sirjk

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About sirjk

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  1. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Day # 7
    Time I woke up: 10:30am
    Time I went to sleep yesterday:  11:30pm
    What did I eat/drink?
    Breakfast: n/a
    Snaks: sports energy drinks (cause we didn't have milk for coffee :3)
    Lunch: chicken schnitzel Subway
    Snacks: n/a
    Dinner: two small chicken rolls
    Snacks: small glass of chocolate milk
    Open journal
    So tired today, have no idea why. I was going to wake up early at 8.30am, but when I did, I wanted to have another 30-minute sleep, which resulted in me into waking up at 10:30 am. Luckily I woke up just in time for the new Game of Thrones episode haha. I want to start going out more; there is a coffee shop around the corner from me, I might go there tomorrow. I did go to the drive thru at Subway, but it isn't the same. After all  that, fell asleep at 4:30 pm. More like I passed out. I feel happy that I completed seven days, one week! But I feel no progress is happening. I need to think of some goals and try and achieve them. Until then, going to read a book and try and sleep. Peace
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  2. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Thanks, Mettermrck for the reply! Dagwood dogs can be good once in a while :3 
    I think it's the shock factor right now, and it sounds pretty dumb as this guy was some random dude on Youtube. I feel angry at a guy I didn't even know existed 3 days ago, I think it's stupid but what ever. Anyways, a few skilled C programmers were suggesting this guy. I watched many tutorials, and none of them goes into great depth and understanding into C. I don't think he turned himself around in prison, as his death was self-inflicted one year into his sentence. What he did was first degree, and it feels that judging by his personality that he planned it before he committed that particular crime. This crime took place over an eight month period, watching these videos knowing what was happening at that time is heartbreaking. I think he deserves where ever he went
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  3. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Day #6
    Time I woke up: 9:30am
    Time I went to sleep yesterday:  1:20am
    What did I eat/drink?
    Breakfast: Simplee cup noodles and coffee (3coffee and 2sugar)
    Snaks: 1 small cookie
    Lunch: Dagwood dog, a pork sausage on w hite bread
    Snacks: 1 coffee (1coffee 2sugar)
    Dinner: 5 fish fingers, 1/3 of 10 minute pasta. 
    Snacks: 1-2 homebrew wild turkey glasses w. coke
    Open journel
    I noticed a few people here have a template to help them through their journey of quitting video games. I think it's a good idea as it helps to track down what your bad habits are and improve on them. When I was writing this, I noticed my eating habit today was dismal. I think a template would be useful because it makes me aware of my failures, and I would like to have a better sleeping pattern ;p  my open journal will be like my past post. I like to write my feelings; I don't let them out usually by talking to people IRL. 
    I stayed at my dad's house last night to look after Tank, a 14-year-old Staffordshire Bull Terrier. When I moved out to my brothers, we thought it would be a good idea to leave Tank at my dads to decrease stress for him as Tank has a few heart complications. Dad and his gf went to a motel for the night. Wat ched videos on how to convert hexadecimal and binary into base10. Mainly because I'm learning C. Long story short, the guy I was watching on Youtube who was teaching C had a dark history and died in prison in 2014. I honestly don't know how to feel about it since I was watching this guy for days. Amazing teacher and I learned a lot from him; it's just one of those awkward things in life you know. Should I keep watching him because logically he's a good teacher, or stop watching him because of morals? Now I feel sad again. I might stop writing tonight. It's a sick world; I wish it were different.
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  4. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Day 5 a bit bored today, I thought it would be a good idea to watch the Japanese film, Battle Royale. Don't get me wrong, the movie was excellent but the only reason why I watched it was it was the central concept of an online game I played. I swear my sub-conscious is trying to trick my mind to gather the missing instant gratification to stimulate fun. I currently have some cravings because of this. It's okay; I have no way to play computer games as I'm at my dads' looking after our dog while they're on holiday for the night. I'm a bit proud that of nearly a week without video games.Even though I'm having constant thoughts about, "Man, are you seriously just going to give video games up?" "All those times you enjoyed playing, was that for nothing?" Just a lot of second guessing is running through my head. My goal is to quit forever. But, it's unrealistic just to say that. One week at a time feels more comfortable. I feel better already!
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  5. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Day 4: a new day! It was a bit lazy, but at least I did what I wanted to do. I got a meeting Monday so I can get some money while I start looking for work. I'm a bit stress about money; I have an Internet bill due, I decided to offer my Steam account on a Marketplace @ a gaming forum for some money as it has a high rank on it. I think it's a good start to move on from Counter Strike. I've avoided all eSports aspects, disable monthly streamer donations, and begun to learn to code C again as I couldn't get into it last time. I've noticed my replies on a popular IT forum have been a bit disrespectful since I've quit. I'm not usually like that, but it's happening so I need to be conscious before I press "send" in the future.
    I found a cool documentary about the Rapa Nui people on Easter Island and how they overcame movings the heads of Moai. Even though the ending of their civilisation is somewhat a mystery, the dedication and time to produce hundreds of Moai around the island for the name of their god, status or territories. Maybe one of the fascinating cultures I've ever seen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH0sIjAHBVY
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  6. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    I've done this before; I got through 2 months and three weeks of no gaming. First week or two, I was playing now and then, and a friend of the family fell into sickness and boom, I was playing Counter Strike again,  8 hours a day seven days a week. I felt a bit down about it yesterday, regret I should say.  I feel a lot better today. From experience, I do fall into depression; my guess gaming suppresses it, maybe it's one of the reasons why I game. Last time I attempted this, I didn't have anything to replace gaming with. I was thinking about playing Chess. I am not good at, but it would be an excellent replacement for competitive video games. 
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  7. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Day 2: Unproductive day, really didn't do much. Subconsciously opened gaming forums and Youtube videos about Counter Strike. Consciously I realised and closed them down 10 minutes later. I had an appointment at 3.30pm to receive tax I was too lazy to do last year, and after that, pretty much came home and helped my brother with dinner and watched Game of Thrones with him and his girlfriend so they would catch up to season 7.
    Day 3: Worst day so far, ignored phone calls and didn't do what I planned. I feel quite dejected about it. I woke up at 11 am, mainly because I was watching DirectTV all night, I haven't been eating correctly and drinking very minimal water. Pathetic of me, I just, "couldn't be arsed". This behaviour is very unhealthy, and it's one of the things I hate about myself. Now, it's too late to ring the unemployment agencies today, which I've been "trying" to do this for months. It's tough to lie, and ironically I'm someone who rarely lies,  I've been lying to my family for years, but I'm scared to work. I've said every excuse another the sun or just plain lied I searched or how many actual resumes I've given out. One of the reasons why I'm starting Game Quitters again. But when I write this, it sounds like an excuse. I swear this is all I do. I wish I could just rewind time, or just disappear like I never existed. I have no fucking idea what happened between the end of my high school graduation to now. Every day just feels like a repeat. And soon, I swear I'll be 50 years old with no friends and only distant family. Because all I care about is avoiding. I don't fucking know, going to have a shower now
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  8. sirjk added a post in a topic Lacking the knowledge on a wide range of topics   

    I can relate to this, and it sucks. My friends in real life cut down on gaming in around 2015~, the end of Highschool but I couldn't let go, and now I'm stuck.  Learning from mistakes and stepping forward is just a step in itself. Read a few books you're interested in, watch some good YouTubers who do news topics, etc. You do have good experiences, but it feels like you can't relate to your friends, which is fine. Things take time!
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  9. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Thanks everyone for their kinds words and wisdom! 
     
    Day 1:  It's slowly kicking in that I haven't gamed for 24 hours. I haven't stopped moving today, woke up at 8 am, new 2017 record for me. Went and saw Baby Driver with mates, had lunch and chilled with them for a few hours, then went to my dads for dinner. Just came home, now slowly I'm getting a little restless; I might go and watch the movie Mama or something to keep my brain away from extreme boredom. These few days are the hardest, and it dosen't help I haven't told anyone I'm attempting this again. I think there will be an okay time to do it. Telling people that you have a gaming addiction is probably as worse than saying your deepest secrets to be honest with you. At least for me. 
    Thanks guys, it is good to be back!
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  10. sirjk added a post in a topic Jeff's Journal   

    An active mind bypasses the thoughts of gaming! Keep up the good work, your brain is hungry for dopamine triggers, don't let it try and taste it.
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  11. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    It's like I am scared to quit, it feels like video games are the only thing in my life. And to be honest, ever since I finished school, it is 80% of my life. I've quit before, 2 months and around 3 weeks back in 2016. I'm sitting here, reviewing hltv professional csgo matches, watching demos so I can improve on my own games. My biggest weakness is, unfortunately, my biggest strength. I seek improvement on everything but that leads me to tunnel vision; I forget everything to focus on one thing. I love other things: movies, reading and sometimes writing. But, recently I just couldn't care about it. I just want to rank up, and I am so close, two more ranks and I hit the highest rank, Global Elite. But why do I care so much about this shit? It has no purpose, but somehow I convince myself, I will feel better when I achieve it. Maybe it's bragging rights, maybe I just don't care about life anymore. Maybe it's all of them together. I'm always lost in thought, I don't know what I think anymore and it dosesn't help I second guess everything. I'm 20 now, finally moved out 2 months ago into my brothers' house. I thought things would change, and it did for a while. I found a job but it was a catalyst of how I feel right now. My boss said I was really invested in trying to get work there and he was excited for me to work with him but the department of health and safety denied me as I was over weight. I'm not sad because I was denied but failing sucks, especially you know it's your own fault. I am supposed to seek work right now, and it feels like I've given up. It's been a month since that, I don't know what else to do. 
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  12. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Hey everyone, I went through my first day smoothly, actually passed out at 6 pm and woke up at 8 am. The rings around my eyes are fading again, and I feel more aware. But, from experience, the lack of instant dopamine might kick in tomorrow or the next day. Hopefully, it isn't as intense as it was when I first did this. All I need to do is drive somewhere when this happens, it helped 95% of the time.
    What I did with my time that would've been wasted by video games
    Went and spent 5-6 hours hanging with friendsRewatched a few episodes of LostDrove around and looked at the beautiful nightDidn't feel pissed off because I was out doing things
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  13. sirjk added a topic in Daily Journals   

    SirJKs New Journal
    Hello everyone, this will be my new journal, and hopefully will be my last. I relapsed at around 80 days in my 90-day goal. That "just have one game" and "you're close enough" turned into 20 days of avoidance, tired 24/7, waking up at midday, major depression, and anxiety. I'm not getting any enjoyment anymore, even playing video games bores me but somehow I am convincing myself to play the most I can. I did this to myself, I thought I had the willpower to only play a little, only 1-2 hours a day. I was very wrong. I've played today but tomorrow will be my first day. My first day to be free again. 
    I can't thank Cam enough for Game Quitters
    • 26 replies
    • 324 views
  14. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    I will be making a new thread, I need to do this, I need to let go
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  15. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Thanks everyone for the welcome back! 
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