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Jacob's Journal


simmsjt
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2/8/2017

Day's without gaming: 10

Alright so this is my first post. Day 10 of my millionth attempt to quit gaming. I do feel more confident this time around as I've finally made the choice to give up gaming for good rather than a temporary fix to my problems. I've realized that for me personally I can't control myself with gaming so I need to cut it out of my life. This is my second attempt at the 90 day detox. My first attempt lasted 73 days. I broke the fast due to my best friend's dad dying which was an emotional experience. I played games with him all day at his house. I felt as though I was justified in taking that action however when I returned home I couldn't stop playing. I was really upset with myself for many months after. I felt as though I was hopeless and that I could never get back up to 73 days. I finally forgiven myself and I want a better life for myself. Self love is very difficult for me and it is the biggest barriers to my quitting. Hopefully with support I can go a full 90 days for the first time in my life.

 

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Hello Jacob!

Cutting out games from your life is a nice choice! I really appreciate your decision!

You'll build 90 days or even 1000 days if you want to, because you have my support now!

Btw. what have you learned from your previous relapse? Can you prepare yourself better for coincidences like someone's death? I know it is hard, but it's not a good idea to feel justified to come back to video games because of that.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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@hycniejsy I definitely learned that I need to be stricter with myself. I think that was a pretty extreme event and it made me realize how seriously I need to commit to no gaming. I was very guilty for a long time. But i'm learning to be kinder to myself and forgive myself for past mistakes! I'm glad I found game quitters and have people who can support me now! I'm very thankful to Cam and everyone else who helped create this community. It took me a long time to find something like this. Thank you everyone that has given me encouragement during the start of this journey. It has been hard for me to find support from people in my life as they don't consider video game addiction to be a serious or real thing. 

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2/9/2017

Day's without gaming: 11

Another day. Work was good today. I love going to work because it is very engaging and makes me forget about the cravings. The hardest part of my day is when I come home after work and sit in my room. I finished Module #4 today.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

My activities and backups are:

Engaging: Coding practice(I want to start a career as a programmer) / Photoshop and Lightroom editing

Tired: Listening to Music / Watching TV

Social: Volunteering(Still need to find things in my area) / Meetups

Bored: Photography / Hiking

Stressed: Gym / Bike

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm still looking for an accountability partner. Everyone seems to be so busy.

Feeling hopeful. That's all for today.

 

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2/10/2017

Day's without gaming: 12

I overslept today. I slept through both my alarms and woke up at 10:05 am. My shift started at 10. This sucked because I have a new manager at my store. So not the best first impression. The cravings were not as bad today. I decided to try to be at home as little as possible as this seems to trigger the cravings. I am currently at a coffee shop working on programming stuff. My current goal is to complete the freecodecamp front-end certification within the next 6 months. After the coffee shop I will run a mile at the gym. Good day so far.

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2/11/2017

Day's without gaming: 13

Today was good at work. I'm sore from starting to working out. I spent an hour coding tonight. This is a good start. I will spend the evening at my cousins house watching movies. Trying to spend as little time at home as possible.

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2/13/2017

Day's without gaming: 15

Today was hard. Since I didn't work I had cravings all day. Got to the section about scheduling and I'm struggling with it. I have been having a terrible time focusing. I can't seem to focus on one thing for more than a few moments. Multiple times today I forget why I had walked into a room. I'm hoping this is just due to me quitting and isn't permanent.

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I'm right there with ya.  Keep yourself busy, do anything.  Read a book, get involved in something, work on FCC.  Anything to keep you focused elsewhere.  Put yourself in to immersive avoidance.  Slowly but surely other activities will become more enjoyable and you'll miss that electric box less and less.

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2/16/2017

Day's without gaming: 18

I've been putting off journaling but my accountability partner reminded me this is an important part of the recovery process. Having an accountability partner is really helping me feel more accepted. Since I know there is someone else feeling similar emotions it is easier to resist the temptation of gaming.

My addiction has definitely trapped me within a certain lifestyle. I work part time and live with my parents. While my situation is good I would like the freedom that comes with living on my own and not be reliant or a burden. My dream is to get a job as a software engineer. While I have some skills in the field I am not currently ready for employment. I found a free community javascript meeting through meetup.com. I was worried about going and that I would understand anything. I decided instead of focus on things that could happen I should focus on what I can do right now. So I did the next right step. This really worked in my favor because I made a new friend at the meeting who is similar in skill and has the same aspirations as me. We plan to meet Sunday to look at each others work and offer advice.

I've noticed since I have quit my focus has been very poor. Today I felt slightly more focused than yesterday. I think that is a good sign. Having an accountability partner is really helping me feel more accepted. The past few days have been good. I find the busier I am the less I feel cravings.

I've decided to follow other journal formats and list 3 things I am grateful for and 3 good things that happened to me at the end of each journal entry.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My Car

2. My Parents

3. My job

Good things that happened to me today:

1. I wore a bowtie for the first time and received 3 compliments on it.

2. I made a new friend/associate.

3. I had a really delicious subway sandwich for lunch(Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki with all of the vegetables).

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2/18/2017

Day's without gaming: 20

Forgot to journal yesterday. I need to work on doing it everyday. 

Yesterday a friend convinced me to go workout with him. I currently have a gym membership but never go alone which means I only go a few times a month. We had a really good workout session. I was wondering why I hate going to the gym alone and I took some time to contemplate it. I realized it is because I'm intimated by the exercises. I'm always afraid im doing them wrong and it causes me a lot of anxiety. I want to overcome this so today I scheduled some time with a personal trainer. I think if I can get a few sessions with him I'll have more confidence going on my own in the future. 

I have been struggling with boredom. Whenever I don't have anything engaging to do physically or mentally I get very anxious. I'm in the process of finding more activities to do. I decided a good goal would be to learn to write in cursive. I got a cheap fountain pen and a practice book and started learning today. I would like to try my hand and some kind of volunteering but I'm not sure how to start. 

Today I am grateful for:

1. My coworkers

2. Coffee shops

3. Internet access

Good things that happened to me today:

1. Made some more progress on my portfolio website.

2. Ran a mile and broke my personal record for time.

3.  My grandfather bought me a box of girlscout cookies and I ate the entire box today.

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What better way to celebrate a day at the gym than a box full of girl-guide cookies?  Life is full of checks and balances and you just got a free box of cookies my friend.  Staying engaged in activity is tantamount.  I'm proud of you for seeking the help of a personal trainer; a brave thing to do.  You'll learn more in one session from a good personal trainer than you will in a month of anything else.  Great job on breaking your record mile, they'll begin passing beneath your feet faster every day.

N

Edited by d1rtydeedz
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2/20/2017

Day's without gaming: 22

Had an awesome day. Didn't have work today so I was able to practice coding and continue work on my site. My current goal is to have a development job by October so I need to pick up the pace. I want to finish my site by the end of Wednesday.

I had my first personal trainer appointment today. It went well he showed me how to fix my bench press form. He also taught me how to squat. I've wanted to incorporate squats in my workouts but have always been hesitant to start.

I really want to start waking up early and be in the gym within 10 minutes of waking up. Starting this habit would address two problems I have. The first being it's easier to get out of bed if I have something planned to do and second when I plan to go to the gym in the evening I usually don't go.

Today I am grateful for:

1.Gym

2. Having a bed to sleep in

3. The vast amount of information available to teach yourself new skills.

Good things that happened to me today:

1. Took another step in the right direction for personal fitness

2. The woman who took my order at chickfila was really friendly, also I ate chickfila.

3. I felt proud of myself for the work I completed.

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Thank's for looking out Cam. I think this is something I just need to put the practice in order to be ready for. My accountability partner has been doing a good job helping me stay focused. I think what would help me is to include my growth in programming in my daily journals.

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2/21/2017

Day's without gaming: 23

First day where I didn't have to fight for control to not game. I still had cravings but they were very mild. I need to increase my time per day working on programming as my main life goal right now is to start a career. I worked out today which was  good. The trainer has been worth the money. I felt a lot more confident going to the gym today since I had the knowledge from our last session. I congratulated myself on working out. I need to remember to praise myself for my successes more often as I'm usually very hard on myself.

I'm considering moving to Colorado once I finish Free Code Camp as there are more tech jobs out there as well as the best coding schools. My dad lives in Denver and told me I can sleep in his guest room for as long as I need.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Steak

2. Motivational Music

3. This community!

Good things that happened to me today:

1. I found a ribeye steak at Kroger that was on sale for $6! (Such an awesome lunch)

2. Good workout session

3. My manager commented on how my speed is improving completing tasks.
 

Coding progress:

Got the rough draft of my website posted. I want to finish uploading the first draft Wednesday.

 

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Love the journal, great journey so far!

I especially like the way you're getting to the gym and working on your coding. Those skills you develop are always there down the road. Having those kind of positive skills to draw on help to get me back on the right path when I'm struggling with my self-image, who I am.

Edited by Simms
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Great job man, and kudos on the ribeye (my favorite cut).  Another plus about Denver, you know someone else who lives in the area, me of course.  Keep plugging away at the coding, and great job sticking with it at the gym.

 

N

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2/23/2017

Day's without gaming: 25

Had an awesome day in the gym. Learned to dead lift properly today. Work was good. Everyone was in an awesome mood. Went to a javascript class didn't learn anything from the class. I did talk with someone that is working in the industry as a back end developer which was cool. That one conversation made the 2 and half hours worth my time.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Deoderant

2. Hugs

3. My bed at the end of a long day

Good things that happened to me today:

1. A customer told me I am handsome

2. Learned a new skill(how to deadlift)

3. Only had one drink at work(typically have 3)
 

Coding progress:

Finished another coding challenge on FreeCodeCamp.

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2/27/2017

Day's without gaming: 29

I've been really struggling to do this journal entry. I don't have that much to update on. I've been really struggling with motivation. A few days a go my good friends boyfriend was jealous of our friendship and told me he was going to find were I live and kick my ass. I've never been threatened before so it really through me off my game. I kind of went on a downward spiral from that but tomorrow is a new day and I'll start back on my grind then. I've started using the app headspace to help start a meditation habit.

I'm starting stronglifts 5x5 program for my workouts now. This program was recommended by the personal trainer I hired.

I can't believe it has almost been a month! I really have accomplished quiet alot in the past 29 days. It really reaffirms my decision to quit games. I know I've had a lot of struggles but I'm eating a lot better than I have in the past 4 years. I've started going to gym and figuring things out(haven't made much progress but I'm starting the habit of going). I've really gotten started working to my career goals everyday. I've been feeling really uneasy since I started my journey here at game quitters. Like this constant feeling of uneasy and uncomfortably in my mind. I think I've finally realized what this feeling is. It's the part of me that wants to go back to the way things used to be. It's like the old version of me is fighting but a new better version me is coming out and the pain is the old one dying. I'm not sure if this makes sense. It's hard to explain some of the thoughts and emotions I've been feeling.

One emotion I haven't felt in awhile is guilt. The amazing thing is I was in a constant state of guilt when I was gaming.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Friends

2. Croissants

3. That I own a reliable car

Good things that happened to me today:

1. Bought new sneakers that are really comfortable.

2. Meet up with a new friend and had some cool conversation

3. Had a delicious croissant

Coding progress:

Start back on a coding challenge tomorrow after the gym.

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