Doug Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 (edited) I am addicted to video games. There was a time when I didn't think I was, but about 2 years ago, I realized I was wrong. I've known about my addiction, but kept on playing anyway despite what I was losing and ignoring in my life. Every now and then I would have these half-hearted thoughts about stopping, but knew I wouldn't, even though I knew my life would be better without them. That all changed yesterday. Yesterday morning started out the way it normally does for me. Wake up at 6am, make coffee and a bagel, then start gaming. When my notification came up on my phone to start my workout at 6:45, I ignored it. This was the 4th consecutive day I'd done that. I knew I should not start another game, I even said out loud, "Don't press play," but I did. Something inside me compelled me to keep going. I had to win, had to get better, had to progress... that has always been my driving force for gaming: competition and progression. It felt awful, but I did it anyway. I felt a massive rush of depression and shame... even more than usual. I played on until 8am, when the servers went offline for maintenance. This is around the same time my wife leaves for work, so I went to make another cup of coffee, chat with her for a bit, and wish her a good day (which I just now realize wouldn't have happened had the server maintenance not happened when it did). I don't typically wear my emotions on my sleeve, but I apparently couldn't hide what I was feeling because my wife's voice was full of concern when she asked me, "What's wrong?" I decided it would be best to tell her what I was feeling and why. She's an amazing woman. She gave me a big hug, told me it would all be ok and that I could do anything I could put my mind to because I was a strong and amazing man (I can't help but tear up as I type this because I feel like I don't deserve her). Video games have always been a strain on our relationship. They were also the main reason why it took me 12 years to graduate college. They have always been holding me back from excelling at work. I have a job that I would consider a dream job. Its incredibly interesting and exciting, I get to travel around the country, it challenges my thinking and analytical skills, I work from home a lot and have flexibility, the people I work with are amazing, its a small company that is rapidly growing, and the money is great. I can see myself doing this work for this company until I retire. Yet there have been times that I should have been working but found myself gaming... even though I knew better. Yesterday changed everything. After my wife went to work, I got ready to leave for a work-related day trip. As I was getting ready to leave, I couldn't help but feel like I had to do something to stop gaming, so I decided to try to find a podcast on video game addiction to listen to while I drove, so I downloaded a few. The first was about how gaming addiction is starting to be recognized. I already knew that. The second was a radio show playback interviewing Dr. David Greenfield, which was informative, but not very helpful. The third was episode 1 of the Game Quitters podcast. All of a sudden, I knew I could do it. I knew it was possible and that people were there to support me who have been through some of the same struggles. I ended up listening to episodes 2 and 3 for the rest of the trip, and got home knowing I could make my life as great as I wanted it to be. Yesterday started out the way every day did. Then yesterday was the day I found Game Quitters. Yesterday then became the day I started the 90-day detox. One of my new goals is to make yesterday the last day I played video games. Thank you, server maintenance. Edited January 24, 2019 by Doug 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaming Zombie Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 @Doug Welcome to the community! I am glad that you finally decided to leave gaming and have a wonderful person in your life who will support you to overcome this terrible thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arq Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 hi @Doug! I've had similar thoughts during server maintenance ? You have our support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Hi Doug, good luck with your detox! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doug Posted January 26, 2019 Author Share Posted January 26, 2019 Thank you all for the support. Detox day 4 and going strong. It has been a challenge, but I come to the forums and read peoples' stories which helps a lot. I think I'm going to start a journal today or tomorrow for some additional help getting through it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12345424 Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Welcome Doug! Glad to hear you're sticking to your detox! Keep up the good work ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam Adair Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 17 hours ago, Doug said: Thank you all for the support. Detox day 4 and going strong. It has been a challenge, but I come to the forums and read peoples' stories which helps a lot. I think I'm going to start a journal today or tomorrow for some additional help getting through it. One day at a time ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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