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Karisu

Karisu tiding up his mind and life.

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Hi,

I'm Karisu from northern Europe, today I feel like I'm at crossroads. There is a certain sad, lonely and unfulfilling future for me, if I don't make my free time more productive. I will be 35 years old at the autumn, most of those years I have sent alone playing video games or at the computer in general. I have quit video games before, but didn't manage to fulfill that void with anything meaningful.

I play games now, because it is just a habit. I don't enjoy it anymore, so quitting that is easy. Facing the emptiness and loneliness is the hard part. I don't have a social network/ support structure to guide me trough hard days, so when tired and something bugs me, there I go playing.

Tomorrow is the last week of my summer vacation. I was supposed to tidy up my flat and plan for a short trekking trip with my dog to northern cap area. I have to be back by Friday, so I don't have a lot of time to do that trip, when 2 days will be spent at a car, going and getting back. So, yesterday evening I got home from volunteering work, I tend to do to get some sort of social interactions and not to be at home, and played wows so spend some time. My daily sleeping patterns are off; waking up occurs at 10 or 11 am and sleeping begins at 1 or 2 am. Needless to say, that I'm quite frustrated with myself. I don't seem to get things done, that I really wanna do. I just procrastinate and when I confront myself by having a quiet meditative moment, I hate myself unconsciously.

So, here I am, writing this text here and now, figuring out how I got here. Steam and wows is now uninstalled, preparing me for the 90 day detox, which begins at tomorrow. Monthly subscription to local gym paid, joined to local jci-group, the last year at evening school waits. This seems easy to do at this sunny summer day, when there is energy and a mood to do changes. Hopefully, there will still be some momentum going on, when the dark winter comes. January is always the hardest, darkest.

I will give my self a few rules for the detox period, other then playing video games;

  • Dont spend more then 20mins at visually or socially entertaining websites. (Mostly meaning YouTube and fb.)
  • Dont use visually or socially entertaining websites before the afternoon.
  • Try to keep the 22-6 (24h clock) sleep pattern, waking up to a new day early feels good. (Sometimes it is all about the context.)
  • Try to do something productive to kick off the day, so no just lying at the bed. (Jog, gym, assignment.)
  • Give yourself time to relax at the evening. It is ok not to do productive stuff all the time.
  • Post at least once a week at this forum.

Hmm, so now it is time to do some vacuuming, evening walk with the dog and then some planning for next week.

Thanks,

Karisu

 

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Facing the emptiness and loneliness is the hard part. I don't have a social network/ support structure to guide me trough hard days, so when tired and something bugs me, there I go playing.

We are here to be a social network and support system now. You're not alone. :)

 

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Hi, Karisu and good job starting your journal. You sound really well prepared. You're going to do great! We're all here for you.

Edited by Mettermrck

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Thanks, this seems well prepared, because I was kind of doing this "searching other interesting things to do" for some time now.

Lets try out that template from the sticky post;

Day 1

Gratitude journal

Healthy body.

Still some vacation time left.

Respecting myself.

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

Brushed the exterior of my flat. It had a lot of dust and dirt on it. Because the the surfaces are white paint on wood, cleanup made the row house look a lot younger. This was a dull and tedious task and for that I tended to put it off. I'm glad I got it done.

Workout/run

1h at gym, 3 short walks with the dog.

Meditation

One 10min silence on the bed, lying.

Visualisation

Well, I had a conversation with one of my neighbors for a first time, while brushing the exterior. I have been living at this flat for seven years. It kind of tells something about, how I haven't engaged people.

Daily affirmation

Doing this 90 day detox was a good decision.

Reading + taking notes

Didint really read today, but listened trough Cams podcasts. I bought a activity bracelet this morning and while checking my pulse at the gym, Cam said "We spend too much time with technology" :D

Getting to bed before 9pm

Well, it is 10pm, so Im on a hurry? Didint manage to get my rhythm corrected yesterday. It takes 3 days.

Weekly Goal(s)

1 or 2 day trip to Hossa national park. It depends what the weather forecast tells tomorrow. (Had to adjust my trip plans. It didint make sense to travel 10h (one way) to trek for 2 days.)

2 times to the gym.

Get one assignment done for summer courses.

Go to uncles funeral and connect with extended family.

Obey the needy activity bracelet.

Monthly Goal

5 or 6 day trip to northern cap. I have one weeks worth of work hours done in, so I can do it later at the end of summer.

3 Month Goal

Get all 5 assignments done for the school.

Find new ways to express myself/ relax.

What went well today:

Hmm, everything seemed to go well.

What I could have done to make my day better:

Well, If could remember peoples names better, I could be more engaging toward other people.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

Do the morning excesses I used to do.

Edited by Karisu
Typos

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Day 3.

Today was a bit calmer day in contrast to the first two; It has been raining all day and Papu (the dog) has blisters on his paws from yesterdays quick trip to Hossa. So, mostly spent the day indoors, planning and treating Papus paws.

The trip to Hossa was awesome, the activity bracelet made it to this game; how fast you can walk the next kilometer. Also, it was quite easy to estimate the arrival time back to the car, so there wasn't any insecurity about being alone at middle of the unknown forest. Hossa is a beautiful place and the weather was great. Shame, that I had to compress the visiting time to one day; forecast told me about this rain for this entire region.

I managed to book a time for a haircut and went there. Last summer I was at this summer theater and for the role I started growing my hair. For some reason, I decided to let it grow some more. Untou, I never felt that longer hair was meant for me, I had to give it a lot of thought to cut it down. I look so different now. I look I used to do. I like it.

Even thou, I'm an engineer of sorts, It took me 2 full days of use to figure out, why my activity bracelet showed weird hart rate readings; the hair between the measuring camera and the skin. While at the gym, this morning, I tested the consistency of the bracelet compared to the gyms exercise bike; the bracelet was all over the place. Then I turned the camera at other side of my arm; now the camera red the wain side of my arm and it worked well. At home I trimmed the hair and now it seems to work better. I will have to test it again some day at the gym.

Yeah, so that is day 3. It is late at evening so time to go to bed.

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I wish you much strong as you can possess! 

Some suggestions:

Read: Slight Edge, Getting Things Done, The Power of Habit

All you need is love. Love yourself! You are good enough! 

 

Edited by Onlysoul

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Thanks Onlysoul :)

The Power of Habit is a familiar book, I have it on audible. Those other two look interesting, I will have to try them out, when queue for listening or reading is cleared up.

Yeah, love is the greatest thing. I feel like being an perfectionist is a phase, when you haven't figured out how the world works. Is the theory of spiral dynamics familiar to you?

 

spiral_dynamics6.jpg

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Day 5.

Yesterday was mostly about my fathers brother funeral. Other then obviously being an unwanted and sad event, arrangements for church ceremony, burial and memorial service went well. I feel like we managed to bring family together and shared the best memories of him, saying a good farewell. Saw some rarely seen cousins and ended up taking a sauna together and talking about family relations, how things might change and how it would feel like to have no father or brother anymore.

I must say, that I'm struggling a bit with my boring assignment for the school. The feeling of "this assignment doesn't serve any meaningful purpose" and "what, why do I have to answer that silly question also? Is is going to take another 30 minutes to check possible answers". But yeah, in the end this is more like a test for commitment and willingness, then about the subject of the assignment, thou I might still learn something about it. My mind is like this arrogant child, who is too used to just doing simple stuff or having fun. When a lot of reading or writing is given to perform, mind tend to find other "more importation and immediate" things to do. At the same time some part of me feels ashamed of the childish behavior. In grander scene of thing this assignment serves the purpose of getting an product designer/ engineer degree, so it is an real and meaningful purpose.

I sill haven't reinstalled any games and I don't feel the temptation to do so, but I have spent more time on yt, then I would like to admit. It isint bad, but if not corrected, it might make me passive and halt the momentum. I think I might forbid yt for rest of today. The activity bracelet was a good idea, it keeps me going for long walks and gym.

Yeah, so for the rest of the week, it is all about getting the assignment done really. I will be writing about the completion on Sunday.

Have a great weekend :)

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I like what Cam had to say in a recent live session about school. Don't think about the assignment itself and how pointless it may seem. Rather, think about the skills you're developing by doing the assignment.

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I had similar thoughts about assignments and exams. So I just checked out and escaped about a month ago. The result was so painful. Hang in there. Just think about it as a quest. Step by step towards your goal :) 

Have a great weekend, too!

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Huh, day 8 already.

Yesterday evening I got a message trough couchsurfing, that two travelers were desperately looking for place to stay for the night. "Huh, it is only one hour till midnight and the process of going to sleep was already going. Maybe I will pass." Well, after weighing in the pros and cons, decided to host them, after all, I have a day off today. So, I set the bedroom for them and set the couch for myself, because it is easier for the dog and my early bird habits. What was intend to be a short talk turned into tee and talk. I leaned that the other girl was a reporter and had to return a peace in today. She said, that she will write it on her phone and it sounded silly. So I lent my Xiaomi Air for doing the report about new plant at her hometown. I must admit, that I was a bit worried about the laptop, I really don't know these people. Later, we managed to decide that it would be best to go to sleep and the time was almost 2 past midnight.

Next morning they slept until to 10, thou they were supposed to get up early and continue the hitching towards Norway. I had planned to go to the gym in the morning to get the endorphin going and I really cant leave them with my stuff. This was their first night on their trip and their appearance upon arrival told, that it had been a rough day of traveling, so I did int really expect them to get up early. To make best of my waiting time, the boring assignment for school was finished and another started. Later they woke up and the reporter got the peace done. I lent the laptop, because I know, how it is easier to write with it and traveling and having this nagging voice at the back of your head is a bummer.

So, a good experience, thou I could have been more engaging instead of doing the assignment when they woke up. But the reporter was also writing then and her friend did int seem engaging also, so this felt somewhat the correct decision. Sometimes it is hard to decide, that should there be personal space given or not. Typically, when wondering about that, I play safe and give space.

On days 6 and 7 I continued to use yt more then intended and that was maybe the biggest reason for me to invite them. It was a good opportunity to give myself other thing to think about, brake the habit of pinge watching. I have managed to obey the activity bracelet, not even wanted to play games or watch adult films. All in all, I feel good now and Im glad of my progress. I decided to not use yt for a week, to give me some space with the remaining assessments.

Things to be grateful for;

Being flexible person

The gym session was great

Huh, the most boring assignment is done!

 

Edited by Karisu

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Day 11.

I have been working for these tree days, so my own time for the day has been max 5h, when walking the dog and eating have been taken in to account. Need to try gaming or porn a try haven't emerged, but I have watched couple of yt-vids. Not like going on a total passive mode and jumping from suggestion to suggestion, only o couple vids per day and it has been working for me.

Tomorrow there is this "how to drink champagne" meeting with jci. It is gonna be fun, i think. Going to bring strawberries and some ice-cream to share with others.

How long it takes to make this detox feel like normal days? I'm known to get excited about stuff and try thing out, but hadn't generally been successful for keeping the interests going. I kind of feel like this is getting normal, hoping it wont get boring. I have to do the assignments tomorrow morning, so I can feel good about myself at the meeting. I'm too tired now anything other then go for a evening walk and sleeping.

Have a good weekend fellas! :)

 

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It can take time to get away from the super stimulation gaming provides. I used to read a lot before I gamed. And it took a while before I've come to enjoy reading again.

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How long it takes to make this detox feel like normal days?

 

It depends.. I don't remember it... And the standard of normal days were quite different everyday, so I can't say it definitely... Maybe 3 days? I don't know. It really depends on the situation, and the criteria.

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How long it takes to make this detox feel like normal days? 

 

For me it took around 2 weeks. Some point it just start to feel like basics. Ofc there is those cravings but if you have prepared for those and find some stuff to do you enjoy other than gaming or related to it, it will become your second nature in just a few month! Hope all best and  success for you with your journey! And it's great to see fellow Finns over here :) 

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Day 41;

Yeah, the intervals of forum posting has definitely been grater then 7 days. It has been full 30 days since last post and a lot have happened;
I haven't played games or even had great graving to install one. I have watched some twitch live streams, but other then the social aspects, they haven't made gaming more attractive. My battles have been elsewhere, like my earlier posts have suggested. The progress of the assessments have been slow due my "this has to be done properly"-way of thinking and YouTube and other procrastination have gained ground.
Now I'm in a tight spot. I have 10 days to finish the hardest assignment and post at work is being upgraded to manager next week. In other word, there really is int time to procrastinate anymore. In a way, I kind of like it. Under the pressure, the greatest changes are made. I would not describe myself as a boss or unyielding person, but I'm curios, hard working (as in work assignments) and willing. It fits to modern type of managing; cooperation, available, open. I definitely recognize, that motivation and feeling of community are greatest attributes, when it comes to productivity.

The most surprising thing about the position change is how it chances personal relationships between co-workers. Of course there is going to be more critical eyes on me and what I do, but the suddenness of the change and the intensity of it have been somewhat surprising. I have re-evaluated, that some planned changes have to be delayed and be discussed first. I don't have room to alienate myself.

Thou, in a way, I have failed in my detox-progress. I also know, that ability to move on and cope with failures, not cling on to them, Is a must have trait.

Update to my rules for next 10 days;
Dont use YouTube at all.
Keep the 22-6 sleep pattern.
The first thing to do at morning after getting dressed and making the bed is a walk with the dog.
Give yourself time to relax at the evening, but it dosent include using the computer.
Post at least once a week at this forum.

Thanks,

Kari

Edited by Karisu

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Heh, it means, that go to sleep at 22 o'clock at evening and wake up at 6 o'clock at morning. So 8 hours of sleep, waking up early.

Ok that makes sense. I was admiring you for being awake for 22 hrs haha! ?

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