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Nico's RESPAWN!


Nico Indigo
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Day I'm not sure lol -- 25?

Almost a month!! Let's go!! There's so much going on in my life right now. Time flies by. I'm 34 now and every minute feels more important and beatiful than it was when I was a teenager.

I haven't gamed at all this week. I've connected to a deeper feeling with my music. I've never had that much fun with it. I'm getting better, and it's easier now. I feel more freedom to enjoy myself.

Again, I'm so grateful for my new group of friends. Community is so powerful. When people get together, they can acheive great things. 

I'm leaving tomorow for my 2 days retreat. It's going to be challenging. I really think it's gonna force me to step out of my comfort zone. That's good. I need growth and there are things I need to work on. Sometimes I feel held back by a lack of self-esteem or fear of not being good enough at what I'm about to do so I don't do it. I want to build my ability to take action. I have so many good ideas that I do nothing with. This week-end is going be the perfect envrionement to take an honest and careful look at this.

@The_Creative_Quitter, life is so beautiful and video games right now feel like a huge waste of time. I feel so excited about life, about my life, and what I can do with it. We hold so much creative power, if only we start believing in ourselves. 

That's it. I don't have much time to write. I really wish I could read everyone's journals. 

Peace out

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Day 30!!

Let's go!! I'm so done with gaming at the moment. I don't even crave anymore. 

My 2 days retreat was epic! I was initied to cold baths, I bonded with awesome men that I can now call my brothers, I managed to overcome my fears and reaped the benefits. 

Tomorow I'm performing a short native american flute concert in front of 30ish people. I'm so grateful for that opportunity to share my passion. It's going to be awesome.

Be the king of your life!

Peace

 

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On 2/1/2022 at 10:03 PM, Nico Indigo said:

Day 30!!

Let's go!! I'm so done with gaming at the moment. I don't even crave anymore. 

My 2 days retreat was epic! I was initied to cold baths, I bonded with awesome men that I can now call my brothers, I managed to overcome my fears and reaped the benefits. 

Tomorow I'm performing a short native american flute concert in front of 30ish people. I'm so grateful for that opportunity to share my passion. It's going to be awesome.

Be the king of your life!

Peace

 

How was the performance? I've been learning the drums and love playing music now. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 45.

Wow, it's been two weeks since I last journaled. 

I relapsed last week. I had one of the toughest weeks of the past year or so. I was struggling with 2 conflicts, one at work and another with a friend, a girl I'm really into. It was just too much for me to handle at that moment and I needed something to escape to. I started to play on wednesday. I haven't played that much, it was kept under control but I've played everyday since except for today. It's soooooo annoying. Playing just a little bit opens up the door and now cravings are creeping up on me. That's the main reason I decided to stop playing. I could probably keep it under control but I hate the fact that I keep thinking about it and I constantly have to battle with it. It's irritating. Yeah so I'm done. Fuck this, I'm not touching that game anymore. I have so much stuff to work on anyway. I started to learn video editing. I posted a couple of videos to my Youtube channel. Nothing fantastic but I've learned a lot. 

I'm happy to stop now as my health was already starting to deteriorate. I get more aches and pains when I sit for too long at the desk and I didn't go to the gym at all last week. Working out is definitely providing me with that necessary balance for someone that works on the computer most of the time. I work in IT and some of my personal projects also involved working on the computer. 

Inspired by Po, I want to do a little gratitude experiement. Even though my self-esteem got pretty low last week and I didn't do much, I am still proud and grateful for the following:

-Making my first music video with Adobe Premier
-Decided to invest more in my music. I took the time to negociate and get a good deal from a flute maker. I ordered 2000$US worth of flutes. 
-Keeping up with cold showers. Starting the day with a win makes a big difference
-Did a 45 mins breathwork on saturday. Powerful stuff.
-Generally grateful for my soul family that has been cheering me up

On 2/5/2022 at 2:06 PM, BooksandTrees said:

How was the performance? I've been learning the drums and love playing music now. 

@BooksandTrees, it was canceled. LoL!! I might redo it tomorow night but it hasn't been planned yet because the person I was having a conflict with is the one organizing the thing. I'm a bit sad about it...but it's ok. I'll get another chance soon enough.

Drums are cool, it's how started music 20 years ago. Now i mostly play native american flute and got back to my piano two weeks ago. Music is life.

P.S. I think im allergic to schrimps. My face is itchy and red. It hadnt done that to me for years. It's so annoying. I wonder if I'm really allergic to schrimp or just other toxic chemicals that could be found in them because I don't alaways get that reaction. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 55

I was dreading this. I felt ashamed of what had happened, of the fact I relapsed. I had a really tough two weeks. I'm better now though. I just got back from a two days retreat. I really needed that time away from home to disconnect from the computer and reconnect to myself. Aaaaaaaaaah, it feels sooo good. I feel renewed. I feel like my relapse is over. I think I've got it under control now. 

My last relapse taught me that I need other ways to cope when I feel down from something. One thing I realize now is that I can rely on friends. Whenever I feel like I'm about to play, I engage myself to call a friend and tell him how I feel.

That's it for now, I'm so tired.

Peace

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Forgive yourself, Nico, you're human.   Get back on track, keep going and you will just keep getting stronger that way in time!  Sorry I dropped off journaling, I've just been so busy but I haven't been without my temptation moments either.

I've had boatloads of work to do but I picked up video and music editing software too - though I couldn't afford Premiere lol.   When I ever get time I want to jump into that, too it's fun!   

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