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James S.

My daily walk

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My daily walk, one step at a time. 

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Template I plan to use.

DAY # - 

Time I woke up

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  

 

Physical task: 

Mental task: 

Projects: 

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

 

Summary of Day #:

 

 

What I am grateful for today:

Over and out! 

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DAY # - 1

Time I woke up: 8:40am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  12pm

 

Physical task: attempted to go to the gym, it didn't work out

Mental task: Mental rest after work, I got caught up watching the Blaze with my wife.  

Projects: Tried to troubleshoot a problem with Kubuntu and Dell laptop broadcom drivers. No success  

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Signed up for gamequitters

~ watched Cam videos to get insight into my problem

~ Got to bed earlier

~ finally refilled the humidifier for my acoustic guitar before it drys out

 

Summary of Day #: 

I realize I am a mess. After work I am very vulnerable due to mental exhaustion. I really need to take a short nap after work, otherwise I gravitate to my normal gaming. I put my guitar in the way of my desk, and sticked to my laptop. Laptop is useless for gaming, later I realized I could put my gamer headphones on and listen to some music. 

Projects I need to do. I need to purge all games from my desktop, removing Steam and epsxe. My usb game controller, I will need to wrap it up and put it away. Out of sight out of mind. 

 

 

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DAY # - 2

Time I woke up: 8:40am 

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 12am  

 

Physical task: None

Mental task: none  

Projects: Removed game from my phone, uninstall Steam, and removed epsxe from my computer. 

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ remove all games on my systems

~ Put away my USB game controller

 

Summary of Day #: 

uneventful, on my laptop watching Hulu and Youtube. I hate how I come home and I am just so emotionally drained, yet I can't get myself to rest decently enough to rebound. I barely got the cleaning project done. I been eye balling my guitar and my study bible. My wife and mother in law love the little things I do on the guitar. Thinking of recording it. I been wanting to teach a class on intro into orthodox Christianity but I can't get myself in front of my cell phone camera to do it. 

I am a little scared, I have two days off and it feels like they will be a war zone. Gaming like breathing, I don't think. I start and I go, but now I have 48 hours of not falling into that trap. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ prayed this morning

~ working thru my emotions from a call from work

~ that I am taking this seriously

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DAY # - 3

Time I woke up: 7:45am 

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 11pm  

 

Physical task: None

Mental task: None  

Projects: None

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Went to bed early without falling into temptation

 

Summary of Day #:

I was afraid of what I was up against the next two days. I haven't found a real solution to how mentally exhausted I am. I wanted to dabble with my guitar, but I didn't have the strength to do so. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ Even though I watched TV shows, I am glad I didn't fall into my old habits. 

~ I went to bed early for once.

 Over and out! 

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DAY # - 4

Time I woke up: 10am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  12:30ish

 

Physical task: reorganized my desk and work area at home, cleaned the tub and bathroom, cleaned the cat's litter box, cleaned the car, remove trash

Mental task: Socialized with my wife's family, started to read the scriptures and pondered on them, posted on the forums to help someone and to ask for help 

Projects: I felt like with the way my main computer and desk are set up I won't be able to do anything productive with them. My hands got busy and now I am at peace with how it is set up. Ultimately the goal is to make my workstation a place to create content, research things, and to do administrative tasks like doing the bills. My guitar is out of the case and on the stand. I plan today to tune it up and play some. My hands just found all sorts of things to do. Knocked out a lot of the house work that I been procrastinating on. 

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ survived my first day with no work and I thrived without gaming

~ I discovered it is VERY important for me to recognize when I am emotionally drained and to rest. Otherwise I am very vulnerable to fall into my mindless habits.

 

Summary of Day #:

Day I was fearing became a great success! I thank my God for giving me a strength and fortitude to get some important things done. Twice I felted the mind set to turn to games, but thankfully I caught myself before they became actions. My food cravings have increased, which was predicted by Cam. Take it one day at a time.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ Survive my first full day without work to distract me for a majority of the day

~ Slowly making progress of relearning my faith after all the pain I been thru

~ I am grateful for the huge success and hard work I did that I stand on today. 

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DAY # - 5

Time I woke up: 10-11am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  1am

 

Physical task: Cleaned the dishes, cleaned out the microwave, picked up my nephew from school.

Mental task: More studying of the scriptures, set up twitter account to get a news feed away from facebook,  

Projects: testing using recording equipment and thumb around with my guitar, but I didn't make any real progress. Kinda zombie mindset for a part of the day. planning to redo the bedroom, but we didn't make any progress on it

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Cleaned up the kitchen, a majority of it. 

 

Summary of Day #:

Second day of being on my own time, I felt very proud for the progress on Sunday. Yet later one I just felt zombified. I finally let my hands tell me what to do, and knocked out 3/4 of the kitchen cleaning. I was a little disappointed I never played with recording equipment at all. Positive side I relearned a few biblical concepts.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ Going thru my first weekend without gaming

~ I learned a few things

~ despite how I felt, in the end I was able to be productive.

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DAY # - 6

Time I woke up: 8:40am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  11pm

 

Physical task: pulled out the guitar and attempted to learn a soothing song

Mental task: nothing really 

Projects: Bedroom needs to be reorganized, waiting for the best opportunity to knock it out. Lot of heavy lifting. Like to do small 5 minute recording to break the ice with recording myself, thinking talking about things I am working on or something

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Took care of my wife with her headache

~ attempted to play some music for her, sorta successful

~ went to bed at a good hour

 

Summary of Day #:

Not bad for a first day back to work. Pretty amazed I pulled out the guitar, but my wife's situation was the inspiration to do so.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ My wife is doing better

~ avoid a problem taking in too many cats

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DAY # - 7

Time I woke up: 8:30am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  11:30pm

 

Physical task: Attempted to play guitar, but hindered by sore fingertips

Mental task: none 

Projects: attempt to record audio, but shut it down as fast as I started 

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ made it thru the day without playing games

 

Summary of Day #:

First real bad day I had since starting this journey. Found out this morning I was self loathing over some mishandling of the finances. Normally when I self loath I slam deep into gaming. I am amazed I didn't.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ That I didn't game despite my problem

~ I made it home safely from work

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Quitting gaming is always going to have its ups and downs, its how we react to the setbacks that ultimately defines how we progress.

You're doing a great job so far, keep it up!

What's the number one reason right now that's preventing you from playing/recording more?

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DAY # - 8

Time I woke up:  8:40pm

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  1am

 

Physical task: None

Mental task: None 

Projects: None

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ made streamed potato diner with my wife

 

Summary of Day #:

Rough day, between struggles with self loathing. Working thru my emotional problems. Boredom level was very high and I was getting the itch. Caught myself twice visualizing of playing my games. Nothing had any joy to it other than food. Thinking of just trying to get to bed earlier and see about recovering the mornings more. I just feel so brain dead at night after work

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I survived another day

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On 3/28/2019 at 11:44 AM, James Good said:

Quitting gaming is always going to have its ups and downs, its how we react to the setbacks that ultimately defines how we progress.

You're doing a great job so far, keep it up!

What's the number one reason right now that's preventing you from playing/recording more?

Hey James!

I tried to answer your question almost like 3-4 times earlier today, but it felt like I was just making excuses. I will carve out an hour on Monday to put something together, even it is me just goofing around to help break the ice with recording. 

Thanks for checking in on me. 😃

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DAY # - 9

Time I woke up: 8:40 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 12:30 am 

 

Physical task: Grocery shopping, fellowship with mother in law 

Mental task: had fun on the forums. return to studies on Christianity 

Projects: Unlearning key parts of Reformed faith since I think I abused it. Using the Apostles Creed to be a starting point to rebuild my faith. Spending time on God the Father Almighty, an area I never really sat down and studied before.  

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Got out of the house and had diner and fellowship with family

~ grocery shopping done

 

Summary of Day #:

Overall it was a very good day, even though it started poorly. I was stretched with having a headache thru half the day, but by the grace of God my wife and I got out of the house. I have direction again.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ persevering despite my headache

~ BBQ diner that was unexpected 😄

~ Planning for some fun on Sunday

~ having direction again

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DAY # - 10 and 11

Time I woke up: skip

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  skip

 

Physical task: Prep up for social event after church, went to church, social event, trip to urgent care and ER for my Mother in law

Mental task: Prep work to find a solution to bootloop android phone 

Projects: Fix my wife's android phone

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ first time getting out officially and socializing outside

~ manage my wife and myself in terms tag teaming to watch over my mother in law

 

Summary of Day #:

Saturday was a good day. Sunday was a battlefield one thing after another going wrong. We had some successes, but a day of serious challenges

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ My mother in law has good bill of health, no heart problems

~ We did our best to handle the challenges, and by the grace of God we got thru it

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DAY # - 12

Time I woke up: 8:40am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  1:20am

 

Physical task: Some house cleaning and gone shopping

Mental task: resolve a bootloop issue with my wife's smart phone, did my best to restore a poor picture of my great uncle and family 

Projects: looks like we are going to take in 2 more cats. Going to be more of a challenge to manage the household. Looking at an organization project to take inventory of what needs to be done and supply levels. Like to start planning our financials ahead of time so it will take stress on me. Ultimate goal is to put everything on autopay.  

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

 

Summary of Day #:

Stressful, I can't have my wife's phone down and I won't have time later. Everything was trying to distract me while I was trying to tackle it. At first none of the fixes were working, so I had to think on my feet and look for a plan B and C. I finally got the mods to work and I pushed the modified image into the phone and verified the problem is gone. Then I felt like someone stole my quiet weekend. I was very upset and acted like a spoiled brat. Later on I felt better and I didn't want to get ready for work. Today I feel balanced out, ready to take on some challenges. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I struggled soooooo bad to not game, and I am thankful I didn't

~ My Mother in law got a clean bill of health despite all the driving around

~ That I am feeling better today

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DAY # - 13

Time I woke up: 8:50 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  12:45am

 

Physical task: none

Mental task: none 

Projects: none

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

 

Summary of Day #:

Feeling very lonely last night. I locked myself into watching Flashpoint TV show thru most of the night. Thinking I was self loathing again. No motivation at all to do anything. 

My wife's smartphone became unstable again just before bed. Very upsetting, since there is no real resource online to help me understand the Android OS better. I am running off of articles where I hope they are telling me the right thing to do. Switched phones with my wife so she will have a stable phone to use. 

Thinking to myself even if I was playing video games, I still be just as lonely. At least with this situation there is hope I will find a solution.

What I am grateful for today:

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DAY # - 14

Time I woke up: 8:10am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  12am

 

Physical task: None

Mental task:  none 

Projects: Switch Sim cards and gave my wife my phone. I switched back to old Windows phone. Attempted again to break the bootloop, no success. Called it quits, just going to buy a new phone in the coming months.

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ broke down and prayed

 

Summary of Day #:

Work day was overall good, but so much stress with my wife's cell phone acting up again. As a techie at heart, I don't like it when my equipment is not working as it should. Not enough information to help explain how android OS works and I tried every article that looked reliable. Hard for me to let it go, but I have to. This one device is causing way too much heartache. I almost feel like I was releasing myself from prison when I decided to let it go. Thankfully I make enough that I should afford an aftermarket phone again. 

Thinking what good is quitting games if I don't start tackling some of my problems. So I want to not be distracted and continue to work towards being free from games and learning how to adapt to life. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

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DAY # - 15

Time I woke up: 8:40am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  12:45am

 

Physical task: None 

Mental task: Called my Mom's  

Projects: Help out my wife to spend time with her sister. 

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Discovered I am an "empath"

 

Summary of Day #:

Good day, resolved emotions from when I was a kid. Lead me to discover I am an Empath. Study about it and it fits a lot of the things that happened to me in the past. Trying not to treat it like every other thing in the past by over analyzing it. Take my time with it and feel it out. I think I came to this conclusion before but I didn't respect it. Too impulsive. 

It was also a joy to see God move with encouraging my Wife's sister. Good to see she is finally opening up and getting the help she needs. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ just feeling very blessed =)

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DAY # - 16

Time I woke up: 7:40am

Time I went to sleep yesterday: 12am 

 

Physical task: Transporting two new cats to our household, sketched for the first time in years. 

Mental task: Work on a new greeting for my work,  

Projects: 

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Safely got the two new additions to our home without scaring them

 

Summary of Day #:

Good but very tough day. My Mom suggested to start sketching again. I brought my sketch pad into work and just doodled whatever. Found myself playing with some new ideas for a greeting at work, trying to make one more personalized. It still needs work. 

After work we hit the ground running, found out we weren't just visiting the cats. We were going to bring them home. Last time this happened it was a disaster, so I made sure we learn the lessons from the last time. It was a success and for the moment we have peace. Next couple of days my wife and I are going to work on getting our existing cat to warm up to the new arrivals.

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ We did better than I thought with the cats last night

~ I was able to get rest last night

~ My wife didn't stress out

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DAY # - 17

Time I woke up: 9am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  12am

 

Physical task: Cleared out some boxes, set up the dishes for the dish walker, Kept tabs on our cats to make sure they weren't neglected. Cleaned out cat's toilet and trash

Mental task: Listen to a teaching 

Projects: resurrecting our kitchen so my wonderful wife can cook again lol

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ played with our baby girl cat

~ our new kids came out of hiding and socialized 😄

 

Summary of Day #:

Good day, work was easy. Like I had a pent up desire to make things better in my household, but I am so tired when I get home from work. So beginning of my weekend and I am just have a pent up desire to restore my home, so it can be a home for my love ones. My Lord said his food and drink is do his father's will, kinda how I feel with taking care of things to help my love ones. 

With our new arrivals we have to redo the whole apartment. They find hiding places I don't feel comfortable with. We will have to redesign it to close up spaces like that. Open up more sociable hiding spaces for them.  

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ too much to list, I am just thankful and grateful for the Lord for sooooooooo much

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DAY # - 18-19

Time I woke up: na

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  na

 

Physical task: moving furniture, laundry, cleaning up, clean the liter boxes

Mental task: Take in a message, meditate on it 

Projects: Finally tackled the bedroom, moving the bed from one wall to a different one. Just minor detail work to do, but we are in no rush. 

Learning about how to introduce new cat to another. Found some things we doing right, others we are doing wrong. Got a plan of attack for the next week.

Help build up the skittish cat to get her to eat more and socialize. She likes the can food rather than the dry. 

Work on a battle plan for the living room now. Reduce hiding spots that are not safe, how to reduce cords from my equipment, and how to keep the big cat from jumping on everything

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ too many to list

 

Summary of Day #:

Sunday and Monday were very challenging and I am completely soar and tired. Hopefully the next few days we will reap the benefits of our hard work. Too busy to think about gaming, just focused on making sure I done everything I could to get everything ready for this week while I am stuck at work for the majority of the week. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ to have the strength to push thru with everything that had to be done

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DAY # - 20

Time I woke up: 6:15 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  11:15 pm

 

Physical task: Some driving around, help out my ladies after their long day of work

Mental task: none 

Projects: none

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ just the routine maintenance for the household

 

Summary of Day #:

More or less a recovery day. I was a zombie at work. To my surprise I got chats this week and there was a team huddle. So it was a very easy going day. By late afternoon I started feeling like a human again. 

Got home and my ladies worked their tails off and they were beat. I felt good and I was able to help get some food for them. 

The morning I could hear gaming music in my head, and I got really worried. I had to pray with whatever I had to make sure nothing more would come from it. After that I had all sorts of problems getting started that distracted me from those thoughts. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ We survived and we are recovering slowly but surely

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DAY # - 21

Time I woke up: 8:40 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  12ish am

Projects: No projects

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Survived a very stressing day

~ Got shopping done

~ Went out with the wife for dinner

 

Summary of Day #:

Tough day from the start to the end. Wife had a job and we had to be out the door very early. My work place had a lot of problems. We were both beat up big time, yet we needed supplies. We got dinner together and we got the shopping done. I sat down on the couch and I crashed so badly. Thankfully my wife got some rest earlier, she took care of the kids while I dragged myself to bed. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ I didn't snap at work

~ I didn't snap at my wife

~ We got home safely

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DAY # - 22

Time I woke up: 8:40 am

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  11:30 pm

Projects: None at this time but I got a couple I am lining up for this weekend

 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Easy going day at work compared to the stress of earlier this week

~ Switched our cats to opposite sides the apartment, process to merge them

 

Summary of Day #:

A simple chill day, I found a new show to watch on Hulu so I had some brainless time yesterday lol. 

 

What I am grateful for today:

~ That I got some sleep

Over an

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Day 23-26

Last couple of days have been a mixture of "Angry music day"s and just stuck watching a TV show "The Last Ship". The TV Show has been a black hole of my attention, just sucking me in and I can't let it go. I am noticing the pattern and I am going to divorce myself from it starting today. I feel like I have to deprogram my mind from it, my mind is so wrapped up in the drama of it. 

I did some work on a long term project to disconnect myself from Google and facebook. I found a new email provider that could be very useful in the future. It comes with it's own productivity tools. I really want to become organize in the months to come, to help me make better decisions and manage my responsibilities better. 

My faith took a hit. I know it was nothing God did, it just the spoiled brat within me. I was soooo fixated on getting my wife and I new phones. We did purchase two used Samsung Galaxy S6 which are coming in this week. I have a lot to be grateful for, yet I falter when it comes to finances. I become the little kid that is angry he can't get what he wants. When I do get things, they seem so hollow. I had great food the last two days, yet the joy of it is fleeting away. I am lost and broken again, looking for someone to blame. Yet I have to look in the mirror to find the guilty party. 

I am glad to be on the phones today. Chats are dehumanizing to me. With phones I can feel my customer and know if I am on the right track with them or not. I get a little bit of joy in knowing I took care of the customer. I don't try to make decisions for people, which is why I suck at sales. I give them the facts, and I let them know what their options are. Let them decide. I make recommendations, kinda like what I would do if I was in their shoes. Even with that, people have very different shoes sometimes than what I perceive. 

I just got a call from a customer and I almost fully resolve the issue. Yet they dropped the call. I was angry before the call, now I feel better knowing I could have made a difference. Life is so confusing with my anti social tendencies and my natural design to help people. I just want to build stuff and be left alone, yet I only feel better about myself by taking care of people. 

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Day 27

A step in the right direction. I went to bed earlier and I got some rest. Good work day as well. 

All is well =)

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