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Skieller's Journal

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Day 1

I have been through the process of trying to quit gaming many times at this point. I have however never committed to finding new activities that I could engage which supplies the basic needs that the gaming fulfills in the first place. I assume this is why I have never really been completely successful.

My longest run of freedom was after I joined paid therapy sessions at a point in my life where I had absolutely no control and I was losing my education possibilities having dropped out from different paths that was no longer an option. This run gave me almost 10 months of no gaming before I ended up in a stressful period of my life and games ended up being my escape from reality.

This is led to me being an on-off gamer for the next 7 years until I sit here today hoping to actually commit to this process for real. I do not really trust myself at this point, being committed to something doesn't mean anything to me when I have broken every long-time commitment I've ever done, (almost, or is it everyone, I'm not sure). I'm not sure how I am going to keep it real this time. For now though, this journal is a change of pace. I have never done something like this before, online where I somehow feel that the journal is more of a commitment than just a piece of paper.

 

Today was a great day. I was committed to not playing any games and with this being the first day the motivation is thus still around. The hardest part is yet to arrive. I read quite a bit from different forums and found some books I will try to get my hands on to read, mostly from the introduction guide on /r/stopgaming. I did however also use this reading to procrastinate on the real study that I needed doing because I told myself that this is more important. Of course this has to be balanced and the study is the most important thing right now considering the exam is in two days. 

I did however get a chance to go Swing Dancing which is my new favorite hobby starting last summer until now - this is the first thing that have led me to stop a gaming-streak and actually go outside so I could join this activity. Normally during the season I go to dancing classes 4-5 times per week over 4 days and this gives me great joy along with fulfilling almost all if not all of the needs that gaming also fulfills. Unfortunately the season doesn't stretch the entire year and I can feel that these days, where the chance to go dancing is reduced to a single time per week if any, gives me a lot of free time which I have a hard time handling. But this was not a problem today because my number 1 favorite thing in the world was actually possible.

I have a little bit of a crush on this girl I've met at the dancing classes and I've been procrastinating into asking her out forever because I don't want to ruin the relationship as it is. Mostly just escaping what could be a rejection. To counter this I've tried to read up on the emotions behind rejection and I feel like maybe a bit of work on my "self" could counter some of the fear. I have done some thinking through the day and I have begun to realize that maybe I am not even ready for a relationship right now. My life is chaos, my room is a mess, the kitchen is a mess, my days are a mess, my addiction is fully functioning and actually having to change all this to make room for a relationship is maybe more than I can cope with for now. Maybe this is just another way of procrastinating on asking her out, I don't know. Actually I do know. It is a procrastination on that. But I am thinking that maybe this one is actually a valid reason. I am clueless on this one, at this point. 

 

The next few days will be quite filled with activity because of the exam on Tuesday, I have a bunch of stuff to do on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. After this however I have a void in my calendar a complete 14 days where nothing is planned and I fear this. I fear this a LOT. Some days I don't want to get up early because this gives me SO much free time that I have no clue what to spend on. I am actually very very afraid of free time. I mean sure I could relax in my free time, except I don't. This just gives space for thoughts and me wanting to fill this void with gaming. I have some ideas of what I could spend the time on.
- Cleaning up my room/kitchen/life
- Doing the worksheets for the "Respawn"
- Setup focus apps
- Reading and studying (maybe mostly /r/stopgaming recommendations for a starter. Here is even a link for you, me.)
https://www.reddit.com/r/StopGaming/comments/3nmedk/faq_answers_to_popular_questions/
- Meeting with friends
- Working on my "self"
- Social Dynamics, as Cam wrote in the intro, seems like something I could get something from. You don't exactly get better at social interactions in real life by sitting behind the screen.
- Doing Yoga, Acroyoga
- Studying for exam in august

Anyways, I have to end this before my ramblings keeps on going forever. This first post has certainly given me room for thoughts on this. As per Giblet's Journal I have chosen to use the same setup. It feels like this could be a good thing to do.

 

Today I was grateful for (3 things!):

  • That Swing Dancing is actually a thing and that I was pulled into it last summer. I appreciate this so much.
  • That I am part of a project group which has had a lot more energy than me this semester so that I am quite sure that I will pass the exam on Tuesday. I don't feel great about this - I really wanted to do more. I just didn't.
  • the great weather that it was today. The sun was shining and that just makes it easier to get through the day.

Today I learned:

  • About different books that I could read to gain more knowledge about myself. This is a bit thin but the I guess the journey starts with the first step.

Goals completed today:

  • Writing this journal. Took the entire day but I did it! This was my only goal.

Goals I didn't complete today:

  •  

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Wake up at 8:30 to give myself some time to read through the first chapter of the 90-day detox. 
  • Not playing a game. I will try to reach 48 hours. Shouldn't be too hard. The hard days will come soon enough.
  • Get ready for the exam Tuesday. This is highly unspecific. I will get my entire speech ready for Tuesday. This means completely filling out what I need to say and exercise it at least 2 times.

Goals for this week:

  • Pass my exam
  • Not playing a game

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 1 (24th of June 2018)
  •  
  • Like 2

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Day 2

Today was a shitty day. Real shitty. And still is. I really wanted to update the journal earlier than at this point on the day but I forced myself to focus on the study for the exam on Tuesday. Still, the day started out real bad. Actually it was yesterday that ended in a really bad way that made me miserable for this entire day.

Yesterday I went to bed too late, first of all, reading up on nothing particular until way too late. When I finally went to bed, I spent the next 2 hours browsing Jodel, Reddit and Facebook before I finally laid my phone down and tried to sleep. This made me go way past my bedtime to the point where I couldn't get myself to even set an alarm for the goal I wanted to reach. I woke up at 9:00 and was so tired that I completely ignored the alarm and slept another hour. I did not reach any "Respawn" activities and this has bummed me out the entire day. So disappointed in myself. Yet again, the wise ones say to forgive yourself so I try to not beat myself down too much over it (lol, joke).

I did however realize that I probably have a problem spending way too much time mindlessly browsing through those apps wasting time where I could have slept, or even not spend 2 hours on a toilet visit. So today I deleted those apps. I deleted Reddit from my phone for the first time since I installed it over 6 years ago. I almost didn't. My mind wanted me to save it because that could be where I read articles and help-guides for stopgaming etc. But I did it. I have a bit of an ambivalent feeling about it. First of all I am glad that I actually did uninstall it but I am so used to wasting time on that app that I've felt mostly empty whenever I have unlocked my phone. I think this a good thing in the end as the phone should be a tool, not a mindless time-spender. 

I'll have to repeat myself here and say that I am so tired at this point. I really want to do more studying or go for a run or do some work with Respawn or read a book but I am so bummed out I have trouble even focusing. I am so restless. At least I realize that I am restless.

The knowledge that I have to write in my journal has forced me to pay more attention to my mind, to what is happening around me so that I can put words on the feelings. I guess that is a good thing in the end. For now I am just working towards the 48 hours, soon there. Only 4 hours to go. Should be possible.

 

I am hiding this journal writing from my roommate. I am still so embarrassed that I keep relapsing that I have trouble telling people about it. I don't know if I should show it to him or those close to me yet. Often I have used to just blabber about my addiction because that somehow made the problem smaller because "I could tell people about it so it wasn't that bad and probably wasn't only my problem now that other people knew about it". I guess I gotta tell people at some point. Especially my parents. I have not been honest with them for the longest time. At this point they probably think I haven't been playing games for years. I just do not have the heart to tell them yet. Not so soon. I have no strategies set up, no solutions to the problem. This will be delayed for a while until I am ready.

I realize I need strategies for some situations and I need to find out what those are. Both the situations and the solutions. For now I can list some situations:

  • Being really tired/lazy/bummed out, not wanting to do anything
  • Being really bored 

 

Anyways, for the ending.

Today I was grateful for (3 things!):

  • That I rediscovered this forum and decided to actively participate in it.
  • That I have not played any games today
  • That I am still alive.

Today I learned:

  • That keeping a journal forces me to focus on the moment, on myself

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Get ready for the exam tomorrow. This is probably equally important.

Goals I didn't complete today:

  • I did not wake up at 8:30 at all. I did not read through anything in Respawn. At least not yet. Do not think I can force myself through this one today.

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Wake up at 8:00. Actually have to be at school at 9:00 so this is a hard deadline. Actually I will wake up at 07:30. This means I should sleep at 23:30, so being in bed without phone at 23:00 at the latest.
  • Not playing a game. I will try to reach 72 hours! Tomorrow is yet another day filled with activities.
  • Actually pass the exam.

Goals for this week:

  • Pass my exam
  • Not playing a game

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 2 (24th of June 2018)
  •  
  • Like 1

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Thank you Cam! Happy to be back - for good!

I want to make an update on day 2

 

I initially didn't think I would be able to do anything today and I was really really tired. But then first of all I got something to eat, and second of all I got talking about quitting the games with a good friend of mine. We had a long talk about the process and along this process we also setup K9 web protection. This actually gave me a sense of relief, that I wasn't the one with the power to decide directly if I wanted to game. Sure I can still do it but this protection makes it that much harder and gives me time to stop myself when everything goes sour. 

Finally I also did power through the first two chapters of the Respawn e-book and did the exercises as well. This made me relieved more than I thought it actually would. It is like I actually have done something today. The day ended on a good note.

I figured it couldn't hurt to write the action steps from Respawn in this journal, sort of as a reminder to myself so that's what I'm going to do at least for now.

 

Action step 0.01

Reasons to play

  • A challenge which gives a sense of achievement
  • Always growing by levelling/upgrading/evolving
  • Is an escape from reality which can be harsh and unforgiving
  • It gives an opportunity for emotional release, just like movies tend to
  • Anxieties can be blunted or shoved away completely
  • Is a social activity which can have lots of praise and acceptance from fellow gamers

Action step 0.02

Reasons to quit

  • Makes me lonely
  • Removes my sense of reality
  • Impairs my self-development
  • Makes me socially awkward or at least hinders growing out of it
  • Allows me to flee from my problems instead of fixing them
  • Ruins my career and probably friendships
  • My romantic life is non-existent
  • It is not real growth. In the end it doesn't really make me happy.
  • It is all fake

Action step 1.01

My current emotions

  • Lonely
  • Excited
  • Hopefull
  • Little stressed
  • Anxious
  • Scared
  • Afraid of the unknown, reality
  • Restless
  • Some pride in doing this
  • Happiness
  • Insecurity
  • Unsure of myself
  • Angry
  • Disappointed I am starting from scratch again
  • Awkward

Action step 1.02

Join the forum. Well, I'm here!

Action step 2.01

Follow the checklist

  1. I did uninstall all the games
  2. I have deleted my steam account, my blizzard account, my kongregate, my armorgames, my gog account (I have not. Gotta go to bed now, will delete GOG account tomorrow)
  3. I have no gaming consoles but I have no games deleted on my phone and considering what to do with that one. maybe an app-filter.
  4. I have unsubscribed from all the gaming channels on youtube. 
  5. I have installed K9 Web Protection to make it that much harder to start playing. Now that I am writing this, P2P should probably be filtered as well to stop torrents being a possibility.

Goal for tomorrow

  • Delete GOG account

Goodbye to the Sunk Cost of those accounts and welcome reality.

  • Like 2

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Day 3 and 4

Day 3 was a good day. I had the exam for the most important subject of the entire semester and I ended up getting an A. The group I was in all went to the city and had a party. 

I did however get greatly triggered when somebody mentioned Warcraft 3 and I jumped right into that talk without even thinking. I had a great desire to play those old games again right when I jumped into that conversation. Fortunately I had a lot else to do from that point on, and I was committed to never go back and thus the desire waned within hours instead of the usual days.

Day 4 was a great day. I had  lots of different appointment with good friends and I had a great time with this girl that I have a crush on. We went to do acroyoga and it was so much fun doing that together. I did also have a great talk with another one of my friends and she made me confirm my plan of asking out my crush in august, after a dancing trip that we're both attending. 

I did also read a book about training the communication aspect of being social and it gave me a great hopeful of the future for sure. This is definitely a thing I am going to work with.

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • The fantastic weather
  • That I have not played any games today
  • Acroyoga. So much fun
  • My friends. This is so important

Today I learned:

  • Loads of different communication tools for training speaking with people
  • That everybody apparently knows of my crush on this girl

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Went to do yoga at 9:00 even though I wanted to sleep instead.

Goals I didn't complete today:

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. I will try to reach 5 days! Tomorrow is yet another day filled with activities. Going home to my parents - this shouldn't cause too many problems.
  • Reach the train station at my parents city at 12:00.

Goals for this week:

  • Pass my exam (I DID IT WITH AN A!)
  • Not playing a game

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 4 (24th of June 2018)
  •  
  • Like 2

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On 30/6/2018 at 7:48 PM, Cam Adair said:

Congrats on your A brother. 

Thank you Cam! 

Day 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

These 5 days have been extremely relieving on my mind.

I went home to my parents, whom I had planned to not tell about my relapses for the last years. Well! I went ahead and did it anyway. It was such a relief getting that off my shoulders knowing that they now do not go around with a faulty understanding of my situation. They ended up taking it much less angry and disappointed than I thought they would - probably because I this time haven't screwed up my education AND I presented them with new material that I have been researching - a plan. 

I also went ahead and read the entire Respawn-paper front-to-back along with several of the exercises. I now only have a few left that I plan to do this week along with reading the entire thing again. Helps the memory.

I've been making sure to get at least 8 hours of sleep per day and that has given some energy back I feel.

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

Hard to do this when you are doing it the day after :o

Must be better at doing these on the day; to the schedule!

Today I learned:

  • About the subtle art of not giving a fuck
  •  

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  •  

Goals I didn't complete today:

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 10 coming up!
  • Pickup lenses from shop, pickup book from library, clean my room

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game
  • Completing all exercises in Respawn

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 9 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 1 (The Power of Habit)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude: 0
  • Like 1

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Day 10

Today was a great day. Much better than I anticipated. I did a whole lot more than I had planned for the day - something something action. It was a great feeling. Also got to read some more in my book, got up at 8:00 after having slept 10 hours and was pretty good running the entire day.

Met with my crush at 2 which went pretty well if I should say so myself. Ended up however meeting a bunch of other really great people and got introduced to some more people in the acroyoga-world. I feel like this is a really good community for me to be in. Lots of open-minded people and no expectations from the others. Just all around pretty much the same feeling as I get from the dance community. The only difference with this is that you can actually do it in a yard - there is no need for good floors. So this could fit nicely into my daily schedule - doing something else that has a bit more physical strength training but the same kind of great community. All in all a great experience.

I also tried my new lenses today and oh boy have I been missing out on something there. There were a few problems here and there which is to be expected the first day but other than that it was just so great. I felt so free. I am definitely going to use these lenses a lot more from now on. Probably a mix of glasses and lenses is the best way to go. I don't know for sure yet.

I am getting more and more confident that I am definitely going to ask my crush out after the dancing camp. The rejection is one thing that I hid from before which will be no more! Furthermore I would like to implement a life of honesty which means being honest with myself as well as others too and not hide something that is not meant to be hidden. I feel like the most fair approach to this is to just tell her the way it is and then the result whether that be rejection or not will help me grow. There is literally no bad thing about this. The goal is to just do it. Either I get rejected and I learn something or I don't get rejected and I also learn something. When setting the goal as just doing something, there is literally no way to lose.

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • The insanely great weather
  • That I am not gaming
  • Sunscreen. Ooh boy, I would'a been red by now
  • Strawberry beer. Damn that tasted good
  • Green grass. There is so little of it left from all the sun
  •  

Today I learned:

  • More acroyoga poses
  • About some more people doing acroyoga
  • About not choosing the "easy" road to avoid rejection but to face it hard-on to grow as a person
  • About the importance of having a principle of just "acting". Just do something. Make doing something the goal of everything and you can feel good, even with failures because this meant I did something in the first place
  • To not keep a thought in my mind when having a conversation. Rather just let it slip and listen to the conversation instead. 

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Picked up lenses, book
  • Cleaned my room along with all other rooms and washed my clothes
  •  

Goals I didn't complete today:

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 11 soon. It's the start of another "decade" of days!
  • Go to yoga at 9:00 and be well-slept
  • Go meet my team at 12:00 at my new job. Make a good impression
  • Complete the Respawn course and fill the remaining exercises.

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game
  • Completing all exercises in Respawn

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 10 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 1 (The Power of Habit)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude: 0 (Starting on this when I have done the exercise again and right)
  • Like 1

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Day 11

Today I went to yoga class and had a great instructor. had a great time and was well-slept. Furthermore I went to the new job and made a good impression. Also bought a windbreaker for the balcony. Something I've wanted to do forever. Just did it. Action! Then I went to a dance-party in another town for the evening and just got back a little before 23:00. It feels so great to spend the days and evenings on something else than just staring into the computer screen mindlessly browsing stuff. I am making sure to read books every time I have some room for it. These books that I read and study makes it feel like there is so many possibilities, and, albeit small steps at a time, I grow from this new knowledge. I'm feeling alive and the future is bright!

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • That I can read
  • That I have met so many great people through dancing that I can meet with
  • A pretty well-functional public transport system
  • Books! :D
  • Respawn
  • Clean water. Holy damn I don't know what I would do without
  • Spotify
  • This forum, gives a great self-help
  •  

Today I learned:

  • Some details about a girl in another dance-club. Nothing special but it meant communication!
  • That trust is built from saying the truth rather than going for the easy road. This should be logical but I didn't realize this was the case. More likely the other way around.
  • That if there is no reason to do anything, then there is also no reason not to do anything. Instead of hiding behind fear or embarrassment or shame since it's literally nothing anyway. In the great story of earth one fear, embarrassment, shame experience means nothing. Avoid what is painful and uncomfortable is essentially avoiding living altogether.
  • That having a good set of values is everything

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Went to yoga, well-slept. Had a great instructor today and a great time. Definitely going to search for more classes with her.
  • I met my new team at the new job. I'm confident I made a great impression and now I just look forward to get started on august 6th.
  • I completed some more of the Respawn course but I didn't finish because I had an idea to get a windbreaker on the balcony. I have wanted this for quite some time but have been putting it off. Today I just f*cking went and did it. I went and bought it and put it up. No hesitations. Just pure action. Felt great!

Goals I didn't complete today:

  • I didn't complete the entire Respawn course

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 11 soon. It's the start of another "decade" of days!
  • Go to the SU office and get some more money
  • Complete the Respawn course and fill the remaining exercises.
  •  

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game
  • Completing all exercises in Respawn

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 11 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 2 (The Power of Habit, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude: 0 (Starting on this when I have done the exercise again and right)
  • Mornings with daily Exercise: 0
  • Daily meditations: 0

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Day 12

Today started out really fucking bad. I was extremely tired when I woke up and I just wanted to go back under the sheets and stay there the entire day. No shits given. I did NOT want to do any exercise or gratitude or anything at all.  After 20 minutes of snoozing I did however get my "DO SOMETHING" thinking started and I forced myself to just do something. One step at the time. Just get up. Nothing more than that. Just get up from the bed. When I got up from the bed, I went to the toilet to equip lenses, brushed my teeth. Already a little more energy was in my body than when I was laying in bed. Then there was the daily exercise which I did not want to do if my life depended on it. Instead of listening to my immediate wants and needs I just did a little bit at first. Just a tiny baby step. Just do something. And then I did 20 minutes of exercise. And it was great. Really great. 

Then I went and did a bunch of shit that I would have normally put off but did anyway, seeing as I was already in the DO-SOMETHING state and simply just acted. And after I got back home I realized that just getting out of the house has an enormous responsibility for my sanity for the day. It's like a meditation session to just get out and get some fresh air. This could probably be achieved through a walk too - gotta remember this. 

I was however pretty tired and took a nap today. I didn't plan for this but I was just really tired. Gotta try to fix something about my sleep schedule. 

A good thing however was that I met with a recently required friend of mine and we had a great and deep conversation about thoughts and mindsets and all sorts of things that I normally don't talk with people about. Turns out we are really similar some if not most of these points. Definitely not the last time I am going to meet with this guy and talk through life. Afterwards there was a dancing event that I went to and that was quite fun. There was another girl from my normal dance-club that I danced with for a solid 1.5 hour. Really great. 

So I ended up winning the day anyway even though the start of the day was a pile of stinking garbage. This could be tracked too. Also I finished the rest of Respawn. 

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • Good friends
  • Free dancing events
  • My dance shoes
  • Exercise in the morning of all things
  • Exercise apps
  • My windbreakers on the balcony
  • Warm clothing
  • but also cold clothing
  • Sunglasses 8)
  • My bed

Today I learned:

  • That there really isn't any bad outcome of asking someone out. If it's a yes, then it's great. If it's a no then I'll get over it.
  • That my friend I was talking with today was extremely similar to me in a lot of ways
  • That good-quality sunglasses are expensive as ****
  • Some lindyhop steps. Was pretty good I guess. I'm gonna stick to my known dance for now.

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Went to the SU office and fixed my income
  • Completed Respawn

Goals I didn't complete today:

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 13 soon. It's the day of bad luck! Not that I believe in that.
  • Do the daily exercise
  • Do the gratitude session in the morning
  • Write all the Respawn exercises into the journal
  • Fold my washed clothes. Just do it for gods sake.
  • Host a public dance-event on the harbor. Will talk in front of a bunch of people. Doesn't matter what people think of me, only that I do it!

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game (So far so good)
  • Completing all exercises in Respawn (DONE)

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 12 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 2 (The Power of Habit, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude: 0 
  • Mornings with daily Exercise:1
  • Daily meditations: 0
  • Days I've won: 1
  • Days I've won in a row: 1

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Day 13, 14 and 15

So I've finally reached over 2 weeks without gaming. It is probably the farthest I have gone for the last 2 years. I am really quite proud of myself. 

Friday I held a public event which turned out to be really great. That definitely gave me confidence to do something of the same again - probably a good thing considering I have joined several committees for my swing dancing. So it really is my job. It was still a great feeling. 

Friday I also talked with a pair from swing dancing who talked me into just asking my crush out. And I did it after the event was done. Sadly, she is already seeing someone else so I got a no. The rejection however was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. So here I really just learned a lesson about not stretching out the task and just get it done. ACTION!

Yesterday, Saturday, I felt a little bit down over it, but today I feel so free. I no longer have thoughts of how it could turn out. I just experienced how it DID turn out. I really really appreciate what the pair told me about just doing it. I did however have an event to attend so I didn't really have that much time to think about it which I think was superb planning from my side. Turned out to be a really great event and probably ended up starting some relationship with a couple of nice people, friendship I don't know. Yesterday I didn't sleep well so I had much trouble getting up from bed and did neither gratification or exercise. 

Today, day 15, I did however wake with tons of energy and well-slept. I brought a friend of mine to a yoga class. He was grateful afterwards and was glad that I took him with me as it was far outside his comfort zone. I am just happy to have brought him. I'm sure we'll go again some time. At the yoga class I also met my crush. And much to my surprise there was no awkward atmosphere between us. If anything, the atmosphere was just more relaxed since I had told her what I have been thinking for the last 3 months. Definitely a great experience that rejection does as a matter of fact NOT kill you. If anything, it probably just makes you stronger.

Also today I wrote an email to my mom and dad celebrating my 2 weeks, and I was happy I could actually do that since I have told them the truth. No hiding the truth and not telling them the status. That felt so great. Today I also did the gratification, did my exercise, cleaned the dishes, folded my clothes and tonight I'll make proper dinner. Almost looking forward to it, maybe for the first time in my life. I usually HATE to cook, like extremely much so. It's probably also a mindset. A mindset that needs change.

 

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • the sun
  • my bed
  • my friends
  • acroyoga
  • swingdance
  • yoga
  • my apartment
  • the blue sky
  • books
  • i'm alive
  • alarm clocks
  • my phone
  • my mattress
  • the bees
  • the school payout system

Today I learned:

  • That there is no reason to keep holding back and thinking about the results to avoid rejection. Take some action, swallow the rejection or acceptance, acknowledge the feeling and move on. That's the only way. The goal is not to succeed, but to try. 
  • There is nothing dangerous about hosting a public event. 
  • That I have had the fixed mindset most of my life and I still have it. Definitely going to try to get rid of it.
  • If you want to get out of awkward silence when talking with someone. One thing to do is to just think back about the most interesting thing you did this day, week, month and just start talking from that. There is no reason to actually make a point or end the story - it is just a way to get the conversation going again. Like "I went and did acroyoga yesterday. I have always wondered why people did it but actually trying it yesterday made me understand that there is extremely many skills involved from communication to balance to giving bodily signs." With this intro, there is suddenly acroyoga, skills, communication, balance, signs, trying new things as new subjects to talk about. 

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Folded my clothes
  • Washed the dishes
  • Went to yoga with my friend
  •  

Goals I didn't complete today:

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 16 soon.
  • Do the daily exercise
  • Do the gratitude session in the morning
  • Clean the fridge
  • Meet with my friend
  •  

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game (So far so good)
  • Completing all exercises in Respawn (DONE)

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 15 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 2 (The Power of Habit, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude:1 
  • Mornings with daily Exercise:1
  • Daily meditations: 0
  • Days I've won: 3
  • Days I've won in a row: 3

 

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

Took a friend with me to acroyoga and introduced him to that. Was great to see him experience it and expand his comfort zone. Glad to help him.

Body/health

The exercises really give the body a great start on the day. Just activating it all makes it great.

Mind/soul

It freed my mind so so much that I just went ahead and asked my crush out. I feel so free all of a sudden.

What progress did I make today?

I started my morning exercise, gratification again

What went well today:

Meeting up with friends

Seeing my crush after I have asked her out, and not feel awkward about it

What I could have done to make my day better:

Gee, I am not sure. Maybe wake up a bit earlier but I think I needed the sleep. 

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Get up earlier

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Day 15 again

I didn't cook today anyway. Turns out I got home half past 10 in the evening, so no time to really cook. That's gotta be tomorrow. 

Did however have a really lovely afternoon/evening where I introduced some of my other friends to acroyoga. Furthermore we laid some plans for how we're planning to move all the stuff for one of my friends, since we have to transfer it over bridges and get a trailer back and forth and so on. Not the easiest logistics puzzle I've solved but it should work, no problem. 

Again I am really happy I asked my crush out even though I got a rejection. It just feels so free. Still have a crush on her. The mind is free however. 

7 hours ago, sskieller said:

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 15 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 2 (The Power of Habit, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude:1 
  • Mornings with daily Exercise:1
  • Daily meditations: 0
  • Days I've won: 3
  • Days I've won in a row: 3

Days I've won: 4
Days I've won in a row: 4

 

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Day 16

Its gonna be a short one today

I spent the time with some friends, met with my crush yet again. Seems to be stumbling into her at all times. Was still fine. 

Had a real shitty night, couldn't sleep, got up anyway this morning, this my gratification and exercise, ended up a pretty decent day. I'd say I won the day.

Also just discovered that frozen grapes are the most weird thing in the world. Like why are they not frozen all the way through. Why are they still soft after 24 hours in the freezer. I do not understand.

 

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 16 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 2 (The Power of Habit, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude: 2
  • Mornings with daily Exercise: 2
  • Daily meditations: 0
  • Days I've won: 4
  • Days I've won in a row: 4

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Day 17 + 18

Yesterday was a great day. Met with a friend of mine whom I haven't seen in quite some time. We did a bit of programming, but mostly catching up on each others lives, saw some movies together and ate a gigantic pizza. Felt great to finally meet up again. Kinda missed that guy.

Today was the first day in a really long time where I didn't have anything specifically planned for the day. Turns out that my yoga class in the morning made sure I got up and had a great start on the day. Also did some headstands in the gym which went great and trained some core. Will try to do some more yoga classes while I still have holiday. Furthermore there was a meetup with some people I'm doing acroyoga with. Had a great time as well. Really grateful for that community - especially during these days where I don't really have anything specific to bolster my schedule. 

Also I read the mindset book by Carol Dweck. Really confirmed my assumptions that I have been stuck in the fixed mindset my entire life. I am trying to seriously figure out how to switch away from this mindset. This should be my goal above anything else as it really prohibits my further learning and growth.

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • my family
  • my room
  • the growth mindset
  • my friends
  • my life
  • yoga class
  • good sleep
  • gamequitter forum
  • beer
  • my laptop

Today I learned:

  • Some more acroyoga poses
  • that I have been battling with an extremely fixed mindset for most of my life and that I need to seriously work on changing this to procure learning and growth rather than beating myself down
  • To do a headstand against a wall

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Bought a battery
  • Wrote to the wrong person about salary. Doh! Still thought it was the right one. So I did technically do the task. But I have to do again. Genius.

Goals I didn't complete today:

  • Cleaned fridge
  • Packed for my holiday
  • Wrote about salary

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 19 soon.
  • Clean the fridge
  • Pack for holiday
  • Write about salary
  • Meet with friend
  • Print mindset papers
  • Print holiday papers

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game (So far so good)
  • Finding my mindset persona
  • Making a mind map of my current direction in life 

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 18 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 3 (The Power of Habit, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Mindset)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude:1 
  • Mornings with daily Exercise:4
  • Daily meditations: 0
  • Days I've won: 7
  • Days I've won in a row: 7

 

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

Actually reached my foot in a pose I did in a yoga class. Never been able to reach that before. Also did a headstand ?

Body/health

Exercises was great. Dinner was even greater. Home cooked..

Mind/soul

Read the rest of Mindset. Made me get a clearer goal of my priorities right now

What progress did I make today?

Started gratification again. Finished mindset and made a plan for continuing to develop my mindset

What went well today:

Met up with some dudes and did more acroyoga. Was great

What I could have done to make my day better:

Like, maybe actually do the goals set for the day.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Do the goals I set for the day

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Day 19

Today was a great day. Had the pleasure to spend the entire day with a friend of mine whom I love spending time with. 

Also did some reading on communication skills and became aware of what I am usually doing wrong. Definitely going to keep reading up on this. But more importantly, I have to inject it into my life. Start living life in a new way. 

"I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." - Anonymous

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • my friends
  • the sun
  • books
  • music
  • clean water
  • deodorant
  • IKEA guides. Hell no if im gonna build those furnitures without.
  • my scooter
  • my life
  • my personal growth

Today I learned:

  • some of my crush's other friends
  • That you should always appreciate someone. Give honest and sincere appreciation a little bit everywhere you go.
  • That you should not criticize, condemn or complain. Don't condemn, but figure out why people do what they do.

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Printed some stuff
  • Wrote about salary

Goals I didn't complete today:

  • Cleaned fridge
  • Packed for my holiday (this has to be done tomorrow)

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 20 soon!
  • Clean the fridge
  • Pack for holiday
  • Follow morning routine
  • Practice handstand

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game (So far so good)
  • Finding my mindset persona 
  • Making a mind map of my current direction in life 

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 19 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 3 (The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, Mindset by Carol D. Dweck)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude:0
  • Mornings with daily Exercise:0
  • Daily meditations: 0
  • Days I've won: 8
  • Days I've won in a row: 8

 

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

I helped my friend build an IKEA furniture which made me able to be with her for the entire day, which was very nice.

Body/health

My body was resting today

Mind/soul

Started on a new book about communication. Feels like this could and should make its way into my communication skill book. 

Prepared for a growth mindset morning by making lists for keeping with the mottoes of the growth mindset.

What progress did I make today?

Continued reading about personal development. Feels like this is something I should never ever stop doing.

What went well today:

Spent my entire day with my friend. I love spending time with her.

What I could have done to make my day better:

I don't really know. Was a great day.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Start out with my morning routine.

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I REACHED 20 GOD DAMN DAYS!

Spent the entire day reading through a book on communication skills. Figured out that there is an entire new world out there waiting to be discovered. I have so much to work on now that I've read a couple of these books for self-improvement. The future certainly seems bright.

Tomorrow I'm going to a dance camp for 7 days. During this time I will have almost no time at the PC so there will not really be any possible chance to actually game. There can still be thoughts sure, and I will try to post whenever I get the chance. Probably not going to be every day.

 

Today I was grateful for (3+ things!):

  • the sun
  • the luxury of digital communication
  • yoga class
  • multitools
  • my apartment
  • the free school system
  • books 
  • electricity
  • beer
  • music

Today I learned:

  • That the only way to get someone to do something is by making them want to do it
  • That you should smile as much as possible during the day because this can affect your complete happiness throughout the day. Furthermore this shows appreciation for other people and makes you more likable.
  • You should always be genuinely interested in other people and their stories if you want to talk with them, and especially if you want to be likable. Which leads to the next to subjects
  • You should always strive to remember the first name of whoever you meet and use it for every meeting. Your name is the most precious voice you can hear.
  • You should always strive to become a better listener. Don't think of points to say next, and if you do, forget them again. Don't interrupt the person talking but simply listen to their points.
  • That you should not use the word "but" if you want something good out of a statement. Example 1: "I really like what you've done but you always use the same style."   Example 2: "I really like what you've done. You always use the same style."   By not using the word "but" you turn the sentence from being somewhat negative to being only positive and describing why you think what you think. Extremely helpful to know and makes such a big difference.

Goals completed today:

  • Not playing a game. This is the important one.
  • Practice handstand. ALMOST GOT IT. It is so hard to get yourself to lift your body over your head. Seriously...
  • Followed morning routine

Goals I didn't complete today:

  • Cleaned fridge
  • Packed for my holiday (apparently this did not have to be done today xd)

Goals for tomorrow:

  • Not playing a game. Day 21. Third decade of days on the go!
  • Follow morning routine

Goals for this week:

  • Not playing a game (So far so good)
  • Finding my mindset persona (did that somewhat)
  • Making a mind map of my current direction in life (this has gotta be after the dance camp)

Status of things:

  • Days without gaming: 20 (24th of June 2018)
  • Books I've read: 3 (The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, Mindset by Carol D. Dweck)
  • Mornings with daily Gratitude: 1
  • Mornings with daily Exercise: 1
  • Daily meditations: 0
  • Days I've won: 9
  • Days I've won in a row: 9 (5th of July 2018)

 

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

Almost did a handstand. So close!

Body/health

Went to a yoga class. Damn if that ain't just the best thing in the world.

Mind/soul

Started the morning out with growth mindset speakings

Continued my book on communication

What progress did I make today?

Continued reading about personal development. Feels like this is something I should never ever stop doing.

What went well today:

Spend the entire day reading. God I love reading.

What I could have done to make my day better:

Could have packed my shit. Turns out that is really easy to procrastinate on.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Well, pack my stuff. Since I'll get travel tomorrow

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On 6/24/2018 at 11:25 PM, sskieller said:

The next few days will be quite filled with activity because of the exam on Tuesday, I have a bunch of stuff to do on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. After this however I have a void in my calendar a complete 14 days where nothing is planned and I fear this. I fear this a LOT. Some days I don't want to get up early because this gives me SO much free time that I have no clue what to spend on. I am actually very very afraid of free time. I mean sure I could relax in my free time, except I don't. This just gives space for thoughts and me wanting to fill this void with gaming. I have some ideas of what I could spend the time on.

An update on that stuff right there.

I actually went out and planned stuff for myself to do. I proactively lived my life and had no trouble at all spending those 14 days. Damn if that don't feel good. I wonder when the bad times will hit. 

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