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Ashley K.

Back from Relapse

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Some of you may know me, some of you don't.

I'm Ashley, a stay-at-home mom of two boys, 30 years old, and a gaming addict.

I've been struggling for gaming for a long time. Longer than I'd like. I'm constantly relapsing which used to make me feel bad. But there's nothing bad about it. 

This is a new month, so I'm starting fresh. 

To explain why I relapsed...I don't have an explanation other than I had the urge to game and I did. I would play in the morning around 9 or 10 AM after feeding my kids breakfast. 

Instead of spending time with them or focusing on learning a new skill, I was building skill in Black Ops 4 that I'll never have to use. On top of that now that I think about it, another reason why I've relapsed is that I don't have any friends. The very last friend I had pretty much stopped being my friend because his girlfriend didn't like that he had a female friend. 

Pretty fucked up, right?

I'll admit I was hurting. Someone I thought was my best friend, just got rid of me. But I know I can't allow myself to stay in this vicious cycle that I put myself in. So now I'm getting out of it.

Hello Universe, I've come to embrace what you have to give and what I want, I give to you freely ??

 

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Isn't it interesting that it comes down to acceptance? Stay strong and try and find friends in different places. Other single moms and what not. Stay positive and seek positive. I know, easier said than done.

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Relapse is that common they gave it a name.

It's just part of the process - annoying and FRUSTRATING as that might be, but it is what it is.

You mention the urge - can you define where it comes from? Does it stem from the emotional side of things like boredom/loneliness, frustration/anger or being a stay at home mom (hat off to you) are you tired? (I am lifting from this HOW TO QUIT THE POWER OF COMPUTER GAMING

When I fight with my girl my emotions go all over the place and I don't need a reason to relapse, I just want to escape, hence do.

The more I address my emotional state the quicker I heal.

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