Every Journal Starts With The First Post

[KoyoteIcarus]

(Kind of stating the obvious with that title but it's a twist on a certain proverb :p)

Day 1: The Journal Begins

Howdy all, I finally got round to making my own journal and I've got quite some interesting things to mention to start me off! Well I can't guarantee they will be interesting but I can guarantee I do find them interesting myself :p.

Anyhow, from tomorrow onwards, I finally begin my process of defeating one of my greatest foes, video game addiction! It is a mighty foe who has tormented me relentessly for many years now, controlling my life so significantly and mercilessly, a foe who has it had it coming in so badly for such a long time! It shall be a difficult battle, I may not come out victorious, but I shall fight relentlessy in return to the very end! It's time I gave this monster a taste of it's own medicine and whether it likes it or not, I'm 'winning' my life back and it's going to be 'game over' for it as far as I can help it! Whether it likes it or not, it has no 'extra lives', it's playing on 'hardcore' mode against me and I'm not letting myself lose this once and for all, even if I lose the battle, i shall not never let myself willingly concede to it willingly again!

Now in all seriousness, I shall finally get on to reporting the good news! Basically, I have completely uninstalled not just Steam anymore, but also every trace of video games on my PC in terms of software of course! I've removed any music I had in association to it, removed all relative bookmarks and subscriptions on Youtube as well as unliking relative pages on Facebook (which I'm still kinda on the fence about quitting completely). I'm trying to remove all triggers, anything that can tempt me to relapsing, to returning to gaming.

What else..ah yes! Yesterday, I went out to see a film/movie I really wanted to see and after that, went for a meal to a Turkish restaurant which was my first visit to (meant to visit for so many years now!). Today I used a certain amount of money to have a meal at my favourite restaurant (a Punjabi Indian one) that has been a highlight of my life for years now. I went out in the evening as well, walking there too which are a certain combination of things which I'm especially completely terrified to do usually!

I'm not sure how I'm going to pass the time on from tomorrow, but I'll work on it, I'll figure something out at least. I was given great advice recently (from a helpful fellow member called Ed) about using Cam's hobby list and trying a hobby at a time so I will be trying that out for sure very soon. I still have my WiiU but I want to sell it off, I want to be rid of it and all my games associated with it. I'm not showing mercy anymore, I've shown so much mercy to my gaming addiction for most of my life now and over the years, it has shown me less and less mercy. It may have helped me through the most difficult times in my life but now, it's more of a hindrance especially than my aid by far. I have so many regrets that I need to deal with instead of 'encouraging' any longer.

I drafted out a routine which I agree quite happily with for myself. Still working it into practise, was meant to be asleep almost an hour ago according to it but I ended up being wake at 5am last 'night/morning' due to being too cold and I ended up waking up at 2:30pm roughly after falling asleep eventually! I was very disappointed and frustrated and also feeling lethargic as I mentioned elsewhere but this is greatly motivating me to sort myself out finally. It has been a long time coming and it's going to happen regardless now. I'm getting my fight back gradually!

Also I'm finding it amusing this certain song (Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight) is playing for me right now .

Anyhow, I'm going to wrap up here for today, will probably be posting shorter posts from now on (to the relief of some maybe :P) but for now, this will do as my introductory one for this Journal/Journey (Don't Stop 'B-logging'!) ;).

[AlexTheGrape]

Good on you for starting your journal! I'm confident that tracking your progress will be a worthwhile investment to help you along the way to recovery.

It's good you removed all traces of games on your computer, but I'm afraid that there is one more thing to do that will hold you back if you don't deal with it.

If you get Respawn like I did, it will make the process easier, but it is easy enough as it is. The problem will be the willpower to move on.

What is this thing?

Here it comes.

Deleting your steam account.

This step was the one step I missed on the multiple times I attempted to quit games for good, but ended up relapsing because when the nostalgia kicked in I could just install my games on my computer again and resume wasting my life. I'm sure that you've spend a lot of money and invested a lot of time playing games on steam, but for quitting to really work you need to erase all paths that allow you to game again.

Unlike your wiiU, you won't be able to sell your steam account, and even if you did, you would likely want to buy it back off whoever you sold it too. I'm also sad to say that by selling a steam account, you breach the EULA agreement you accepted when creating an account on steam. This means that there is no use in selling a steam account or else it may become 'frozen' where all games will unable to be played. So what? Does this mean you should keep it? No! I think you need to delete your steam account so that you will never again succumb to your gaming addiction enemy that has been controlling your life!

Here is a link that will show you how to 'delete' your steam account: https://www.reddit.com/r/StopGaming/comments/2t384s/how_to_get_rid_of_your_steam_account_in_60_mins/

Deleting your steam account is actually a very simple process, but the decision to let go of the games can be hard. Just remember: YOU HAVE PERMISSION to become a person you're proud of. Don't let any zombies nor cravings get in your way!

If you're having trouble deciding about this, I'd strongly recommend reading Respawn if you haven't already, it will take you through the steps necessary to fully start overcoming your gaming addiction.

It'll be worth it in the end, I believe in you!

[Tom]

Proud of you Koyote! Keep it up!

[Cam Adair]

Love seeing another journal up here! Keep it up.

[wookieshark88]

I can guarantee that it will be interesting as long as you stay honest and open with your journey!

[KoyoteIcarus]

Apologies for my recent inactivity, I haven't had much sleep lately aside from last night to be honest. The night before, I managed around 2 hours, that was it! I've had a busy day with a meeting with the 2nd charity I'm volunteering with to try and properly organise a schedule for me volunteering with them in the future. Anyway, first Ill respond to these posts and then make a new journal entry :).

@AlexTheGrape Humm...I found it kind of difficult to respond to this actually to be honest. I haven't been able to get Respawn yet unfortunately, as I'm very low on money and need to last till my next funds arrive, I should manage though (especially avoiding any unnecessary spending), hence the imperative to quit gaming of course.
I can't agree with deleting my account permanently in all honesty, I can understand why it could be beneficial but I can't bring myself to agree with it. It is ridiculous that we have to resort to that method to do so though, I saw in on there too and truth be told. I guess it does significantly influence the fact that Valve (Steam) want your money regardless. They never used to offer refunds till earlier this year, at least not to so 'easily', more reasons to be suspicious of them. I think Facebook never used to let you truly deactivate your account, it always made it possible to reactivate it but it became possible to eventually delete it permanently in the recent past?
It's funny how the things that are free to use are the most dangerous to us, 'Free to Play' games are perfect examples of that! Goes back to that saying, nothing in life is truly 'free', its like I've seen, the time you lose to gaming addictions is far valuable than even the money you will waste on it inevitably. Money can be replaced but your lost time, the moments of your life long gone can never be. And all the ones you missed out on, good luck making them 'happen again'.

I considered deleting all my gaming addict friends at least, I probably should have already but I'm still a bit hestitant on it, only a bit of course but still. I think I will do it in time, but I want to give them a chance, an ultimatum even. It may sound harsh but I rather do that than outright delete them permanently even from my friends list without explanation which is inevitably harsher. Although I suppose, if I am inactive on Steam especially, I won't have to worry about contacting them and being 'influenced' by their 'negative vibes', although truth be told, only one of them ever contacts that me and that's occasionally when he 'remembers that I exist 'as I like to say.

There is some things about myself I've been largely hesitant to say, I feel like talking about them could help me a lot and potentially others but I'm scared of revealing such personal information online to be honest. It's life-changing stuff literally, but I also feel it's relative to my gaming addiction, in fact I would go as far to say the roots of it even!

I am going to get Respawn and I will still keep your idea in consideration of course Alex, thank you very much though, I do very much appreciate and need it !

-edit- (forgot to reply to Tom, for shame! >_<)

@Tom Thank you Tom, I appreciate it a lot! Sorry for forgetting to reply to you before I originally made this post! :<

@Cam Thank you, will try my best to! I am determined to try to commit to this as well as quitting gaming of course!

@Wookie (Joe) Thank you, I can imagine it will be to be honest. Comfort isn't the way to be 'interesting' after all, you have to explore, take risks, grow and inevitably suffer pain in order to make life and yourself more 'interesting'. I was telling one of the staff I work with today about some stories from my 6th form years (extended years at my high school to do college level studies) and how they were my happiest and most succesful and entertaining years of my life actually. I was more daring back then, I didn't try to blend in and be someone I wasn't.

I wanted to make my teachers happy and I did some crazy things that weren't actually bad but would make me look like a 'teacher's pet' and just 'weird' in general but what it did for my teachers was unforgettable and gave one of them the best days of his life on the final day of his long-time career and also one of the best moments he's had before his passing not too long after. I was 'different' and it paid off, my ICT major project I designed for my favourite Physics teacher was absolutely loved by younger students who it was aimed for and by the teacher himself, I couldn't have been anymore proud at the time I don't think! The way I chose to behave left me isolated, neglected and unappreciated by the people of my age, I was looked up to by some younger people and somehow by some friends a year older than me. I received lots of bullying throughout high school from people of my age and even in A-Level I still wasn't treated with respect even by some 'friends'. It's funny how I chased after these people in my class year yet I was surrounded by people far better and more important than them who did genuinely apppreciate and respect me.

Animals and young children tend to gravitate towards me and I did always seem to have a special kind of connection with them, I also get along with people older than me a lot better too, never people of my own age throughout my whole life or close to it generally .In fact I love getting to know lots of older people especially women, I mean what?
(Quite convenient there's a lot of older women at my 2nd voluntary job who are just so lovely to be honest, I've known some other ones from school, counselling and what not and definitely adored them to some degree, the ones that I liked seem to have this wonderful 'air' to them in my opinion. Am I revealing too much about myself here? Hahaha I quite 'relate' to 'this guy' after all! ) But seriously, I love getting to know older people because of their generally greater maturity, wisdom, experience, emotional and meantal stability etc. I love the concepts of experience and surviving, being a 'survivor' (obligatory Destiny's Child reference? :P) as well as helping and saving others and I see that happening with older people too. More compassion, understanding, selflessness and what not. Granted not all of them are like that of course, but there are definitely some out there at least and I may not know 'enough' about them but I still like to try to see the good in as many people and things and what not as possible, even though it's impossible sometimes due to the nature of some people and things etc.

Sorry I'm rambling on so much again, I really get carried away! :< It's so nice to be able to start talking about myself so positively again after so long though and remembering the happiest memories in my life. It feels like the biggest and best of changes is finally due for me, that long awaited transitition, 'evolution' even that I've so desperately needed for a long time!

Edited October 13, 2015 by KoyoteIcarus
Forgot to reply to Tom! For shame!

[KoyoteIcarus]

Days 2 and 3:

I'm aiming to try to make these a lot shorter than my usual posts so here goes...

• To start off, I haven't been sleeping well but last night I did surprisingly and although it may be coming up to midnight right now, I'm heading off to bed after this posts done, no distractions or what not! I think the biggest offender has been the declining temperature of the weather with apparently the worst winter potentially in over 50 years! That's going to be a nightmare at least with my health issues so I need to make sure I'm on 'top of my game' in dealing with it.

• I unfortunately haven't been finding quitting gaming so 'easy' as expected, it has been very frustrating and I've ended up doing a lot of Internet surfing and watching a lot of videos on Youtube. It definitely is a struggle but the struggle is the very indicator of how bad the problem, the addiction actually is. I haven't been as productive and organised as I like but i know in time especially the recent future, it will happen gradually.

• I cooked dinner today even though I didn't delegate enough time to do it and it was very last-minute and thus rushed. But I'm aiming to stick to a routine like the one I devised and it may take time and a lot of effort at least to intergrate myself into it, the payoff will be immense in my opinion, especially in the long run. What I've been told on here by fellow Quitters from their experiences has absolutely resonated that.

• As I mentioned in the previous post above, I saw a glimpse, a reminder of the happiest point of my life and I felt like I was re-living the experiences somewhat. I actually felt really good whilst it lasted, it was overwhelming! I am getting my memories of my past already, the good ones at least I mean, I honestly was thinking I had 'overwritten' them and possibly even lost them worst case scenario! :<

• Finally, I have been experiencing a lot of shame and regret but it's nice to be feeling emotions in a bittersweet way at least. I am angry at myself but I know I will forgive myself, now that I'm trying to defeat the addiction that has tormented the most by far for so many years now! It's going to be difficult but I've survived far worse in my life, I've survived when I thought I absolutely had no hope and no future, it may ironically been drastically 'helped' by videogames but now they've become more of a hindrance than help to me. I'd love to see a day I can play them in true moderation but the way this consumerism focused society is going including the gaming industry particularly for example, it's a very dark path full of trying to get people addicted and wasting their money as much as possible, a dangerous vice like many others out there (gambling, alcohol, cigarettes etc of course).
  Whether I like it or not, I want a better future and the main person who will and has to make that happen is me, I've already been fighting for it especially recently and I won't let myself lose willingly, not now, not ever.
  
  
  

[AlexTheGrape]

Well done for making it this far. It will only get easier from here!

Be proud of yourself for sticking to quitting games, it is a hard task that should be congratulated, keep it up!

If you'd like to talk to me about some things if you're not sure about posting personal information online, I'd be happy to skype at some point or flick some emails. Just let me know if you want to do anything by emailing me on amonk447@gmail.com

I'd really like to reply to everything you posted, but I'm afraid I'm a bit short on time today!

I'm glad you are doing multiple volunteering activities! Not many people can persevere enough to try them! I only do one and it is working in IT to help people's computer problems at school.

It sounds like you were a really wonderful person when 'in your prime', so you will be able to do even more that beat your own feats once you meet the 90 day with no games milestone!

I hope to talk to you soon and good job for sticking to the quitting!

[Cam Adair]

Being proud of yourself for the little things is really important to build self-esteem. That made a huge difference for me. I talk more about that here.

[Tom]

I always enjoy reading your posts. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Don't worry about your gamer friends. In my experience you'll stay friends with those with which you have a real connection. The others will just replace you. You won't miss them, they won't miss you.

• As I mentioned in the previous post above, I saw a glimpse, a reminder of the happiest point of my life and I felt like I was re-living the experiences somewhat. I actually felt really good whilst it lasted, it was overwhelming! I am getting my memories of my past already, the good ones at least I mean, I honestly was thinking I had 'overwritten' them and possibly even lost them worst case scenario! :<

?This feels good, doesn't it? You wrote you had a good night's sleep. I did some research on sleep for a health condition of mine. Turns out that sleep deprivation makes your brain lock in bad memories and emotions and forget positive ones. When I started getting some solid sleep I started to experience what you are experiencing now. It even expanded to flashbacks of my early childhood. And my mood improved permanently because of this. That's one of the reasons why I care so much about sleeping enough and sleeping well.

[KoyoteIcarus]

?@Alex

Thank you! It genuinely is the most challenging thing I've tried to do in years, I thought learning to cook was hard! Haha But I tell you what, 3 years ago, I couldn't even cook yet here I am now able to cook meals for myself and others quite often at least!

Gaming is such an addictive and destructive habit, the industry has changed over the years and whilst there may still be really good games out there potentially, I think the industry enough has become too big for it's own good or at least for the people who loved it so much at least. All the horror stories I've heard over the last few years at least of horrid business practises towards and by developers, scams and hacking, the whole Gamergate fiasco (which I still ongoing I think?), controversies with certain big-name publishers and loads of other problems too, it just seems so much bigger and more complicated than it ever was and thus comes with all sorts of new experiences for the better but especially the worst in my opinion. Although granted some of these problems did exist back then but when the entire industry grows so much, everything associated with is is bound to scale with it respectively.

To be honest, I wanted to really pursue a very specialised future in regards to cooking. I love doing it and it's such a feel good thing for me, I have controversies around it now, due to some realisations about myself including what I really believe in and want, which is really complicating things for me now.

I nearly ended up volunteering for a vegetarian cafe a year or two ago at least and was reminded of it recently, where I was also reminded that I wished that I had worked for them after all. It's something I'd like to look into now actually, would suit my 'true beliefs' regarding my eating habits and cooking (I want to become vegetarian ideally, vegan even although thats still unsure).

I am really conflicted about who I am and I want to be, but I know this all natural and necessary and also for the 'greater good' regarding myself. I've been 'burying' all these problems I've had for so many years and tried to distract myself with my addictions particularly to avoid confronting and resolving them.

That's a very kind offer thank you! I am quite introverted though (although a 'social introvert' possibly?) and I tend to get worn out by just interacting online and posting on here for instance, like I need to 'recharge'. I think I used to be a lot more social back in the day as I literally was but to due to extreme changes in my life and behaviour, I ended up becoming more introverted and thus not used to it. I'll definitely consider it though thank you, I do prefer posting on here as I can get feedback from others as well but i'll think about it, thank you again!

That's no worries haha, I appreciate you reading and responding to my post regardless, I appreciate all the consideration .

I'm glad you are doing multiple volunteering activities! Not many people can persevere enough to try them! I only do one and it is working in IT to help people's computer problems at school.

Thanks again haha, I do love it to be honest especially the 2nd job! I did have a long-time dream of helping people, I realised recently it was heavily influenced by this girl I knew in high school who was literally the only person aside from some teachers of course, to treat me so kindly and respectfully. She was in love with me I think as she pursued my attention for years and tried to help me out so many times, even showing a little too much interest in me in front of others. But I think she did admit her feelings to a teacher at one point and I think the teacher was trying to hint to me at the time what happened at least but I didn't catch on due to being so 'dense' :P. She was so good to me though, she really tried to help me here and there and I've vowed to never let myself forget her more than anyone outside my own family because she hugely inspired me at least to try and be a far better person than I already was. I wanted to 'do it for her' for her to be honest, I've dreamt of returning to her one day (kinda like Luffy with Shanks in the Japanese manga series 'One Piece' :P) and letting her see who I've become and how much she was 'responsible' for it :3. I was too afraid to talk to her, never mind tell her that I felt the same for her and I'm pretty certain even our final years of school (where we both were in 6th form) she still had feelings for me tbh. If there is one thing I truly regret more than anything includiny my gaming addiction, its 'letting her down so much' to be honest. She was so selfless, kind, friendly and caring to me, kinda like my own 'personal hero' that I knew directly.
'If only she knew' as Lemar once nicely sang about !

It probably also helps at the 2nd job especially, I've got a few people there who are older and just so much friendlier, mature and respectful. They're such a pleasure to be around generally and they even joked that they've become my fans at least recenty due to my 'awesome IT skills' LOL! I never thought that would be what impresses women but to be fair, when I started high school, my IT teacher in the first year was actually my favourite Physics teacher as well and he was impressed by how much of an 'IT Wiz' I was and I ended up teaching and helping the class myself including that girl I mentioned especially hahaha. The only time I seemed to be able to talk to her is to help her with her computer, LOL! Jeez, I was so 'bad'. Michael Jackson probably claims he dedicated that song to me!
I tend to fear provoking drama/controversy mentioning him though in anyway due to what happened with him over the recent years at least. He was my one of my idols growing up though, just for his music really especially Smooth Criminal and Earth Song. I keep rambling on so randomly, so much for being 'introverted'?

I've been trying to help a local shopkeeper to use his laptop and i wish I had the patience and I focus I used to have, I feel like I'm not able to help as much as I can and should be doing because of my issues with them and it's frustrating. Ultimately, it's giving me more motivation to 'sort myself out' though, to quit the addiction!

That sounds cool though, what you're doing I mean. Would you mind elaborating on that by any chance? I don't mind if you don't want to of course :).

Yeah I think I was but not trying to inflate my ego (at least too much :P) but I was also inspired by 'someone e;se' before that high school girl. There was this pet dog my family had when I was living with my family back home in Africa (I'm in the UK now, moved here when I was 8) and tshe was the kindest animal I've ever known personally.She was a mother to 2 of the other dogs and I still remember this one time particularly when I fell over badly outside the house and was in tears around 6-7 years old maybe and she bolted into the house (luckily the doors were all open) and barked at my family till they came outside to see me.

It sounds extraordinary possibly(it does to me at least) and it probably is, its one of the many reasons I love animals so much .I felt like she really cared about me like one of her own. When I left them behind to move here, I was absolutely heartbroken and in tears, I ended up hugging her in particular and giving her a kind of speech/long goodbye before I left. It took me years for most of the pain of it to go away but there's always still that bit of pain that never goes away. I'm grateful I knew them and got to spend time with them whilst it lasted though.

Thank you again though, I do appreciate that a lot and I'd like to think even if I wasn't that great a person, I definitely will be in time, I'm certainly working on it and on the way there :). I have the dream of wanting to help other people and animals after all, a dream I really need to make sure I remember and make happen!
I will try to thank you, it's definitely far from easy but I guess the best things in life are worth the struggle and quitting the addiction will be one of the best things to happen to me respectively!

(I've written this much already!? Yikes! )

@Cam

Yeah definitely, I've seen and/or heard you say (I'm sure I have) that using small goals to boost yourself is the key to success. Being proud of the little achievements to make the bigger ones much more feasible to do. Its like this analogy of mine I like to use: "You have to take a staircase a step at a time", similar to the proverb about journeys that inspired my journal's title but heyo :p, Gonna watch some of your videos in a few minutes, including that one you just linked of course :). Going to be making an early dinner too, quite excited about it as I'm repeating a dish I made yesterday for one of the charities that I volunteer with and it turned out BRILLIANT, even if I must do say so myself! (I tend to be harsh on myself when it comes to doing things though!) Thank you though, I do need to work on doing that!

@Tom

Thank you Tom :), that's definitely reassuring and even inspiring for me to be honest!
Yeah, that is a really good point! It feels like a one-sided relationship which are never good in my opinion and especially in my case where I am the one 'losing out' too.
I do enjoy meeting new people and I've really liked getting to know people on here including you guys of course :D! As you and others have said, I think the right people will come along especially when you make the right steps and choices in life. I'm really starting to see my friends very differently to how I used to and not for their benefit anymore, I'm much more critical of them now and see them for what they really are now.

Oh yes, definitely! Getting a good night sleep feels so good! Especially when you're really tired or/and been lacking sleep lately! That certainly seems to make sense and it is absolutely true in my experience, I have noticed I am more 'negative' with less sleep yet yesterday at the group I was much cheerier due to getting a lot of sleep and I was even getting along really well with the most hot-headed person there! LOL Me and her have clashed in the past nastily but we've also had some really nice moments together (as friends, behave!). I remember last year, I ended up waking up in the middle of the night to write her a letter telling her she wasn't alone and that we really cared about her and would miss her if she was gone for any reason etc because somehow I felt something was wrong and she needed it. When she received it, she burst into tears and thought it was a love confession too LOL! I wouldn't have minded that outcome but I don't know if me and her can ever be 'compatible' realistically and she has a bf now who she's really happy with so far, so let's hope it works out. He seems to be a good lad and good for her too, she's dated some real nasty at least 'twits' in the past tbh, according to what I've heard and seeing how much it seems to have affected her too before. We actually really got along well over cooking yesterday despite our different atitudes, needs and preferences towards food and cooking amongst other things, it actually shocked me as I keep forgetting how genuinely nice, sweet, kind and innocent she can be! I've given her a lot of crap before but I don't think I ever truly meant it and I don't think she truly deserves it at all, far from it possibly.

Also to go back to what were meant to be discussing (ah distractions :P), I tend to have nightmares if I sleep too much in the morning or throughout the day especially, I kind of see it as my brain trying to warn me to wake up in the first place and also to sort myself out possibly. I've started remembering positive parts of my life lately with my improved sleeping pattern lately, it's surreal, surreal because I'm so used to being 'cynical' from my on-going, long-term depression particularly of course. But I think my depression is genuinely getting better, definitely FAR better than a few years ago that's for sure! And I'm adamant (not to be confused with 'Adam Ant') to not let myself become that 'dark' again especially for so long and in such a 'destructive' manner too ideally.

It all comes down to taking care of ourselves at the end of the day doesn't it? If we can't tand especially don't take care of ourselves, how can we do the same for others and expect them to as well? I was reminded recently from somewhere about how airline safety absolutely insists regardless to put your airmask on before helping anyone else, after all if you died or become incapacitated at least,how can you help anyone else? Gotta have balance in everything I think including selflessness and it's contrast self-centeredness.?


(i will add more journal posts later today, I need to respond to everyone elses threads around here too including your threads of course. I want to return the favour to you guys too for what you've done :p. I'll be dedicating some time later at least to do so!)

Edited October 16, 2015 by KoyoteIcarus
Forgot to add something

[Cam Adair]

Think we have a winner for current longest post on the forum.

[KoyoteIcarus]

LOL! Not sure if I should be 'proud' of that?

I like to think over time, the longer I manage to quit gaming and thus get away from the addiction, the more I can refine myself down including how much I talk online.

I was watching your videos just now and it made me think about how much the addiction has changed me, like transformed me into the opposite of what I was. I definitely have a lot of problems with lack of organisation, self control and just excess all round now, so I can't wait to see how much I can change again and this time for the better :).

[Cam Adair]

One day at a time. Read "The Slight Edge" - it will help you understand more about how to take that next step.

[KoyoteIcarus]

I'll have a look into it, thanks! You are right, just have to remember that it is a one day at a time, the present is the most important as what we do now becomes our past and will affect our future too.

Days 4 and 5

(I really keep forgetting to actually post my journal updates, I need to seriously rectify this issue! I will get to posting these daily and in more shorter form too, that's a goal for me right now.)

First things first, I have been experiencing a variety of emotions lately but that's also due to a lot going on for me personally at the moment and the recent unfortunate changes in weather in preparation for the upcoming Winter.

Some good news is that I cooked another meal which didn't turn out too badly actually, not as good as the same meal I made for the group the day before but it wasn't awful either .Bit too much garlic and it was made to be slightly different too which affected the outcome naturally.
I also went out for a meal to my favourite pub/restaurant and absolutely enjoyed it so much, I felt on top of the world briefly! Just such a fantastic meal which blew me away whilst it lasted, I think those moments tend to happen when you need the most and expect them the least funnily enough.

Unfortunately, I did wake up at 4 am last night after going to sleep at around 11pm, was unable to go back to sleep but I did a bit of sorting out through the clutter in my room and just really enjoyed relaxing whilst listening to some beautiful and soothing Irish music. I am realising some things about myself that are actually pleasantly surprising for the most part, I feel like I'm starting to learn more about myself and who I really am, I think I've brought it up before at least once but definitely feeling it happening now.

Also some more good news is, I was tempted to play on the WiiU whilst watching TV downstairs (new Dr Who episode mainly) and you know what's really funny? I couldn't bring myself to actually play anything! I already have removed almost all the downloaded games I have on there, I have no desire to play the games I have especially Mario Kart and the two Dynasty Warriors type games I have, which are some of the most guilty for causing and amplifying addictions in the first place in my opinion!

I'm getting that feeling towards my PC and PC gaming too, I was hardly on the PC these last few days and I can't wait to one day realise my Steam profile will finally go from one extreme of saying an average of 120 hours playtime in a fortnight (!!!!) to 0 every fortnight from now on in the future! That sounds so exciting to me, it feels like esaping a 'prison'/'cage', in fact one of my favourite songs which is by Nightwish alludes to this kind topic! (The Escapist) I'm sure I do know some similar songs too, but this one in particular works quite nicely :).

I'm thinking of wiping my data on my WiiU and packing it all up and selling it onwards or trading it in to a game shop even. I'm not sure what do with my PC but I'd like to think and hope I won't depend on it anymore in the future, it just will be an ocassionally used, useful tool for me that could lead me to career opportunities even or just somehow a better, brighter future. It's been the biggest source of my addictions by far due to the Internet and Steam in particular, hence I think that sage advice I've heard of disconnecting from everything and letting your brain 'reboot' is more vital than I ever realised before. I'm definitely feeling the improvements despite the struggles I've had and having at times with not having the PC to distract me anymore.

I didn't honestly think I'd enjoy cutting down my videogame addiction especially before i discovered GameQuitters, but gradually my mind is recovering and my enjoyment is returning in general. I've noted as well as my family have noticed it lately that generally I'm more social, calmer and relaxed than I have been in years and I definitely feel like I am too. I am having my struggles but that's all a part of the journey of self-improvement and turning my life around, it will all be for the better ultimately, I'm sure of that.

I know this was meant to be brief, but I guess old habits are hard to beat! Definitely not impossible, but absolutely doable of course. The pain, the struggle, the resistance are part of the process, they must be experienced for you to be molded into something better, oh man! I just remembered an awesome motivational wallpaper I found with a quote regarding to that! I'm not sure if you guys would agree with it but here it is for anyone interested: http://www.walldevil.com/wallpapers/a89/alexis-carrel-marble-sculptor.jpg

Also, this one is currently my wallpaper to help motivate me :): http://alatriste22.deviantart.com/art/Life-527449026

[Tom]

I didn't honestly think I'd enjoy cutting down my videogame addiction especially before i discovered GameQuitters, but gradually my mind is recovering and my enjoyment is returning in general. I've noted as well as my family have noticed it lately that generally I'm more social, calmer and relaxed than I have been in years and I definitely feel like I am too. I am having my struggles but that's all a part of the journey of self-improvement and turning my life around, it will all be for the better ultimately, I'm sure of that.

You are gaining momentum! It can only get better from here.

Enjoying The Escapist right now. You remind me that I should be less of a snob: Anette is an excellent singer too, and Nightwish are still awesome \m/,

[AlexTheGrape]

What's been going on Koyotelcarus? We haven't heard from you in a while! I hope you're keeping up good habits and are doing fine

 

[AlexTheGrape]

I don't know if you'll see this, but I was just wondering how you're going man, it seems like a whole lifetime since you've been on the forums!

I'd love to hear from you, so please write a quick post on how you're going so we can help you out!