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asquerade

Tim's Weekly Journal

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A big success and awesome moment happened at a nightclub. The bouncers here in Berlin are very strict, you get dismissed a lot. So I come up to this guy after waiting in line a bit, we exchange 1-2 sentences and he goes "you are real quiet", to which I responded "Yep, that's all me" (or that's just how i roll).. He grinned and let me in. And this wasn't a conscious effort to "fake it until you make it" or say the right thing. It came from within, I was feeling confident and OK to be the quiet kind.

Sweet. Well you did more than me, I've never been to a nightclub before! maybe I should ....B|

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Journal Week 14

mission result: success

Today I'm celebrating my successful 90 day detox. I can't believe it's been only 90 days, since so much has changed and pretty much everything for the better. My 90 days weren't completely gaming free: I played ~3 hours of pokemon go in the last 14 days, mostly because it seemed a fun thing to do with friends (and it was). Now I'm not sure if this could become addicting again, that's why I invented very strict rules for myself: I allowed myself to play for max 1 hour, and after playing on one day, I am not allowed to play on the next, no exceptions, no excuses. This should be a good exercise to build trust in myself. Typing this made me realize if I read in another guys journal here about him playing pokemon go, I'd think "Uh oh, this guy doesn't seem to be on the right track", and while it's easy to justify it internally, maybe there is some truth in the outsiders perspective. Maybe I need to take my social stuff more seriously again to get rid of the resurgence of interest in games.

The past 2 weeks have been extremely productive, as I put something like 50 hours per week into music, but that also meant not seeing a lot of people. Meeting people has always helped with my every struggle I had in life, so it's probably a good idea to intensify that again, even if it means I don't make musical progress as fast.

Becoming an outstanding producer is my main goal though, and the will is so strong that I wouldn't even want to play Dota right now, because I know it would slow down my progresses. Relapse might be a slow process though, it already happened to me once, where I played some gameboy games, because I thought they weren't "real" games, and after that I gradually declined into binging PC games again. 

Nevertheless my outlook and vision for the future is very positive and I plan on reading and posting here from time to time.

A big thank you to everyone who participated in this thread and helped me on my path.  And of course to Cam, who gave me great resources to free myself of games and be happy again.

Edited by asquerade

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Congrats on your finished detox, neighbour!

Seems like you got back a balance in your life, and that's one of the most precious thing you could get.

Do you have any schedule how ofter you're gonna post? Or just occasionally, like you wrote "from time to time"?

It's important to be aware after finished detox and not let yourself relapse after couple of days of celebrating. This thing happened so often on this forum and you can just avoid this issue by your awareness.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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