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sirjk

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About sirjk

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  1. sirjk

    Thank you!

    First of all, I like to shout out @Cam Adair, I had the opportunity to meet him about 6 months ago. He's doing a great job, I don't care what some people say about video game addiction, he helped the media shined the light on this issue, and I'm very thankful for. So who am I? I'm just a 21 year old dude from Australia who has struggled with depression and social anxiety since 2012. I did play a lot of video games when I was younger, but I had a even flow with being social and the average GTA: SA play-though. In 2012, my mother, who I was close with, overdosed, and to our families dismay, she died on that day. tl;d(write), shit went south ever since. I didn't care about anything or anyone. I lost friends, I started to fail at school, I spent over 4,000 hours on the Call of Duty series between 2013 - 2015 for Youtube. At the end of 2015, I had 120 days gameplayed on Mw3, I was ranked legitly high with an accuracy of 57% ~ top 500 in the world . But in my mind, that was okay, because I had nearly 500 subscribers, my best video was at 20k views, and I had 4+ videos with 2-10k views. But. The game died in the beginning of 2016. 2016 was the first year out of highschool, and honestly 2016 was one of the depressing times in my life. I don''t like to talk about suicide, but in the time period, it was nearly a daily thought for me. I didn't have a job, I had no friends, my family believed in my lie of "I'm taking a year break then Ill find work" I would go months without leaving the house. I played CS:GO for months, I even started to use cheats in the game. Yes, I'm that type of person I guess. I was at breaking point, I would punch the wall because "I miss a shot". I was in a toxic house hold which I won't get into, but I wanted to try and do something, try something new. I simply googled gaming addiction, and found this website. I made an account on the August 26th, 2016. I didn't know what I was going to expect, but I found that the website had a journal, a '90 day detox'. I read peoples journals, they had similar stories than me, and a few days after joining, I decided to attempt the challenge. The challenge was physical pain, but I started to feel a little happier after a few weeks, it felt like finally I was doing something. But, like what depression does, it will always find its way to suck you dry, I went back to gaming. Late 2017: Many fail attempts later, I still didn't complete the challenge. The closes was 82 days, playing video games again after this was the worst decision I ever did. January 2018: I had to do something, anything. My suggestion was to study, so for the first time in years, literately, I went into a meeting room and applied for collage. Now I'm studying Networking. This transition was hard, I mean hard. I still remember my first day, shaking, I hardly could say my own name when we had to introduce ourselves to the class. I was never really a quite person in highschool, private, but never shy to talk to a crowd. It was always the 1 on 1 that always got me (still does). But of cause, I started to go home early, and to do what? Play video games. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention, I bendered PUBG hard. At this time, I was trying to keep my top 1% on the solo scoreboard, school came second, like always. I failed first term, this was a wake up call for me, I went back to gamequitters to start a journal again, realizing Cam was going to do a talk to parents an hour away from me . With his permission, a friend and me went to the talk, and met Cam. I stayed clear from video games in the second term, and funny enough, I passed everything. Term 3: It felt like a fresh start, I smashed out 4 weeks worth of assessments out, I quit CSGO, I quit PUBG, I quit nearly all video games other than Piano Tiles 2 on my phone. I guess a little of Rainbow Six Siege wouldn't hurt? Like what I always did, I watched POV of professionals, I researched every inch of every weapon, I watched tutorials, wall bang spots, spawn kill spots, what operator to use and when. Man, I learnt a lot in two weeks... right? It turned out, I missed a month and a half of studying and assessments. I never felt so trapped in my life, how could I have not learnt from Term 1? I'm still angry when I write this. There was absolutely no time to finish everything. To stop stress, I had to sit down, and work out which test I was going to fail on, because I had time to only pass 2 things. I had 3 things to pass on. I decided to study in a weeks time, avoiding everything about Route Poisoning. Honestly, I never had to do that in my life. I went home that day and switched on Rainbow Six, and I just felt hate. I couldn't play this game anymore. I went ahead and played Skyrim, my favorite game of all time... bored. I decided to sign up for the Cyber Security challenge instead. This challange allows schools verse each other in hacking, and who every gets the most points, wins. I went into collage every day that I could, spent many hours a day learning about hacking. I started on 0, tried to learn the most I could. I went into collage over the holidays, I spent many hours with friends practicing this IRL. I didn't write my gaming "stats" to be cocky, I wrote it to connect to what I'm about to say. I finally found a passion for something outside of gaming, the first time since highschool. I just couldn't believe it, my perfectionist and workaholic personality finally translated into something I liked outside of gaming. The Capture the Flag community is vast, and desperately need more people to join InfoSec and CyberSec and CTF community is so friendly, they even do meetups, which I'm thinking to attend,. So, there is my story, and I personally have to thank @Cam Adair again for allowing me to understand this issue. I also thank you, the reader for reading this far in my poorly written ramblings.
  2. sirjk

    90 days

    day thirty-nine I nearly did it, I was so close to hooking up my PC and playing video games. Honestly, I didn't even know why I didn't proceed. I fell into a hole for about seven days, but I think I'm out of it now. I'm sick of waking up at 11am-12pm again; I always forget how much time that takes out of your day. I suck at dealing with stress. Everyone seems so god damn good at dealing with it. I found this video a little inspiring. kliksphilip is one of my favourite YouTubers, I use to watch his other channels for CSGO related content, but after my interest went towards PUBG, I found myself still watching his IRL channel. Warning: 1% of the video is gaming related kliks is correct. When a new chapter opens, you will always think of the past chapters as the highest time of your life. I captured a lot of memories on Youtube with video games. If I still do this but not gaming related, it may help me strive for my goal. Archiving may be sentimental, but I think it's true 20 years from now, I'll be tearing up with memories. I took this today, nothing exciting, but most of the walk was like this LOL
  3. sirjk

    90 days

    day thirty-six (? I think lol) I really want to play video games. I think it's just because I've been so bored these holidays. Since the 30th, I've been waiting for payment to come through but to no avail. I guess all I can do is study 'cause what the hell can you do irl without money. I've been editing a video for my friend, but it's video game related. But, I do enjoy editing. I've been doing edits since 2012, even have a Youtube channel with over 400 subscribers with editing and video game gameplay. That life is behind me, but it keeps on crawling back. I would love to hook my Xbox back up, but there is no point; the old games in the CoD series is dead. It's so hard to let go; it was my teenage years which went by way too quick. It was a community back then, especially in the sniping one, there was so much smack talking, whoever could be the best player, who could make the best videos and who can join great teams. It wasn't about the game; it was about the community. I enjoyed every 3300 hours on Mw3, and there are no regrets. .A few people I know of went to become semi-professionals in CSGO and one became a paid professional in PUBG. Some friends of mine even completely stop playing video games or just started to play casually 5 hours a week. I can't be the only one who sees video games as good teenage memories. I want to be 16 again, and I think I'm not alone on this. Now at 21, it feels like I'm years behind in personal growth. It feels like I really never grew up. I wish when I left the community in 2015, I wish I wish I quit video games then. I wish I never bought my gaming PC. I wish I went and looked for work or went to university. But I didn't, I played video games for two years out of school. No money, no dream, no job, no personal education. Just thousands of hours wasted and lost of friends.
  4. sirjk

    90 days

    day twenty-nine I'm so incredibly bored right now! Don't get me wrong. I don't want to play video games. But, I also don't want to sit around being a zombie and watching movies and a TV Series/Anime. I did teach myself about String Theory — a theory I couldn't grasp for a long time, but that is not the point! It isn't productive, and it is only five days in my three week holiday. The good thing right now is I don't have the urge to play video games or watch people play. I did watch a video about the 7-day trade lock in CSGO today, but I was more intrigued in the business side of it. But hey, in my spare times I figured out how to watch 'American cable' again. Which is a plus
  5. sirjk

    90 days

    day twenty-five Dull and slow day, I didn't sleep until 2 am and awoke at 10.30 am. I cleaned the house a bit and browsed some forums and chatted with friends online. It's the start of the holidays today; I will start studying on Monday, I want to watch a few movies and binge the new season of The Walking Dead which I haven't had the chance to do. I finally got the last piece for my laptop — a new keyboard. The keyboard feels aberrant to type with but needs to wear in. I did say my day was boring.
  6. sirjk

    90 days

    day twenty-four Drove to Brisbane with my friend to watch and meet @Cam Adair who did a talk about how addictive video games can be. I'm glad, so many concerned parents showed up. I think Cam mentioned there were maybe 500ish parents who showed up. What Cam was saying in the talk, it sounds like an outbreak has occurred; way beyond what I thought. Non-gamer kids are playing video games because they didn't want to be an outcast, stealing their parent's credit cards/unauthorised use and payments for skins, gambling, micro-transactions. It's almost mirrored with drug addiction. What I briefly mentioned to Cam, I WISH my parents gave me more rules. Be allowed to play for an hour a day, if you have no assessments or homework, 2 or 3 hours. But, instead, I used their system against them, I protested stubbornly and acted like a headless chicken, my mother used to say. In the end, now I'm paying for it. I'm glad we went today, Cams talk was very informative, and my friend gathered some information about his gaming addiction. Thanks, Cam for coming to Australia and talking to students and parents.
  7. sirjk

    90 days

    Day twenty-two I have dun goofed. Played two hours of video games in two days. I'm not sure what to think of it. I thought it would calm me down, but it actually did the opposite.
  8. sirjk

    90 days

    day nineteen I feel complete anguish. I thought everything was going well at TAFE, I got my final mark today on one of my assessments and it was a fail on the last attempt. All because I misread a question. I'm going back on Monday and explain why and how I messed up. I understood the question and got it correct but I only quoted two sources, not three. It hurts because I didn't get anything wrong, it's just because I'm an idiot and didn't read it properly,
  9. sirjk

    90 days

    day(s) seventeen-eighteen Currently waiting for my friend to finish work so we can go to the movies. I'll make this quick as he may be here at any time haha. I passed the presentation on Wednesday, that means I have only one more assessment to do before Friday afternoon. It is another group assessment, so after the movies, I'll just smash it out before bed, I'm watching a new TV series (A German series called Dark), I wanna watch a few episodes of it tomorrow, if I finish everything before midday tomorrow, I'll me happy. Now just for the reseat of the test next week, I should be fine. This weekend I will really study Subnet Masking the way he showed us.
  10. sirjk

    90 days

    @Cam Adair that sounds good! My friend and I will come to the next weeks one on the 28th of March
  11. Yep same, SSDs are a lot cheaper than they use to be, I would stick with Samsungs as they have crazy warranties (to 5-10 years), if not Kingston as my second choice and Sandisk as my budget choice. Never buy them through eBay though. Stick with a trusted supplier, better yet, a manufacturer! An extra 4GB of RAM puts a hole in the plastic bag, the system stuttered constantly like it was suffocating, now it has the freedom to run pretty much anything now. @stablish I would if I could, I used DBAN on the hard drive for privacy concerns. So, the disk has been written over with junk data, and now it has Linux. Initially, I wanted to try and fix it, but opening files would take me 30-45 seconds to open. My Computer took 20 seconds. I believe it had been caused by a program called "6e 65 74 20 74 6f 6f 6c 73 20 35" (hex to text if you're interested) but I am not sure. I never used a Virtual Machine back when I was a teenager so it could've been anything. I installed Linux after I DBANed the hard drive and runs smoothly again, but I thought an SSD would be a lot better for the laptop
  12. That feeling when you revive a 5-year-old virus infested laptop that was used in high school, upgraded to an SSD (I used it in my gaming PC), placed another 4GB of RAM and dual boot Linux and Windows 10! Just needs a new keyboard (20 bucks) and it will be good as new!
  13. sirjk

    90 days

    day sixteen Aced my network simulation and subnet masking test today, I'm quite happy about it, No, Saturday was not a waste of time!!!! Without grinding for it I would've failed two test, not one. I regret starting the 90 days later than I should've. It was on my mind for a while, "It will be okay" "You don't need to do it again" "There is always reseats in assessments and test" that sort of thing. This downfall could've been so much worse, but I just need to handle this "Let's watch video game videos on Youtube" I've been catching myself doing it the last 2 days, mainly watching nostalgia videos. I'm doing this as I procrastinate and I don't want to lead this into a bad habit, again.
  14. sirjk

    90 days

    How long? Are you doing any shows or meet ups?
  15. sirjk

    90 days

    day fifteen Whoop, sorry about yesterday. It was just one of those days, the anxiety about the future got to me. I failed the test today! But, it's okay. Four questions wrong. Two of them were because I read half of the question (got it right but was the other way around) I need to study more about throughput/goodput and hubs. And the omen of networking students, Subnet Masking. The teacher said not to worry about anything below /24 subnet sizes. Of course, there's a question about /22 networks, so he lied. It's annoying because I found a way to calculate them past /24. I never considered anything below /24, so everything I did on Saturday was a waste of time. Sorry if that made no sense, I'm just trying to let everything out, I know I could've done better. I try and be reserved, and most of the time I am, but what I did in the last three days, I don't want to do again. My goal next term is to study what I am learning, not study what I have learnt. @Cam Adair Thank you for the video. I'll try and plan it tomorrow. I'm currently living on the Gold Coast in Australia, and the Commonwealth Games are coming up, so traffic is going to be horrendous. I'm not too sure what I will do, it's a three week holiday, but I guess I need to work it out. Leaving the street will be a task, not alone going out of my Suburb.
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