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liam

28, and finally realising that I have an addiction

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Good morning/afternoon/evening to you all.

My name is Liam, I'm 28, and I'm from the UK. Although I'm not in the best frame of mind right now, I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to joining this community and to meeting you all.

I've been a 'gamer' for most of my life, starting with Runescape back in 2001/02 and WoW around 2004, back when I was in my early teens. Since then, I have played video games at every possible opportunity, often choosing it over ALL other commitments or ways I could spend my time being productive, or building relationships. Several times over the past 5-6 years I have tried to quit games due to the the fact that I feel depressed at wasting entire days with nothing to show for it except some numbers changing in a database somewhere (for me, that is how I picture a day of gaming, i.e. earning some gold in WoW).

Looking back at my 'real life' achievements, I think I can be somewhat proud that I have achieved a master's degree, a good software engineering job in a large company, and I have been married now for 2 years to my amazingly supportive wife. However, throughout all of this, getting my next 'fix' of video games has always been at the forefront of my mind. I constantly feel like I am rushing to get every other task done (be it a social gathering, cooking, travelling to see family and even lying in bed with my wife!) just so that I can get back to my 'alone time' at my PC. With a baby on the way in December, I have realised that this has to stop - I need to be more 'present' in reality.

I don't want to write too much more in this introduction, but I'm grateful if you've read this far. Although I feel I have still accomplished some things in my life, I feel like I could have done so much more with my time (I have ~3k hours in DOTA alone, and much much more in WoW over the years - thats enough to master any skill!), and so just like many of you, I suffer from depression and feelings of shame and regret around this. 

I look forward to keeping track of my progress here, and I am extremely grateful for any support I receive. I also hope to give back in whatever way I can to those of you who also need the support.

Thanks for reading, and have a wonderfully calm, relaxing and productive day!

Liam 

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Don't focus on how many hours you have lost in the past, visualise the amount of hours you have got back from this point onwards!

When I pulled the plug on WoW it was mind blowing how much spare time I had during the day. Having gone through this process because I became a Dad, I can say you will not regret it.

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Yes, that's absolutely the way I should be looking at it! I have quit before and every time I am astounded at how much time there is in a day when you're not constantly thinking about gaming. I think being comfortable with 'boredom' is something I want to work on, maybe with meditation or just thinking.

Also, great to hear from a Dad who has been through this! I will certainly feel regret if I can't give my all to him - thanks for your input 🙂

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There was a great line I saw when reading about "being in the moment", and that is Life isn't boring, you are.  It's an adjustment phase for you to start getting used to being in the moment. There is so much going on in life and so much to do and so much happening around you, that the only reason one would get bored is if one is too lazy to grasp any of those.

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Hi, good morning (as it's 6:00 am over here in Canada lol)!

Your post does resonate with myself as well, I guess WoW is still very much popular, probably much more than I thought on my server and especially with the launch of Classic, we will see more and more people getting addicted back to this game. Ugh, I hate to think about it, hate to think I used to adore this game! I would not want to return to it for all of the gold of the world.

Don't lose hope, I know firsthand how difficult it can be to quit gaming, I too have tried quitting for years now but Respawn and GameQuitters have been life-changers lately, I have faith we can both continue to strive in a new life, in a new world, if we continue moving forward with the program and the process.

I believe you can be dam* proud of yourself, I mean, 28 years old : a master's degree, a well-paid job and a wife (all things I don't have and I'm 2 years older). My father at your age was about in the same spot, had a car too ...now it is kind of depressing what you all accomplish at such a young age and I did almost nothing. 😛 But I am doing auto-derision, of course I did things, just not as much… it will come, I must not lose focus.

You know, from reading your introduction, I have been wondering ...how does one know he is in depression? Am I in depression? Because if I am, I will seek help and treatments asap but I feel ''happy'' or rather, I think gaming and other addictions made me so numb to my own feelings that I don't ''feel'' so much anymore. I have trouble telling if I'm in depression or not so I was thinking that you might be able to tell me how we feel, how we act and maybe if it resonates with my current situation, something will happen in me and I will have a better idea? That's worth trying, if that doesn't bother you to talk about your depression.

 Thanks for WRITING, and have a wonderfully calm, relaxing and productive day, as well! 🙂

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