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Day 25

I've been out for most of the day yesterday, so I didn't have the chance to write about it until now. To be fair, it was a standard university day, so there isn't much to be said there. I was at the birthday party yesterday, which was fun, but I didn't know many of the people, so it wasn't as good as it could be.

I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately, whether romantic or friendships. One thing that's really helpful in thinking about this is this School of Life playlist , especially the video on Transference. I can't put my thoughts into words just yet, but I'll be meeting with a counselor on Monday to untie a few knots and delve a little deeper. I actually wanted to be a psychologist when I was 14 or so, and I really admire the good ones, the ones who ask the right questions and feel like an ally. :) 

I've had a lot of negative emotions lately, and I hope this means growth, at least a little bit. I feel like all the stuff caused by years of ignorance is coming to the surface and there's a lot of it, which can feel overwhelming at times.

I don't want to sound too negative though, so I'll stop here. I've finished Hooked, and Asylum by William Seabrook. Asylum got really good towards the end, while Hooked left me feeling a little uneasy about the morality of the whole book. Right now I have quite a bit of schoolwork to get through, and that means less reading. :(

What I've learned: This is really obvious, but it's impossible to undo years of behavior in a few days, so it's crucial to forgive oneself for mistakes. 

Thanks for reading :)

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Day 26

A pretty chill day. I woke up later than usual, but got moving and did my homework on time. I've started reading Daring Greatly, which is exactly the book I needed at this point in my life. I'm only a couple pages in, but it really resonates with my psychology. However, as usual, it is easy to read and hard to apply, but at least I'll know what to focus on. 

There really isn't much to say to this day. I feel bummed out about a rather lax structure, and stumbling to procrastination and messaging on Facebook. I'll focus on that tomorrow.

Oh, one more thing, it actually snowed here today! :D It makes the city look so much prettier, and I'm really happy for that.

What I've learned: When I start procrastinating, it usually means that I either don't have a clear priority or need a quick break. Both of these things can be fixed immediately.

Thanks for reading :)

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I've started reading Daring Greatly, which is exactly the book I needed at this point in my life. I'm only a couple pages in, but it really resonates with my psychology.

It's a great book. Make sure you do the exercises and that will help you apply it. :)

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I've started reading Daring Greatly, which is exactly the book I needed at this point in my life. I'm only a couple pages in, but it really resonates with my psychology.

It's a great book. Make sure you do the exercises and that will help you apply it. :)

Thanks! I'm not at the exercises yet, but even so, the book is extremely insightful and the concepts so universal, it feels almost like a missing piece. I wish I read and understood it years ago :)

Day 27

Today was a stock-taking day. I walked to a coffee shop to read a book for a class, and journal to get a few things out of my head. I feel like the clear sky after a violent storm, which is a really great feeling, but, unfortunately, it can't last. Even so, I feel on top of things at least for a moment. 

Next week is promising to be full of events, and I'm looking forward to them, as well as to the ramping up of university commitments. One of the ways to keep oneself accountable and on point is to take on what you expect to be too much, so that procrastination becomes incredibly costly. I'm going to employ myself and stay of the house more, since yesterday when I was home it was too easy to adapt a lax structure and defer things to the next day(today). 

What I've learned: The price to pay for security is atrophy. When you hide in a fortress, the problem becomes getting out of it again, and the longer you stay in, the harder it is to get out. But the cost of staying inside is way worse.

Thanks for reading. I think I'll get back to Daring Greatly :)  

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Day 28

Another good day. For the first time I had the experience of zoning out for a minute in a maths lecture and then wondering what the hell was going on. I caught up eventually, but this stuff is dangerous :D

I've had the counseling session, and it was really just an introduction, but it still felt good to get a few things off my chest. The counselor gave me some worksheets and papers to get through. All and all, there's a long road ahead. I'm really glad the university has this system in place.

Mondays are usually pretty chill, so I don't have much else to share. There's a lot of stuff happening under the surface though, so I might be able to share something in a few days.

What I've learned: There's a tightrope between talking and listening, giving and taking, and so on. We all like to take, but we have to be ready to give back.

Thanks for reading :)

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Hope you have a great week Matt! :)

Thanks :)

Day 29

I'm really tired, coming from the gym, so I'll keep this short again. Our university gym was PACKED today. New year, new me, I suppose :D 

 I've had a standard day, going to classes, studying, reading and so on. In the evening, I met with a couple of friends and we discussed throwing a writing circle together. I haven't written anything in a while, so it might be a good idea to get back into it now. The key will be finding space for it though. 

I also got my phone working properly again, so I called my mom and we talked for a while. Even though I was in a good mood, talking to her made me feel even better. If you haven't talked to your parents in a few weeks, consider giving them a call :)

I'm not very disciplined with my time at the moment, and I don't like this, but I know where the problem is, and I'm going to focus more on doing the exhaustive stuff such as studying earlier in the day. Right now, I'm giving a lot of thought into the social aspect of my life though, and from experience, I usually do better when I focus on one thing at a time. I still feel I'm moving forward, and I'm glad for that :)

What I've learned (It's getting harder to come up with those, trust me!): Be patient. If it can wait two weeks, it can wait two weeks and one day (if it's not an essay deadline obviously :D)

Thanks for reading :) 

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Day 30

Things are looking up! I've made a couple of new friends over the past few days, and I think that kind of filled a hole in my psyche, at least a little bit. I've been feeling on top of things, and even stuff like a lot of schoolwork actually motivates me to pick up my slack and study.

Wednesday is my busiest day, and even now when I'm back home at 7 40, I feel like I'm not done yet. I should be though, because my sleep schedule has not been ideal, and I've been waking up in the night here and there, which doesn't help my energy. I'm also procrastinating a lot when I'm at home, but sometimes I can't avoid being here due to food, if I don't want to be eating out all the time. So, I'm trying to strike a balance and recalibrate.

I've been getting involved in one of the university societies, which is an awesome boost, and I wish I focused on it more in the past. Still, better late than never.

I've been also thinking about games from time to time in the past few days. One thing I'm glad is that I don't really have the time for them right now, and won't have it until the end of March at least, so that serves as a safety net if things get bad. I don't think they will though, but who knows...

What I've learned: Showing up is key. It's often the first step, and the more consistently you take the first step, the more consistently you can move on to the next steps.

Thanks for reading guys :) 

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Consistency is the key here. Keep having good days and adapting in the ways you need to in order to get to where you want to be. You've got the right attitude right now, so make sure you recognize yourself for that.

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Consistency is the key here. Keep having good days and adapting in the ways you need to in order to get to where you want to be. You've got the right attitude right now, so make sure you recognize yourself for that.

Yeah, definitely. I'm on a really high wave right now, so the key will be showing up when I don't want to.

Day 31

I'll be really quick because I have to run to a class, but yesterday (31) was almost perfect. I left the house at 10:40 and arrived around 22:20, and I spent the most of the day outside, in class, in the gym or out with friends. I was surprised to learn that an evening out was more energizing than staying at home reading, but that might be because of the greater level of stimulation :) I also made friends with a guy who is studying the same thing as me, only 3 years further, so I'm going to pick his brain when I get the chance :D

I feel like I'm finally finding my tribe, and I couldn't be more excited for the future. There's a lot of schoolwork looming over the next few weeks, but that's okay. Better more than less, because I'm stretching myself and learning.

I'm really grateful with how things are turning up, and this is all thanks to quitting games, taking a long, honest look inside myself, and the willingness to bear temporary discomfort. I wonder how things will be a few months down the line.

What I've learned: There was a concept I read somewhere (I think it was the waitbutwhy blog), where the author argued that resources (time, money, energy) should be either invested or enjoyed. For me, this means something like work hard play hard, where time that isn't invested in studying, writing or reading or enjoyed with friends is likely not the best use of my time. 

Thanks for reading :) 

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I also made friends with a guy who is studying the same thing as me, only 3 years further, so I'm going to pick his brain when I get the chance :D

Nice! We talked about this. :D

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I also made friends with a guy who is studying the same thing as me, only 3 years further, so I'm going to pick his brain when I get the chance :D

Nice! We talked about this. :D

Yeah :D it made me reconsider the courses I'm going to take in the future, but there's a lot of factors, so it's not easy.

Here's Day 32

Another standard day. I've been at the university for most of the day, only coming home to eat and then back to the library. When I came home at 9, I turned off my brain and spent an hour browsing the internet. The struggle is real :D 

I've been daydreaming a lot in the past few days, thinking about the future and so on. I'm not sure where all of this leads, but the only thing to do is to keep thinking.

As I said, my university obligations are getting more structured, and I have to focus more if I want to do well. It's way too easy to tab away from a math problem to a funny picture or a gif, but it's so important nevertheless. 

What I've learned: Increase the quality of your commitment, not the quantity of hours put in. An hour of focused study beats 3 of 'studying'

Thanks for reading :)

 

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Day 33

Not much to say about today. My life is boring :D

No, to be honest, I've suffered from a lack of structure and didn't get much done. I finished a book for a book club, went to the book club and then did some of my homework. I struggle with procrastination, and if I'm not careful it'll get worse, because the assignments will get harder. Part of it was because the library was really cold though :D

Next Monday there's a meeting at our school with the President of Slovakia, which I'm attending. It sounds really interesting, since I haven't followed politics much in the past few months.

I hope my entries get more interesting in the following days, but I can't promise anything. :D

What I've learned: Momentum. Once I sit down to my chair at home at night, it becomes extremely difficult to do anything else. I'll try to squeeze in a few more tasks in the evening before I unwind.

Thanks for reading :) 

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Day 34

I've been mostly studying, and I don't think that's very interesting to talk about. I've started out really strong, but then kinda slid down and it took more time than it should've. It's still difficult to study for long periods of time, although I'm making progress.

We had 12 degrees Celsius outside today, a nice spring weather :D It made me excited for spring again, since that's my favorite time of the year. It's not far away!

I've also started to see more results in the gym, after a long period of stalling. The key is getting the form right, something I've always used to ignore. Not anymore! 

This week I have at least two events, and I'm hoping for more. It's getting slightly easier to go out, although I still have work to do

What I've learned: Don't do things half-assed, don't do multiple things at once (Multitasking). By being focused on one thing at a time, you gain better results in the long term.

Thanks for reading :)

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Day 34

I've been mostly studying, and I don't think that's very interesting to talk about. I've started out really strong, but then kinda slid down and it took more time than it should've. It's still difficult to study for long periods of time, although I'm making progress.

Awareness is the key. Sometimes we get a bit off track but it's more important how quickly we turn ourselves back around. What contributed to you starting strong and what's different now? That's where the magic happens ;)

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Day 34

I've been mostly studying, and I don't think that's very interesting to talk about. I've started out really strong, but then kinda slid down and it took more time than it should've. It's still difficult to study for long periods of time, although I'm making progress.

Awareness is the key. Sometimes we get a bit off track but it's more important how quickly we turn ourselves back around. What contributed to you starting strong and what's different now? That's where the magic happens ;)

I meant it more in a way that the first hours are easy, but then as time drags on, the resistance becomes greater and the temptations stronger :D I'm going to experiment with different techniques and see where I get.

Day 35

This was a strange day. I started out well, gone to classes, studied in the library, went to the gym, my basic routine. Then I attended the meeting with our president, which was actually quite inspiring, as he told us how he went through some really uncomfortable times to get where he is now. After he answered a few questions, he left and me and a few friends headed into a pub for a while, which was fun. :)

After I came from the pub, I arrived at the flat and tried to do some work, but I wasn't very successful. I should get out of the house more, although spending 20 minutes travelling each way makes me rather reluctant. I've also felt unhappy, but I'm not sure what was the reason for that. It comes and goes, I suppose.

I've been having thoughts about playing games again, which I'm not happy about. At least I know the reason, and that is not enough excitement in my life. However, knowledge is one thing, application is quite another :D  I'm going to try and come up with some ways to be excited, just so I feel better.

What I've learned: Moods come and go, and although there are things that we can do to change them, some things are beyond our control. Accept the negative ones and relish the positive.

Thanks for reading :)

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Days 36 and 37

I didn't post yesterday, for reasons I'll explain, so I'm doing a double post.

Yesterday was an educative day. I was doing well for the most part, until I came home around 7. There was a new game that just came out, and it was on my radar for almost half a year. I didn't even think of not playing it, which was strange, but I suppose this was a while in the making.

So, I downloaded it and played for 3 hours straight, from nine until midnight. I felt like crap afterwards, since I had to wake up early in the morning, but the only thing that really bothers me is the fact that I couldn't control myself. If I played until 10 and then went to bed, I would actually be okay with that, but the dopamine rewards kept coming until I REALLY had to go to bed. Oh well.

I uninstalled the game in the morning, but I feel like something in me clicked again, and I was haunted the whole day today with thoughts about games. Our thoughts are really insidious, come to think of it. I was ruminating along the lines of: "You liked it so much, you can install it again. Everyone is playing games anyway. Games are exciting, you miss excitement." Good thing I was at the university, otherwise it would be a lot harder to resist.

What I learned: The grass is always greener on the other side - our minds are extremely good at highlighting the things they want to see and hiding the things they don't. 

Today(37), was, as I mentioned, one of the worse days, but at least my lectures and tutorials were interesting. I'm going to an event later on today as well, so I won't be home and fall prey to the same thing as yesterday. I realized that as pressure builds in the university, I slowly start sliding into old habits, and I'm not sure how to deal with this. It's not all doom and gloom, and I have a lot of structure these days, to prevent me from sliding further, but I really want to solidify the habits I already have and stay on top of things. Again, easier said than done. :D 

What I learned: Writing is a good form of therapy. Also, looking for the positives. For example, the day I downloaded the game I also read a (quite boring) text for a class for an hour, exercising self control. Maybe that was one of the reasons for playing later :D 

Thanks for reading :) Have a good day everyone!

 

Edited by Suritus

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Good job sharing your post man. My video coming out this week is about how there will always be another game. The good news is that you have enough of a foundation now to bounce back quickly, instead of binging for weeks and months before getting yourself back on track. :)

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Good job sharing your post man. My video coming out this week is about how there will always be another game. The good news is that you have enough of a foundation now to bounce back quickly, instead of binging for weeks and months before getting yourself back on track. :)

Oh god, that is so true. You can always say "I'll stop after this one," or "I'll stop tomorrow," which I've done a LOT in the past :| 

Day 38

Not much to say, lectures, tutorials, gym. I have written a chapter for a fiction writing project, which I'm really excited about, and I'll be sending that to a friend later this week. I've also dealt with a few tasks and I'm excited for the weekend, because I'll be challenged to work on homework. I'm trying to see every day as an opportunity, instead of beating myself up for transgression. I'm also trying to be aware of my surrounding and thoughts, but this is not always easy. Tomorrow there's a party to which I'm tempted to go, but it's WAY out of my comfort zone :D We'll see. 

I've been feeling kinda empty these few days, and I'm not sure why. I suppose some days are just going to be like that. I found music to really help in those situations, especially music that inspires (for me it's Rise Against, which I might have linked before, I don't remember :D)

What I've learned: Be okay with discomfort. There will always be things that won't be comfortable, and actually the more of them you experience, the better off you are.

Thanks for reading :) Cam, can't wait to watch the new video :D 

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Day 39

I'm writing this the morning after, because I was at the party last night. It was actually a lot smoother than I thought it would :D I had a few drinks just to help me with dancing, since I'm unable to do it sober, and it worked. I came home really late, and I have a lot to do today, but I'm really happy I went. I was out of my comfort zone at the beginning, but I realized I don't have to take myself so seriously all the time, and it helped. A trap I fell into a lot in the past was overthinking, and it can be really paralyzing to be in that loop. 

As I said, I have a lot of schoolwork to get through today, so I won't make this long. I'm just really happy for the way things turned out.

What I learned: Don't take yourself so seriously all the time. Life's too short for that.

Thanks for reading :) 

 

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Days 40 and 41

I've coupled these together, because not much has happened. I went to the gym, studied, read. I wasn't very disciplined, so I spent a lot of time on the internet. Oh well. I've noticed that weekends are really unproductive for me, and I'm going to keep this in mind next week. 

I don't really have anything else to say, so this is just a check-in more than a journal entry. We'll see what happens next week.

What I've learned: A late morning can mess up the whole day - be more vigilant about your sleep time

Thanks for reading :) 

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Oh well.

Hey man. I've seen you mention this a few times. Do you believe the attitude of "Oh well" is truly serving your highest potential? 

Remember, there's a difference between holding yourself to the standard you desire for yourself and being hard on yourself. Make sure you identify whether "oh well" is you being easy on yourself or whether it's you accepting lower standards you don't truly want.

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Oh well.

Hey man. I've seen you mention this a few times. Do you believe the attitude of "Oh well" is truly serving your highest potential? 

Remember, there's a difference between holding yourself to the standard you desire for yourself and being hard on yourself. Make sure you identify whether "oh well" is you being easy on yourself or whether it's you accepting lower standards you don't truly want.

Hey, I didn't even realize this! I'm actually not sure which of these of it is, it's probably a combination of both. Thanks for pointing this out, I'll keep this in mind. It's actually something I've discussed today in a therapy appointment, and I'll say a bit more on it.

Day 42 (1?)

I had a therapy appointment today, and we've discussed a few topics. One of them was habitual, unconscious thoughts which keep us in certain patterns of behavior, and when we become more aware of them, we might be more aware and break the chain. 

We've also discussed the standard-setting and underperformance, with her opinion being we should focus on the things we've accomplished, where we've been successful. I have mixed feelings about this, I want to have high standards for myself and use my present state as a force to pull me forward, but on the other hand, I sometimes feel that this is a factor that leads to weekends like the last one. I'm seriously on the fence here :|

Otherwise, this day was really good. Went through a lot of schoolwork, went to the gym and was on top of procrastination for a long time. I'm going to give myself space to unwind now.

I've also read about the 90 day detox challenge. Sign me up! :D I think I'm going to return back to day 1, it's going to work better with the challenge, and also easier to track,  since today is the first of February

What I've learned: Perfectionism paralyses. Things are never going to be perfect, and if I don't feel good enough now, I probably won't even after circumstances change. 

Thanks for reading :)

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Day 42 (2)

Today was good. I worked on a project for university for a while, went to the gym, cooked, studied and been on track for the most of the day. I'm reading Gorilla Mindset and there are a few really good exercises in the book which I've started doing and they help with performance and outlook on life. GM is a good supplement to the book Mindset by Carol Dweck, although I like GM more, because it's less oriented on academia and more on life in general. Also, it has worksheets, which are great!

I'm a little frustrated because there there are two events tomorrow, and I want to go to both, but they happen at the same time. I'll try to make it work somehow. Speaking of events and relationships in general, I saw a few things that I perhaps wasn't as much aware of until now, so that will be my focus right now.

What I've learned: I knew this before, but I want to repeat this, since I saw a video talking about this - gathering information isn't doing. Find the balance between those two. Plan and execute.

Thanks for reading :)

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