Commitment issues and making new friends

[Sarma]

Commitment issues

For as long as I know of myself I've had commitment issues. Which I think is the main problem with quitting gaming and progressing in any other instance. I overthink everything. I used to think that I could control my emotions very well, but recently i feel like its the opposite. I feel like my emotions have burdened me a lot in recent years. Just by writting this I'm overthinking. I've grown a lot of distrust with my thoughts and i feel like anything i do won't mean anything in the end. Maybe there was or still is a window in which I can still get on the right path. But i also feel like this was inevitable. I've always been the weird kid, atleast that's the impression i feel like im giving out. I've always tried to justify my ways, because i wanted it to work so badly. For an example I would try and become a pro in gaming. Or i'd ignore friends because i thought that relationships are meaningless. These past few days I've really started to regret my decisions during life. I feel like If i just listened to people more and stopped being a smart-ass things would be different now. Only now that I've finished highschool do i realize what kind of a jackass i was to my family and friends. Everyone believes im a nice guy and i think that as well. But I just didnt want to connect with anyone. Everyone was just like a toy to me. Now I seek people and social interaction more than ever. Which leads me to my next topic

Current friends and social interaction

So I need to start getting more social interaction. I have friends from school, but those are all the friends I have and they're mostly male as well. They usually talk about football, university or Serbian music for an example. I'm not really interested in those topics nor do i follow them. So how could I connect more with these friends? What are steps you guys used to connect more with your current friends? 

Making new friends

So I don't think making new friends is a necessarily a problem for me. When i was working last week i met 5 people there. We would joke around or talk about school. The thing is i want to make friends that i can be good friends with and who i can consistently go out with. I also need to make friends with women because i hang out with very few women and usually don't know what to talk about with them. So how did you guys meet new long term friends and make connection in your relationships? 

If you got to here, thanks you. It really means a lot to me ?.

[TwoSidedLife]

Use to have a lot of friends, but i've changed since then and adjusting to a more regular normal life (No drugs lol). Kinda just backtracked to 'making ammends' with my family for all the trouble I caused and the yrs I ignored them (Currently learning to accept others). Haven't gone about making friends yet, been doing school online for 1.5 yrs now.

The best way I made meaningful connections was just by focusing on myself and doing my own thing. Friends just come naturally when you do what you want, instead of focusing on others.

As for socialising, I keep in mind that everyone knows something I don't. They know something that's likely to interest me, so I listen for that. Also don't ask questions or join in if you genuinely aren't interesting in listening to any answers. Truly listening is really key to having conversation - It's how you naturally come up with questions and whatever else.

Connecting more with current friends tho, isn't something that can be fast tracked or rushed. Try learning more about listening skills and applying that, it takes you a long way (Even if you already think you're a good listener). If you have a personal interest in something, invite a friend to come with you. That way it's fine if they don't want to go (You'll still go / Invite someone else) and you won't be doing it just for another person (Ppl pleasing).

Yeah, as selfish as it sounds, just do you.

Edit: As for women, if you haven't checked it out yet, have a look at NoFap. But the general advice is that you shouldn't specifically look for that - Let that come to you while you do your own thing.

Edited July 4, 2019 by TwoSidedLife

[Sarma]

@TwoSidedLife Alright i guess i won't pressure myself too much. The reason i dont want to do me because im still the gaming me. And i won't see the benefits of a life outside of gaming without forcing myself to experience it, right? I'm trying to listen more and just be more connected when im around friends. Just learning to care overall.

What drugs did you do? I had my time with drugs as well. 

I know about NoFap and im currently 10 days or so on it. I haven't noticed much benefits yet, but hopefully I'll have a helathier relationship with women in the future. 

 

[TwoSidedLife]

@Sarma I didn't do anything too extreme (At least in my opinion lol). I was addicted to pot for 3 yrs, smoked it everyday and found it very hard to quit. My life just revolved around smoking it and getting more whenever I could. I finally quit when I started pursuing my own interests and hobbies after leaving my friends behind. Felt like I had lost touch with myself and didn't know myself anymore. Other than that, i've done ecstacy a few times (once w ice), oxy once and abused whatever prescriptions I could find (So nah, i've never done hallucinogens or anything harder than that. Wasn't addicted to anything else other than pot). I think it made me a really passive person and didn't allow me to express my full true opinion on lots of things, which was something a lot of ppl knew me for before I started smoking. That + my gaming habit took a big toll on my education and left me with no positive friendships later on.

Yeah I think the whole identity around gaming thing is hard too. I'm a bit of an outlier tho, I didn't have any irl gamer friends and nobody knew I gamed. I've also never been into getting the newest games, keeping up with gaming news or watching gameplays/streams. So i've never considered myself as the average gamer. I quit multiplayer about 4 yrs before I started StopGaming, was mainly addicted to singleplayer games. Didn't game as much when I was doing drugs tho, but whenever I was by myself it was all I did. Absolute slave hahaha.

[Sarma]

@TwoSidedLife I never was a fan of pot. I feel so brain dead on it. As for other drugs I did shrooms once. I fucking hated the experience. When i can't control something, like the trip i was experiencing i just get a bad case of uneasiness. I pretty much knew that i was gonna have a bad time, but i still tried it because my friend said it cured depression. Ha ha. I also did speed once combined with adrafinil (study drug). That shit was good. And for prescription drugs I did benzos just because i wanted to see what was the fuss about. Ironically i drink anxiety medication now from time to time for actual anxiety symptoms. 

Overall now that i look back using drugs was pretty dumb with no real benefit. I used them because i wanted to have a normal life free from all the bullshit. Shrooms might've fucked me mentally. Although im not sure if i actually think that or if its anxiety induced fear of past decisions. I don't want to be a cliche but dont do drugs kids. Don't be a smart ass and actually listen to your parents from time to time they know some stuff as well. 

[kwshake]

I'm not sure how old you are, or how feasible this is for you but the best way I know how to make friends is: Get around people. 

The best way to lose the "gamer" label; stop being a gamer and get outside for some activities. Join groups that have similar interests.

Try using Meetup or looking for local classes, workshops, etc if you don't even know what your interests are yet. Then go to every meeting that you possibly can.

All that matters is: you go outside of the house and look for things to do where people will also be doing the same things. You never know what you may get out of it.

Getting to our best self means laying down what's easy (gaming) and looking for our next challenge.

If you're introverted or have social anxiety, it will be a bigger challenge. But I guarantee you; the second will be easier than the first, and the third easier than the second.

 

On 7/4/2019 at 12:39 AM, TwoSidedLife said:

The best way I made meaningful connections was just by focusing on myself and doing my own thing. Friends just come naturally when you do what you want, instead of focusing on others.

Also, this. This, this, this, this. THIS.

Work on yourself. Try to develop a new skill: coding, marketing, graphic design, survival skills, whatever it may be. 

Find a mission. Make that mission your number one priority. 

Need a mission? Visualize where you want to be in 10 years, 20 years. That's your mission now. Go get after em. And I'll help you in any way that I can.