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Silent3d

I keep ruining my life, cannot find a job. What can I do?

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Hi,

I'm as most of the gaming addicts, not a very outgoing active person. I rarely go outside if I don't have to - trying to change that currently but I put that aside for now.

Right now I'm under huge pressure to find a job. It's now almost a year since I finished my apprenticeship. I had a hanful of job interviews already and as a result some offered me a position.

I declined all of them even though it would've been in my best interest to start working. Still sitting at my parents basement and they are seriousely pissed that I cannot get my life sorted and it's getting worse by the day. Each time I declined a job offer I was trying to justifiy, saying stuff to my self such as: "With my educational level I could get more money at a different job." or "This might've been too stressful anyway, people, noise all the time."(diner job)

Then paradoxically when I got an office-job offer with more salary, I also declined. I even had a chance to work at a bank for the first time in my life for half a year, but I declined because I really hate office environments.
I keep writing applications so I can work as a call-center agent and once the agency calls me for the first time for a job interview I get f-king scared and ignore them.

The thing that scares me the most is that the pressure could overwhelm me. I've been hikkikomori for two years around 2010 and I don't wanna go through such a life phase again. Loosing hope, friends, social life - resulting in isolation.

I got excuses for ANYTHING job related and I don't know how to stop and get my life sorted.
I'm sh*t broke and my parents hate me. I really want to get a life of routine, more safety and where work is included but I just keep running away. Most of the time it was "easy" that way, yes, but before I knew the truck has already hit the wall I fear.

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Hi there! Thanks for being open and sharing about your challenges. MANY people who struggle with gaming also struggle with unemployment: https://www.1843magazine.com/features/escape-to-another-world

My advice would be to set a goal of securing work first and then worry about finding a better job. As you can see, you're just finding ways around obtaining work, which you know you badly need to do to move forward. Have you considered seeing a therapist or counselor to talk about your social anxieties? I bet it would help a lot. 

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Hi Cam,

totally found myself in that article. Really makes me think...

I hope that I can find a job where I can start a few days a week with a smile, because I like going there and not feeling bad like all the time, would be fine enough for me.

I'm in therapy for 5 weeks now. My therapist basically said what you suggest, that I should actually start something so I can get a sense of achievement.
It's hard for me to leave my comfort zone and overcome my fears.

You're right, finding a job should be priority number one and once I get used to it I will try to get a better salary. I even have some places in my mind where it would'nt be too bad to work actually.(I guess)

Thank you so much for the advice and the article!

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Hey,

first of all it sounds like you dont know exactly what you want to work as? Why you write applications for jobs you dont want?

Now i have been there myself. Unemployed. Sad. Depressed. Gamed all day. But in fact it only gets worse when you do nothing. I am not very satisfied with my education cause its not really what i want to do in life. But at one point you simply have to make a choice. And believe me ANY job ist better than sitting at home and gaming all day. So at one point i simply took one of the jobs that was offered to me. It meant leaving my home for half a year and leaving the PC behind. And although i quit that job again in the meantime it was the BEST decision i made in the past 5 years. Cause it meant to break the routine of gaming, depression and feeling like shit. And i dont think your parents hate you... actually whatever you do unless they mentally disturbed, parents never hate their children. They are maybe helpless cause they see how you throw away your life although you apparantly have a good education. Something has to stop the downward spiral. And you are the only one who can do that. And you can.

 

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On 9/3/2018 at 4:55 PM, Cam Adair said:

Hey, just checking in, have you made any progress?

Sorry it took some time for me to answer; I've been writing several applications the past weeks. One resulted in a 2-day trial work in a grocery store.

I'm not well trained and lifting all these heavy boxes all day was a pain in the a. Also being delegated to the paper press was so sad.
I felt like a pet that's being conditioned to do "trivial" things like pressing a button.

I'm honestly thinking to start with a 9 to 5 office job finally. I've been struggeling to get started in an office since I finished my apprenticeship because of fears and not knowing what I want. I made some bad experiences in the office, but I'm just trying to find excuses. Grocery stores are actually way less exciting as I originally thought they would be. So now I want to focus more on office jobs.

This week I had two other job interview invitations, but I missed both on purpose since it overwhelmed me and I became kind of scared I guess.

Right now I'm writing applications for smaller stores that don't sell foodstuff. Such as comic, tabletop and trading card stores.
Already had an internship in one and it was quite interesting so I still got hopes for that path.

On 9/9/2018 at 1:12 PM, TheCrystalLake said:

Hey,

first of all it sounds like you dont know exactly what you want to work as? Why you write applications for jobs you dont want?

Yeah exactly, it's really hard for me to figure that out. My therapist said it seems like I got some kind of fears regarding work places / jobs,
plus it would seem that I got social anxiety he said. This shows especially when I go to events with big groups and unknown people. Also here I start to avoid,
but sometimes I can make it.

 

On 9/9/2018 at 1:12 PM, TheCrystalLake said:

And i dont think your parents hate you... actually whatever you do unless they mentally disturbed, parents never hate their children. They are maybe helpless cause they see how you throw away your life although you apparantly have a good education. Something has to stop the downward spiral. And you are the only one who can do that. And you can.  

At least they now see that I'm trying, but I keep acting paradoxical because of my fears. Being invited to job interviews and then avoiding them.
 

Edited by Silent3d
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Just a little update: I got another trial work tomorrow at a coffee store. They also sell other merchandise like kitchen stuff and clothes. It's not a big store, but I'm a bit concerned about lifting heavy boxes again. I'd be ok with that if it's like an hour a day stowing away stuff.

I wanted to go there in the first place because I can imagine to be ok with standing there at the bar and serve coffee to the customers, cleaning the tables from time to time etc.

The trial is starting in about 10 hours. I wonder how it'll be.

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