How to handle irritability

[Tatu92]

Hi guys,

I wanted everyone's opinion on this. 

I get annoyed by people. Usually it is people I care about. After getting to know them, the person may have one or two behavior traits that I don't agree with and find annoying (i.e. one friend who constantly asks for free things like free rides, or free coffee to test if he can get it for free). He does this knowingly. And it is irritating. 

Another example would be my overbearing mother. I do appreciate all her hard work. But sometimes she can be repetitive, stubborn, or persistent, although she is being light-hearted about it. I get annoyed by that.

Here's how I deal with the situation now:
- I recognize that he is asking for free stuff, and say no.
- I take myself away from the place where my mother is, so I can have alone time. 

Here's the questions I have:
- what are some ways you draw boundaries regarding these situations?
- do you sit down to explain why you don't like what they are doing?
- do you ignore the behavior?

 

T

 

[Rick Boon]

This is spot on for me, going through the same thing now with intervals (usually around 2 weeks or so).

First i think your solutions are quite well. End question should be: Are you satisfied with how you dealt with it/them? if not i suggest you try something else, like saying different answers, or gain perspective with different thoughts maybe?

To answer more specifically: 

1. I answer directly saying i don't like their way/manner. Or i distance myself (literally or in head) and talk to them later about the incident.
2. Yes, if i dare and if i use the previous latter solution
3. This i do in 50% of all, or maybe even 60 or 70% of all incidents.

I'm also really curious about other people's solutions. 1 small (bit unrelated) tip if you have difficulty talking to people is to start with something small. I use "can i talk to you for a second?" and it's really powerful because you create a moment first. That way you break it in small pieces.

Oh btw, let me list my irritations, to see what we all find annoying  (it's quite serious tho hehe)

• people who don't trust me with keeping appointments, who keep reminding you the time, the date etc. Only close friends and family have more space about this. Score: 9
• People who knock on my door really, REALLY hard. The sound is unbearable, and this happend a few times a week (now not anymore luckily). Score 9
• Myself, if i'm going to late to bed, start to late with preparing to go to an appointment/friend and eventually shows up to late. Score 8

 

That's it!

[Cam Adair]

The flaw we see in others is the flaw we see in ourself. So next time you find yourself annoyed at someone else, reflect on how it shows up in your own life.