It's even my first poor English journal in life. ^_^ 2022.11.11 Hope to make a difference in life route

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2022.12.1

NO GAMING:              11 DAYS
NO PORN:                    11 DAYS

 

Physical task:  

Mental task: trpg!!!(too much time, but really attracting)

 

I met trpg(Tabletop Role-playing game) recently. But I play it online using roll20 and chat software. It has some similar feature like video game, but I think I can handle it.

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2022.12.3

NO GAMING:              13 DAYS(I can't resist it nearly, maybe play game in few mins or hours. I'm in aweful mood.)
NO PORN:                    0 DAYS

 

Physical task:  10mins qigong

Mental task: trpg, watch lots of TV

 

At the momet what can i do? Keypiano?try. it has trouble. how about read a novel? let's try. i open curtain, bring the novel ready to read it. 5mins pass. boring novel. less attention. no brain to think logically. 

 

GOT IT. MAYBE VERY VERY VERY SIMPLE GAME CAN SAVE ME. try.

the simple game on dos still boring.next activity?can't be productive

Edited December 3, 2022 by You did not pass the secur

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2022.12.14

NO GAMING:              0 DAYS (record: 13 DAYS)

NO PORN:                   0 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

 

RELAPSE TIME:          11 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

RELAPSE TRIGGER: felt abandoned by a group of people who played trpg and got in bad mood and no way to distract attention on bad mood

ANALYSIS: really need an activity which I really love and fully focus on; learn how to control emotion or make emotion change more steady

 

[Paul A. 447]

What activities have you tried? Also keep in mind that it may take a combination of several activities to be able to adequately replace gaming.

As far as emotional control, have you tried meditation? It’s not for everyone, but it might help you to relate to your emotions differently.

[You did not pass the secur 13]

8 hours ago, Paul A. said:

What activities have you tried? Also keep in mind that it may take a combination of several activities to be able to adequately replace gaming.

As far as emotional control, have you tried meditation? It’s not for everyone, but it might help you to relate to your emotions differently.

What activities have you tried?

I tried wood DIY, writing little story, listen or read novel, meditation, qigong, listen to music, board game, play instrument. But these activities can't last for over 30mins when I'm in bad mood. 

have you tried meditation?

I tried meditation. In good mood, especially in the morning, it works well. But in bad mood, I even can't concentrate on my breathe and oceans of thoughts comes across my mind when meditation. I also can't do other activities when in bad mood, even like physical exercise. Mindless thought makes me sleepy when I exercise! Yes, I'm sleepy! 

.

.

.

.

I feel if I have no emotion, I will surely do these activities very well and my life will be in order. But emotion crushed me periodically when I'm trigged by some little things.

I think I have problem of internal mental consumption and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Thank you for your care. But I intend to "release" me. I have fed up with various critics from people around me, media and society. Fed up with "I should do", "I need do". I want to do what I want to, even it's game. I'm sorry to say that. I have made lots of detours and wasted enough time, and this can't make it more. 

Edited December 14, 2022 by You did not pass the secur

[Resonant_Shell 19]

On 12/14/2022 at 4:50 AM, You did not pass the secur said:

I have fed up with various critics from people around me, media and society. Fed up with "I should do", "I need do". I want to do what I want to, even it's game. I'm sorry to say that. I have made lots of detours and wasted enough time, and this can't make it more.

I want to say I relate to the first part of this. As for the second part, I am having trouble putting my response into words:

Maybe you love gaming. However, you chose to join GameQuitters and began the Respawn program. At least at one point, you longed for something more. Detoxing from gaming might allow you to discover or reconnect with a greater driving purpose.

If you felt that you had to quit gaming due to social pressure, that's one thing. I can understand resistance to such a reason, and thus it might not last.

I will end with this: Don't quit gaming for them; quit gaming for you.

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2023.1.19

NO GAMING:              12 DAYS (record: 13 DAYS)

NO PORN:                   3 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

 

RELAPSE TIME:          24 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

RELAPSE TRIGGER: I gave up.

ANALYSIS: living with family helps a lot. since I went home on 1.8, I haven't played yet. In the boringest moment, I just went to bed. (yeah, I gave up gamequitter these days.)

 

Well, big fail.

However, I'm still really lucky to meet a book call "The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment". it saved me. I'm satisfied enough. The book helps me escape from endless thought. Endless thought never stops even I did feel brain tired, like tens of thoughts running because of inertia, like an overriding computer not shutting down. Actually, the book is a guide of meditation, but it uses meditation everywhere in life. 

 

Little problem: the book "the power of now" tells people to soften themself or their inner world. Well it may also soften the aim of quitting game. 😂

Edited January 19 by You did not pass the secur

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2023.1.20

NO GAMING:              13 DAYS (record: 13 DAYS)

NO PORN:                   4 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

 

Congratulations!!! Reach the record.

Living with family really helps a lot. Just chatting with mom helps me survive 30mins boring time. Maybe it's also because I'm in winter vacation——relaxing time. Half day for work, half day for anything else. 

Edited January 20 by You did not pass the secur

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2023.1.24

NO GAMING:              17 DAYS (record: 17 DAYS)

NO PORN:                   8 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

 

 

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2023.1.27

NO GAMING:              20 DAYS (record: 20 DAYS)

NO PORN:                   11 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2023.1.27

NO GAMING:              21 DAYS (record: 21 DAYS)

NO PORN:                   10 DAYS (record: 11DAYS)

 

I am alone in home again. The buff of family has gone. I nearly lost the porn record. 

[Pochatok 554]

On 11/25/2022 at 7:52 PM, You did not pass the secur said:

learning keyboard piano, not enjoy piano itself

I've tried to do this with learning Trombone for a whole year sometime ago, and it ended up getting draining. The best way to educate yourself on something is to find a way to ejoy what you're learning. Yes, there is that balance between enjoying so much you're not learning efficiently, but also same goes for enjoying so little you don't want to learn. 

I'm glad you're thinking so deeply about all the things that trouble you! Meaning of life and all those questions are really scary, and take a lifetime to answer 🙂

[You did not pass the secur 13]

2023.2.1

NO GAMING:              26 DAYS (record: 26 DAYS)

NO PORN:                   0 DAYS (record: 14DAYS)

 

Uh, oh. I failed on porn record. As long as I live, there is always desire for porn in my body. Most of time it's not strong enough to force me. But as long as I'm careless or some triggers make it stronger, I will fail. 

However, I find a good "friend" to help me. I can ask him many questions including our quitter's questions. He is knowledgeable. He is chatGPT, an AI chatter. Look at his answer, wow really professional!(openai.com)

otherwise, I felt a little bored and lonely sometimes these days. Maybe that's one of reason I failed. I have no friends.