NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Pierce
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Posts posted by Pierce
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@Ashley K. Think of yourself as this incredible heroine on a daring journey, because from what I can see that's what you are, and that you are coming up against a mighty foe each day. Maybe one day it's a three headed dragon, maybe on another it's some hideous slime creature, and so on. From the looks of it, you have slain 11 ferocious monsters and lived to tell the tale. 11!! Yes, it's difficult, but think about what you've done; you just sold all of your games... that's huge! I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit for how much you have accomplished.
You're rocking this, getting closer to your dreams one day at a time. You got this!
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Day 25
It's surprising that it's this early in the semester and the days are already starting to blur; in some ways it's difficult for me to differentiate what happened today from the events of previous days. I got a good bit of chemistry homework done and thoroughly enjoyed all of my classes, even the daunting 8am organic chemistry lecture this morning. I also saw a guy I'd met a few times sitting alone at lunch, and decided to sit with him and ensure that I was social. He happened to playing some Warhammer series related game, and I didn't think anything too much of it. Over the course of the next hour he excitedly told me about it as I ate my lunch, and I was surprised at how uninterested I was. I enjoyed what he had to say (i.e. the lore and his mentality behind how he played it), but I was thoroughly disinterested in the game itself because I knew it was just a waste of time. I detail this interaction because it proves that video games have merely been merely an excuse to avoid both school and self-improvement work, and are far from being a passion of mine. Furthermore, when I told a different friend later that I was quitting for good this time, he responded by reminding me about how many times I had tried and failed in the past, and implied this wasn't going to any different. I just gave him a knowing smile and told him that I was certain I was done this time, and I meant it; I know I am, and I couldn't be happier.
Switching gears to a different topic: meditation and my study of philosophy and self-development have taught me to focus on my thought life. I noticed today that my mind has been focusing on really vain things when I leave it unchecked; it wanders to the girl I talked about a few posts ago, then it goes to areas where I want to improve my life such as my physique, worrying about grades, my social standing among my peers, etc. In other words, it focuses on what I don't have rather than what I do. What a complete waste of time, and an incredible drain of resources! I asked myself, "Would you be willing to give all of these ambitions up if that's what it took to succeed towards your most important goals?" As I said in my initial journal post, my dream is to be a doctor in countries where people don't have access to medical care. I frequently forget this, but when I waste time I am letting the people I want to help down. I cannot look myself and the mirror and know that I am willingly doing that, so I promised myself that I was willing to give up/do whatever it takes fulfill my two core values of seeking truth and living as compassionately as I possibly can. When my thoughts wander towards silly things my goal is to either redirect them towards worthy causes (envisioning myself studying hard to get good grades, or what it will be like to one day be fulfilling my dream of helping the poor) or practicing mindfulness and not thinking anything at all. Following through with that level of commitment will bring about profound reverberations in my life, and I am fully prepared to see that happen.
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I was dead by the time I arrived at my house, and napped for a few hours because of that. I'm now debating whether I should do some work, or go back to sleep to fix my sleep schedule, which is in a pretty bad place now. While nothing urgent is due tomorrow, I like the idea of me putting in the work and being ahead of the curve as a result. I beleive that people who want success are willing to go the extra mile, to persevere above all odds and come on top. It's an inner conflict to say the least, and any advice would be appreciated.
There's a running joke that there are three things you get to choose from in college: getting good grades, having a social life, and sleep; you only get to have two. I personally believe this is untrue, but it is true that one's social life has to be deliberately put behind the other two. Going to bed and waking up at a consistent time (preferably even on weekends), cutting out blue light from electronics at least on hour before bed (blue light tricks your body into thinking it's still sunny outside, and so it doesn't produce melatonin to make you sleepy), and making sure you get around 8 hours each night are integral for academic success. I really respect that you are going the extra mile, which definitely is necessary, and I am inspired by your drive to work ahead. That's something I value as well, but fall short a lot, so I commend you.
Haha, I know how much you love dancing so this may have been pleasing to hear. Would you recommend I go into the first session blind, or should I watch a video or two so I don't make a fool out of myself :P?
As one of my friends frequently says, "In dance, there are no mistakes only variations", so don't worry about how you look out there. I would recommend going in completely blind so you can learn the basics from scratch; videos will be helpful later, once you have some familiarity and want to learn new moves.
A benefit much bigger than cardio is increased confidence. You will build a tremendous amount of confidence learning to dance with strangers, and this skill will translate over to when you are off the dance floor. In my opinion, dancing is the social skills equivalent of weight lifting. I'm really excited to hear about how this turns out for you Moe.
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I did join a swing dance club, which starts next week, so i'm hoping if I like that, it will keep me in shape.
YES!!!
Your future self is thanking you right now, haha. Depending on how fast the songs they play are, it will definitely count as your cardio for the day.
I await any posts on this subject with baited breath, and if you ever want to talk about this subject/need any tips, please ask
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@WorkInProgress Thanks! I found out that my local library system has this book, so it's definitely on the list for when I get through my next couple of books. Checking out some of the reviews on Amazons, it definitely seems worth-while.
@TheBroMoe On point advice, as I have come to expect from you, my friend. You are absolutely right that it is important to look oneself in the mirror and speak the truth (which is positivity). I work on self-talk a lot, but this will take it to a whole new level and I'm definitely going to start doing so starting tonight, thanks. I notice that we usually feel how we act, so by walking around campus standing up straight and taking the time to smile and look people in the eye as I passed them by, I felt much more content and self-assured today. I believe that ties in to what you were saying, and I highly recommend doing so if you haven't tried that method out yourself. Lastly, you are right that more improvement happens than negativity every day, and that's a great attitude to have.
Day 24
This post will mostly cover the answers I found from trying to tackle the problem I posed yesterday, since nothing very noteworthy happened today other than being very sore from getting back in the swing of weight lifting again.
I met with one of my friends for lunch, as planned, and after talking about various philosophical issues (as we usually do, which is why we are such good friends) I broached the topic of how he keeps from feeling lonely/isolated. Other than going to school and getting lunch with friends, he spends most of his time at his apartment. While there, he goes through dense books on history and philosophy at the speed that most people go through seasons of a television show, and does a lot of thinking. It's for this reason that I really can relate to him and value his friendship, because he dares to ask the questions that most people shy away from.
His answer was simple: if you are alone because you dare to think for yourself and live a life that reflects the insights you gain, you should take that solitude as a badge of honor. In other words, he focuses on the positive rather than the negative. This reminds me very much of Walden, which was written by Henry David Thoreau as he lived by himself in the woods for over two years. In his book he talks about how company is only pleasurable when there are new and stimulating topics to talk about. Just as I once used gaming as a crutch, so too am I trying to use people as a crutch. Does this mean that I should stop hanging out with other people regularly and cease from being vulnerable with my friends? Absolutely not! It merely means that this is work that I must put in the work on myself if I want to make progress, and I would be at a complete standstill in this area if I had not quit video games, so for that much alone I am immensely grateful.
It seems those pesky Stoic and Zen philosophers are right yet again: the journey is not without, but within.
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Day 23
Pretty routine day; got some lunch with a friend, did some errands to prepare for volunteering at the hospital, and got a ton of studying done. It's funny how many things I have to be grateful for, and I have plenty of work to get done, but the thing that keeps me back the most is not being able to maintain positive emotions. Being able to be positive around others is much easier than being positive with myself. It's embarrassing to admit it out loud, but I struggle with feeling emotionally isolated a lot. I have more friends now that I am in college than I ever have had in any other stage in my life, but I don't confide in them about emotions and so I feel about the same as before. I used to use video games to drown away these feeling and let the numbness take over, but I don't have the option anymore, I have to face my problems head on.
I've been thinking about why this is for a while now. Maybe its because I'm used to being the listening ear and not the other way around, or maybe its because I'm tired of people leaving when the friendship is no longer convenient and don't want to go through the pain of opening up again. These are excuses that honestly seem to be rooted in fear, and I need to face up to the truth and do something about it. I'm meeting with a close friend tomorrow and I plan on opening up to him about this, even though I can tell it won't be easy. I'll also watch my self-talk and try to flip the negatives back to positives. Any other advice would be appreciated. It's good to be just be honest with the world about it.
"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as be understood" -George Orwell, 1984
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Day 22
Well, I broke the cycle of mismanaged weekends and got a decent start on my work. I wish I could feel more accomplished, but I didn't get nearly the amount of homework I wanted done. I don't have to be a complete downer, though, so I'll speak on the bright side. I did a lot of thinking as I rested over the weekend, and mapped out even more possibilities and ideas for my life. I feel pretty confident that Siddartha Guatama was right when he said that desire is the root of all suffering. Over the weekend I struggled against a lot of petty desires: eating foods that were garbage for the body, intaking media that was garbage for the mind, etc. Sure, I was far from perfect, but I further developed the skill of simply letting go and letting these distractions slide over me like water over a rock. Things that once appealed to me no longer do, giving way to allowing me to do what I need to. I can't be certain these are symptoms of the detox, but I do feel quite confident that they are.
I sail ever closer towards the goals I have set for myself, as the voices of the wailing sirens of vice grow fainter and fainter. I hope that even before these 90 days are up I can be untied from this mast and go about the real work before me. By all that is right, I wish to put forth every fiber in my being towards doing so.
P.S. congrats @Cam Adair for meeting your goal! I'm excited to hear about all of the good work you accomplish in Tanzania.
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Day 21
3 weeks in. Today was slow as well. Finished the Invertebrate stuff and started on Genetics. I think being on campus really does help with productivity, because I don't have too much to show for a full day. At the very least I resisted the cravings again, but abstaining from a negative is far from a positive. The time I got the most done was when I got really passionate about just getting work done and let that be my driving force. On that note, I think I'll put in a little more studying before I go to bed.
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Day 20
Every semester at my college (including summer) is scheduled so that there is a three day weekend after the first week of school. This is a great strategy, because it gives students an extra cushion to prepare after getting their initial workload. To the best of my memory, not counting my first semester of freshman year, I have squandered all of these three day weekends on video games or gaming related videos. My goal for this weekend is to break that trend and do something productive instead, and we'll find out on Monday night whether I succeeded.
Not the best start this morning, since I slept in to help my sickness, and sleeping in almost always leads to a slow start. It wasn't until later in the day that I hit my stride. At around noon I knew I needed to start reading my textbooks and getting ahead for the coming week. I didn't come even close to the goals I set for the day, but I have a decent start. At the very least, I'm glad I didn't relapse because it was very tempting to on a lazy Saturday morning. Looking at the day in retrospect, reading my Invertebrate Zoology textbook has been much more entertaining than relapsing would have been, because the moment-to-moment satisfaction is about the same and this method doesn't come with any guilt at the end of the day. I can remember day after day of failure in the past, so it's good to have a day where I can look back and be satisfied. I have better expectations for tomorrow, and definitely no sleeping in.
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Love that work as a jealous lady analogy. As for your internet usage, have you considered using Stayfocusd? Its a chrome app that blocks certain websites (examples are youtube, and social media) after spending some time on them. I reccomend it if you browse the web more than you would like to admit, but considering your work acheived that may not be the case. The truth is no matter how productive and successful we as humans are, there's always a part of us that wishes to embrace lazyness. As for your relationship life, have you considered taking this "certain single lady" out for lunch, or spending more time with her? I know that's a lot to ask for since your time in a day is very limeted but, if you see her (is she in your dance sessions?) try to speak to her more. I know the timing may not be right, but also take into consideration, what is a good time to begin with. Hope that helps, I'm no ladies man, I just know how to communicate with people. Honestly though, it would appear you are superior in giving advice :). Best of luck for the next day.
@TheBroMoe Thanks for the advice man, and I hope that analogy helps you as much as it has helped me, haha. I do have StayFocusd, and you are probably right that I should use it more. The reason I don't is that I know that if I don't have the drive to stay focused on my own, my productivity levels will dip either way and I'll find some other way to distract myself. I think an external aid can help with building good habits without expending one's precious willpower, so this is definitely something I should consider more seriously.
As for the lady, I did meet her through our mutual love of dance, which has been a great way for us to get to know each other. I'm completely with you in the philosophy of, "if you think there's a good chance your feelings are mutual, just go out there and ask her on a friggin' date!" I met with her after we went out dancing one night in June and I told her how I felt, but I also expressed that I cared about our friendship first and foremost. She definitely saw potential between us, but wanted to wait because she's still figuring out a lot more of the details in her own life philosophy, and she also wants to find more emotional stability within herself before getting into anything serious. A very important positive is that our friendship has grown even stronger because of this talk (as emotionally honesty usually does, especially when everyone is mature about it), but it also means that the ball is in her court. On account of this, I choose to do something that I've needed to do anyway for a long time: working on becoming emotionally independent. In any relationship, whether romantic or platonic, I would like to be in control of my own happiness and fulfillment. For this specific example this means that whether we just stay friends or choose to move further, I will be completely content with myself and will just be grateful for having known her and everyone else that I have crossed paths with in my life. Easier said than done though, but now is as good a time to work on that outlook as any.
As for your advice, don't cut yourself short, you give fantastic advice! You have a unique perspective that no one else has, and that's valuable. Any (subjectively, haha) good advice I give comes from my unique perspective, frequently forged through mistakes I have made, or from what others have taught me. Thanks for your comment and encouragement.
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Day 19
Pretty easy day today. Went to cell bio, sold an old textbook, met with a friend who really needed some support, and sent out quite a few emails. I had a good chunk of time free in my afternoon and got almost no work done because I allowed the internet to distract me, which was really unfortunate. As I go along this path I learn that action trumps motivation, so even if I don't feel like doing my work, just doing it will help me feel a lot better than piddling around on youtube. I'm excited about the three day weekend and catching up on school work.
A couple struggles other than the aforementioned lack or productivity arose today as well. The smaller one was that I've been battling minor craving to watch gaming videos tonight since I usually do something fun on Friday nights by going dancing, but I chose to post-pone doing so because I'm still sick and I didn't get a lot of enthusiasm from my friends when I proposed the idea earlier in the week (not that I'm at all opposed to going alone). I chose to get a big bowl of ice-cream, something I usually try to avoid, and got out my Terry Pratchett novel and used that as my mindless entertainment for the night. The larger struggle was that I've been recently hit hard by my singleness. I've been trying to apply all of the positive philosophy I know on this matter, and with some success, but it's still tough. I know that I will not be nearly as happy and productive as I could be if I don't find my happiness within, and so yearning after a certain single lady that I know when the timing is definitely not right is only going to end in both short-term and long-term pain. There's a lot more that I need to learn about relationships in general, but this much I know: to succeed in the long-term, both parties need to be fully grounded in themselves before they become grounded in one another. My school work proves to be a very jealous lady anyway, and will vengefully turn on me if she sense competition, so the path forward seems quite obvious (though one's emotions quite often enjoy conflicting with reason).
I dislike that as a stopping point, so here's my quote for the day, "Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force." -The Jedi Code.
Also, I would like to one day work on reducing the growing number of run-on sentences I use in my journals, haha.
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- Today I noticed that my capability of copying down the notes in time to keep up with the professor is near impossible (in other words, i have trouble writing all the prof's notes in time before they change the page)
- My binders are really heavy on my bag, as I need to take 3/4 per day. This is also difficult as it results in me lacking space in my bag for other things (lunch, workout bag, textbooks, etc)- How I can get my textbooks cheap, but fast.
- My ability to communicate with my professors will be difficult, as each class has 300 students on average. and all of them, like me, try to speak with them and camp out the classrooms for a long time to ensure a good seat at the front.
I'll try to tackle these, and feel free to ask for any other college-related advice. I'm far from any kind of an expert, but I've learned a lot of things the hard way so I have a good breadth of experience.
-The key to good note-taking is writing down the essentials. If your prof. puts it on the board or really emphasizes it, write it down. A lot of info will be fluff, so learn how to recognize that so you don't waste your time on it. You might want to consider using a laptop/tablet if that works better for you, though studies show that using pen and paper is better for remembering what you write. Honestly, I would recommend looking up a note-taking tutorial on youtube, getting a book out of the library, or visiting your advisor/academic success center (or whatever your university calls it) for advice.
-As someone who commutes by bus, I completely get this. I try to keep heavy textbooks at home and study ahead in them on the weekend/other free times. Keep essential books to a minimum and try to only brings those you need for that day. One thing that helps is by having all notes in one spiral notebook and delineating each class by a section of that, but that organizational strategy may not work, so feel free to experiment. As for working out, most college's have a free rec. membership for students so all I pack that is shorts and a t-shirt to change into when lifting weights.
-Hmm, other than Amazon, friends, or the other sites I sent you, can't help you too much more. Textbooks are a pain. On the bright side, you have time to figure out which ones you really need and which you don't as you have your first few days of class.
-Most professors have office hours to visit them, and even if that isn't an option email is a very good method as well. As for a good seat, if getting there early really doesn't improve your chances (at my college getting there 5-10 minutes early will usually guarantee a front row one, and as people drop the class you're chances will grow) I would suggest befriending someone who usually gets there early enough to get one, and have them save a seat for you. Being on good terms with your fellow students can go miles in making life easier for you.
Hope that helps!
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@TheBroMoe Touching back on day 14, the difference between the list of things you have accomplished vs. the list of goals you have for the future is darn impressive. You're getting there man, and it looks like it's more quickly than you might think.
On a side note: as a fellow college student I recommend forgoing buying books from your local bookstore in favor of Amazon (it's good to compare, though). Other good sites to check are Valore and Chegg. Lastly, many classes don't even use the book, so using websites like RateMyProfessor to see if you need it or waiting the first week out to get a better feel for the class can be quite useful.
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@Ashley K. I have mad crazy respect for you, because you are giving this thing a really valiant effort, and moreover you're doing it as the first person in your family to step up and decide to quit. You have ambitions, you have dreams, you have talent, and you have heart. I'm really looking forward to seeing the progress you make over the next few weeks.
You got this!
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Day 18
Still fighting the cold, but I didn't let that stop me. Classes went well (though I need to prepare ahead of time even more for chemistry and genetics, because my mind wandered quite a bit during those lectures) and I even have a volunteer prospect set up with a local hospital. Moreover, I spend three hours around lunch time at my college's student life day event recruiting for the ballroom club I'm in, and it was a lot of fun sharing experiences with the freshmen and everyone that showed up. My Thursday lab got out early, because we were just checking to make sure we had the right equipment in our lab groups since it's the first day, which turned a potentially 4 hour class into 50 minutes, and that brightened the rest of my day.
I think it was from that peaceful attitude that I began to think about the universe. I frequently get eastern philosophy stuck in my stoicism, and vice versa, and so as I took the bus home early I thought (being on/waiting for a bus is always a good time to think) of how beautiful the concept of all life being linked as one is. As a biology major I further this with my geekiness, as I thought of how the objects in this universe are constantly exchanging atoms, and thus they all seem to be connected in some way. When you open the door for a stranger, theoretically that could as beneficial to "you" as if you were to find a $5 bill lying on the street; "you" very well could be defined as all of the universe, since consciousness, from best I can tell, seems to be merely an advantageous trait that members of kingdom animalia have. If that's true, we're not all that dissimilar from plants, fungi, and other living organisms that don't have a "consciousness". From there one may even go so far as to say, we're not all that different from rocks, water, decayed organic material, etc. because they too have atoms that move and have reactions and one day become something else. Some of the atoms from a man thousands of years ago could be in that same piece of brocoli you ate for dinner last night, and in some strange turn of events those atoms could one day become part of the birth of a star. If everything is linked that way, living an existence solely centered around the whims of oneself begins to not make much sense. Definitely food for thought.
As I try to refine the answers to why I exist and how I can best use my time (if using the word "I" is even accurate), these thoughts come up. On the other hand, "A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." -Laozi. There's a lot I can learn from that man, and I guess that's why I would make a crappy Taoist (or practitioner most schools of eastern thought for that matter), but make a decent stoic, haha.
*Edit: it's also quite apparent that I've been listening to way too much Alan Watts in my free time.
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Thanks @WorkInProgress @Cam Adair @sirjk! I will keep your advice in mind. Yesterday when I was telling him about all of the benefits of quitting, I asked how motivated he was to quit on a scale from 1 to 10 and he said, realistically, he was at a 3. I gave him the resources (including Cam's videos), so it's up to him to seek them/me out when he get to at least a 6 or above.
Day 17
I finally realized why I've my back and leg aches and why I've had a runny nose (I thought they were due to soreness from weight training and allergies): I woke up with what is certainly a cold. I got a ride on campus instead of taking the bus and have been inseparable from a series of handkerchiefs that I've kept in my pocket throughout the day. This also meant forgoing weight training today (and very likely Friday as well), which stinks because I really want to get back to where I was at the end of July (when I switched to cardio), but this also means that I likely didn't get as weak as I though when I went down in how much I could squat and bench on Monday. For my organic chemistry class there's something called recitation, which is basically group work with a worksheet, and I was struggling with quite a bit of the sheet. I'm positive I need to go above and beyond if I want an A in that class, and need to become an absolute Organic Chemistry fanatic; gotta eat that stuff up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. My meditation habits could use a lot of work as well...
On to the positive! I have been able to build some pretty awesome beneficial habits over the past five years, but I feel as if I have more willpower than I ever have before now that I have been off of video games for over two weeks. If I don't want to do something, but my body does, I am now able to stop myself; if my body is telling me that it doesn't feel like doing something, that's too bad, because I now have the power to internally motivate (very different from grinding, something I really don't think highly of) and do it anyway. Lastly, and most importantly, I now have the emotional resources to not get bummed out when people let me down. I've been single all my life and have had tons of flaky friends, and while I am on always trying to improve those areas of my life, I now don't need to self-medicate with video games. I am able to be satisfied in myself (a rudimentary version of the Stoic's virtue of Tranquility), be immensely grateful for the life I've had so far, and look daringly onwards towards the new adventures and people that await.
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@Cam Adair Very good advice, and that's a tactic I try to use every morning. In many was I try to be mentored by the self I want to become, and that self is motivated by excellence.
Day 16
Surprising easy. My love of biology is being fueled even more by my current classes, so it's not so much work as it is fun. Biology keeps me humble, thinking of how small humanity is in the scope of the world. My Invertebrate Zoology course to proving to be especially fascinating, and the teacher is phenomenal. Organic Chem. II is the main problem child, confusing even on the first day, but I'm willing to put the work in and see it through.
I saw a friend today who is a current gaming addict and knows it. He barely stayed in touch with his friends over the summer and suffers from a constant lack of focus. I talked to him about quitting gaming today, but he really wants to keep it in moderation because he doesn't know what else to do with his time and doesn't want to try to find new things. I don't know if talking with him helped, but I really tried to encourage to try taking a break and seeing all the benefits it would bring him. Advice on this would be much appreciated.
Anyway, today was a bright ray of hope, and I am equally optimistic about tomorrow.
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Day 15
First day back to class, and I'm very tired. It was a good start, but I can tell I'm going to be very warn out by the end of the semester. I spent the day further planning out my study routine, reading ahead in textbooks, and doing other miscellaneous chores. I also found out that my strength gains in weight-lifting dramatically decreased from switching to cardio over the last month, so I'll need to hit the weights hard over the next few weeks to get back to where I was. It was good to see people I hadn't talked to in many months, and I even got to work on a little bit of dance technique with some friends.
I only have one class M/W/F, but I have four (including a 3-4 hour lab at the end) on T/Th, so tomorrow will be the real doozy. The bright side is that I won't have to worry about falling into old vices so much since I'll be so busy, but the darker side is that I don't know how I'll fit in routine tasks or keep my will from breaking dramatically. On top of my classes, I'm trying to start shadowing a doctor (still working on even finding one) and volunteering at a local hospital (which I've done before, but getting back into it will likely prove tedious). It would also be nice to keep in touch with all of my friends and continue with my other self-development work, but we'll see.
Overall, I know it will be tough, but if I don't give in to the pain that is pushing me back towards complacency, I have a fighting chance; honestly, probably more than ever before.
"Ad astrum per aspera", to the stars through adversity.
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Day 14
Pretty exhausted today, but a much more positive day than yesterday. My tiredness has usually been a tell-tale sign that I'm currently vulnerable to bad habits, and while I fell into a couple of them the damage was very minor and I stayed completely away from anything gaming related. I don't emotionally feel that impressed by that feat, but intellectually I know that there would have been an abysmally low chance (less than 10%) that I would have been able to resist gaming or watching related videos if I didn't have this journal. Knowing that makes me feel less nervous about tomorrow, because I know that if I can do what once was seemingly impossible to me in that regard, I can definitely do the same with school as well. I'm really trying to get amped up that this is the semester where I turn my grades around, and I now have (hopefully) assembled just the habits to do it.
"Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't." -Jerry Rice
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@Cam Adair Can't get enough of the positivity; thanks again.
@TheBroMoe Yeah, I honestly would rather have our mentality than the flip side which is being stressed all the time, but bordering on apathy is no fun either. If you ever have advice on the matter, it would always be appreciated here. As for dancing, it's been one year (I'm fortunate enough to have my college offer a course on it and have a whole club dedicated to it), and I highly recommend giving it a try if you're looking for hobbies that will get you more socially involved and will develop your confidence.
Day 13
I honestly don't want to say too much about today, because I'm exhausted and there were many more low points than high points as far as interactions with other people are concerned. I think I just need some sleep I think. Anyway, I think the prognosis for today and really every day in the future, is that I should use mindfulness more. By living in the moment and being careful about when wants take root in you, one can better safeguard his joy.
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@WorkInProgress That's some really solid advice. I've tried to Pomodoro quite a few times and it definitely has merit, but I am by no means comfortable with it yet. As for meditating, I try 20 minutes every day, but I honestly feel pretty awful at it at this point. More on this topic below.
Day 12
I got on campus early and got a lot of logistical stuff done. I think my fear of failure is definitely healthy, for me at least, because usually I am so unafraid of consequences that I settle for mediocrity at times in school. I liken this fear to the scene in the Dark Knight Rises when Bruce Wayne decides to climb out of the pit Bane places him in without the rope; he let his fear, "of dying here while my city burns" be the impetus that brought about success. One last important aspect of that scene: once he climbs to the top of the pit he throws a rope down so that everyone else can follow in his example and find their way to freedom.
Through my fear I was able to set a study schedule (nothing impressive yet because planning comes naturally to me), and I really feel confident about it. I also started on my organic chemistry homework, because I found a way to get to it early before the semester started. The path to success here is taking action, gaining momentum, and staying two steps ahead of my work/the material.
One last thing: I went out dancing tonight, and as usual, it was the best feeling in the world. I think the reason I like dancing so much is it represents the opposite of video games. Instead of being painfully numb you are full of emotion and life. Instead of being alone you are in a room full of people with a woman in your arms, and there is no accomplishment in gaming that can be likened to seeing a smile form on her face when you really hit that move right together. You no longer feel like a slob who isn't going anywhere, you feel like a man full of vitality and confidence. When you turn off the console, your progress is gone, but when you step off the dance floor there is something incredible that you get to take with you throughout the next week. You were alive. I can't be thankful enough for having discovered it as a hobby, and for friends who are willing to go out every week and have a great time.
It's going to be a good semester.
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The key is that you noticed the loneliness and took a bit of action to contact your dad. Sometimes we will have emotions come in, including loneliness, but how we choose to respond to them will make the difference. Great job.
@Cam Adair Thanks! Also, your stoicism is showing
. Day 11
Not a super eventful day, but I read a few chapters of my genetics textbook and took notes. The next three days are going to be quite busy, with an officer meeting for the ballroom club I'm in happening tomorrow (not to mention starting back with weight training), I'm going out to teach a couple friends more on how to swing dance that night, and then I'm going to be at a major ballroom camp for most of the weekend. There are few better ways to spend the end of my summer than lots of dancing, so I'm pretty psyched about that, but I still can't push off an underlying feeling of nervousness about school starting back. Up to this point I've just been scraping by in my science courses, and from the very start that's been painful for me. I know that's not me, because I place an immense value on excellence in my life, but when I try to study for something that doesn't click my mind begins to shut down and I seek distraction. I've tried countless times to stop myself, but it hasn't been working. I suspect the answer is in finding some facet of the subject I can enjoy, but that isn't always possible (i.e. in math or chemistry when it's just rote equations). I definitely know this detox will help, because I switch to video games or youtube when this intense pain from mental resistance kicks in, but its hard to guess about whether it will be enough.
I get the feeling that there's still some element of mental toughness, of being able to hold my feet to the fire when I need to get hard work done, that I'm still missing, but I don't know where to find it. I've read lots of books, checked out many blog posts, ask lots of different people about what their advice on the matter over the past few years, but I'm still so far from where I need to be. We'll find out Monday, but I really hope that I found this last piece of the puzzle and I just haven't seen the results yet. I remain optimistic, but still quite starkly realistic.
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Hi there, Patchets guard series is awesome.
@WorkInProgress That it is, though it was a bit of a slow read at first; I'm definitely enjoying it as my first Pratchett book.
@Cam Adair definitely true. Linear progress will pay the biggest dividends in the long-haul.
@TheLightOI I feel a guilty irony that I'm about to quote a video game to agree with your point, but in the words of Andrew Ryan, "A man chooses; a slave obeys!" I'm with you, I choose to be a man.
Day 10
Met an old friend I haven't seen in a year, read some of my Genetics textbook, and am thoroughly enjoying the book on Bushido. Also, I have a 350 foot hill near my house that I walk down half of, jog down the other half, then run up it as hard as my body will let me and then repeat. Today I was able to do 7 laps, which is one more than I've been able to do over the past few weeks, so I've definitely been increasing my cardio and pain threshold. I plan on going back to weight training this Friday.
I'm at an incredibly good point in my life, and I try really hard to not take that for granted. With that said, a bout of loneliness hit me tonight, so I've been trying to work through that. Talked with my dad for a bit, which helped, but ultimately I don't know what caused it. I don't think it's a lack of sleep, because I pretty religiously get 8 hours, and my diet is great. I think that focusing on mindfulness and controlling my emotions will be the key, so I'll try to make a conscious effort of that in the future.
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Awesome that you've taken up social dancing. Is that something new for you?
@Cam Adair I've been fortunate enough to have some good habits going for me coming into this, and that's one of them. Due to losing the standard amount of friends one usually loses between freshman and sophomore year of college, social dancing has been the lion's-share of my social life. I just started last fall and have been going out almost every weekend to different dance studios, and have even competed in two competitions so far (only bronze level so far). Dancing has by far been one of the greatest boons to my social skills, ability to interact with the other gender, and my overall confidence. I think I remember hearing in one of your videos that you do a little bit of salsa and maybe even some swing; that's awesome man, and I highly recommend that you keep that up because it's a ton of fun.
Have you ever read the book "It's Kind Of A Funny Story"? It's one of my favorites, and since you're big on books I thought I'd recommend it to you and might be able to help (but honestly, I doubt it will help as much as the other titles you read).I notice you're into Self Help books. A genre I also really enjoy. Which book would be your favorite?
@TheBroMoe I've definitely seen bits and pieces of the movie version, and I just read the wikipedia version of the book's plot. Looks pretty interesting, thanks for the rec. My all time favorite book right now would be Seneca's On the Shortness of Life, but over the course of life it would the Lord of the Rings trilogy (yeah I know it's three books, but I feel it's sacrilege to separate them, haha). If you have any self-help book suggestions I'm always open to suggestions, and I'm glad to hear that you are into that genre as well. Hearing that makes me tempted to take a peak at your journal even more than before, to see what kind of wisdom you've been doling out there.
Day 9
Much more productive day. Woke up on time, good meditation session, did some clothes shopping (got my first ever bow-ties and suspenders), and I finished the time management book I was reading way faster than I thought (I guess that proves the book's advice works). I promised a friend that I would finish Terry Pratchett's book, Guards! Guards! before the summer is over, so I've been working through that as well and it's pretty hilarious. Lastly, I've been noticing that I've been started a routine of watching a lot of TV with my parents at night (Band of Brothers and Walking Dead tonight) over the past few weeks, which is a mixed bag because I really enjoy spending time with them but don't like the amount of time I spend just sitting there in front of a screen. I hope to kick myself off of that habit when school is back. Still, I've been building up a lot of willpower all summer, and I've read more books in these past few months than I ever have in my life, so I still feel confident.
The Journey Within
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Day 26
I'm posting this earlier than I usually do because I'm going out dancing late tonight and know I'll just want to go to bed when I get home. Noteworthy events of the day: I got one step closer towards wading through the bureaucracy to be able to volunteer at the local hospital, met with a few friends who were practicing ballroom at the rec center who taught me some new moves in Waltz and Rumba (and had a quick refresher in Tango), and I got the low-down on some excellent study resources for o-chem 2 from one of the aforementioned friends. Tomorrow and Sunday I'm going to need to hit the books really hard to be prepared for the slew of tests that are slowly drawing nearer, but tonight I'm just going to let loose and cut some carpet out on the dance floor (or in my case, a very slick hardwood floor, haha).