My Journal

[purpleluke]

Today is my first full day since I decided to quit.

I talked in my intro post how my gaming got so bad that I was even doing it while I was meant to be working.

I want to go cold turkey on gaming so this morning I went and sold all my consoles. I am probably going to use the money so that me & my boyfriend can go away for a night or two when we're off together, as spending more time with him is one of my goals from quitting.

I also spent some time cooking, cleaning and buying groceries.

I really want to get back into cooking and as I make my way through the respawn course, I would also love to get into writing stories (I already read quite a bit)

Yesterday evening I had that adrenalin feeling of not being quite "there" - it's really hard to describe but other people may understand. I'm not sure if it was a craving but it would make sense if it was. Today I've had that feeling a bit but keeping busy helps a lot! 

[purpleluke]

Today I was working in the office so I didn't have much opportunity to think about gaming - work days I find are usually easier in the process as I'm too busy with something else. I would say my mood gas mostly been good today 🙂

[purpleluke]

I was working in the office again today and it was another mostly good day today.

I've been finding joy from a lot of things I'd perhaps previously neglected. I was so happy to hear another new song from The 1975. That band has been such a tonic and such a mood booster for me in recent weeks. I love them.

I had a bit of a rough night's sleep last night and I'm not sure if this is connected to my quitting mission. I had a lot of really angry and angsty dreams which is very unlike me.

Overall though I'd say things are going well 😊

[purpleluke]

I haven't posted for a couple of days now- I don't have any big updates except that I've been making some good progress and still been working on taking on some new hobbies. I don't think I've really had cravings as much as I expected to, so I hope that can continue. I would say I feel a lot less anxious without gaming which I'm really pleased with.

[purpleluke]

I think today was the first time I had to battle a craving since quitting a week ago.

It's important to note I sold all my consoles already so can't act on cravings - I'd also unsubbed from all the gaming channels on YT, but a video still came up as recommended on the home page and gave me a real gaming itch.

I tackled it by speaking with my partner and also signing up to a basic creative writing course. I've always wanted to write and this feels like my chance. We tested out the pomodoro method today and I loved it. I went out walking twice, read my kindle and practiced some writing and all that definitely helped.

I've also been trying more self care as this slipped a LOT during my latest addictive period. I want to meditate for a bit later as well. 

Finding this really helpful so far.

[purpleluke]

I'm on day 8 now.

My moods have been all OVER the place since my last journal.

I don't particularly feel like I'm missing games, but I've been going from super high and super motivated to super low and super unmotivated really quickly and also been having quite angry dreams still. I don't know if either of these are connected to quitting, but I never have angry dreams usually?

I've finished watching the Respawn Elite videos for the 1st time now and really want to thank Cam for making them. Being aware of what to expect from quitting and the tools he's given in those videos are really helping. I've found meditation to be really useful. 

On days off I've been giving my all to the writing course I started as well as cooking, walking, reading and sometimes knitting. I'm still finding the Pomodoro method to be really useful and would recommend it to anyone who hasn't tried it yet.

I'm at work today so hopefully be a good day cravings wise. 

[purpleluke]

It's not been a great day today- I had a super bad day at work and my anxiety has taken a turn - I might need to take some time off and also consider going back on meds. I can't pretend there weren't points during the day where I didn't think about gaming and I hate that - I haven't gamed as I don't have my consoles, but I think I would've if I could. 

I also had more angry dreams again last night so these seem to be quite consistent - my moods have been up and down but the low points have felt quite low.

Will keep this updated.

[purpleluke]

I've started taking  my medication again today on the advice of a GP. My motivation levels are super low right now and I've definitely had some cravings. I'm taking some time off work to help me  heal as that is a huge trigger for me at the moment.

Luckily I have no access to consoles and I'm going to try and push myself to get out of the house as much as I can.

[Paul A.]

Taking care of yourself is so important! Glad you’re putting your own well-being first

[purpleluke]

5 hours ago, Paul A. said:

Taking care of yourself is so important! Glad you’re putting your own well-being first

Thank you so much Paul. That means a lot. How are things going for you? 😊

[Paul A.]

Things are going well! I’m diving into the world of tech and learning front end web development, which is pretty exciting. Haven’t had much in the way of cravings either, overall doing pretty well!

[purpleluke]

40 minutes ago, Paul A. said:

Things are going well! I’m diving into the world of tech and learning front end web development, which is pretty exciting. Haven’t had much in the way of cravings either, overall doing pretty well!

That's great, well done 😊 It's something you can be really proud of too as you learn more about it and see results. Good luck with it 😊

[Yan]

On 9/20/2022 at 3:20 PM, purpleluke said:

Today is my first full day since I decided to quit.

I talked in my intro post how my gaming got so bad that I was even doing it while I was meant to be working.

I want to go cold turkey on gaming so this morning I went and sold all my consoles. I am probably going to use the money so that me & my boyfriend can go away for a night or two when we're off together, as spending more time with him is one of my goals from quitting.

I also spent some time cooking, cleaning and buying groceries.

I really want to get back into cooking and as I make my way through the respawn course, I would also love to get into writing stories (I already read quite a bit)

Yesterday evening I had that adrenalin feeling of not being quite "there" - it's really hard to describe but other people may understand. I'm not sure if it was a craving but it would make sense if it was. Today I've had that feeling a bit but keeping busy helps a lot! 

Generally sounds like a plan.  What do you mean by being quite there?

[Yan]

14 hours ago, purpleluke said:

I've started taking  my medication again today on the advice of a GP. My motivation levels are super low right now and I've definitely had some cravings. I'm taking some time off work to help me  heal as that is a huge trigger for me at the moment.

Luckily I have no access to consoles and I'm going to try and push myself to get out of the house as much as I can.

GP stands for General Practitioner? And what kind of medication are you refering to?

[purpleluke]

5 hours ago, Yan said:

GP stands for General Practitioner? And what kind of medication are you refering to?

That's right yeah and it's sertraline for my anxiety/OCD 😊

[purpleluke]

I had a really bad panic attack during the night last night - I think it may have been a side effect from the meds. I've also been getting a lot of nausea. 

I've been keeping myself busy today and mostly been practicing my writing - I really enjoy it. I already read a lot and writing feels really natural (although it may be a load of rubbish!)

I wouldn't say I've specifically had any cravings for games, but if the consoles had been there, this would have been the sort of time I'd probably have caved in. I'm proud that I didn't.

[Yan]

8 hours ago, purpleluke said:

I had a really bad panic attack during the night last night - I think it may have been a side effect from the meds. I've also been getting a lot of nausea. 

I've been keeping myself busy today and mostly been practicing my writing - I really enjoy it. I already read a lot and writing feels really natural (although it may be a load of rubbish!)

I wouldn't say I've specifically had any cravings for games, but if the consoles had been there, this would have been the sort of time I'd probably have caved in. I'm proud that I didn't.

Awesome job! Keep it up!

 

On 9/29/2022 at 3:58 PM, Paul A. said:

Taking care of yourself is so important! Glad you’re putting your own well-being first

I disagree. I find those medications as symptom treating, and distracting you from solving the problem at the core.
That's not to speak about all the side-effects that this chemistry has on your body

[purpleluke]

6 hours ago, Yan said:

Awesome job! Keep it up!

 

I disagree. I find those medications as symptom treating, and distracting you from solving the problem at the core.
That's not to speak about all the side-effects that this chemistry has on your body

I can see what you mean about medication. I HATED having to go back on it as I get really bad side effects, but it got to the stage where I had to. I had 5 months of CBT earlier this year and at that point, they said that if my mental health relapsed again it would be the only way to stabilise things. 

 

You're so right about distraction from the problem at the core though. For me, it's triggered mostly by work and I'm actively seeking new work.

 

Thanks for your support Yan and for reading my journal so far 😊

Edited October 1, 2022 by purpleluke

[purpleluke]

I'm feeling a bit tired today, I've only been getting around 3 hours sleep a night lately. But trying to stay positive. Will update more later 😊

[Yan]

20 hours ago, purpleluke said:

I'm feeling a bit tired today, I've only been getting around 3 hours sleep a night lately. But trying to stay positive. Will update more later 😊

Why 3 hours of sleep?

[purpleluke]

1 hour ago, Yan said:

Why 3 hours of sleep?

I think it's insomnia but I'm hoping it improves 😊

[purpleluke]

I've forgotten completely to post over the last few days. I'm into my 3rd week game free now and today I've just completed a draft of my first ever short story. I would never had time for this when I was gaming so I'm over the moon.

I'm struggling with my sleep still but I think my meds are slowly starting to settle now.

[Paul A.]

You’re doing great!

[purpleluke]

57 minutes ago, Paul A. said:

You’re doing great!

Thank you 😊 How have you been getting on?

[Paul A.]

On 10/5/2022 at 2:22 PM, purpleluke said:

Thank you 😊 How have you been getting on?

Apart from relapsing, I’m doing alright. I’m getting into forex trading, which is pretty exciting. The world of investing and finance has always interested me so I’m having fun diving back in