PastTense's daily journal

[PastTense]

Urge to play tft, mind went to pubg. 
binging on adventuretime because anxious to deal with problems like finance and adress.

[PastTense]

Did not play anything. Watched tv all day. Ccleanes spontaneously when father came in. That anxious behaviour is an issue. 

[PastTense]

Earlier this morning I started masturbating but with no images couldn’t cum. Maybe that is a bad sign. Later that day i could. 
i have major urges to play games and half downloaded one but managed not to play it. 
 

have been watching adventuretime all day it feels like. 
 

peoductivity wise: have made my bed, checked eboks which had errors. 
tried calling the bank forgot I was on hold. 
 

food wise I made lentils with onions and tomato and spaghetti. It tastes almost like spaghetti with beef. 
 

[PastTense]

Woke ip at 2:30 attended itaa meeting 1 h. Back to sleep. Ignored alarms. Up at 7:45. It is 8:28 now. 

[PastTense]

I relapsed.

downloaded tft and the account wasn’t even erased. Deleting the game, reactivating screen time, and going for a walk with meeting/music. 

[PastTense]

Have been playing tft all day. Uninstall, reinstall. Went to check mail. Have eaten, napped. Not talked with father

[PastTense]

Played tft almost all dya yeaterday and watched tv. Helped dad. 
he had a stint where he saw my coffee cup said “you don’t bring those out here, beought it back in and drank the whole cup himself. Then proceeded to lie and say he poured it out. 
asshole.

[PastTense]

I went to a summer house to do roairs. Went to sleep after pakyign 1 game tft. Same morning. And when home. 
being at home too much is a trigg

 

it didnt post? 

next day.. 

still tft

[shaun]

Hello, friend.

I think you should stop masturbating too much because it will make you lose your energy

I am currently quitting gaming addiction, so I also suggest that you do not continue to watch game streamers because you are still learning how to play, and you will want to apply what you have learned to the game

Meanwhile, if you really want to quit playing games, you should also stop watching TV for a long time

I am working hard to improve myself. Before, like you, I often masturbated and became addicted to games. Now, I am fighting every day, maybe we can encourage each other

[PastTense]

So today I as usual downloaded and erased tft. I had a rush of a bew tactic in the game: highest health champ is cloned, was a Mech, then set aegis as prime mech. Combined with undergorund into ace, was so cool. And won.  i also lost some. I tried emailimg riot however about erasign the account. But its loops if you cant verify with email. And so its a curse. 
i reactivated parental contol but discovered that theres plenty of youtube worksrounds and alternaives so limiting web adresses dont work at least kot for “porn” and therefore I’ll have to limit screentime. But I still know the combination though. I took a shower for the forst time in maybe three days. My room is a mess though. It’s not like I don’t try to clean it but without any support. (From ndad or government its difficult to keep my head above water. 

[PastTense]

On 4/13/2023 at 10:04 PM, shaun said:

Hello, friend.

I think you should stop masturbating too much because it will make you lose your energy

I am currently quitting gaming addiction, so I also suggest that you do not continue to watch game streamers because you are still learning how to play, and you will want to apply what you have learned to the game

Meanwhile, if you really want to quit playing games, you should also stop watching TV for a long time

I am working hard to improve myself. Before, like you, I often masturbated and became addicted to games. Now, I am fighting every day, maybe we can encourage each other

Yes lets try? 
I reactivated the content blocekr on phone but I found a workaround. So I’ll need to set a general screen time limit. And force myself to use greyscale colourfilter. But its so hard because I just found a  tv show called absolutely completely fine, with extreme characters. They speak to me and kill loneliness. And its easy to play mobile games while this happens. 

[PastTense]

I am awake. Thought listening to danish radio might wake me ip. But it put me into a trance. 
I wasnt fredh enought o get up. I went to bed at 24:00

this might been yesterday ffs

[PastTense]

I am enjoying tv shows but not real life. I get scolded by dad with sisters words and bitchyness

[PastTense]

Woke up. Sun in room. Feeling refreshed: alarm at 6, awake 6.30, playing chess two games cause no content restrictions, agter watching no tv series but going to solarmovie. 
and phone in bed is not good. 

[PastTense]

Played pubg and tft and watced a movie. Helped dad with roof changing but otherwise nothing else. Had headache. Didn’t go for a walk but took a nap. 

[PastTense]

I haven’t logged for a while. I played kingdom rush again( all three) since phone broke and could only use backup. And solar movie is being abused. And youtube  magic bomb for porn. Basically no content reatriction on an outdated device. It’s good most apps don’t work. But also it’s bad that it can’t download files. Algae to download apps. Podio and such. But not my fitness pall. 

Today is the first of many where I changed into running clothes and feel pumped to go to r a slow jog.

[PastTense]

Today i’m watching a bit of YouTube but have also copied my dad’s will. He’s still alive and my sister controlled it’s message and points.

I’m a bit unsure if I should reach out to my aunt whom i haven’t spoken to for 15 years. But who has knowledge of law by proxy of her husband.

Edited May 10, 2023 by PastTense

[PastTense]

Watched yt  video on limerance. No games today so far

Edited May 11, 2023 by PastTense

[PastTense]

Today I’m going to change my habit by leaving the phone inside the timer box I bought off of aliexpress. It might not change anything. But it should give me clarity of mind.

[PastTense]

Biked two hours to Skb. from ry. Gm said 55 min which was false. Also my legs are shot. 

[PastTense]

Pubg  works shitty on iPhones before xs

Edited May 18, 2023 by PastTense

[PastTense]

Tried pubg on iPhone 6. Bad. 

Also YouTube and solar movie is a bitch. Not even reading my google books.

[PastTense]

Playing pubg mobile watched conversations with friends and first half episode of the same writer about twins and birthgiving. Awful unfunny production misandrist

[PastTense]

Still playing pubg. With phone in freezer in lobby to make it not crash. 

I hd a revelation that I need to step up in communication with the government. 

[PastTense]

Played video games all Day and biled it Church concert got the date wrong.