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Dolocorp's Journey


Dolocorp

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Introduction

Day 1 (30-01-2017)

I started my 90-day detox today and I've just read the Respawn guide. It is not the first time I try to quit - I quit gaming for a whole year when I got rid of my PS4 but I still had a problem with procrastination and the Respawn guide helped me to get some tools to keep me busy and avoid boredom. 

I'm an little bit anxious about it but also excited and proud of myself because I'm taking this decision to change for the better. I'm also very confused and I've a blurry vision. 

Day 2 (31-01-2017)

I said to myself that I was going to meditate 10 minutes every morning but I didn't do it this morning - I watched TV instead but when I got home I started to watch TheNewBoston on Youtube and was programming very basic java. After that, I started to practice a language and learn some new words. It felt good to be doing something productive instead of just watching TV. Later on, I joined this community.

My anxiety wasn't that bad today but I'm still very confused and I get easily angry (often without any reason). My vision is still blurry.

Day 3 (01-02-2017)

I didn't meditate today either but I found an app called Diary - Mood Tracker. It's a very simple app and I'm using this instead of writing a journal (but I'm still writing notes to my mood). You just have to choose what mood you're in and then add a note if you want to. It helps me to see what kind of things that makes me happy and vice versa. 

I'm still confused, angry, and I still have a blurry vision. 

Day 4 (02-02-2017)

Today I had a really boring day at work but I still had a easier time "accepting" the boredom than when I was playing.

I'll change my morning routine to a cold shower instead of meditation because I just fall back to sleep if I meditate in the morning.

Mood: Happy

Emotions: Less anxiety, less angry, confused and I still have a blurry vision 

5 things I'm grateful for:

- Maybe a new job opportunity.

- My great relationship to my close family.

- My health.

- My second chance for improving my life.

- My life could be worse (I think this is important to remember because beside I might have some psychical problems I'm still living in a wealthy country and don't have to worry about food or water)

Edited by Dolocorp
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Day 5 (03-02-2017)

I woke late today and I've been tired all day but I've managed to not watch any TV or streaming (it's a huge improvement for me - I think I also might have a TV / streaming addiction). My vision was really blurry today - I mean sometimes it was almost like a black filter. Not so confused anymore - I think meditation is a great tool for me because it clears my mind and I get more calm. 

Mood: Meh - not happy, not sad, just meh.

I won't update my journal everyday and I might not be that active on this community. It's because I want to use my PC and smartphone as little as possible. I'll come back to check how anything goes but it won't be everyday - maybe once a week or so. 

I'll chose the app Diary - Mood Tracker to track my progress.

Edited by Dolocorp
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I think meditation is a great tool for me because it clears my mind and I get more calm. 

The benefits you get from meditation improve over time. :)

I disagree.

Day 5 (03-02-2017)

I woke late today and I've been tired all day but I've managed to not watch any TV or streaming (it's a huge improvement for me - I think I also might have a TV / streaming addiction).

That's a success! Be grateful for that and your happiness will be boosted up!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Day 26 (24-02-2017):

I tried computer programming for 2 weeks but it wasn't something I did enjoy (I've been studying computer science before but didn't finish it because of no interest in programming). Then I tried to go back to my old hobby; drawing (which I maintained while gaming) but like programming I didn't enjoy it anymore. I then started a blog but I haven't published any entries yet - I've a hard time writing something meaningful. I'll sell my PC and buy a camera to see if photography is something that gives me joy (along with hiking).

I'm still reading a lot and tommorow I'm going to a fitness workshop where I will learn how to do deadlift, squat, and bench press properly.

Coffee seems to increase my brain frog - I'll try to drink less.

Mood: A little bit overwhelmed but still in a good mood.

5 things I'm grateful for:

1. It's weekend.

2. I'm sleeping well this days.

3. I haven't relapsed and I will not relapse.

4, I'm starting to enjoy reading.

5. That I started to write my journal on this community again.

I don't know when I'll be updating my journal again - sometimes I take "digital-free" days.

Edited by Dolocorp
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Day 27 (25-02-2017):

The fitness workshop was great! I've have been afraid of doing deadlift, squat and bench (because of the ways you can do them wrong) but the workshop took this fear away and I'm ready to go away from fitness machines and over to free weights. I was pretty anxious about the workshop but I managed to attend it anyway which was a succes. 

Spent rest of the day trying to avoid my computer (I had some big urges and decided it was best to stay away from my best friend / worst enemy).

Mood: Good

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. That I attended the workshop.

2. That I have a supporting family (they still don't get it about my addiction but they support me anyway)

3. My mood is more stable.

 

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Day 30 (28-02-2017):

I'm having an inner conflict with my old personality and the one I'm trying to make. A voice in my head is trying to get me back into gaming but then I'm just taking a "digital-free" day (no PC, tablet or laptop) so I won't relapse. I'm going to sell my PC but it's harder than I thought - gaming has always been a huge part of me and I'm anxious about letting that go. I think it's because I've to face reality. 

Mood: Good, but I've a high level of anxiety and every day is a little bit overwhelming at the moment.

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. I'm having a day off tommorow because I'm going to a university to look at an education I find interesting. 

2. More energy - I just need to use it instead of laying in bed and watching TV.

3. That I took the decision to give up porn and videogames.

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I haven't been very active with my daily journal lately but I've been having some tough days mentally. I won't count the days anymore (I don't think that counting the days works for me). I haven't relapsed but I've been very close to a relapse and I think I need to search for some professional help for some other issues I'm having trouble with.

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Day 37 (07-03-2017):

It's time to get back on track. I haven't relapsed but I still find myself watch a lot of gaming-related stuff - I've to take some more digital-free days because it improves my mood. I haven't managed to get rid of my PC - I make silly excuses like: "I've to clean the keyboard and mouse", "I've to clean the dust" (it's important to clean the PC before I sell it but I just keep to postpone it), "It's stupid to sell it because I will lose a lot of money" and so on. I started to meditate again and want it to be a daily routine (I'll do it after work instead of in the morning). Beside I relapsed on my NoFap-streak I'm in a good mood. I've been really tired today - no energy at all. I don't know if it's related to my detox.

3 things I'm grateful for:

1. There wasn't much to do at work so I got home earlier than expected.

2. I've been very productive today - I managed to read and did some housekeeping. And I haven't watched more than 1 hour TV today (I saw something productive).

3. I now know which education I'm going to attend this summer.

Edited by Dolocorp
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