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Accountability Journal - Jeff


DaMudaPacker

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Hey Cam! Man I've relapsed so many times and each time it's really due to all of the reasons you've mentioned. With all this school work piling up, I'd be a liar to say it's not stressful, but I've come to realize at last that that's life, it's my fault and I need to take responsibility for my actions or lack of. I do get bored easily, but I would say it's because that I'm so used to playing games all the time, so in time that should be fixed. I'm always anxious, but other than my work, I don't know why. I hang out with friends at least once a week or twice, but I still feel lonely for some reason, even though I have really close friends - I think it's a matter of perspective. 

I think if I can finish all this work, my life will be much happier and I can focus better. Let's see if I'm right. Going to work as hard as I can for the next month and catch up. I was listening to my grandmother and man she is amazing. Her life was so much harder than mine and had way more obstacles. Listening to her story made me realize that I have nothing to be upset about and I just need to man up and do the things I need to do. Day by day~

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Alright so today I did some calculations and there's about 1800 hours of awake time until the last day when I can hand in work. I have about 700 hours of work left, so that means I need to spend 39% of my awake time on homework. Here we go! 

I'm going to start stretching and meditating before sleeping to reduce stress and to calm myself so I can sleep better. Wish me luck ):

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Didn't even think about waking up early. Love waking up really early and then the mornings don't feel rushed and I have a clear mind throughout the day. Thanks Cam!

Also going to sleep earlier, probably a good 10-11pm and then wake up at around 7am which is about 30 minutes earlier than usual. Also going ice fishing friday for a school trip, so I'm pretty excited for that :DDDDD

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Alright I'm going to start calculating my daily performance out of a maximum score of ten. This should make it easier for me to calculate my performance and satisfaction each day. Will edit this post before I sleep and give myself a score and summary of why. 

Oh, but my ice fishing trip got cancelled because there isn't any ice to fish on :|

Alright, so it's 10pm, going to get ready to sleep. I didn't do as much work as I intended and I spent way too much time reading on what a caucus is and all this going on with Iowa rather than doing work. Also watched a twitch stream which was a stupid idea... However, it is the first time in a long time that I'm actually doing work at home on a weekday, so it's not a total loss. 

To clarify, I think reading about how the world functions is great, but at the moment I have other priorities with school that are way more important.

Total work time : 1 hour
Entire Day Rating : 3/10 - Could've slept more, done more work, gone to the gym. However, diet was solid today. 

Edited by DaMudaPacker
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Reading about the world is good.... after you've completed your most important tasks for the day. I like to read about politics but I save it until the last thing of my day (other than sleep.) If I start reading in the AM I never get back to work... or just very very little of it.

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Definitely. Espcially with my primitive understanding of politics, I get so interested that I can't focus on my work. Need to save it for the weekends or later.

Just got home from school. It was a fairly productive day, I had a lot of seminars and group work so right now I'm focusing on getting one math assignment done and then either a history or physic assignment in.

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I was about this close to buying a game account and start playing again. But it's a good thing I came to my senses and didn't in the end. Going to start doing some work now, sleep early today and the gym. Missed today's session because I was lazy and slept in. No more excuses, it's been too long since my last workout. 

I'm thinking I do my weight lifting routines on Mon,Wed,Frid, and then cardio and acessory work on the Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Then rest on Sunday with stretching at home. That way I can be active 6/7 days with light rest on Sunday. 

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My back pain was unrelated to this, but I've heard a lot of people with lower back pain say that abs too weak to support their torso and the muscles in the back of the body overcompensating for it was the cause for their back pain. Maybe working out helps because you are strengthening the front ab muscles? Just a thought for you to explore if you intuit it might apply to your case :) 

For falling asleep or general relaxation in the evening, I recommend trying out Yoga Nidra aka Yoga of Relaxation...it is basically a guided meditation while you lie down in corpse pose / consciously relax different parts of your body / focus on the breath etc. Here is a free 20 minute one you can download if you might want to try it out:

http://www.blooming-lotus-yoga.com/yoga-nidra-unwind-1-download/

Take care!

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:o Thanks for the meditation man!

Yeah I've read that it could be my weak core muscles that cause my lower back pain which is definitely the case because even before I started doing barbell movements, my back was a killer. Also could be that I sit too much and don't stretch. But day by day I'll get there :)

 

Edited by DaMudaPacker
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Alright, about to go to sleep after I study for a test tomorrow. 

Went to the gym today, starting my new weight training + cardio routine, even though I hate doing cardio because lifting is way more satisfying and fun. It's starting to get cold again in Canada, which feels weird to say because it's almost mid February. I still need to make sure I do more work, but the amount that I'm doing has definitely gone up in the past few weeks. I still feel tempted to play the game I was addicted to and still spend time looking at accounts. But I'm able to snap myself out of it.

I need to finish my work because I genuinely think it's why I'm always tired. I get a decent amount of sleep - it's not so little that I should be feeling this tired. I think it's because I stress out too much about my work and that I stare at the screen for too long and I'm too sedentary still. I dream everyday of spending a month of summer in China with my family and sitting down with a nice beer and some streetfood. It motivates to keep doing work and pushing. I've been listening to some podcasts and one that I've liked in Dan Pena who said that he doesn't need to rest a lot because he's high on life. I love that phrase "high on life". Interestingly, I need stressing about my sleep makes my sleep less effective and I just need to relax more. Hopefully meditating and overall "cleaner" thinking will help with that. Man, I love writing down my thoughts here, it's very therapeutic. 

  

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