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About sirjk

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  1. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJKs New Journal   

    Hey everyone, I went through my first day smoothly, actually passed out at 6 pm and woke up at 8 am. The rings around my eyes are fading again, and I feel more aware. But, from experience, the lack of instant dopamine might kick in tomorrow or the next day. Hopefully, it isn't as intense as it was when I first did this. All I need to do is drive somewhere when this happens, it helped 95% of the time.
    What I did with my time that would've been wasted by video games
    Went and spent 5-6 hours hanging with friendsRewatched a few episodes of LostDrove around and looked at the beautiful nightDidn't feel pissed off because I was out doing things
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  2. sirjk added a topic in Daily Journals   

    SirJKs New Journal
    Hello everyone, this will be my new journal, and hopefully will be my last. I relapsed at around 80 days in my 90-day goal. That "just have one game" and "you're close enough" turned into 20 days of avoidance, tired 24/7, waking up at midday, major depression, and anxiety. I'm not getting any enjoyment anymore, even playing video games bores me but somehow I am convincing myself to play the most I can. I did this to myself, I thought I had the willpower to only play a little, only 1-2 hours a day. I was very wrong. I've played today but tomorrow will be my first day. My first day to be free again. 
    I can't thank Cam enough for Game Quitters
    • 6 replies
  3. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    I will be making a new thread, I need to do this, I need to let go
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  4. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Thanks everyone for the welcome back! 
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  5. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    I really understand now how video games affected my life. I don't believe after all this time, I convince myself "Just have a game or two"
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  6. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Just life problems, and the toxic situation which I am currently in. 
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  7. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Hey guys! Man, I miss this forum. 
    I have to speak out, I have fallen again. Not even a month of playing video games again, I have become angrier, it's very hard to concentrate,  playing video games when something else is more important, anxiety has developed back in the worst case, ditching friends to play Counter Strike and just tired, 24/7. It feels that I did 3 months for nothing, and now I am spending loads of money for no reason into video games. 
    I need to stop again, even just quitting Counter Strike, single player games I can play 2-3 hours a day and I'm fine, but again it's a gateway. I don't know what to do, this is so frustating. 
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  8. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    I am very excited about moving out, I can finally be, me. It's a scary thought but I am sure once it happens, it's going to be the best few months of my life. It's good seeing you again Cam!
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  9. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    I stayed up all night to tried and fix audio problems on a movie I downloaded for Halloween. Well, of course it didn't work so I might watch it tonight instead. Then in the morning, I didn't wake up until 11am. My day was pretty much gone so I couldn't do anything. I got the aux cable I bought through eBay today but once I opened it, I found that the tip of the Aux is broken. I'll need to resend it back tomorrow.
    My goal tomorrow is to wake up before 8am. Go and post the broken aux back, clean my room, go out with friends later at 6.30pm.
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  10. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Hey guys, just wanted to give a quick update. I have less than 3 weeks now until I finish my 90 detox challenge. I really don't believe I'm nearly already finished my goal! Time has gone quick, but it is a bit scary because playing video games use to make my days go slower. My goal now is to find a job this week, as there is not much else to do at the house me and my brother are building. Really bad excuse, I know. I'm glad I went for this goal, I have fixed the relationship between some people, including my brother. But, at the same time it feels I have broken some relationships, too. I think I mentioned 2 months back that the main purpose for the 90 days was to improve my life, and take back control. I have been lacking control for a very long time. I use to let people take advantage and literately tell me what to do. My father, even to this day is bad for this. I know he means well, but you shouldn't go through your sons things, clean his cloths and sheets, tidy his bedroom and move all his shit around when he's not home. Even after mentioning it several times not to do it, he just says "I just wanted to help you out" then makes you feel bad so he can do it again and again. It's really bullshit, I think moving out in a few months will be a good thing for my dad and for myself. I don't hate him, but he needs to realise that I'm a grown adult, if I say something, I will do it. I have changed within the last 2 years, just let things happen and try and not fucking control it. "I'll go to the bank within a few days." - "No you have to instantly do it now" 
    Sorry, I just needed that out, I should be back here updating until the 20th of November! 
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  11. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Sorry for my inactivity haha!
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  12. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Terrible dreams last night. The meanings in the dream dictionary represents literally shock, isolation and despair. I am so happy that I installed Linux, my dopamine is trying to control my thoughts again. Spent over maybe 8-9 hours watching gaming streams and Youtube videos in a day and a half. I might have to stop watching these videos since I only have a little over a month until I can game again. If I still had Windows, I might've relapsed. I will be replacing watching gaming with something, most likely a new TV series. Not the best option but it will take my mind off Counter Strike and other games until I find something better. It took me all this time to realise that I deleted my config on csgo (took me weeks to build it). I would have not cared a week ago so something has changed in my thought process. 
    I'm going to start writing on here every day again, I want to tackle this issue before I do something stupid. Replace, replace and replace! I am NOT gaming until 20 Nov 2016.
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  13. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Hey Yellow, I'm glad you asked! 
    After around 2 weeks or so in of quitting games, gaming thoughts slipped away from me, every day got easier. I do still miss playing them but I haven't gone out of my way to search up games that are coming up or even care about the drama in the gaming scene (Scarce, Drama Alert etc). And it feels like I can just do things now in IRL, without the stress of "Maybe my friends are waiting for me to come online" or the boredom I got when doing irl stuff when in a gaming mood. The longer term, now it feels I value relationships more, and hanging with friends is more rewarding than a digital rank. I think the cravings will always be there but it isn't as bad what you think it is after nearly 2 months. It's like if you're into soccer and you watch a competition on TV. You might think, ahh maybe Ill play that later this week. Not "I need to play this instantly" as I use to always play comp game after watching eSports. The fog was always there, even when not playing video games. I think it was just tiredness and stress that was created from my addiction. Most of my classes last year of school I slept in. And I would never feel refreshed, actually I made a topic about it here : http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/2639-sleeping-results-with-and-without-gaming/ --  every day for about a year, I was being tired, I didn't care about anything but sleep and video games. I've damaged relationships, I wasted opportunities in good paying jobs. Stopping video games was one the best things I've done since my depression came along in 2012. Quitting hasn't fixed everything in my life, it has just allowed me to know the truth and allow me to repair the damage.
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  14. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Relapsed pretty hard with NoFap. I got triggered 5 days in by a 10 second sex scene on a TV show. Pretty pathetic I know. Also, noticed I just passed the half way mark on the gaming 90 day detox. I have allowed myself to watch eSports as I enjoyed watching them on Twitch. I really miss playing CSGO, LoL, Skyrim etc. This is only temporary, this is me fixing my life up. I'm glad I don't have intense cravings with video games anymore. Sure, I watched CSGO last night and had a little hint of cravings but it was manageable. This is what I want from this, just to be manageable. My depression still exist, my anxiety still tricks my brain that everyone is disgusted at me. Taking video games off my back helped me to see through the fog. Cam, Piotr, whom ever reads this, playing video games just felt like your brain was clouded up, it felt like walking down a street of life but you can only see 2 inches in front of you because of the thick fog. And now it's easier to see what the real faults are, and know what direction your taking. I can't be the only one who thought this. I need to get a job, it's doing me head in. Taking away video games stripped the "you have a purpose in life" out of me. I'm falling into a hole and I'm scared im never going to get out of. I'm sick of being scared of everything, I cry management but only doing management will allow me to have control. 
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  15. sirjk added a post in a topic SirJK's Journal   

    Doing the NoFap is much harder than I thought it would be, and the physical withdraws have been painful. Constant random erections lasting a few minutes and the typical "failure" thoughts. It took me 3 hours to sleep last night and woke up as if I never even slept. My dreams were terrible, full of violence and rage. It isn't very typical of me to dream about these type of things. I don't know how to explain to my dad about whats happening, he asked if I was stressed today and typical me I said everything is fine. 
    It's only been five days but I truly want this. I need to heal myself mentally, I have to do more than try!
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