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kortheo

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Everything posted by kortheo

  1. So glad to hear it man! You can do it!
  2. Day 287 Did a morning pages exercise and wrote 3 full pages offline. Today, just these tracking metrics: Eating out (prices approximate) 6/26 - Sunday - $30, date lunch for 26/27 - Monday - $3, fast food shake6/28 - Tuesday - $7, beer at a pub with friends.6/29 - Wednesday - $0!Exercise 6/26 - Sunday - None6/27 - Monday - Ran for 28 minutes; walked 10 minutes6/28 - Tuesday - Kettlebell training, 10 swings (gotta start somewhere)6/29 - Wednesday - NoneGenerosity 6/26 - Sunday - Opened a door for someone6/27 - Monday - None6/28 - Tuesday - None6/29 - Wednesday - Offered shotgun to my coworker instead of taking it myself, opened the door for coworkers, opened the door for all my friends when leaving the pub.
  3. Day 286 No time right now, just getting this bit put here: Eating out (prices approximate) 6/26 - Sunday - $30, date lunch for 26/27 - Monday - $3, fast food shake6/28 - Tuesday - $7, beer at a pub with friends.Exercise 6/26 - Sunday - None6/27 - Monday - Ran for 28 minutes; walked 10 minutes6/28 - Tuesday - Kettlbell training, 10 swings (gotta start somewhere)Generosity 6/26 - Sunday - Opened a door for someone6/27 - Monday - None6/28 - Tuesday - NoneMay update later.
  4. I'm feeling the same way with BJJ – It's very hard. The overall attitude at my gym is very competitive. The competitiveness is admirable, but it's hard to train if BJJ is just a hobby amongst others. That's why it is hard for me to maintain it along my normal routine. Still it's an amazing sport that really lets you try your limits and capabilities. I'm considering on giving up BJJ after school starts so I'll have time to make some money, go to the gym and jogging. I'll definitely check out budgetbytes! New recipes that are easy to cook and provide food that lasts for many days are always wanted. Haha, glad to see I'm not alone in this. Yes, I have the utmost respect for people to do BJJ, and I would really like to go back to it in the future. But I think I lack the competitiveness that some of them have, and yes it seems harder to do it just as a hobby on the side. It seems like you're really either totally committed or just not.
  5. Day 285 @WorkInProgress That routine looks awesome! I'll definitely give that a go. Okay. So I have three things that I want to work on. Not eating out, working out regularly, and (I haven't talked about this yet) but being less selfish. The best way to improve something is to bring awareness to it. Also, social accountability doesn't hurt. With that in mind, I'm going to try merely tracking these things publicly on my journal this week, and see how it goes. No specific goal in mind, but I think just putting it here will motivate me to improve. I'll track # of times I've paid to eat out, # of times I've worked out and for how long, and # of times I've done something kind or generous for someone else without prompting. Eating out (prices approximate) 6/26 - Sunday - $30, date lunch for 26/27 - Monday - $3, fast food shakeExercise 6/26 - Sunday - None6/27 - Monday - Ran for 28 minutes; walked 10 minutesGenerosity 6/26 - Sunday - Opened a door for someone6/27 - Monday - NoneI can already tell that this is going to be a powerful exercise for me. I love how simple it is. What gets measured gets improved. That's all for now. Peace. UPDATE: I have a few more thoughts to share related to this. When I first started trying to change my habits, I would just go the 'raw willpower' route. I'll just try really hard and I'll change this habit through brute force! But that doesn't work. We have limited willpower. Merely trying harder doesn't last. This will maybe work if you're only focusing on one habit at a time and your life is pretty stable and not stressful. And it will probably take longer. But a more effective way is to work smarter rather than harder. Rather than forcing it, find ways to motivate yourself. By keeping your awareness of the problem, you'll generate motivation to change the habit. If I'm constantly reminded how much money I could be saving by cooking, I'll be more motivated to cook. Also, find social accountability. By posting my efforts here, other people will see them, and I'll feel bad if I fail publicly. Finally, create a structure for it. For food, I plan to have one day a week where I shop and cook, and I will plan simple meals that have a structure to them (carb, veggies, protein) that don't take long to prepare. None of this is effort free - you need to discipline yourself to stick to the structure and stick to the awareness and accountability. But this is very different than raw willpower. Your willpower will go further when fed into a structured system that is designed to get results, as opposed to being undirected Hope this makes sense. Again: Awareness, accountability, structure, discipline. I'm going to try this route for these habits which are super challenging for me and see how it goes!
  6. Day 284 Back to the old drawing board. Time to take stock of things. There are only so many hours in the day, and we only have so much mental energy/attention to pursue important projects in those hours. You can't have perfect focus the entire time you're awake. So we can work to optimize how we spend our mental energy, and how best to spend the rest of our time during tasks that require a little less focus. I am currently returning to a few old issues that I need to iterate on once more. In planning for my trip and leaving my job, I am looking to trim expenses and save as much money as possible. I am also looking to revisit diet and exercise, because the past couple weeks I haven't done so great on those. Incidentally diet and exercise could be made much cheaper for me, and I'd say this is a huge chunk of where I could cut costs. In truth I have been struggling with committing to my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes recently, and I have been considering quitting it. My initial 3 months are basically up anyway, and I don't want to renew because that would be several hundred dollars that I would like to save. I won't lie to myself that the money is the only reason - BJJ is hard, physically, mentally, emotionally, and it was hard for me to continue with it. I grew a lot from it and learned valuable lessons. I would like to revisit it in the future. But for now I am going to explore cheaper exercise alternatives. Another bonus is that I will save time - I'd like to do cardio and kettlebells. BJJ is a minimum 1.5 hour affair for me twice a week; KBs and cardio will be 30 mins or less each session. Kettlebell workouts from the book Simple and Sinister are quick and very effective at working your whole body. For cardio, HIIT is highly efficient in terms of the benefit you get for the time. I'd be leaving behind a social activity for one that is solo usually, but in truth I have been overly social for my introvert self lately, so I think this will work out fine, as I still have plenty of other social outlets. With respect to food, I've been eating out way too much. For me, eating out is the single most difficult habit I have for me to break. Overall, cooking at home saves both time and money, so I have the benefits to gain as with exercise. Last time I worked at this problem, I tried to learn more about cooking by reading the 4 Hour Chef. This was OK, but it wasn't the best book for me. I realize I'm less interested in cooking gourmet stuff as I am in cooking things that are utilitarian - cheap, healthy, tasty, quick. In that regard budgetbytes.com has been good to me. These two aspects of health - food and exercise - have always been a struggle for me. While I enjoy the benefits of how I feel when I eat well and work out, I am not always motivated to pursue them. It feels like working uphill. I wonder if I have some core belief or mindset that is preventing me from succeeding here, or if it's just this hard for everyone. If anyone has had a breakthrough in turning around their habits in these areas, I would love to hear about it. Have a good day, everyone.
  7. Hey thanks so much! I hope you like the podcasts, any feedback is really welcome. Speaking of, I have a new episode, which I recorded on Friday: https://soundcloud.com/travis-kirk-992919435/episode-7-notes-on-a-terrible-accident Day 283 A few things to update on. First, I finished reading Vagabonding - great book! I highly recommend it for anyone considering travel. Second, I wanted to present a case study from my life regarding anxiety. I used to have pretty pervasive generalized anxiety, but I've done a lot of work on it and now it only appears as occasional episodes. This weekend I had to deal with such an episode. I was driving to a new place I had never been to before. It was for a date, and it was fairly out of the way... definitely the edge of what is reasonable for me to travel just for a date. The anxiety had nothing to do with the date (first dates don't really phase me anymore, interestingly) but rather the fact that where I was going was unfamiliar, really hot (mid 90s Fahrenheit), and involved driving on some windy roads in the middle of no where for 30 minutes or so. I had anxiety about the driving - what if my car overheats and breaks down and I'm all by myself? What if I'm in an area without cell reception and can't get help? What if I die of heat exhaustion? Etc. These were the sorts of things going through my head, and it was causing me a lot of suffering. In the past, an older version of me would just have not gone at all. I wouldn't have considered the date because it was so far away (even though I wanted to meet this girl because I was interested in her). And if I had considered the date, I would have been put off by the anxiety from the trip. In short I would have avoided the anxiety. But in fact, this is exactly the wrong approach because it allows the anxiety to persist. It makes it go away in the short term, but it makes you miss out on a chance to conquer that anxiety so that it wouldn't be a trigger for you in the future. I took three approaches to conquering the anxiety: 1) I did mindfulness meditation, and practiced non-judgmental awareness of my anxious thoughts. This gave me some distance from them and made them seem less objectively true. 2) I did a cognitive behavioral therapy exercise that involved identifying all the thoughts and worries I had, identifying any distortions in them, and proposing alternate, more reasonable thoughts. In this instance, my main cognitive distortion is catastrophizing; I was focusing in on the absolute worse outcomes possible and then acting afraid as if they were inevitable, when they were truly very unlikely. So for example, instead of thinking the thought "What if my car breaks down and I'm stranded in the middle of no where?" I instead replaced it with the thought "My car is in good repair and people drive in heat like this all the time, most likely nothing bad will happen"; this process alleviates anxiety. 3) I took action (the behavioural aspect of CBT) to proactively address my concerns. I worried about breaking down - so I bought emergency supplies for my car to address that scenario (water, non-perishable food, sunblock, a hat to protect from the sun, tools). Though I had my car serviced regularly, I had no idea if it was in danger of overheating - so I learned how to check the coolant fluid level so I knew I was good there (dead simple). I also told my sister where I was going just so someone would know, as that made me more comfortable. I think I did one or two other things, e.g. gathered a list of emergency numbers. Some of these actions might have been unnecessary overkill; others are very sensible. But the point is that all of it allowed me to diminish my anxiety a large degree, and instead of allowing my anxiety to control and dictate behavior, I worked to proactively manage my anxiety so that I could still achieve my goal. I still had some anxiety when going, but my car ended up being perfectly fine and I went on the date and returned home safely. A bonus to this is that I got to experience a new place that I had never been to (and gained appreciation for where I live as a result - very grateful to live on the coast where it's cool!) I don't think there'll be a second date because the drive turned out to be too long, but I had a good time nonetheless. All in all, I'm grateful for the entire experience! And now I have confidence in my ability to drive under hot weather conditions in the future. Third, I wanted to comment on that I've been feeling a little out of whack the past couple of weeks. I let someone into my life who wasn't really healthy for me right now, and I had to realize that and step back from them. In the past this has been much more difficult for me, but I'm getting better at identifying certain patterns I have with people that aren't healthy, and taking actions quicker. I also haven't been exercising as regularly or eating as well as I would like to be. All in all I just feel a little off balance and mixed up. I getting back on track. Here's the crazy thing, though: Even in a low point like this, I'm still getting so much done in my life, way more than I was 6 months ago, or back when I was gaming. I'm getting way more done now during my worst moments than I was during my BEST moments while gaming. I organized a big beach bonfire with friends last night and it was super successful. I went on the date today and conquered my anxiety. I finished reading Vagabonding, and I'm continuing to make progress on planning my travel. I talked to a Chinese woman last night who had moved here recently, and she gave me a bunch of tips for when I go on my trip to China. Right now, I'm planning on what I'm going to cook for dinner, and then I'm going to work on coding stuff. Through all of this, I've been really dedicated at my morning routine of meditation and 5 Minute Journaling. I bought some new clothes this weekend, too. Getting thrown balance is inevitable. But we can still get a lot done in those phases, and we can get better and better at bouncing back from them. Have a good evening, everyone.
  8. Day 280 WorkInProgress - Well, I do hope it's brave and not stupid, haha. There's only one way to find that out though, I think. I've told a few people and they were all supportive. I'm still waiting for a negative reaction from someone. One person called it crazy but not in a mean way, just like a 'wow, I wish I could do that' kind of way. I've been doing a lot of social stuff recently, and I've been trying to take more time for myself. It's about finding a balance. I organized a happy hour event last night that was really fun though, and met some new people. I've been noticing though in my conversations with people that I am zoning out sometimes, having trouble mustering the energy to sustain long conversations. Just not feeling fully engaged. If I'm talking with a girl I find attractive I might lose confidence halfway through the conversation. Sometimes I feel like I have a relationship with the group around me, but my one-on-one relationships with its members are lacking, like I'm not engaging individuals enough to have real relationships with them. It feels hard to be really myself and be vulnerable. Idk. I'm not sure what it is. It may be a product of needing more time alone to recharge my introvert batteries, or also just dealing with some big decisions that are occupying my thoughts. I've also allowed my environment to get a bit chaotic, which reflects where my life and mind are right now. I need to wash my car. I need a haircut. I need new clothes; I frequently feel unconfident in what I'm dressed in and it sucks. I need to clean my apartment. Etc. Thankfully tomorrow is a day off for me and I can work on these things. I have a date tomorrow with someone new from OKC. So I'm looking forward to that. She was specifically interested in me because I put on my profile that I chose to quit video games to do other things with my time. Take heed, fellow gamequitters! Haha. I'm also getting coffee with an old friend on Saturday who I recently crossed paths with, as well. Then Saturday evening there's a meetup event for a beach bonfire that I planned, which should be a ton of fun. 30 people signed up so far. Um... what else. I haven't been journaling enough, so it's good for me to do this. Now that I've chosen to leave this job, every day I just feel that I don't want to be here anymore. I'll make it work for the remaining time, but it's not the funnest. I guess I'm just that much more aware of the weight that the job puts on me vs the freedom I could experience soon based on my current situation. In terms of trip planning, I have a ton to do. I just got in touch with my friend living in China and I'm going to end up staying with him for a while in October :). So that's a start! I'm actually wondering how much planning my trip will actually require. At a bare minimum I could buy a one-way ticket, show up at my friend's place, and crash there for a week or two and figure it all out as I go, but I'll probably do a bit more than that :). Last and randomly, I'm thinking of buying some new clothes online, any suggested retailers? I don't have much confidence buying online but I'd like to change that.
  9. Day 279 Okay. Big changes are coming. In the work that I've been doing with Cam for the past few months, we have kept coming back to the issue of my career. I've made a lot of progress in pretty much all of my other significant life areas, but job stuff has been a source of resistance that I have struggled to get past. Of course, that probably means that it's the area that I most need to work on. I did have one breakthrough this week though. I've finally admitted to myself that I'm unhappy in this job, and that I need to move on from it. Recognizing that in itself is huge, because it allows me to have motivation to move on from it. I'm realizing how crushing it is to live in the mindset of being trapped in one job, because the implication is that where you are is where you'll always be. Back in college there was always the awareness that it has a defined endpoint, so it was easy to commit to it knowing that end was coming. Similarly, my last job had a defined contract end date. This job is potentially 'forever' unless I actively work to move on from it. In shifting to a mindset where I realize that I will have many more jobs in the future, and coming from a place of proactively moving on when the time is right gives me control back instead of making me trapped in a scarcity mindset. I still have a lot of professional development that I want to do - I've been learning coding for a while and I'd like to continue doing that. However, I don't have enough time/energy currently to devote to it properly while I'm still working full time. Ideally I'd like to take some time off from working to devote to this, and maybe slightly shift my job focus when I look for my next job. I am fortunate that I have no debt and have an emergency fund, so I should be able to last for about 6 months living here unemployed. I'd have to live frugally, but it's doable. I actually don't know where I got the idea from, but on Monday I made the decision that I want to travel. I've wanted to visit China, south east Asia (Vietnam, Thailand) Australia, and New Zealand for a long time. Mostly because I'm interested in the region, but I also have some friends living in China and Australia that I want to visit. I can do my coding learning anywhere in the world so long as I have an internet connection. I'm in a perfect position to do some extended travelling because I'm young, have enough money, have nothing keeping me here, and am ready for a change. I think getting out of my routine and comfort zone and getting some perspective on my life would be perfect for me right now, especially after the massive changes I've experienced this year. The best part of it is that for a large portion of this trip it will actually be cheaper to travel than it will be for me to stay at home, which is kind of crazy. I'm naturally pretty frugal and budget conscious, so living out of a backpack for a few months appeals to me. So the plan is to work for a few more months to save up a little more money, with the aim of quitting around early October. That will mark exactly 3 years at this job. Then, I'll head off to travel for 3-6 months. The longest I've traveled internationally thus far is 1.5 months, so 3 months is my minimum goal for myself. I think 4 months might be a sweet spot, 5-6 months if I really don't want to come back haha. When I get back I'll have a wealth of new experience, technical ability, and personal growth, and should still have enough money to live at home for 3-4 months while I look for a job. I'll be able to act intentionally and pick a job that is a good fit for me (as opposed to the current position which was thrust upon me, without time for me to evaluate whether I would actually enjoy it). It's an ambitious plan and sure, it may not work out perfectly. But I think I'm ready for it, and I have the discipline and ability to pull it off. We only live once, and it's time to take a step forward in my life towards what I want. Currently reading this to prepare :).
  10. I recently have come to a similar realization myself. I'm planning on leaving my job in the next few months and doing some extended travel, probably 3-6 months. As Cam mentioned I just picked up Rolf Potts Vagabonding. Maybe that can be a place for you to start - it outlines a philosophy of independent travel, finding yourself, etc. Let me know what you think!
  11. @kortheo? WorkInProgress: I'm not sure what your background with science/logic is, but I can give a couple recommendations to someone who is a general reader with interest in gaining more depth. If you haven't read it, Demon Haunted World is a great starting place. It's a good read even if you'll well-versed in science. It's all about understanding how to think logically and scientifically, and what methods and tools we can use to determine what is valid and accurate and true and what is unverified, untrustworthy, pseudoscience, or just plain BS. Beyond that, I would recommend an excellent podcast - The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe. It's a weekly podcast about science and critical thinking, and very entertaining. I've listened to every episode (500+) over several years and it's honestly the thing that's helped my understanding of science the most (at least on par with my B.S. degree). It's the real deal.
  12. I guess I would say simply that change is always possible. Habits and actions are patterns that are ingrained into us in our brain. It can be very difficult to change them. But our brains and our habits are plastic and we can change them for the better. This is just fact. It will be harder for some than for others. It's all about committing to what you want, being patient with yourself, and always trying again and again. When something isn't working, try a new approach. Find a way to do habits that is sustainable. Make it easy. For example, if you can't meditate for 10 minutes to start, start with 5 instead. Can't do 5? Do 2. Etc. And then over time you'll be able to build up in a way that feels natural and sustainable. You have a lifetime of bad habits behind you. They are deeply engrained. It's normal for it to be really hard at first. You can create new habits but it will take time before they start to feel natural and easy, because they're new. You just have to look at the long game and grind it out even when you feel like quitting - especially when you feel like quitting. Best of luck! Travis
  13. kortheo

    Building me

    Thanks. I heard it during yoga today and felt like it was exactly what I need to be reminded of every day. "You can only start from where you are." +1. It's easy to get caught up in the past and what could have been and what we should have done differently. But this is a waste of mental energy because there is literally nothing that we can do to change it. We can't start from where we might have been if we had acted differently. Amor fati: - Nietzsche, surprisingly. Although I guess we may disagree with him slightly - we may want our 'forward' to be better, which is why we work :). But accepting the past and loving it for what it is is a powerful mindset, IMO.
  14. Hey Alex. I haven't been following your journal much, but it is clear that you are super dedicated. Cam often mentions to me that you're a Legend. XD. Keep up the good work dude!
  15. Nice, I didn't know about this actually when I got rid of mine. Just changed it to a temp email. But this is better :).
  16. Haha yeah... overdue. I should probably also update my Tinder profile pictures XD. Day 271 So many things in life are like meditation. In meditation you inevitably get distracted, and you have to notice this and bring your awareness back to the breath. In life, with any habit or routine, it's normal to get thrown off of it. So we have to notice this, and bring ourselves back to them consciously, so that we continually practice living better. This last week I once again had problems catching up on sleep - a common problem for me. First I was jetlagged, then I was out late with friends, and then I had insomnia. But last night I said enough was enough and I practiced good sleep hygiene and got a solid night's sleep. Back to the breath. Yesterday I had a cool connection. I had messaged a girl on OKC who I thought had a great profile. She was set to looking for people 'anywhere', so she appeared in my connections even though she's a few hundred miles away in Mexico haha. She responded and we ended up chatting for most of the day and it was just really fun talking to her, kind of made my day. Chances are we'll never meet, but I just appreciate that the internet makes such connections possible. We are lucky to live in a cool time with powerful technology. Lately I've been getting distracted and drawn into dopamine-heavy things. Today I'm trying to regain focus on work. My phone is on silent and in my backpack :P. A few posts ago I mentioned morning pages. I've been doing those recently, and I'm really liking them. Starting the day with a brain dump really clears out the fog and helps with focus and concentration for me. It's a similar appeal to this journal, though here I feel some self-censorship because it's public. On a morning page, you have no audience, and can spit out whatever is truly in your head at the moment. Therapeutic. Self-Recognition Getting to bed early last night.Getting to work 1 minute early today!Having the self-control to focus on work today instead of my phone.
  17. Day 270 I have a new episode of my podcast today: Episode 6 - Choosing to Care https://soundcloud.com/travis-kirk-992919435/episode-6-choosing-to-care Other than that - things are going well. Going to have a laid back Sunday. Back to a normal entry tomorrow. Have a good day everyone.
  18. Day 268 Today, I won't have a normal journal. Instead, I'm going to experiment by trying Morning Pages: http://lifehacker.com/write-morning-pages-by-hand-every-day-to-boost-produc-1623157620 I heard about these from Tim Ferriss. Apparently he does them as well as the 5 Minute Journal every day. Catch you guys tomorrow.
  19. I like these! I will keep that in mind for next week.
  20. Day 267 Second day of PowerShell class today, back to a normal work day tomorrow. A lot of the content was review for me, but it also solidified my foundations and I think gave me good practice to learn to be a better scripter/programmer, and also allowed me to ask questions of a very knowledgeable person. Scheduled three new events for the meetup group I run: This Friday we're going dancing. Next Saturday we're going to the SD Fair. The Saturday after that we're doing another beach bonfire. It's going to be an awesome month! I hadn't really been feeling the whole meetup organizer thing for like a month after the first event I did, but something clicked. I met some new members and I just generally got the sense that people wanted to do stuff together but they were really just waiting for me to step up into the role and make it happen. So I did. Looking forward to these. Went for a run last night. I'm still working with Couch to 5k. I ran for 25 minutes straight, which is the longest I've ever run since my last real 5k, which was 32~ minutes. And this was with limited recent training. Turns out I'm still in pretty good shape (BJJ really helps) and I could probably just do another 5k at the drop of a hat if I wanted to. Continuing to code and learn about tech. I heard several episodes of the Tim Ferriss Show featuring Kevin Kelly, a founder of Wired Magazine and futurist thinker. I might read his book The Inevitable which is about current significant trends in technology and their future. I'm still learning to code, too. I'm continuing to work on finding simple, nutritious meals. I made Palak Dal (indian lentil and vegetable dish with spices - cheap, super healthy, super tasty, crockpot set-it-and-forget it for large batches, I could eat this every day hot or cold) and just baked some boneless skinless chicken breast. Dead simple and leaves me feeling good. I haven't been to BJJ for like 1.5 weeks because I was out of town and then exhausted busy this week. But I consciously made a choice to not go this week in order to do other higher priority things (like scheduling these events and working on myself/coding). I need to keep doing BJJ because it's so beneficial for me, but sometimes you have to make judgement calls on what is most important to you in the moment. Tonight I'm going to do 1 hour of Udacity coding, then do a personal life vision exercise, and then wind down the night with some reading. Go forth and thrive everyone! Quote I'm pondering: "Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value." - Albert Einstein
  21. Day 264 I need to sleep. Short post. Went to a PowerShell class today down in SD. Met some cool guys. It was nice to talk shop with other IT people, and learn new things too. The class was taught by a recognized Windows expert who has written multiple technical books, and he was a fantastic instructor. Went to meetup today, trivia. I realized that our community is growing and that a lot of people want to do more stuff. So I really need to get to organizing new events! Possibly another bonfire and a trip to the SD fair. New concept: Amor Fati. Love your fate. Don't waste time regretting the bad things that happen, instead love them because they are necessary for you to grow and to become who you are. I like it a lot.
  22. My Podcast - Episode 5 - Notes From a Beautiful Place https://soundcloud.com/travis-kirk-992919435/notes-from-a-beautiful-place Short ep this week, but some good thoughts. Hope you enjoy.
  23. Day 263 I spent the last 6 days travelling in Kauai. I went over there for a family vacation. I think it was the best trip I've ever had. I'm unhappy to be back at work. Haha. I won't dive into the specifics of the trip, but suffice to say I love that island and I'm already planning with my sister to go back in 6 months. Lots of good stuff. This trip taught me a lot of things. It taught me that travelling isn't as difficult as I thought. My trip ticket cost me about $675, which I can afford a couple times a year if I wanted to. That would allow me to travel many places. But for Hawaii specifically, because I live in socal, I can very easily wake up in the morning, catch a 6 hour flight to hawaii, nab a rental car, and be in a hotel or rental condo or something all within the same day. Obviously money is a factor, but beyond that the actual process of going is quite easy. In my head I think I was working with the assumption that travel or vacations is challenging, prohibitively expensive, and not something you can do multiple times a year. I think I got this from my parents, and we didn't go on that many interesting trips when I was growing up. But now I'm realizing that those assumptions are false and that I can do more than I think I can. Hawaii is a pretty expensive trip too, I think. For less money I can do a lot more things in driving distance. I met a few cool people on the trip and made a point to 'close the loop' by adding them on facebook so that they stay in my social world. I'm beginning to understand the importance of this. I also got perspective on environment. The natural environment in Kauai is tropical and thus obviously different from socal, but it really worked for me. I loved being in that kind of place so much more than home, just because of the natural beauty alone. Just seeing the green everywhere is calming and grounding for me. The air is cleaner, too. If I want I can choose to live someplace that has a natural beauty that I appreciate. I can hear a voice in my head saying "No you can't" - I think I got this from my parents too, who kept my ambitions in check growing up. But the fact is I can! The guy who rented us our cars was originally from Santa Barbara, and moved there to start his rental car business. People do this. It's a thing. It may not be Kauai - but the point is that I can move some place I enjoy more than where I'm currently at. This is something I knew intellectually of course, but feeling it emotionally is different. The other aspect of environment is social. Everyone in Kauai just moved at a slower pace, and it was the most chill relaxed place I've ever been to. Coming back to CA feels stressful. Obviously it's important to tell how much of this is due to the actual people/place, and how much is due to me having to work vs being on vacation, but it's still a notable aspect to be aware of. More to come, but I have to go. Self-Recognition Giving myself permission to dream a bit bigger.Actively working on rooting out negative mindsets that I have and replacing them with positive ones.Realizing the extent which negative mindsets I have are from my parents, and in a sense not my fault (but still my responsibility).
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