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90 Day Detox - Mwick


Mwick

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Mwick here,

Oct 2, 2017 - Day 1

So today is my first day of the detox challenge. I arrived here thanks to the recommendation of a mental health therapist. I told them of how video games seemed to dominate my life, and fill almost all of my waking hours. Playing on average for 10 hours a day for 20 years, video games are (were?) my life. Previous thoughts of quitting were met with my own self doubt and a "what would i do otherwise" style thought process. Even though I knew video games were a major detriment to my life, I still found my way back to them, time and time again. 

As for quitting cold turkey, I'm scared. I'm scared I wont be able to fill the void video games fill in my life. I'm scared I will relapse. I'm scared that i don't have the willpower to change.

But even with this fear, I want nothing more then to be the best version of me. I want to be free of a debilitating habit, and to truly live my life. To flourish in my skills and be the best person I can be, not just for myself, but for those around me. This is why I find myself here, and why I'm writing this journal today.

Let's make this happen,

 

Mwick

 

Today I'm grateful for:

  • My girlfriends support in helping me conquer my video game addiction. (She's the fucking bomb)
  • My loving and supporting family
  • My physical well being
  • My full belly and roof over my head
  • My willingness to accept my faults, and attempt to change
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Awesome start, welcome to the community! Kudos to that therapist as well, there's nothing like peer support to help you or anyone else to overcome any challenge. You'll find plenty of both here.

Embrace the fear. It's natural to feel scared. Natural doesn't mean you must feel that way, or that you'll always feel this way. It means that among all the reactions and feelings which could appear, fear is one of them, and more common at the beginning. It's going to pass, trust the process and trust yourself. 

Now, what would you like to do to fill that void? You can check the +60 hobbies sheet for inspiration, or come up with your own ideas. Your life is yours to take.

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Thanks Hitaru,

I want to get back into music, and have taken some steps to start a band with my sister. I'm currently working through some beginner lessons on guitar, and trying to learn to sing well strumming (singers make it look so easy...)

I also want to start writing again, and for that to happen i can't have the constant gnawing need to play games. 

 

Edited by Mwick
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Day 2,

Definitely had some cravings while at work today, caught myself thinking how I was going to play some games after work. But having deleted everything off my computer it was easier to say no to those temptations. Instead of playing games I listened to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History podcast and realized a bit of an interest in history. I'm still working towards other hobbies and figuring out what I like to do with all this free time!

Today I'm grateful for:

  • My silly cat, for loving me no matter what (Pic related)

Bubby.jpg

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Day 3,

Today was the hardest so far. Way more cravings then i expected, and I've been extremely lethargic. I did sign up for some meetups next week and I'm excited to go try some out. I'm trying to stick to my schedule but the lethargy is making it tough, so I watched some documentaries and listened to some podcasts instead of my active hobbies. 

Today I'm grateful for:

  • My friends, who have all been very supportive in my decision to quit gaming

 

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I'm trying to stick to my schedule but the lethargy is making it tough, so I watched some documentaries and listened to some podcasts instead of my active hobbies. 

 

 

This happens to me as well.

I don't know how to say this, but it will get better.

Might I suggest doing some introspection? - This helps me a lot

Questions like:
Who am I?
Where am I going?
What do I love doing and can I teach it to somebody?

Digging into these questions can only be answered by yourself. No YouTube video, book or podcast will have the answers.

Gaming removes our ability to be fully aware of the present moment, and how beautiful life (and our life) actually is.

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glad to see you here 

 

Gaming removes our ability to be fully aware of the present moment, and how beautiful life (and our life) actually is.

This so true, you become more aware of who you are actually rather than someone who is passive,  

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Day 4,

Today was a lot easier then the previous ones, I managed to get to the gym as well as fit in a bit of guitar practice before heading to work. That really helped. Still getting occasional cravings but that's alright, I'm trying to just let them float on by.

@zeke365 thanks for the kind words Zeke, it's true, being in the moment is a powerful tool lost on not just gamers but many people in our society. I recently started the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and it's got many excellent revelations that are similar to some of the ideas in respawn, I'd highly recommend it.

@Andre2807 I definitely agree, I just need to learn to do these practices even when I'm feeling lethargic. Normally gaming would fill that void when I was not feeling like doing anything productive, so naturally without it I need to learn to be in the moment and not think of an old crutch. 

Today I'm grateful for:

  • My walk to work, the brisk fall air and the beautiful yellow leafs

 

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Day 5+6,

I unfortunately didn't get a chance to write yesterday, so today will have to be a double entry. I'm staying strong in my desire to quit games, and letting my cravings not deter me. Sure they come and go, but I can move past them with positive action. I found at one point on day 5 I was bored and depressed. I took myself out of the situation and realized my state, I had "Checked In" to the circumstance. Normally I would game when i felt like that, but this time I took a long walk and listened to a pod cast. Suddenly I wasn't so despondent. 

Today I'm grateful for:

  • My Family, and our thanksgiving dinner
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