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Daily Journal 4-respawn (4th time try)

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Day 1:

Just handed over my 5th semester project yesterday, so today I take a day off. Away from all study before I get back again tomorrow where I am starting to prepare for other part of the exam. This part is about defending the project with valid arguments and its kinda scary…

I am also going to try quitting  for the 4th time since may. The funny thing is, I wrote a lot about it being easy to quit gaming in the first journal. But since then it just seem to happen by habit, that I cancel the steam deletion and reinstall all games only to play til I am satiated. Then delete again and repeat.. Its oddly tougher than I would think. After all its "just gaming" compared to other more "accepted" addictions. But now I truly see why someone can struggle with quitting, especially if they are used to spending more time playing than I do myself. Hands down to you guys. 

Book Recommendation: 

Title: Cant Hurt Me 

By David Goggins

This book is about a guy who has got everything going up against him when he grew up. Amongst many things he had to deal with, few them consisted of an alcoholic wifebeating father, bullying in the school, stuttering, racism etc. All of which is the perfect recipe for a life of crime or depression. Goggins did also spent a lot of time being pissed, angry and bitter at the world. He was like that a lot until he one day came home from the job and watched the Navy Seals training on the TV. That made him think about where he had gotten in his life and reflect on how he let his surroundings and everything that happened to him, control his life choices. He chose to try out for the Navy Seal but was turned down on his weight and his lack of educational level at that time. He had to educate himself and loose an impossible amount of weight in a short time to try out for the Navy Seals, but he did it. Read the book or listen to the audiobook to understand why and how he made himself go through Navy Seals Hell week 3 times, ran several ultra running races and  beat the world record in pull-ups. 

This book can be applied to the way we look for motivation when trying to quit gaming or set a new goal. In the book he sets up some challenges for the reader to apply to himself in order to become what they really want to become or aspire to be.

I strongly recommend this book as it is a testimony of how someone can come from nothing, go through hell several times and come out alive, stronger, smarter and better.

This is a guy who is simply driven. He litterally keeps running when his tarsal bones were broken from stress. 

He is David Goggins.

DG.jpg

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Inspirational person! I saw a lot of videos with him. When you find strength in your insecurities you become unstoppable. Big respect!

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Very much so 🙂 

 

I though he was unbelievable at first... I mean... it doesnt really matter if he ends in Hell or heaven Cause he is gonna rule whatever place he ends up 😄 

 

And What suprises me even more so, is How little he is actually known to the World 🙂 

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Day 2: 

Today is about focus. Its about preparing for the examday which is the 27th June. But first I’m going to have to hit the gym first for the first time since I started the exam project which is 2-3 weeks ago. It Will be interesting to see How far back i’ve come with training. 

Other than that I Will take a look at How I Can impliment a better diet into my life so I Dont just Munch Down all the calories lost from training 🙂 

Looking forward to a productive Day 🤘🏼😎

 

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 Day 3:

Spend the day going on a bike ride into the NATUREEE!! it was good and with lovely weather. 

I haven't really been thinking about games today until we had some friends come over. My girlfriends friend and her boyfriend to be exact. 

He is a streamer and a youtuber that does gaming, sketches and such and then right before we split, he asks if I can play with in Fortnite...

and ofcourse I am polite and stressed by saying goodbyes, so I said yes, sure 😕 and I dont really know what to do, because nobody knows that I am trying to games from my life. My GF only thinks I am trying to cut down instead. 😞 

Worst part of trying to quit, for is properly these kind of situations, the social ones…..

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Day 4:

Today I am preparing for the exams as I will the next 3 days. 

I am felling more secure at this moment of time but we will see how it goes. 

Yesterday, as I wrote about a friend of mine who wanted to play Fortnite with me. I chose to honor my promise and played 30 minutes or so with him. Its certainly wasnt anything that made me wanting to game more, since I am really bad at the game and never really played it before.. 

I personally dont see it as a relapse, because of the situation that it was. I didnt ask for it, I didnt want it, it wasnt for very long time and I didnt want more afterwards. I did it because of politeness and because I didnt want to open up the discussion of my trying to quit 😕 

 

Toodleleew guys !!

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Day 5:

Workout done!

Schoolproject still going...

Thankfull for almost reaching my summerholiday so I can read up on this semesters curriculum.

It will be lovely but also a challenge to try and not play any games with all this extra time I will have.

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Day 6: 

Been preparing for tomorrow all day LONG!!! 

I cant take in much more 😄 What would you guys do? 

Would you continue studying if you had test comming up even though you feel like everything is not getting stuck in the head. That no matter how much you read it wont stay??

Or would you take a brake from it or just completely stop and call it a day ? 🙂 

 

Set my steam account up for deletion again today….. I think they are growing tired of me….

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Day 7:

Passed the 5th semester exams today MotherFu...rs 🤘🏼😎👍🏻 It has been a Hell of a battle to get through the weeks of this project... 

we had no Real structure, spend most time Reading up on subjects and rewriting every Damn sentences so it was more academic. So much that we didnt spent much time looking for ACTUAL mistakes in the text. On top of that we had to prepare a 10minute speech about How to perspectivate the project into the Real work and our Line of job. The speech was perfect they Said, But since It doesnt count that much in the overall evaluation, I was still abit away from the two top grades. There where a few mistakes and missing thing in the paper. So all in all everything went Well and I Can now relax and begin my holiday of two months 😂👍🏻 

 

Hopefully in a productive Way with Reading up on subjects, learning russian and doing sports as Well as getting out more 😎👍🏻 

 

I really hope I wont end up spending it playing games 😕 certainly going to do my Best and more 💪🏻 

 

 

Edited by Guest

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Day 8: 

 

Workout done !

Shopping done !

Budget done ! 

Tomorrow me and my GF os going to a Volbeat koncert for the first time in a looong time 😄 

I was wondering if anyone of you guys know Them since they have been touring in USA and other countries 🙂 ? 

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Day 9 - 10:

It was a fucking awesome concert yesterday with VOLBEAT!! 

A few sad things though 😕 It was WAAYY too loud during the warm-up bands, nobody was selling any earplugs either 😕 and then on top up of that we got the seats that where in direct alignment with the sun… We basically got roasted from 4.Pm till 8 30 pm. where the sun went down..But otherwise lovely concert!!:)

 

Afterwards, at around 10 40 pm. we walked a bit and decided to wait for a cap…. like everybody els...

We ended up walking in pitchblack to our car and finally got home as the sun was rising again to scorge us 😄

Luckily we got home time to be able to fall asleep.

At day 10 we got home from southern DK to Fyn and just relaxed the rest of the day with my GFs sister who came home with us on holiday 🙂

Gonna watch a movie later all together and get some good sleep 🙂

 

Gaming cravings are kinda creeping up on me since I have all this holiday time now but so far I havent played yet.. Not that it will ruin everything but I would like to keep it away for at least 45 days, at least… 🙂 

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10 hours ago, giblets said:

David Goggins inspired me to run 100 miles, so he's fantastic!

That is very Awesome 😉 

Do you know How much that is in kilometers by any chance ? I am just wondering because it is What is used where I am from 😀

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DAY 11:

Had to go to the doctors office today to get a bruise checked out on my left calf.

I figure one of those bloodsucking bastards finally got to me. Not the mosquito, but a fly that is called "klæg" in Danish... They are persistent little buggers.

Want you lodge your hand at them they dont move a bit, only sometimes but they will come at you the same second they evade your hand. I think the one I pummeled to death got me though. Today, 2 days later, the bite has swollen and is red and warm. 

I got a perscription for antihistamines and I hope it will work.

 

Other than that I spend the day on donating blood plasma, and I got a little goal that I want to reach a 100 donation, though it might be a little problematic because the sight where they put the syringe is getting scartissue, which means it becomes more difficult to get to the vein, ad it hurts more 😄 So I hope i will get there before I am all scared up 🙂

 

34/100

 

I was thinking, do you guys donate in some way? The ones marked green is the donations I have signed up for myself.

ALIVE: 

Blood. In some ways heatlhy. Can be done monthly and is very usefull to make medicin and or for trauma patients and surguries etc.

Bonemarrow is donated only if a person needs it and if that patient fits our tissuetype I think its called. It happens extremely rare, but when it happens its also needed very much by the recipiant.

Semen is donated in a traditional way and it helps people who are incapable of having children in a natural way, if the guys has a too low sperm count. Also helps homosexual couples having kids if they dont want close donations. Some places they even pay you money for donations.

Feces. Might sound gross, but this is a very important donation. They use it to cultivate gut bacteria which they can then put in pills. Its used amongst other things for those patients who had to go through antibiotic treatment, whose own gut bacteria also was killed during that treatment. They use this medicin to recreate the natural gut flora. I dont do it because I am still too overweight to donate. A BMI at 30 or less is required in DK.

Hair is donated in lenghts and is donated to make wigs for cancer treatment patients. Its a very good cause and gives cancer patients a chance to feel better about their looks if they are afraid of loosing their own hair. I dont know if there is any monetary motivation to this though I dont think there should be. But if it makes just one person donate and make another patient happy, its worth the money for sure.

Organ. This usually only happens amongst family members or to a loved one. I dont think it possible, for good ethical reasons, to donate to strangers or sell your organs. I have never had to make this choice, luckily, but if I were to make the choice, I dont know how I would react to that yet. 

DEAD:

Organs . This is something I do because I dont believe in anything after life and so my parts may be used be anyone ells who needs them. Some people argue that their family should decide wether or not your organs should be donated but I never understood how it would be given less closure for ones family if they knew that not everythig is in the casket with me ?? What are your thoughts on this. All opinions are valid!

Body . This might be a little alike donating organs after death but what is meant by Body donation, is a body donation to science. It is properly possible in all countries to sign up for body donation. This is a very wide useage. They can use your body to educate upcomming surgeons, doctors, pathologists etc. They can use it for research like how they make research in forensic sciences. 

anything els: Are you donating anything els that is not on the list, please reply and tell us or me how it works and how it helps.

regnklaeg_1.jpg

Edited by Guest

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Day 12:

Summer time is hard to stay focused in. 

You might think it would be easier but more time just makes me feel like I HAVE to spend it on something productive.

Is this a thought that can be categorized as a moral panic thought? 

This ofcourse is one of those times where I question my own will or need to stop gaming… trying to rationalize why I should go for moderation instead. I just feel like if I do that, then I will quickly get derailed again in terms of creating new healthier habits.

 

Do you guys think that you could just be having moral panic thoughts or are you sure you are addicted in some way to gaming? 

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3 hours ago, The radtech said:

Summer time is hard to stay focused in. 

You might think it would be easier but more time just makes me feel like I HAVE to spend it on something productive.

Is this a thought that can be categorized as a moral panic thought? 

More time? You need to get busier. Free time -> relapse, everyone here will tell you this. And for some people even 1-2 hours devoted to nothing are enough time to allow for 'moderation' that will take you back to square 1. (Me being an example if you care to go through my journal)

Why do you call it a panic? Do you experience symptoms of panic? Wanting to have meaning in your life, spending your time doing something that matters, is connected to being human.

According to https://www.asam.org/ 
Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors. Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Like other chronic diseases, addiction often involves cycles of relapse and remission. 

From this very website: What Are the Signs of Video Game Addiction? 

  • Preoccupation with video games. The individual thinks about previous gaming activity or anticipates playing the next game; Gaming becomes the dominant activity in daily life.
  • Withdrawal symptoms when gaming is taken away. These symptoms are typically described as irritability, anxiety, boredom, cravings, or sadness.
  • Tolerance – the need to spend increasing amounts of time engaged in video games. This may be motivated by a need for completion of increasingly intricate, time-consuming, or difficult goals to achieve satisfaction and/or reduce fears of missing out.
  • Unsuccessful attempts to control the participation in video games.
  • Loss of interests in previous hobbies and entertainment as a result of, and with the exception of, video games.
  • Continued excessive use of games despite knowledge of psychosocial problems. The individual continues to play despite negative impact.
  • Has deceived family members, therapists, or others regarding their gaming.
  • Use of video games to escape or relieve a negative mood (e.g., feelings of helplessness, guilt, anxiety).
  • Has jeopardized or lost a significant relationship, job, educational, or career opportunity because of participation in video games.

 

I don't want to tell you whether you have an addiction or not, it's not my place. But I will leave this here for you as a reminder: 

" the fear of missing out
with CoD BO4 where I have spend hundreds of dollars on the game to buy the tiers I couldnt get before they went away. Cause you know, I NEED THAT GUN at lvl 100 tier. 
 
Lately I also startet to feel angry and frustrating emotions whenever I lost
I feel so compelled to game, that I dont get any homework or preps done for the school and when I am in school, I often think about gaming somehow "

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12 minutes ago, fawn_xoxo said:

 

" the fear of missing out
with CoD BO4 where I have spend hundreds of dollars on the game to buy the tiers I couldnt get before they went away. Cause you know, I NEED THAT GUN at lvl 100 tier. 
 
Lately I also startet to feel angry and frustrating emotions whenever I lost
I feel so compelled to game, that I dont get any homework or preps done for the school and when I am in school, I often think about gaming somehow "

Damn this right here, hit me right in the feels fawn. I Think, because I see this quote from you from my own topic makes me Think Its easy to forget What I have already written. Like I am running in a loop.

Thanks for showing me. It really helps to see What I have posted myself before. 

 

About me calling it moral panic is only reffering to How the opposition to gaming addiction talks about it. Surely Its not because I get panic attacks from wanting to do usefull things with my life. 🙂

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I have been in the same place myself. Recently I kind of relapsed for a few weeks, and I had forgotten all the crap gaming put in my life. I had to go through hardship again to remember it. I am glad this was of use to you, even if it might have been a little hard to re-read. 

Stay strong, vigilant and expect hardship + boredom both. They're part of the process.

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15 hours ago, The radtech said:

Summer time is hard to stay focused in. 

Yes, that's right! Especially cramming in the textbook readings before the lecture presentations by the next day.

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4 hours ago, Natalie said:

Yes, that's right! Especially cramming in the textbook readings before the lecture presentations by the next day.

I Dont understand 🙂 

If you are reffering to me then I did complete this semester and is now on summer holiday. 

The reason I write the lack of focus is because I still want til spend it, Reading up on lost lessons, But Its difficult to get that done, focus-wise 🙂 

Edited by Guest

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22 minutes ago, Natalie said:

Yes, that's right! Especially cramming in the textbook readings before the lecture presentations by the next day.

(I Dont understand english perfectly so I might have missed something:) ) 

Are you still in class at this moment or are you having a presentation to give soon :)? 

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Day 13:

No Gaming: 13 days

No watching gaming videos: 0 days

Workouts done this summer: 0 (Starting to count from today)

Times went climbing: 0 (once a week is the first goal)

Days with caloriecounting: 0 (Starting to count from today)

 

Want to start writing down the scores mentioned above, just to get a visualization of the progress I am doing. Since I tend to forget why I am doing the respawn it will help to have to write down everyday, how far I have come.

Commenting on, watching videogaming streams, I find that they help at times to curb the need or the wish to play games by myself but I can also see why it can work in a negative way. I usually have such a video running in the background while reading or doing lecture prep. But then at very few times it will make me want to play a game myself. Like when its a very atmospheric game. This is why I choose to try and cut down on them and slowly finding other videos I can run while reading(could be climbing contests, live concerts etc on youtube) You might think why not stop watching videos while reading, but to me it is exactly like someone who studies better with music in the ears.

The wish to game has been strong so far today, but in a few hours I will go an work out which is very efficiant at curbing those thoughts.

 

Edited by Guest

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On 7/2/2019 at 10:23 PM, The radtech said:

Are you still in class at this moment or are you having a presentation to give soon :)? 

I need to read the textbook for homework before the teacher has to give the presentations that have most to do with lectures based on chapters from the textbook. I don't have class today, but I have 6 weeks of summer school left to go! Right now, I am on chapter 3. The textbook itself is what made me lose focus and it could extend time no matter how much I take frequent breaks because it's all black and white in it.

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Day 19:

No Gaming: 0 days

No watching gaming videos: 0 days

Workouts done this summer: 0 (Starting to count from today)

Times went climbing: 0 (once a week is the first goal)

Days with caloriecounting: 0 (Starting to count from today)

 

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On 7/1/2019 at 4:41 PM, The radtech said:

That is very Awesome 😉 

Do you know How much that is in kilometers by any chance ? I am just wondering because it is What is used where I am from 😀

162.2km!

It took me far longer than his 24 hours because I injured my foot (he injured his too, but he had broken bones and I had ligaments), but I am so glad I did it.

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