Anyone else have people they live with that do nothing but bring you down?

[seriousjay]

For me, it's my mom. Every time I bring up anything I want to do, she chimes in with her own ideas of what I should do. Every. Single. Time.

I told her today that I want to go back to school for general arts and science. She didn't even let me finish my thought.

"Did you read what those people said about it?"
"You can't get a job with that."
"You need to get a job."
"You need to start thinking realistically."
"You're almost 30 years old!"
"How are you going to pay your credit card debt?"

Basically, nothing positive.

I know that in order to change her opinion of my actions, I've got to show her that what I do will work. I barely ever get a chance to do anything, however, before she starts going crazy about everything that's wrong with it. I really want to change my ways and make something of myself, I've told her that so many times, but it seems like she just doesn't listen at all.

I know that I really ought not to listen to what she says and keep following my heart, but sometimes it's pretty difficult. Do you guys have anyone in your lives that's like this to you? How do you manage your situation?

[Cam Adair]

Yes, this is very common.

So here's the truth, and you might not like it:

- You're looking to your mom for validation that what you're doing is right. That's not your moms job. You need to start making your own decisions based on what you believe is right for you. You're an adult, and you get to make decisions because of that.

- Your mom loves you, and her job is to keep you safe. That's why if you were to tell her you wanted to start your own business she'd have a really hard time with it, but it's not because she doesn't believe in you, it's because her job is to keep you safe and the safest bet is always the traditional route.

- You need to be incredibly diligent with your environment. Your environment affects you a lot more than you affect your environment. I would highly encourage you to start creating a plan to move out and get your own place (or one with roommates) as soon as possible. So ya, getting a job asap might be part of that. Going to school part-time while you work as well. That sort of thing.

- Share your goals and ambitions with people who you know are on the same path (ie: here), where you will get encouragement and then DON'T share that shit with anybody else. Keep it to yourself, you don't need their projections and opinions weighing you down.

Ultimately, the truth is, the only advice you should be taking from people is advice from people doing what you want to do... living the life you want to live. 

Now, at the end of the day, your mom loves you so cut her some slack, but I think this has more to do with you stepping up to let your actions speak louder than your words, you creating a plan to live the life you want and then going out there to work hard for it, instead of hoping and wishing for it to magically happen on its own. If you want her to take your ideas more seriously, prove it. Go make it happen and let that speak for itself.

When I moved to Boulder, CO my uncle told me it was a big mistake. He was wrong but that's what he thought at the time. I knew in my heart it was the right decision so although I respected his opinion, I knew I was going to prove it wrong. And I did, and a year or so later he called me up and apologized and said he was wrong.

Now, it doesn't fucking matter who's right or wrong, that's not the point, the point is, you have to stay true to you, and make decisions for you, and live with them, good or bad. Right now, because of the situation you're in, you're living with your mom. So make the most of it, don't talk about goals and ambitions with her, focus on other topics to maintain a positive relationship, and take more action to change your situation to be what you want it to be.

How much $ would it take for you to support yourself in your own apartment? What if you got a roommate? What are your bills every month? What job could you get now that would help you start moving in that direction? (You can always upgrade your job later.) Etc.

Build the plan, write those numbers out, find meetups of the type of people you want to be surrounded by, and go make it happen. Nobody's going to do it for you.

With Love,
- Cam

Edited November 7, 2015 by Cam Adair

[seriousjay]

Yes, this is very common.

So here's the truth, and you might not like it:

- You're looking to your mom for validation that what you're doing is right. That's not your moms job. You need to start making your own decisions based on what you believe is right for you. You're an adult, and you get to make decisions because of that.

- Your mom loves you, and her job is to keep you safe. That's why if you were to tell her you wanted to start your own business she'd have a really hard time with it, but it's not because she doesn't believe in you, it's because her job is to keep you safe and the safest bet is always the traditional route.

- You need to be incredibly diligent with your environment. Your environment affects you a lot more than you affect your environment. I would highly encourage you to start creating a plan to move out and get your own place (or one with roommates) as soon as possible. So ya, getting a job asap might be part of that. Going to school part-time while you work as well. That sort of thing.

- Share your goals and ambitions with people who you know are on the same path (ie: here), where you will get encouragement and then DON'T share that shit with anybody else. Keep it to yourself, you don't need their projections and opinions weighing you down.

Ultimately, the truth is, the only advice you should be taking from people is advice from people doing what you want to do... living the life you want to live. 

Now, at the end of the day, your mom loves you so cut her some slack, but I think this has more to do with you stepping up to let your actions speak louder than your words, you creating a plan to live the life you want and then going out there to work hard for it, instead of hoping and wishing for it to magically happen on its own. If you want her to take your ideas more seriously, prove it. Go make it happen and let that speak for itself.

When I moved to Boulder, CO my uncle told me it was a big mistake. He was wrong but that's what he thought at the time. I knew in my heart it was the right decision so although I respected his opinion, I knew I was going to prove it wrong. And I did, and a year or so later he called me up and apologized and said he was wrong.

Now, it doesn't fucking matter who's right or wrong, that's not the point, the point is, you have to stay true to you, and make decisions for you, and live with them, good or bad. Right now, because of the situation you're in, you're living with your mom. So make the most of it, don't talk about goals and ambitions with her, focus on other topics to maintain a positive relationship, and take more action to change your situation to be what you want it to be.

How much $ would it take for you to support yourself in your own apartment? What if you got a roommate? What are your bills every month? What job could you get now that would help you start moving in that direction? (You can always upgrade your job later.) Etc.

Build the plan, write those numbers out, find meetups of the type of people you want to be surrounded by, and go make it happen. Nobody's going to do it for you.

With Love,
- Cam

Cam, not only is this what I wanted to hear, but also what I needed to hear. You're absolutely right on just about every single point.

My initial reaction was "wait, you're misunderstanding on a couple of points", but I very quickly realized those are nothing but excuses. Even if you did, that's completely irrelevant. I definitely have to start taking bigger charge of my life and doing things for myself. To that end, I have a very rough plan of what I'm going to do to make sure I am able to do what I am setting out to do.

Thanks man, I appreciate it!

[Cam Adair]

Anytime brother!