TableTiger 8 Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 One of my earliest memories is playing Super Mario World on the SNES when I was probably around 3 years old. I've always played videogames, but they didn't really become an integral part of my life until I was about 19 years old. Prior to that, most of the games I played always had some kind of definitive ending. I'd save the kingdom, rescue the princess, kill the demon lord, and the game would be over. I would move on with my life and find something else to do. Videogames were something to do when I ran out of books to read, had an art block, and had already finished all of my homework. They were a fall back hobby. But, until two weeks ago, videogames became my ONLY hobby. I started playing endless timewasters. I stopped playing RPGs soo much and started playing MMOs, FPS, and the like. I used to only really play single player games unless I had friends over. Now I was primarily playing online against other people. I hated every minute of it (particularly grinding for hours), but I kept playing. All the while, I stopped doing the things I love. I have a book shelf full of unread novels, empty sketch books waiting to be filled, and a dusty guitar that desperately needs to be tuned waiting for me. I am tired of just staring at them and feeling sorry for myself. So I did a complete factory restore of my gaming laptop. If I want to play a game I have wait hours to reinstall it now. Before I nuked my computer, I had a harrowing realization. Most games don't require much skill to perfect. To be competent in most online games you need an expensive gaming rig, the right mouse and keyboard, an infallible internet connection, and endless free time. Blessings from the RNG gods also goes a long way. A lot of games now days seem to be specifically designed to suck you in as long as possible. I would always tell myself that I couldn't stop playing least I miss something or worse my skills in the game degrade. At times nothing seemed worse than being mediocre at a game. I'll blame some insecurities regarding my gender (I'll probably explore this later in journals). My biggest fear was that someone would tell me that I wasn't great at a game because I was "just a girl." I was never particularly good mind you. My PC wasn't good enough, my connection was never fast enough, I needed a better keyboard and mouse. What I had going for me was my capacity to sacrifice all of my time to the gaming gods. I would go to work/school and then immediately play something. I don't really know where this path will lead me. I would love to completely give up on online gaming in general. I have made some friends directly through gaming, but I hope they will be accepting of my current decision. I would hate to lose them. If I could go back to the early days of passively playing an RPG here or there when I ran out of things I could do, that would be perfect. As of now, I am going completely cold turkey. I don't know if I have the impulse control to mitigate my time in games. Anyhow, I wish you all luck on your respective paths! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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