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chi

Diary

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Hello

I'm starting my diary from the 12th day of stopping games. During this time, I formatted the Windows partition on my laptop and use only Linux. Desktop computer for playing, I gave my dad to work with graphics. The next step was to remove all the characters from the game I played. I have the impression that my life is not going anywhere, because my life goals (characters in the game) have disappeared. To avoid this, I began to learn electronics. During these 12 days I feel more sad and suffer from mild depression, but I think it's a good sign, because the brain has to get used to the lack of endorphin jumps during the game. I still have thoughts to get back into games and forget about all the problems. Fortunately, the sense of this detox is stronger than ever and somehow I manage. No one said it will be easy 🙂 plus i am more calm during everyday tasks and this is my big step forward 🙂

Have a nice day and keep calm! 🙂

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Hello Chi, if you can or have any idea about something that could replace your gaming and give you a sense of escapisme you could do that, like finding a hobby that makes you focus only on that like fitness or any other sport or maybe leaning a new skill like an instrument 🙂 some skill that will last a lifetime instead of a game that dissapears when a new game comes out 🙂 

 

Good day and stay strong mate.. its worth it 🙂

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Day 13:
Still thinking about games and what would be if i relapse. I have more motivation to do my overdue tasks. I am wondering if i could play only non-online games after my 90 day detox. Probably not, because is much easier to relapse into that addictive ones, if u already play offline. I am reading respawn and planning my future activities.

Have a nice day 🙂

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Hey Chi! Good job on starting a journal, it'll definitely help you a lot over the 90-days.

As someone who recently relapsed heavily by playing single-player games, I can wholeheartedly say that they're just as addictive as the online ones 😁

Keep it up!

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day 0:

During the day I was attacked by a mobile game advertisement in which I used to play a stationary version (LoL). Out of curiosity, I played 3 hours, fortunately my defense mechanisms started and I already deleted it. It's terrifying how easy it is to fall into the swamp. I start from the beginning, I have to be more careful about advertising.

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day 3:

I feel good, the weather is great and day after day i am more confident about this detox.

 

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day 4:

Today I'm successful. From the morning I have a good mood, thanks to the detox my mind does not revolve around games and I manage to focus better on current tasks. Yesterday I noticed that discontinuation of playing may not be enough to be completely withdrawn. When I was playing, I liked to light up MJ. So smoking is just another escape from the real world for me. In fact, the biggest challenge for success is to face the feelings that I run away playing or smoking. Fear, anger, sadness, apathy, guilt - a whole range of emotions I can not feel when playing. However, ending the game they come back, they will always come back until they are overworked.
From today I start regular meditation to feel good with myself 🙂

Have a nice day!

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day 5:

I feel tired and a little sick from the morning. I still do not play, but I have an impression that in times of weakness one must be particularly careful. Besides, it's good, hold on! 🙂

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Day 6-7

I'm sick, so I stayed home. For most of this time I wanted to play again, but I still stand with a shield.

 

Edited by chi
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day 8-9

I was sitting sick at home all weekend. I have the feeling that I have been locked in a cage alone with my addiction. I was a bit afraid of this situation, because as a rule, when I was at home, I played all my free time. All the time I was accompanied by the feeling that I was wasting my time, that I might as well play. In the end, I did not launch any games, although I spent a lot of time watching movies (no gaming movies ofc).
I am glad that I have taken the hard step of detox.

See ya!

Edited by chi

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58 minutes ago, chi said:

I was sitting sick at home all weekend. All the time I was accompanied by the feeling that I was wasting my time, that I might as well play. In the end, I did not launch any games,

Requires a lot of strength!! Congrats!

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@JustTom Thanks mate 🙂

day 10:

Today I went to the doctor, in front of me a whole week of home treatment. Around noon, I was sure that I would spend this time playing on the phone. I quickly found another job and that's over - now I feel good because I'm still in the ring. Today is also the first day when I did not have to support myself with instant endorfine-boosters like porno or marichuana. Thanks to this, I was able to enjoy small things, such as talking with grandparents, or clearing the room 🙂

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day 11:

Another day of treatment, there were moments when I was reminded of situations from different games. I can recognize in turn the feelings behind these memories: excitement, joy, sense of bonding, fear, happiness ... I forgive them slowly, without regret.

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day 12:

Another hot day, I had a very strong desire today to play. By noon I felt nervousness and doubt. Then I took care of other things and now I feel a little stronger in non-playing again.

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day 13-14:

I was absorbed by the science of electronics. When I was playing, nothing could fascinate me because nothing gave such fun. Now I feel that I am slowly able to develop other passions because they please me. Hobby is what I missed.

In the meantime, I felt a slight nostalgia to the times when I was playing and the nervousness. General well-being is good and better than ever when I played actively.

Have a nice day!

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day 15-16

Hey! The last two days I was doing a schematic of the electronic system - the Morse coder. Today I went to the university to show the layout of circuit to the PhD. The only thing I heard was that this arrangement is useless, and I probably will not pass this semester. The beauty of Polish higher education ... Well, it's a bit of my fault, because I started doing it quite late. I felt a little depressed, but hey! I will not make a weapon so easy 🙂 Today I will take a break from electronics, but tomorrow I will be back to work.

As for the illness that has been bothering me for a week, I feel better and I am going to work tomorrow, although I am not fully healthy yet.

Yesterday at the walk, I started dreaming about playing again. Fortunately, my compass works and I was able to quickly move my thoughts in a different direction. The brain begins to make up excuses, for example: after developing my favorite game programmatically, I will be able to be in its universe, and I will not formally play! It is a path to nowhere and it is known that the border would begin to blur.

I wish you all a nice week!

edit: What do you think about the photo i took yesterday night?

Spoiler

IMAG0415.thumb.jpg.ceb1b47c449fed9add79f25c692ad11f.jpg

 

Edited by chi

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day 17:

Today was a good day. I did almost all tasks at work. I did not play, but I had cravings. My brain is looking to get around to the game, like programming scripts that can be useful in games that I've played. I was go-karting with friends from previous job and took 4/9 place, but the first 14 laps belonged to me. We played, who will have the best time on the lap. Also in the evening I smoked a bit of MJ and watched the totally numb episode of Rick and Morty. I realized that these 30 minutes were totally wasted. Then I went to meditate, calm down and go for a walk with my dog.

I still do not feel the purpose in my life, just like games did.

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