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Jeremias Journal


Jeremias
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 3/06/2016

Attempt 3 - Day 4-5

I have started working on a new project at work yesterday, so I'm feeling much more productive and engaged at work. I'm enjoying my time there each day and the hours are flying by. In my spare time around my working hours, I've mostly been talking to my family/friends, playing pool and watching YouTube. 

In regards to my exercise, I have been resting and doing some bodyweight exercises to strengthen my core and glutes. Whilst doing them, it has become evident that my right hamstring is not 100%, and it really does need more rest :( I guess I'll need to exercise a couple more weeks of restraint. 

It appears the weekend is upon me once again, the last two of which I have relapsed out of boredom. This time around however, I have a plan set out to prevent this from happening. There is rain forecast which may ruin parts of my plans, but to quote @Piotr 2016:

Planning is the first step to make things done. It will not always be possible to get everything done as planned, but action will certainly bring you closer to better life. And that's the reason why the whole detox struggle is worth it.

Today

  • I've been dreaming each morning this week. These dreams are not about games, like some others on this forum seem to experience. I never used to experience this as I would stay up late each night playing games, so I don't take it for granted!
  • My productivity spikes the moment I start enjoying what I'm doing at work.
  • A densely-packed plan for the following weekend is complete.

Tomorrow

  • Parkrun under 20 minutes! I'm really going to push it this time; my hamstring can deal with it
  • Write a journal post!
  • Follow the plan and make the right choices
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4/06/2016

Attempt 3 - Day 6

I was anxious I would relapse from the moment I woke up at 3am until about 11am, at which point my day was rolling and I was starting to get some things done. I'm lucky to have the support from this forum, I really am. 

Today

  • I awoke at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. I feel like my whole week is leading up to parkrun on Saturdays
  • I completed 5km in 20:41: a fair bit slower than normal due to the rain, but at least I didn't injure myself
  • I was occupied throughout my whole day thanks to the plan I made the week before
    • Many games of pool played
    • Shopping finished
    • Began cleaning my room
    • A fair bit of YooToob to be honest

Tomorrow

  • A bit more cleaning of my room, and disposing of some old clutter
  • Long run, rain hail or shine (unless it's very dangerous. I'll check the radar for a good time to go)
  • Buy a mirror, and cut my own hair for the first time.
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6/06/2016

Attempt 3 - Day 8

Phew, I survived the weekend B| Laying out a plan for my weekend made this possible. Whilst I didn't stick to the plan for a majority of the time, the mere act of coming up with things that I want to get done this weekend assisted me during moments I would have otherwise felt bored. 

Despite this, I did find myself on YouTube late at night for a few hours at the end of Sunday. It feels so silly that I'm anxiously waiting for the weekend to pass, while everyone else in the world wishes they could have more time in their life... I could either find more things to do on the weekend, become more dedicated to the hobbies that I already have or get a casual job. Maybe I can start a little freelancing? I'm not sure. 

Today

  • Whilst focusing on work is most important while I am at work, I want to spend my free time more productively. This means completing more boring tasks that I may not feel like on the weekend, such as shopping and planning. In return, I will be decreasing my time reading news and running articles. 
  • I started playing with the idea of buying Rocksmith in my head - I already own an electric (which needs repairing) but I stopped playing due after I reached a plateau. It could help me make another step up
  • I've looked into Toastmasters and it looks very interesting, but the cost seems pretty steep for once a month. I guess it would probably be worth it in return for tackling one of my big weaknesses
  • I've almost finished reading 'Born to Run,' which is pretty interesting if you're into that kind of thing :) 
  • I've resumed playing in my old band on Monday nights

Tomorrow

  • Interval training on the circuit
  • Work
  • Duolingo on the commute
  • Cut my own hair, for the first time.
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7/06/2016

Attempt 3 - Day 9

I saw Cam's latest video this morning about the importance of being proactive. It induced a little rant which I've written during some spare time at work today. 

I feel I have been a reactive person for most of my past. Socially, I've always been shy and happy to go with the flow. Academically, I've always performed to the standards of those around me. Whenever I have moved away from home, my results at school have dropped. 

In the last 6 months, I have been concluded that being reactive to those around me is not necessarily a bad thing, under certain circumstances. It has allowed me to perform well in several areas of my life, but I have recognised the dependence of my results on the environment that I subject myself to. I couldn't possibly be where I am today if it wasn't for the attitude instilled in me by my family, friends and role-models. My downfalls are equally dependent on my environment; if I play a game on the computer for a few days, conversing with people who are more toxic and depressed than your average person, I come out the other end more like them. 

Stopping gaming has helped me take further responsibility for my actions. I can choose the people who I follow and who I converse with, and I can subject myself to environments where I will grow more than I would have in other environments. I consciously think about what friends I speak to and what activities I do with my time based on who I want to become. This has involved limiting my communication with old friends who game too much, stress out others around them and/or are content with mediocrity. I hope this doesn't come across as snobby, but it has helped me become more happy and more productive than I used to be. 

I'm learning to take more responsibility for my mistakes and make less excuses. Regarding the detox, any relapses I have made have been my fault and there is always a way that I could have done better. Whilst I have been good in reducing my exposure to people who drag me down, I should be more proactive in helping those who empower me in any way I can. This is why I enjoying posting a lot on this forum - Cam's tireless work ethic and the consistency of other contributors is something we can all learn from. 

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I'm learning to take more responsibility for my mistakes and make less excuses. Regarding the detox, any relapses I have made have been my fault and there is always a way that I could have done better. Whilst I have been good in reducing my exposure to people who drag me down, I should be more proactive in helping those who empower me in any way I can. 

Yes and also remembering that although you can take responsibility for yourself, you can also be kind and compassionate that you're trying your best as well. :)

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9/06/2016

Attempt 3 - Day 11

Things are going well at the moment. 

  • I've been enjoying my work recently,
  • My duolingo streak is back up to 5 days,
  • I'm talking to one of my friends each day,
  • My first self-haircut didn't end catastrophically,
  • I've reduced my running training to 3-4 days per week to help prevent injury, but I'm enjoying it just as much as ever. I'm no longer feeling guilty when my legs need to rest instead of training. My hamstring is slowly starting to improve.

Before tomorrow, I need to fill in some of the chasms in my timetable for the upcoming long weekend.

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Thanks for being a part of our community Jeremias. Really appreciate your great comments on others posts.

Likewise x10 Cam.

10/06/2016

Attempt 3 - Day 12

In an effort to fill the chasms in my plan for the upcoming weekend, I texted some of my friends if they were interested in coming and chilling on the weekend. One of my friends told me that he was busy, but would be keen to come by another weekend. Funnily enough, his GF (who I've acquainted previously) invited me to her party (this weekend) only an hour later. It just goes to show:

  • Old friendships need a bit of effort to keep up. Simply talking to the people you like once every few months is often enough, almost serving as a reminder that you/they exist. 
  • One thing can lead to another - I hadn't planned on going out this weekend but hey

I slept terribly last night, and am starting to struggle again with the thought of relapse. I need to keep making the small choices correctly, carry out my plan for the weekend and keep up with the journal. If you can't go without gaming for 90 days, then you need to go without gaming for 90 days.

I really want to crack the 20 minute mark on my 5k tomorrow. I've been talking about it for weeks, but tomorrow looks like a good sunny day. I'll post within 36 hours.

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I slept terribly last night, and am starting to struggle again with the thought of relapse. I need to keep making the small choices correctly, carry out my plan for the weekend and keep up with the journal. If you can't go without gaming for 90 days, then you need to go without gaming for 90 days.

yes, hang in there. We've got you bro! Small choices lead to your results so make good choices the next few days and your cravings should subside. :)

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  • 2 months later...

Hey all.

Whilst I haven't been maintaining this journal for a long while now, I thought I'd give an update for the benefit of everyone. I feel that forums like these are abundant in posts from motivated people in their first few weeks, eager about the idea of starting. However, you less commonly hear from those who fall off the bandwagon.

It's been 109 days since I first posted in this journal, and there have been some big changes since this time. So I guess I'll summarise:

  • I was enthusiastically posting during my first 20 days, increasing my running training to 5-6 days per week and reading every day. I found new ways to challenge myself, starting talking to a friend on this forum, and generally becoming more self-aware of my habits and tendencies. I was feeling great, but still struggling to fill the time and I grew somewhat dependent on reading this forum or self-development articles.
  • I began relapsing occasionally around day 20, generally playing for 5 hours or so before uninstalling the game in disappointment. I was disappointed in myself, but took responsibility for it and really tried to pick myself up. I found things more difficult after a niggling hamstring injury prevented me from running, forcing me to pick up new activities that were not meaningful to me. My journal posts above stop at around day 40, but I continued keeping notes in my personal journal.
  • Around day 50 I felt myself playing until around 2am on a Sunday night, leaving me tired for the next day of work. At the time I felt that this was unacceptable, and I proceeded to draft up a plan to reorganise my life. In hindsight, it's cool to see how my standards have changed. Whilst I managed to clean out half of my room's contents, program a system to analyse my spending and minimise my dependencies on other people, my hamstring injury still held me back. I was making adjustments to my work and home environments that played with my 'behaviour of least resistance' (a term I coined just now) such as putting my computer away and charging my phone away from my bed. I think that this is the most important idea I've learnt from the last 110 days: an idea I didn't learn from any book or video, but through self-awareness. For anyone reading, I would strongly recommend having a think about this in relation to your behaviour in eating, working, relaxing on weekdays or weekends, etc.
  • Pokemon GO was released around day 70, which I got right into and ultimately led to me playing games once again. I was bored from the grind a few weeks later, and put my computer away once again for a couple more weeks. Since this time, I've been putting my computer away whenever I err on the side of too much gaming. 

My most important takeaways in hindsight:

  • The 90 day challenge has helped me become more self-aware, independent, astute, disciplined and enthusiastic. I've made great changes and drastically reduced my time spent sitting on the computer despite not strictly completing the challenge.
  • Manipulate your environment to help influence your behaviour
    • Never stop trying to surround yourself with people you want to be more like
    • Physically optimise your environment. Remove triggers for negative habit loops and add triggers that encourage positive habits
  • In my opinion, there are times more should be said about hardening up and just doing the thing you want done. There are times I found myself reading (GQ forum, self-help books), writing and feeling good about myself without really accomplishing much. I learn a lot more by doing the thing I want done, and consulting books and articles only when specific help is required - I believe that the GQ forum should be used in a similar fashion. 
  • You cannot fail if you keep getting back up again. If at first you fail, try experimenting with new ideas and reflect on what works best.

Finally, I leave a massive and sincere thank you to @Cam for the hours he has put into the cause for almost nothing in return. I'm not sure where I'd be now without you. Also congratulations to @asquerade for making amazing progress during his 90 days, and a big thanks for being a bro through the process.

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  • In my opinion, there are times more should be said about hardening up and just doing the thing you want done. There are times I found myself reading (GQ forum, self-help books), writing and feeling good about myself without really accomplishing much. I learn a lot more by doing the thing I want done, and consulting books and articles only when specific help is required - I believe that the GQ forum should be used in a similar fashion. 

Agreed for sure. It's such a tough balance sometimes of encouraging people to keep going while always coming back to action as the antidote to a lot of "problems" we have. Feeling good by consuming vs. creating the life you want through action.

Love your post though, really appreciate it. 

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