kortheo

Day 93 Attention I came across a great point in a book I'm reading today. Our attention is a finite resource, and how we direct it is important. We can choose how we spend our attention, just like we can choose how we spend our time. Living in the information age, we will be better off to the extent that we can focus our attention on information that is beneficial to us and enriches us, instead of the distracting noise. This is not a simple task, but it's worthwhile. "A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention." - Herbert Simon With this in mind, one thing I decided for my vacation (now until the 4th of Jan) is that I'm going to limit mindless internet browsing. This takes a few specific forms - first, I have elected to completely stop using reddit for the duration. I don't get much out of reddit these days other than mindless entertainment. Info-tainment at best. This makes it analogous to the role that video games played in my life. While there are interesting and worthwhile discussions to be found on reddit, they are often the needle in the haystack, and there is just too much distracting content with little value. Basically, the signal-to-noise ratio for reddit is just too high for me for it be a place I habitually go to. I also don't really feel seen and heard when I contribute to reddit; I'm just another member of the faceless swarm. I want to spend my time online where I can have worthwhile interactions with people on a smaller scale, like Gamequitters! One site I'm going to experiment with is Quora. I didn't know much about it, but it seems like a place where I could connect with people about intellectual topics in a way that gives value to others. This is ultimately what I wanted from reddit but never really got. I will let you all know how that works out! In addition, while I will continue to use Facebook I will not allow myself to browse it mindlessly when I'm bored. I have to use it with a specific purpose in mind - get information about X event, message Y person, make Z post, etc. This one can be tough, but I think it's a good guideline. Ironically, facebook would be better if you could just disable the newsfeed, haha. (Oh my god you can: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/news-feed-eradicator-for/fjcldmjmjhkklehbacihaiopjklihlgg/related?hl=en; this is amazing. Now I just get thoughtful quotes where the newsfeed used to be... I am so amused and happy about this. My mind immediately feels calmer, seriously. Never ending content is stressful and distracting.) Projects One thing I wanted to do for my vacation was plan and complete some short-term personal projects. Here's what I've got: Personal Finance:Research and open an investment account, probably a Roth IRA.Come up with a system for tracking your expenses.Read Books:http://www.amazon.com/This-Will-Make-You-Smarter-ebook/dp/B005LC1OR0http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl-ebook/dp/B009U9S6FIFood:Develop plan for cooking and buying groceries so that you stop eating out so much.FitnessAttend a fitness bootcamp event.Some of these are things I do well. Getting the Roth IRA opened is probably not a huge deal, I just need to learn about it first. Tracking expenses is a little tricker but I have some experience - I've used both Mint and YNAB but both had pros/cons to them. I haven't found something that really clicks with me yet. Books are simple enough. Just gotta read 'em! Food has always been a challenge for me, and I'm not sure why. In the past I've tried to do a Sunday meal prep and cook for the week, but it feels like a very labor intensive thing. I have to pick a meal, go to the store and buy food, and spend time cooking and packing it. It takes hours. One thing I might try now is to pick a meal and buy the groceries on Saturday, and then do the cooking and packing on Sunday. Splitting it up might make it easier. Any thoughts on this one would be great! Gratitude I received my 5 Minute Journal yesterday! So I'll be doing my gratitude habit there instead from now on. Liking it a ton so far. I think that anyone doing a gratitude habit on here would enjoy using it as well. It has some good information in it. One thing I'm grateful for though - I discovered an awesome coffee shop basically a 5 minute walk from my house. It just opened a couple months ago, but I didn't notice until now. Very happy, I have a new hangout spot!

I really love these two sentences. They're inspirational, artistic, and powerful! Actually, the whole post was awesome, but that was my favorite part. Like you, I tell people that I don't play video games. It's amazing! Out of likes, but thank you sir! I had fun writing them :).

Awesome! Cooking is something I want to improve... sometimes I like cooking, but frequently I dread it and convince myself that it's difficult and time consuming and end up eating junk food :(. Definitely a habit I want to change. I envy that you can feel so passionate about it!

Day 92 Deleting my game accounts felt like I was running full speed at a brick wall, except when I actually hit it, it was paper-thin and I painlessly burst through. On the other side, the world was the same as it has been recently, just a little calmer and lighter. I used this method to delete my accounts. So I basically changed them all to a temporary email that no longer exists, and to random passwords that I have no record of. They are as good as nonexistent. I couldn't recover them even if I wanted to (which I don't). In truth, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me. I can sense that I have a certain amount of brain-space that has always been devoted to video games. It's kind of like that feeling when you leave a job, or finish a final exam, or end a relationship - you suddenly realize that there's a chunk of information that you can let go of because it's no longer relevant to your life. In my case, it's a big chunk. But it's very nice to know that I don't have to ever think about those games again if I don't want to. I can truly leave it all behind and move forward now. Thinking about it now, I didn't realize what I burden they were... Something else could turn up, but to my knowledge now I own no video games or video game hardware. If my previous identity in life was 'gamer', then that's an identity I can actually leave behind now. What kind of gamer owns no gaming related things? If someone asks me about video games in conversation, I can legitimately say "Oh, I don't play video games, sorry." Whatever I am, I'm not a gamer anymore. I think it will take some time for me to process the fact that they're all really gone, that I don't have to devote any mental energy to them, that I can't play them again. The amount of time and mental effort I had devoted to some of those games was immense. It's exciting to think that I can re-purpose all that mental energy for projects that actually matter to my life now. I'm proud of myself. This is a huge milestone for me. It was scary, but I did it anyway. I know it was the right choice. If this is "killing myself", good thing I can Respawn! Going to check out the new version soon. It's a good time for it --- I finished my Christmas shopping earlier today. I went to the grocery store. I bought some new winter clothes for myself. I'm learning some new juggling tricks. I've been spending a lot of time with friends. I'm going to get drinks with some new friends tonight. Hopefully tomorrow I can finally lay out some projects I want to work on over my break. I have been very productive the last couple of days with Christmas stuff and deleting my accounts, so I'm moving forwards! Gratitude My 5 minute journal, which I am eagerly awaiting in the mail!Finding great jeans and jacket today for good prices.Fingerless gloves to keep my hands warm, and allow me to type, in the winter Seeing my nephew and niece today.All the support I have gotten here in response to my posts the last two days!Discovering a new hangout spot.Reading a new book.Going to see Star Wars with friends tomorrow night.Progress on a personal issue.New albums from favorite music artists.

Hey Michael from Germany! Wie geht's dir? I really liked your analysis of video games vs books, music, movies. I agree with your main points. I have personally found that I enjoy movies, books, and music much more after I have quit playing video games. Video games are such a super-stimulus sometimes that the other forms of art couldn't compete with. But once my brain detoxed, the more subtle pleasures of the other art forms stood out more to me. I used to think that video games had the best stories but I think that's probably false. Sure, there are games with exceptional stories out there, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Quitting games gives me more time to explore the epic stories that exist in movies and books and that have stood the test of time.

I like your attitude! Going all in! I also get 3rd eye tingly sensations. I actually got them just reading your post. Woot. Good luck with quitting smoking! I know you'll have hard days, but they will pass. You can do it!

Okay guys. I just nuked my accounts (Steam, Origin, Battle.net). In Mark Manson's words, I just killed myself. I'm going to go outside for a while.

Thanks for the replies guys. Cam - thanks for that Mark Manson article, 100% spot on. My resistance for deleting the accounts is definitely because it's a threat to my identity. Florian - Many good points. I liked the Indiana Jones video hah, great metaphor! As for deleting my accounts, I'm planning on doing this. So from what I can tell there will be 0% chance of recovery. Ed - You're right, I would feel pretty bad if I could see that I was having a negative impact on him. I could influence him in much more positive ways if I tried.

Yeah, after sitting with it for a few hours I definitely agree. I will find him something else. I also prefer the finality of deleting my accounts and making them gone for good. I'm thinking of getting him some nice headphones... high schoolers tend to be into music, and when I got my first quality headphones in high school it blew my mind

Day 91 Yesterday I said I would lay out goals and next steps for myself - but I have to put that off for one day. Today, I need your help! I have done 0 Christmas shopping, so I really need to do that today. I have also been thinking about deleting my gaming accounts - Steam, Origin, Battle.net. When I first started I told myself I would do that once I hit 90 days. And here I am. I was really resisting the thought yesterday - I think this will be very challenging for me to do. A voice in my head tells me "what's the harm in just playing one light-weight game, like Hearthstone? You don't have to delete those accounts!" But I know that's addiction talking - Hearthstone, while "light" and "simple" actually has a ton of hidden complexity and can demand dozens of hours from you if you want to be good (and I like being good). It is an eSport, after all. Plus, playing one Blizzard game tends to lead to playing other Blizzard games... you have to stare at the other options in the launcher each time you start up Hearthstone. Also, it's not exactly kind to your wallet. Deleting these accounts feels a bit like jumping off a cliff or something. It feels scary. But I know that if I have to choose to going back to games vs keeping the life that I have now, the life I have now will keep my happier. I'm pretty certain that if I try to strike a balance between gaming and not that I'll just slowly (or quickly) slide back into old habits. I don't see much of a middle ground for me. And plus, I like this new chapter of my life. So here's where I need your opinions: I have a nephew. He's a freshman in high school, and a gamer. He'll be with us at Christmas. Rather than just deleting my accounts, what do you guys think of me gifting them to him? It's kind of complex because... I know that he would probably love it, because it would be a ton of games for him to play. When I was his age, that's all I generally wanted for Christmas - games. It would probably make me feel better to know that rather than just dumping my accounts into oblivion, someone else would get enjoyment out of them. But of course the obvious flipside is that I quit games because I feel they're a bad thing for me, and I'm sure they're ultimately a bad thing for him too. I see a lot of myself in him. He has had a hard life in some ways and I'm sure gaming is an escape for him. If I were to gift it to him, am I acting in his best interests? Or am I being a bad influence? I'm honestly not sure. Even if I don't give them, it's not like he's going to stop gaming any time soon. And it's not like there's anything I can do to get him to stop gaming (and that's not my place anyway). And one last thought is... maybe rather than gifting them, it would be better to just delete them forever. It gives me more of a sense of closure. If I delete them, they're really really gone. If I gift them, they're still one person away from me. Thank you for any thoughts on the matter, Gamequitters. Gratitude Sleeping in.Bad movies with friends.Paper shredder.Mexican food.Kindle and cafes.Coming up with good gift ideas.Realizing there's a Stone Brewery store in Oceanside.Vacation!!!Not thinking about work.Not mindless browsing the internet.

Thanks for the kind words! Yes, I enjoy writing a lot, I'm glad that I have an outlet for it here!

I'm out of Likes for today, but thank you sir!

"NoFap combined with NoSex surely can't be mentally healthy." This hasn't been my experience. The gist of it is that yeah, you're abstaining from sexual activity completely for a time. The motivation comes from the assumption that you're doing this because porn has had neurological effects akin to addiction, so you need to withdraw from sexual activity for that time for your brain to neuroplastically heal and return to 'normal'. I mean, I don't think the science is really definitive it all, but it seems plausible based on Gary Wilson's work. Once you get past a few weeks of it though, it's really quite easy to not engage in masturbation. It seems hard to believe until you've done it, but you find a new normal and you can direct your sexual energy elsewhere. If you're in a relationship though, then yeah, it's a bit harder to avoid sex. If you're single, it's not so bad.

I've gone through some similar thinking lately as well. I recently had a 60 day NoFap streak that I ended when I was dating someone recently because the sexual tension was just too much, and it made me distracted and less functional. I think there are benefits for NoFap for short periods, but I don't know that going longer than 90 days has any benefits (can't say since I haven't done that yet). I think avoiding masturbation if you are cutting off porn is a good first step. I haven't watched porn on a regular basis for over a year, and I don't remember the last time I actually watched any, it's been a few months. I think now that I have cut that out of my life, masturbating a normal amount is healthier than giving it up. Listening to the Mating Grounds podcast eps where they talked about was definitely a reminder that NoFap isn't the only right way to look at things. It's true that it isn't easy to find good empirical evidence on it, so it's important to experiment and find what works for you, I think. You're right that much of the benefit people see from NoFap are from the other things they're doing to improve their life, rather than just abstaining from masturbating. If you have your life on track and are working to improve yourself, that's the important thing in the long run. In summary, I'm glad that I cut porn out of my life - I see benefit. I don't see as much benefit for cutting out masturbation entirely. To Cam's note though, I did definitely notice some effects of sexual transmutation - while on NoFap I was able to use that energy to motivate myself to exercise more, which was legitimately helpful in training for my 5k.

Very happy to be able to add my own post to this thread. First, I made a long 90 day post in my journal that basically tells my whole story. But this thread is more about top 5 lessons learned, so I can do that too! Here goes: The Power of a Public Journal I've kept a journal for a long time, but this is the first time I've journaled so consistently and gotten so much out of it. Having a journal that is public makes you accountable to others - it motivates you to post and for what you post to be thoughtful. It requires you to be vulnerable. It gives you a chance to be seen, and for others to relate and respond and challenge you. All these things taken together are a wonderful recipe for growth. I think in my 90 days I only missed one day of journaling, because I was travelling or something. I really can't overstate how important the daily journal has been for me on my journey. If I decided to quit games without the support of a community I might have succeeded, but I don't think I would have grown as much. The Nature of Addiction When I first began my 90 days, I don't think I saw myself as a gaming addict, but I'm starting to change my mind about that. Here's a definition of addiction that I came across, which seems pretty standard: "Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (e.g., alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (e.g., gambling, sex, shopping) that can be pleasurable but the continued use/act of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work, relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others." For me, gaming was pleasurable and compulsive, and certainly took up enough time to interfere with other responsibilities in my life. It impacted my relationships negatively because I wasn't present for them. It impacted my work negatively because I wasn't as engaged with it. It impacted my physical health because I ate poorly (fast food = more time for gaming) and didn't take the time to exercise. It impacted my mental health because it isolated me and restricted the amount I socialized. And indeed, until recently I wasn't even aware of the negative aspects of this behavior, in part because this was basically how I had behaved for most of my life. How to be Happy Like Joe, I think that I (at least unconsciously) believed that happiness would follow from success, rather than the other way around. But then what leads to happiness? I don't have a definitive answer, but I have learned some things that you can do that will contribute to your happiness. First, practice gratitude to improve your ability to feel gratitude and appreciation. Second, be vulnerable with others in your life to deepen your connections. Third, eliminate negative habits from your life and replace them with positive ones. Fourth, live your life with intentionality to give yourself a greater sense of meaning and purpose; instead of leveling up your character, level up your own life and skills. Fifth, put yourself in new social situations so that you can make new friends - building a healthy social life is among the most important things you can do to be happy. Change is Possible Despite some people thinking "people never change", change is in fact possible. There are some caveats: 1) You can't change anyone else - they have to want to change themselves; 2) Change takes time and is a lot of work. Change is the result of The Slight Edge - consistent small efforts made every single day. After enough time, you'll be in a new place that you wouldn't have thought possible before. New options that once seemed out of reach now seem to make sense as next steps. While occasionally forcing yourself a ways out of your comfort zone might give you a burst of growth, most growth comes from simple sustained effort every day - identifying what you action you need to take to improve yourself, and then taking that action. Having Goals Matters This might sound silly, but there was a time when I dismissed the idea of setting concrete goals. I think I got this idea from Leo Baubata's blog post on the matter. I have a lot of respect for Leo and Zenhabits, and I think his point that we shouldn't be too rigidly fixed on a particular outcome is a good one, but still, having goals matters. I'm not going to decide to run a 5k by accident, for example. Consciously deciding that I would make it my goal to run a 5k motivated me to take the time to train - I was going to be held accountable by the event itself. I wanted to do as well as possible and have a race time that I was proud of, so that led me to starting a training program. Choosing to do a 90 day detox has the same effect as well. Now that I've met the 90 days and the 5k goals, I have found myself less motivated somewhat - so, without goals in place, it's easy to slip up. I'm going to pick new goals to keep myself moving forward and keep myself focused. I believe I will accomplish more this way.Thanks for reading!

Zane 2.0!

Zane returns.

Day 90 Welcome to a very special entry in my journal. It's a long one, so strap in. I've made it to Day 90! This was the initial goal I set when I started out with GameQuitters - a 90 day detox from video games. This has probably been the longest I've gone without video games my entire life, and it has been quite the journey. I'm envisioning this post as something that a newbie could read to get a sense of what is possible with GameQuitters. I have seen so much personal growth and change in my life in the last 90 days that I feel can be directly attributed to my quitting video games, and I want to represent that here. I want to give a sense of where I've been, where I was when I started GameQuitters, and where I'm heading now. Beginnings I grew up gaming. I remember when I was 4 or 5 we temporarily had an NES at my house that I would play. I think it belonged to a family friend or something. Well, I got hooked. But eventually it got taken away, and I remember screaming and crying and being so upset that I couldn't play it anymore. Eventually, my parents caved and bought me my own. So it goes. I had a number of consoles over the years and eventually got into PC gaming, which was my true love, I suppose. I never really got into MMOs, but was rather drawn to mentally-demanding RTS and CRPG games. Anything that challenged my intellect or capacity for strategy or tactics I enjoyed. The more difficult, the better. Moreso if it had an engaging story with compelling characters. By the time middle school and high school rolled around, gaming was my primary hobby. I always did well in school, but beyond academics and games, I didn't have all that much going on in my life. My social skills suffered because the vast majority of my free time was spent gaming rather than participating in life or activities. This isn't a coincidence - I had experienced rejection in school as so many have, and I'm sure games held all the more appeal because of that. It was a way to enjoy myself that didn't require any social risk, or me stepping out of my comfort zone. It was an easy way to meet my needs, but not one without consequences. If there was one thing that I wish were different about my youth, it's that my parents had taken a more active role in my life growing up. There wasn't much push from them for me to really do any particular activities or push me out of my comfort zone, or to limit the amount of time I spent on computers or games or the internet. My grades were always fine, and that was all they really cared about. But I think now that I would have been much better off had I been exposed to other experiences when I was younger instead of just playing games.I have an uncomfortable memory that has stuck with me to this day. I was sitting in a car at night with my brother-in-law. I was probably early teens, he was probably late 20s at the time. He's a man of few words, and after a silence he simply said "If you keep playing those games, Travis, life is going to pass you by." I didn't respond, and the words just sort of hung in the air as we continued to sit in silence. I remember feeling such a mixture of feelings at the time - anger, because I felt insulted and thought he was wrong and didn't know what he was talking about, that I'd prove him wrong, etc - and yet also shame and fear, because a part of me knew that he had to be right, that I was missing out on things, that there were negative consequences to my gaming lifestyle. Clearly those around me could see that my gaming was problematic and limiting me as a person. The "Most Fun" Thing Once I got to college, my gaming dropped off some, but never disappeared entirely. I remember I once told a couple of gamer friends during a night of StarCraft II matches that for me gaming was the "most fun" thing in life. They had to stop and wonder if it was true for them, too. It definitely was for me at the time - gaming has a way of making everything else seem dull and unstimulating by comparison. Upon reflection, it's kind of sad that I looked up to gaming in this way, not seeing what else there was in life. I did have some good times in college, and found some degree of social success. It seemed like I was happiest when I was gaming the least, because I was too busy socializing. After college though, my social network fragmented and my gaming picked up again. For the first time in my life I really began to notice how gaming negatively impacted me. Finally, I had the self-awareness to notice some patterns. The "best" gaming experiences, my "favorite" ones, had the curious side-effect of making me miserable. The most enjoyable, stimulating, engrossing, challenging, all-consuming gaming experiences that would keep me playing for hours and hours on end, late into the night, that I craved the most, that I Kickstarted and waited-for-years to experience, well... they were poison. They felt like drugs. In a sense they were - "good" video games are precisely crafted instruments for delivering hefty hits of dopamine. When I would get hooked on one of these "best", "most fun" games, I would suddenly be spending 40+ hours a week on it - like a second job. I would become obsessed, reading anything and everything about the game in the lulls at work or any other time when I wasn't able to actually play it. I would become distant from my girlfriend and friends. I would be withdrawn, my social skills would atrophy, I would be sitting in the dark all the time, eating crap food. I'd be somewhat oblivious to the world outside my screen. My days would consist of work and then coming home to game. My social anxiety would increase, eye contact would become more difficult. After a little while I would begin to feel lonely, isolated, and that would lead me to feeling melancholy or depressed. And because I would crave the game, even when playing it wasn't always fun, even when it sometimes felt like work, it wasn't easy to simply stop playing and go interact or do something more productive with my life. GameQuitters At some point I discovered r/stopgaming. I don't remember how. The first time I encountered it I mentally filed it away as "intriguing" but it didn't really resonate with me at the time. Months later, after I had been through the above cycle a few times with a few different games, something made me want to start reading it. From there I found GameQuitters. I liked GameQuitters right away, and I felt like I was seen here as a person instead of just one speck of huge sea of other people, like on Reddit. The kind of support and mutual encouragement here is honestly something I've encountered no where else in my life so far. This is the most connected I've felt in an online community, probably ever, and I'm very happy to be here. I feel like I've found a group of people who care about the same things as I do, and also have the determination and drive to improve themselves like I do. Much of my life I've felt like I didn't fit in. I've spent a lot of time with either gamers who didn't care about improving themselves, or with non-gamers who didn't like gaming. So it's refreshing to find others who share the same goals and can also relate to me. Thank you to anyone who has commented or liked or read my journal up this point, it means a lot and I wouldn't be here without your support. And thanks to Cam for his continued support and guidance, and of course for creating this all in the first place! The past 90 days have been pretty transformative for me. I stopped gaming and started to take a hard look at my life. This caused me realize I was in a relationship that wasn't working anymore, so I decided to end it and move on. I decided to get serious about my life in a way that I hadn't before - suddenly it felt like the little things mattered more. This is my life and I can choose to craft it however I want to. It matters how I spend my time, and 8 hours of video games on the weekend are 8 hours I'm not going to get back. I could invest them into a game, which gives me entertainment but not fulfillment, or I could invest them into myself and into things that actually matter to me as a human being. I have gained other things, too. I've learned gratitude and appreciation; I've developed new healthy habits and recommitted to old ones; I've pushed my comfort zone by taking social risks; I've began building a social life that I'm happy and proud of; I've dated new people and learned about myself; I ran my first 5K; I've even learned better time management. In sum, I've learned far more about myself than I expected - sometimes stepping away from a part of your life is a great way to understand who you are. Most importantly, I'm much happier and I feel like my life is on the right track, instead of stagnating. I feel progress. I think one of the most obvious and yet deep realizations I've had throughout this process is that gaming isn't the issue - it's all the stuff we use gaming to numb or escape from. And I guess this is what addiction is all about. The substance or activity isn't about feeling good, but about feeling less bad. But eventually we have to stop numbing and address the badness for good. The Next 90 Days In truth, 90 days isn't that long. I'm just starting out, and this is really just the beginning of a new chapter of my life - one without gaming. As great and difficult and enriching as this has been, there is much more to come. I recently came across this note that I wrote a few years ago, which struck me as I was rereading it. I wanted to share it with you guys to close this out: "I think that it takes a lot of courage to see that you are one person, and to recognize that there is another person you want to become. It takes more courage still to actually change who you are, because this is simultaneously a creative and destructive act. Even as you are adding to yourself, you are also letting other parts go. And letting go is hard, because even when we’re letting go of our unhealthy parts, those parts are still familiar and comfortable, while the new parts of foreign and challenging. We are letting go of 'us' for 'not-us'. When all is said and done, you are no longer the same person. That person doesn’t exist anymore. You've changed." Tomorrow, on Day 91, I'll lay out some new goals and next steps for myself. Thanks again to everyone! Let's all keep working towards our goals together. EDIT:Here are some more thoughts on what I learned from my 90 days. http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/220-quit-for-90-days/?do=findComment&comment=4504

Hey Adem, awesome that you're working on sleep and Khanacademy (great site). I think it's not unusual that you don't find yourself surrounded by motivators. I think that's a great part about gamequitters - it's a place for people to motivate and support each other when they might not be able to get that from themselves, or from the people around them in their life at the time. But you can also find communities or groups in real life where people care more about self-improvement. If you're into improving your handwriting, you'll probably like this: (skip maybe to 2:30) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAWA5qw065k. It's something I've been wanting to work on as well! A lot of people do seem to be caught in the work/TV/internet/repeat cycle. It's worth it to break out but I think everyone has to do it for themselves. Keep going strong dude! I think you're going to do great if you keep at it as you are. Some days will be good, some bad, but you will improve and it will get easier.

Nice badges! And wow, that art is awesome. Where did you get that?

Hey Alkan, great journal. Just caught up on it and it's thought-provoking. I have succumbed to a lot of internet distraction lately and my mind feels more scattered than I would like. I crave deep focus but my mind wants to check facebook again. I think I'm going to commit to cutting out a lot of these things like you have, and add more meditation time into my day. I think I might try setting aside 30mins-1hr a day where I allow myself to do my social media/internet rounds, but the rest of the day keep it off limits. If I want something else to do, it needs to be productive.

Gah - I know I have to try it, but right now I just feel silly (it's shallow I know) and frustrated to do so. It felt silly for me too at first. It feels... a little awkward, embarassing, makes you self-conscious? Because on some level maybe you don't feel like you're allowed to feel positive feelings? Whatever the reason, you kind of have to ignore it and just do it. It will get easier. It's like a muscle; you can train it. It'll become more comfortable, and you will start to feel more positive emotions - gratitude, happiness, appreciation. And at that point it really doesn't feel silly anymore. Instead you ask - why wouldn't I keep doing this?

Hey Adem, Just got caught up on your journal. You are off to an awesome start, keep going! I related to many of your experiences here because I went through some of the same things when I quit. Yes! Exactly. I feel the same way. Yeah!! If you keep focusing on reading you'll get better, but more importantly, as you reduce the number of internet/video game distractions, your ability to focus increases . Hope you keep doing awesome. I'm sure you'll find another job soon.

Yeah, I stopped about half-way through Radical Acceptance. It just felt a little repetitive to me and I didn't feel like I was continuing to get much out of it after a certain point. That said, the core idea is great and I'm glad I read what I did. If you're interested, there is a Tim Ferriss interview with Tara Brach too, which is how I learned about the book. I'm currently reading The Way of Men which I'm liking more than I expected. It's helping me understand my own masculinity better, which is something I've struggled with for a long time. After I finish it I'm going to listen to this Mating Grounds podcast interview with the author. After I finish that, I'm going move onto the bookclub book I mentioned, This Will Make you Smarter.

Day 89 I had an awesome night last night. I went to a new meetup for the first time: Oceanside Brain Science Meetup! It's basically a bookclub with a focus on neuroscience, psychology, etc. It was held at a really awesome cafe that's only 5 minutes away from me, and yet I didn't even know existed. They have an upstairs with separate little rooms so you can have group discussions and even close the door. The whole vibe of the place reminds me of my college town. That alone makes last night great because I could see it becoming a hangout spot for me. But the event itself was great too. It was a discussion group of 7 people. We were discussing the book The Shallows, which I had read a few years back. In a nutshell it's saying that internet use, due to its inherently distracting and multimedia nature, is changing our brains to constantly seek new information, which ultimately hinders our ability for deep, concentrated thinking. It's more complicated than that, and goes into a history of intellectual technologies and how they have changed how we think, but that's the gist. Everyone there was intelligent and had interesting things to say, and I felt like I fit right in. I have a strong intellectual streak that was really in full force in college, but since graduating I've felt it be pushed aside a little bit - it felt good to be able to engage in discussion that I found meaningful and express myself intellectually, since I don't get many opportunities for that. Groups like these don't seem super common where I live, so I feel like I found a little gem. I will definitely be back. They meet once per month; next month we're reading This Will Make You Smarter. Tomorrow is Day 90, and the first day of my vacation. Perfect timing! Gratitude Oceanside Brain Science MeetupHill Street CafeUpcoming vacationGreat conversationEvernote - again!Having a job I look forward to going toNot having to worry about money (emergency fund!)Serial (podcast)Sense of belonging EDIT:Forgetting the 10th gratitude item