Some of you may know me, some of you don't.

I'm Ashley, a stay-at-home mom of two boys, 30 years old, and a gaming addict.

I've been struggling for gaming for a long time. Longer than I'd like. I'm constantly relapsing which used to make me feel bad. But there's nothing bad about it. 

This is a new month, so I'm starting fresh. 

To explain why I relapsed...I don't have an explanation other than I had the urge to game and I did. I would play in the morning around 9 or 10 AM after feeding my kids breakfast. 

Instead of spending time with them or focusing on learning a new skill, I was building skill in Black Ops 4 that I'll never have to use. On top of that now that I think about it, another reason why I've relapsed is that I don't have any friends. The very last friend I had pretty much stopped being my friend because his girlfriend didn't like that he had a female friend. 

Pretty fucked up, right?

I'll admit I was hurting. Someone I thought was my best friend, just got rid of me. But I know I can't allow myself to stay in this vicious cycle that I put myself in. So now I'm getting out of it.

Hello Universe, I've come to embrace what you have to give and what I want, I give to you freely ??

 

Isn't it interesting that it comes down to acceptance? Stay strong and try and find friends in different places. Other single moms and what not. Stay positive and seek positive. I know, easier said than done.

Relapse is that common they gave it a name.

It's just part of the process - annoying and FRUSTRATING as that might be, but it is what it is.

You mention the urge - can you define where it comes from? Does it stem from the emotional side of things like boredom/loneliness, frustration/anger or being a stay at home mom (hat off to you) are you tired? (I am lifting from this HOW TO QUIT THE POWER OF COMPUTER GAMING

When I fight with my girl my emotions go all over the place and I don't need a reason to relapse, I just want to escape, hence do.

The more I address my emotional state the quicker I heal.