switched careers due to a lay off and had more free time on my hands. Im hoping to get back into work shortly here, and hope that correcting my sleep schedule during these other times will help once demand returns!

Thanks for commenting and welcoming me back @BooksandTrees and @Captain_Pilz always great to be reminded how welcoming it is 🙂

John

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2 hours ago, JPAO said:

Day 2-3,

Havent broken any of my rules yet, and have been spending more time with my brothers and parents. 

 I find this statement to be very truthful, and its the type of pain that takes some time to burn through. My issue was the slow but sure dissolving of my time being dedicated towards gaming, and the resulting depression (which started as unnoticeable, but over the past months has grown out of hand). Last time I had quit until September, when I switched careers due to a lay off and had more free time on my hands. Im hoping to get back into work shortly here, and hope that correcting my sleep schedule during these other times will help once demand returns!

Thanks for commenting and welcoming me back @BooksandTrees and @Captain_Pilz always great to be reminded how welcoming it is 🙂

John

Just take it day by day until you can do week to week. Enjoy the process and be ready to learn. You're in the right spot!

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Day 4-5,

Still doing well, still wasting a lot of time reading and just hanging out (have schoolwork to do, as well as people to talk to that i keep putting off)

No progress on the job hunt so far, but with the climate right now, its to be expected.

Have a wonderful day people,

John

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