I'm new and I'm looking for others to help me through my addiction to playing video games.

[JRT]

Hello to you all.  My name is Josh.  I'm going through a lot with my addiction to gaming.   I had been playing games since I was 3, when I got my first NES console. Over the years, it has been the central part of all of my friend and family relationships. It was the tool I used to bond with people, and it developed into a habbit that negatively impacted my grades in school, in university, and eventually my relationships.  I would say, that I was at my worst 10 years ago when I was playing games nearly 72 hours a week, but the reality is that after managing to quit 7 years ago, I had a relapse this year that has destroyed my marriage and I think that's worse even though I was only playing for an hour a day.  I had promised my wife 7 years ago to put the games aside.  They were eating up my life, taking my attention away from my wife and newborn and I was getting aggressive towards people around me when I couldn't play.   Over the years, the thoughts of wanting to play and the memories from childhood kept eating at me.  Thoughts of abandoning my identity as a Gamer kept creeping up on me, making me feel dejected towards my wife who I had made the promise to.  Eventually I broke down and downloaded Wildrift on my phone, thinking I would only play it on the train ride to work, but I started having to hide this from my wife and she grew suspicious of me until recently when she asked to see my phone and I broke down.  She thought I was cheating on her and it devastated me.  I gave her my phone to look through and see that I had been playing the game when I was alone.  She was devastated that I broke my promise to her, and more so that I hadn't even talked to her about it.  She feels like she can't trust me now, that I can easily lie to her. And I am hurting over this.  I want to be there for her and I don't want this in my life anymore.  It's caused me too much pain and made me miss out on so much that I could have been doing.  I need help, but it's difficult to find here in Germany, especially for me, as I'm originally from the U.S. and an English native speaker.  I'm hoping that I can find help and support here.  

[DanielG]

5 hours ago, JRT said:

Hello to you all.  My name is Josh.  I'm going through a lot with my addiction to gaming.   I had been playing games since I was 3, when I got my first NES console. Over the years, it has been the central part of all of my friend and family relationships. It was the tool I used to bond with people, and it developed into a habbit that negatively impacted my grades in school, in university, and eventually my relationships.  I would say, that I was at my worst 10 years ago when I was playing games nearly 72 hours a week, but the reality is that after managing to quit 7 years ago, I had a relapse this year that has destroyed my marriage and I think that's worse even though I was only playing for an hour a day.  I had promised my wife 7 years ago to put the games aside.  They were eating up my life, taking my attention away from my wife and newborn and I was getting aggressive towards people around me when I couldn't play.   Over the years, the thoughts of wanting to play and the memories from childhood kept eating at me.  Thoughts of abandoning my identity as a Gamer kept creeping up on me, making me feel dejected towards my wife who I had made the promise to.  Eventually I broke down and downloaded Wildrift on my phone, thinking I would only play it on the train ride to work, but I started having to hide this from my wife and she grew suspicious of me until recently when she asked to see my phone and I broke down.  She thought I was cheating on her and it devastated me.  I gave her my phone to look through and see that I had been playing the game when I was alone.  She was devastated that I broke my promise to her, and more so that I hadn't even talked to her about it.  She feels like she can't trust me now, that I can easily lie to her. And I am hurting over this.  I want to be there for her and I don't want this in my life anymore.  It's caused me too much pain and made me miss out on so much that I could have been doing.  I need help, but it's difficult to find here in Germany, especially for me, as I'm originally from the U.S. and an English native speaker.  I'm hoping that I can find help and support here.  

Welcome Josh! I'm still new to quitting games (1 month today), but if you're looking for someone to talk to feel free to message me.

[GrainSiloEnthusiast]

You have something a lot of newcomers don't: experience having quit in the first place. How did you quit the first time around?

Adopt the mantra: Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness.

It might sound cheesy but I'm serious. You need to talk at length about this with your wife, or there is no chance of ever regaining her trust. And not just about gaming, everything. No more white lies about anything else either. Rigorous honesty. It can be hard to balance it with tact, but it's well worth it. If you had talked with her through your feelings before you relapsed, or came to us for help, etc, you wouldn't be in this position.

I have a year free from games under my belt now, as well as experience recovering from other addictions. My inbox is open to you, and I have been checking in here more frequently recently.

You can do this. You've done it before, you absolutely can do it again. You have to believe in yourself though, and you have to understand that you can't change the fact that you're an addict.

Another thing I recommend is sharing your own advice and encouraging words to others on here, because addicts helping addicts is what gets and keeps us clean. You will be doing both yourself and the other person a service.

Create a new identity as a person who recovers from gaming addiction one day at a time. You've seen what there is to lose otherwise, losing the title of "gamer" doesn't compare in the slightest!

[davidthedad]

Josh, hey man. I have had the exact experience as you. The games I struggled with were wild rift and the like. I lied to my wife and hid it as well. I know whay you are going through man. Now my relationship has been restored and I've learned to be open and honest. I believe you can too. I eventually found a counselor and got help with my depression and anxiety as well. I'm here for you bro. Stay strong. 💪 

[jazzfelix]

Hi Josh,

I did only quit for 8 months, not 7 years. Then I started again for about a month. I could not tell my girlfriend either (we are not married, but have a child). She did not realise that I was gaming again I think and it was just for about 2 hours a week. But it was increasing. The last week was more than 16 hours in total. I did not want to and felt guilty. I never promised to stop though. This makes a difference, but I still felt really bad about myself. During the 7 months quitting I was thinking about gaming a lot. Perhaps even every other day. What now completely destroyed every feeling to have to game again was a Zen Sesshin I attended for a week. When I was there it did not feel as if this could help. On the contrary. I thought about gaming a lot and somehow even came to the conclusion that I could play games when I returned and it would not even be any problem. I was kind of confused. My analytical mind told me that this should be dangerous but my feeling was that it was right. When I came back the first thing I did was to play one of my favourite games. I did so for 2 minutes then I stopped and started to prepare my computer for Ebay. I was simply shocked by the violence in the game and the unmanagable cognitive load. I was annoyed by the advertisements I was shown before I could play. And I was not able to enjoy this artificial world at all. Now this feeling of wanting to play might come back someday in the future. But if it gets very strong, I will just sit with it and practice Zazen for many hours a day. I might even take a couple days of Zazen. After I will play a game and I will know that I do not want to.

I am living in Germany too by the way. If you want, I can help you find a monastery to learn about Zazen. xD