Vee

I ate 1.5 slices of bread with no spread, so I wouldn't count it as a meal 😄 When I spend literally hours daydreaming (usually lying down) I'm not sure it's healthier than gaming. It's fine for certain times (when falling asleep, while on the bus), but otherwise not great. Maybe I could at least try to daydream in the garden. Today I didn't game, and I ate two meals. I ate lunch super late and didn't have the appetite for dinner. I wrote just over 3000 words today! I'm very pleased with the bouts of focus (although I still wouldn't say I truly got into a flow), and while some bits are clunky, it's not terrible. Today is the tenth day of no gaming, probably the longest period in several years. It has helped me refocus my energy into other pursuits, but it hasn't been long enough to drive true change. Even a month won't be. I'm trying not to think about it long term. I'm not sure if I will ever be capable of having a balanced attitude towards gaming, but officially quitting (or attempt to quit) for good is too intimidating. Pondering on the concept just leads me down the path of obsessing over the past and future. Right now, I am not gaming. And I'm happy with that choice. Tomorrow More writing? I have less of a concrete idea of the next couple of scenes, so I'll probably need to do more planning first. I should also email the other volunteering place tomorrow - I meant to do it today but didn't specifically put it on my to-do list. Didn't jog today, so I want to jog tomorrow.

Today I didn't game today, and I ate...2.5 meals? I ate bread for dinner, which isn't a meal, but it at least isn't junk snack food. Made rice and beans for lunch. Went for a mini-jog. Didn't write, but I did technically jot down a few notes, albeit for all of ten minutes. Last night I read for an hour or so before bed, which I think helped with my sleep quality and I ended up waking up earlier. Most of today I've spent daydreaming/napping. I had energy, but I chose to daydream instead of engaging with the real world. I'm not specifically craving gaming, but I am craving that feeling of losing myself in something. It does sort of happen with watching TV, although the lack of interaction doesn't make it the same quality. It can happen with writing, and with reading, but it's rare enough, or else takes long enough to get into the flow, that I'm not driven to seek those pursuits out. My friend's dad has added me on Strava! It makes me feel weirdly driven to continue jogging and eventually be as good as him, in speed if not in distance (I have no interest in jogging more than 10k). I'm visiting my friend's family at Christmas, so maybe we could all go for a jog and I can aspire to keep up with him. It's a lovely countryside area, I'm quite looking forward to the idea of jogging each day there, with or without others. I've now brushed my teeth for ten days in a row! It still doesn't come naturally to me (I remember specifically because I have a habit tracker), but I no longer get that weird resistance to the concept that I usually do. Tomorrow I really want to experience that flow state with writing again. It's been so long! I can never work out how to best nudge my brain in that direction. Cleaning my desk a bit might help. Maybe moving downstairs, so I don't have my bed to flop on. I've tried to write downstairs before and it hasn't been an improvement, but that was when I was gaming, so maybe it will be different... Although there are more distractions downstairs. We'll see. I could juggle when my brain has a lull. I could even try writing in the garden, in a notebook, or on my phone. Will jog, depending on how hot it feels. Also, writing group call tomorrow.

Looks like you're doing great! I'm tempted to mimic your 1-5 rating in my private journal, because plenty of things don't fit easily into yes/no.

The bowling event sounds great, I'm glad you had fun! Are there regular events you can go to? I hope the appointment goes well.

Somehow missed this yesterday! Thanks for the link - I will have a look at the workout stuff, but probably file it away for a bit. I've got a rice cooker so I'm going to focus on having rice + different veg for lunch each day. Dinner is sometimes cooked by a housemate, or else there can be leftovers, but I need to figure out a backup option that I don't find intimidating. I want to start cooking for housemates sometimes (I do help out with chopping and/or washing up!) and generally branching out, but I have inexplicable hang-ups around food and cooking, so I haven't worked out yet what are plausible goals for me. Today I didn't game and I ate three meals! Admittedly dinner was pretty light, but still a meal. Ate at reasonable times too, rather than having a super late lunch or dinner. Got a little bit of tidying done and did a little bit of writing (hopefully will do more as its not bedtime yet). Mood has been good, energy ok. Didn't go to the supermarket even though I meant to and had enough energy. I really just want to get into a bit more of a routine. I get so stuck on the idea of "oh, I'm just inherently terrible at routines" but I wonder if I'm just particularly bad at change, since I do mostly manage to stick to the "routine" of being on my computer all day. I'm great with large changes though (moving house, switching jobs, etc), and to be fair I suspect the main reason I have managed to jog somewhat regularly this year is because I have no routine with it - no regular time, no regular days. Thus relatively few negative "should" feelings. So I'm still not sure what works for me. My peak hours for feeling alert and motivated are early afternoon at the moment (12-3?) so trying to write or do one-off tasks in this time seems like a good idea. Still haven't heard back from the volunteering place I emailed last week. Will email another place this week. Tomorrow Plans: Jog, make rice, write, go to the supermarket. Nothing extraordinary. I might start using Bearable (an app I own but haven't used in ages...) to track my mood/energy throughout the day. If I know my prime hours and sluggish hours it might help me with routine. At some point I'll probably stop doing these entries daily and instead go for twice a week. I have a private journal anyway, so this is more for accountability and occasional interactions.

Today I didn't game in any problem sense (in-person Trombone Champ, a party game, which falls more under socialising than gaming), and I ate three meals (although other people made lunch and dinner, so that made it easy). I forgot we had a friend round today, so we all sat around chatting for most of the day and I missed the supermarket Sunday opening times. I also didn't write up any eating plan. Still, my mood is a lot better today, and my energy was good enough that I didn't have to nap. Tomorrow Tomorrow's plan is to actually make some sort of eating plan. I guess the reason I'm good at breakfast is that I have the same thing every day. If I could at least make rice every lunch time (a small amount if I'm really not hungry) then that would sort lunch out, and I can vary what is added to it, if anything. Dinner is always going to be more of a variable because of housemates. Technically, I could go to my first kickboxing session tomorrow... I will have a think about it.

I would like to get into lifting! I've tried a few times and never managed to make it a routine. I need to at least somewhat sort out my eating first though. Today I didn't game today, and I ate two meals (skipped lunch). Didn't do any writing and did a mediocre jog. Had low energy and low mood most of the day. Spent a lot of time lying down day-dreaming - an issue that's cropped up previous times I've tried to quit gaming. Today though it's been more clear that the primary issue is lack of calories, probably anemia too (I'm prone to it). Jogging worsens my appetite, which is frustrating (I probably shouldn't have gone jogging today...). Not having my usual constant stimulation probably also contributes to the sense of low energy (if not the reality), as when I'm fully engaged in something (e.g. gaming) I find it easy to ignore energy problems. My eating habits are a foundational issue, and if I can at least somewhat improve it, everything else will be easier. Tomorrow I need to make a plan regarding eating... It's been a lifelong issue, but I think simply having a list of potential meals and snacks could help, dividing them up into easy (banana, ready meal) vs more scary/time consuming. When I've tried to do something before, I attempt overly-ambitious (for me) meal plans and then fail quickly. A list will remind me that I can at least eat a piece of bread, if I can't manage a meal. Such a basic thing for most of humanity, but I forget bread (and most other food) is an option. I should look into ARFID - I'm not sure it's quite the same issue, but it's the closest thing I've found. Maybe I'll set an actual alarm (rather than a reminder) to eat at 2pm and 7pm and try to stick to it (a snack at worse), rather than put it off. I'll go to the supermarket and buy bananas and whatever else strikes me as sufficiently easy for a meal/snack. I could look into Huel again, but I don't really want to go down that road - I think meal replacements are avoiding the issue rather than addressing it. I'll avoid jogging for at least a couple of days. I've over-done it this week, and it both interferes with my appetite and means I ought to be eating more. If my energy continues to be low, I will temporarily use my laptop in bed. I know it's bad sleep hygiene, but I think it's mentally and physically better to do that than sleep or day-dream.

Today I didn't game today! And I ate two meals. I ended up napping at lunch time and couldn't decide on what to eat afterwards, so just had a snack. A lot of today was spent lying down and daydreaming/napping. I'm not sure if it's that the lack of gaming exposes my actual energy levels, or if I just struggle to engage with other things. Still, I did do my pre-breakfast run. I...don't intend on making that a habit. I was awful - I couldn't even run 1k on an empty stomach before switching to walking and it left me feeling unsatisfied. I tried it before with similar results, but I had hoped it would be different. I will have to stick to running later in the day, probably pre-lunch. I got some writing done! I've now put "read writing notes" as one of my daily to-dos as it's an easy first step and I usually can't resist doing at least a little bit of writing or planning. Did some juggling as well while waiting for food (we got takeaway for dinner). This evening I spent an hour watching my housemate play Baldur's Gate. Didn't feel tempted to play it myself, it actually seemed mediocre. Did want to play something though. Nothing specific, I just I want to watch numbers go up. I want the feeling that I'm constantly improving, on a minute-by-minute basis. Whenever I've tried gamification habit apps they haven't hit the spot at all because what I want is CONSTANT FEEDBACK. I'm not sure if any other hobby is comparable in that regard. Tomorrow Technically I could go to a Parkrun, but the housemate who has done them before is busy, and I don't want to go on my own... Also my sleep has been rubbish recently, so I'd struggle to wake up in time (I'm writing this after midnight...Damn my nap). Maybe next week? I think I'll still go for a run at some point tomorrow. I also want to do more writing - I didn't get into the flow today, but I feel solid about the next two scenes.

When I started using Obsidian, I spent ages looking into all the different note-taking methods, but now I've just leaned into chaos. My main use for it is as a journal (sometimes using dataview to pull through information to other pages). While I do keep all my writing notes there, I don't have any special system - I might as well use Google docs like I used to. But I like that I can make things more structured if needs be. Certainly if I was writing a story from multiple POVs or world-spanning elements I would have more structure to my creative notes, but that isn't currently necessary. Thanks! I do struggle with the concept of enjoying something for its own sake. Definitely true with my writing. Although I explore themes I find interesting rather than what I imagine will be popular, I still get bogged down by thinking about how engaging my story will be to the reader. Once I actually get into the flow, it's great, but it's tricky getting there.

I didn't game today and I ate two meals. I missed dinner, didn't really feel hungry, but I know I should have tried to eat something anyway as I've barely snacked. Pretty much only did frictionless things today - daydream and watch YouTube. I went to bed at midnight, but couldn't get to sleep until after 2am. At 2am I did technically do a bit of writing on my phone (since I clearly wasn't sleeping), and I've typed that up on my computer this evening, so technically I've done a tiny bit of writing. It's so frustrating - writing is FUN, I love what my brain comes up with, but I have such weird blockages around it so much of the time. For five days in a row I've managed to eat breakfast and lunch, brush my teeth, and journal. I've not gamed for four days in a row. So by several measures I am doing better than I usually do, even if the bulk of my day hasn't been doing any momentum-building activities. Tomorrow I want to start jogging soon after waking up. I guess this means I'll have to jog on an empty stomach, but I think it would set me up well for the day - either making me feel more ready to approach other momentum-building things, or else just boost my mood even if I just do frictionless activities the rest of the day. I hope to have a writing day tomorrow. If I do end up jotting down notes in the night, then I should try to type them up after breakfast. If I had done that today (instead of typing them up late) it might have led to me doing some writing. After breakfast (regardless of whether I've had to type up notes), I should at least read through my writing plan from the other day - not putting pressure on myself to do anything further, but not blanket avoiding the whole concept. Simply reading my notes is almost frictionless. While I've chatted a bit with my housemates this week, I haven't really reached out to any other friends. Maybe arrange meeting up with someone? I'm really bad at initiating. I should check in with my micro writing group (me and two others from the bigger writing group) and see how they are getting on.

That's amazing! Earlier this year I managed to write a story a day for just over a month and it was great, but sadly I've haven't been consistently writing for months now. Without knowing the details... I know it can be difficult to cope when your actions (or lack of actions) don't align with your values, but you also can't expect yourself to act 100% right in 100% of situations. Addressing such comments at work is especially difficult. Plus, for me at least, I can be a bit slow to process something (especially in group situations), and by the time I've worked out what someone has said, the conversation has moved on. Just by reflecting on it, I think you are strengthening your ability to speak up in the future.

For me it was a bit of an excuse - I could still have pushed myself and jogged (or gotten up early to jog when it wasn't so hot) but I wouldn't have enjoyed myself. Today I didn't game today! And I ate...two meals. I've eaten a couple of snacks for dinner, but I couldn't really manage a meal and it just felt inconvenient. I could have planned my evening better to fit it in, but oh well. I woke up super late and felt sluggish and a bit moody for most of the day, BUT I went for a great jog in the rain this evening! I was just going to do a mini-jog, but when I realised how lovely the rain was I went for my standard length of 7K. The first half of it felt like the most natural thing in the world. My body moved so effortlessly and the rain was lovely. The second half was also good, but slightly more of a push, and I had two very brief walking bits. It ended up being my third best for 5K, which isn't bad considering I've fallen a little out of the habit. I also got a wave from another jogger, which was a lovely brief connection. I spent a good hour planning the second chunk of my novel (I've divided it into five chunks). It's not a super thorough plan, but it's good enough I could start writing it. After my jog, I went on my writing group call, which I haven't attended for weeks, maybe months. I didn't share anything, but gave some hopefully good feedback, and our chat was fun. Tomorrow I want to work on my writing some more, although I'll decide tomorrow if that's more planning or if I should just jump into writing. I haven't touched my ukelele in about a week (I only bought it recently), so I'll try that, even if just for five minutes. I want to get back into reading, but I'll decide tomorrow if I'll go for a book or short stories.

I wrote the above at midday, but since I want to post at the end of the day going forward, I'll do a second post for today. I didn't game today, and I ate three meals! Got a fair few little things done today, both things I want to be routine and one-off tasks. Emailed for more info about kickboxing and a volunteering thing I was looking at a while ago, and finally started sorting out investments. In terms of routine things: brushed my teeth, went for a mini jog, showered, did ten minutes of juggling, a little bit of reading, a few minutes of household chores. From 5-8pm I did some frictionless stuff (watching TV), then I just pondered over potential hobbies, looked up local places, and made a few notes in Obsidian. I've been trying to work out how to mentally frame "productive" things vs "relaxing" things. I feel like definitions are important for how I process my behaviour, and "productive" is a term that is far too loaded for me. For things like watching TV (which I don't want to be constantly doing, but I'm not interested in cutting out) calling them "relaxing" also causes issues because it makes it seem like the other category can't be relaxing. I hope to get to a stage where running, writing, or juggling can feel relaxing. "Frictionless" feels like the best term, as other activities can naturally slip into that category as I become more familiar or proficient with them. Currently, my frictionless category is tiny - gaming, watching TV, daydreaming, and sometimes browsing the internet. That still doesn't help with naming other things, which range from the semi-necessary (brushing my teeth, eating meals) to the "currently have to push myself but can be fun" things like running, some types of socialising, or writing. "Challenging" makes them seem daunting. "Meaningful" makes them feel too important and potentially guilt-inducing. The closest thing I can think of is calling them "momentum-building" activities. It does still have a slight connotation that frictionless activities are in some way "stagnant", but I don't think my mind connects that too strongly. It doesn't feel like a guilt-inducing word, it doesn't suggest they are/aren't relaxing and it doesn't suggest they are/aren't tedious. In the future, an activity could be both frictionless and momentum-building (fingers crossed that will happen with writing). Or something can move from being a momentum activity to being a frictionless one - I don't aspire to "do" anything with my juggling, or constantly progress, but it's a cool skill that doesn't have downsides like gaming does. It doesn't quite fit for everything (and I am perhaps slightly twisting the word anyway), but it's the best fit I've come up with so far. I know it sounds like I'm overthinking it, but words are important to me! Tomorrow Tomorrow I hope to start waking up earlier. If I have the energy, I'll go for another mini jog, otherwise a brief walk to get myself out of the house. I want to focus on my writing tomorrow. I'll probably stop writing a wall of text after today as well!

I keep my own journal on Obsidian, so this thread will be more for a sense of accountability/venting than anything else. The Past The first time I think I had an issue with gaming was when I was 13 (in 2002) and used to skip lunch to play games in the IT room, which continued for about two years. Throughout my 20s and early 30s, it has been a crutch. Even when working full time I would rack up 30hrs+ a week gaming, and when I've not been employed 60-80hrs is often standard. The longest I've gone without it is about three weeks, back around 2015. It's been so ingrained in my life that it's hard to really know how much it has affected my basic functioning. I've experienced depression for a long time, which is hard to untangle from gaming. Has depression made me inclined towards gaming, or has gaming made me more depressed? Is my low functioning due to gaming, or due to depression? The obvious answer to both is that it's mixed, but I haven't really had (or can't remember) a "before" stage to truly pin things down. The first time I self-harmed was when I was 8, and I also had a weird amount of anxiety at that age (I don't broadly consider myself an anxious person). I'm not sure I'd say I became depressed until I was 15, but still had other (mild) mental issues between 8-15. I was moderately depressed throughout my 20s. I've never developed any habits/routines that are considered normal, like brushing my teeth. My lowest point was in 2021, but things have gotten better since then. The Present I am currently NEET by choice (I'm living off a solid amount of savings from my previous job) and in a really good position in life. I'm living with brilliant friends in a decent town and have good energy levels. While I am trying to get into the habit of feeding myself, my housemates often cook food, so it's not the disaster it once was. This year, for the first time in my adult life, I've begun exercising (I used to walk a bit, but nothing more than that), although because there was a heatwave recently I've fallen out of the routine. I've also done a few things this year which are outside of my comfort zone, such as going to a four-day dance festival. I feel...Not depressed? Maybe? Because I have a lifetime of below-average functioning, I am still externally not great. I really struggle with forming any kind of routine, but internally I feel positive. To give an example that sounds utterly ridiculous: I didn't know what magpies looked like until this time last year. I've never been one for leaving the house much, but even when I did go outside, it was like viewing everything in the world as box-like placeholders. Birds might as well have just been moving boxes in the sky, they couldn't possibly hold my interest. I guess the usual way of framing things is like saying the world was black and white and now it was in colour, but that doesn't really portray how hard it was to register what was happening around me. I uninstalled Steam earlier this month, didn't play for three days, then reinstalled it to play a narrative game. I uninstalled Steam again two days ago. I was falling into a pit of playing three different incremental games at once, despite telling myself that I was only going to play that one narrative game. Browser-based games are also an issue for me, but there aren't any that I am currently fixated on. The Future I'll be honest, I don't like the idea of setting any too strict rules on what I'm doing or not doing. It hasn't worked out well in other areas. My current rough idea is: I will avoid PC games for one month (until October 18), review how I feel, and hopefully go for a longer stretch from there. Broadly I want to avoid mobile or console games, but it's not something I'm too concerned by, as I've so rarely been truly engrossed in anything not on PC. Odd as it sounds, I don't think my brain's mental map has strong pathways for using my phone or holding a controller, even though I could literally play the same games on those platforms. While I can fall into watching too many random YouTube videos, watching too much TV, or reading pointless articles, I don't want to be overly ambitious in my goals. I would like to avoid those things, but I am not going to be strict about them in the same way I hope to be with PC games. I intend to note when I have done these things - I want to heighten my awareness of how I am actually spending my time. I don't want to fall into some productivity trap where I'm constantly striving for something in the distance, never content with what I have. While I would like to do some career course (I am vaguely thinking of doing the AAT for accountancy), or, even better, be self-employed, I need to work on exploring possibilities and simply learning how to enjoy things. So my goals fall into two categories. The below are roughly in order. Foundational: Primary goal: Eat three meals a day (Breakfast is the only one I'm currently good at) and do at least a tiny bit of cooking Exercise at least three times a week (Running, else walking if I'm really not up for it), and try to at least do a few pushups on off days Sleep hygiene - ideally go to bed before midnight and wake before 9am. For me, this tends to be about having other things aligned in my life (e.g. not being engrossed in a game, or not going to bed hungry). Hygiene - brush my teeth at least once a day, shower at least twice a week or after exercise (whichever is more) Complex (for want of a better word): Journal daily, or close to. Make weekly reflection notes in Obsidian, and generally just use Obsidian more. I love the program, but I don't utilise it to its full potential. Write - ideally daily. I also want to start submitting some of my old short stories to magazines, and engage more in my writing group (which I've largely ignored for months) Read - ideally daily Explore other potential hobbies - juggling, ukelele, hiking, volunteering, kickboxing... Doing all of that is obviously very ambitious for someone who currently eats 2 meals a day at best and (now that I've fallen out of the routine of running) doesn't leave the house every week. As long as I've not played games and I've eaten three meals, I will consider it a good day. Everything else is a bonus. I've had some success just trying to do things for five minutes at a time - juggling for five minutes, or tidying up the kitchen while I'm waiting on the microwave - so I will persist in trying that more. Today Today I will look into website blocking, and use Obsidian to ponder over what goals are realistic for me in the short-term. I hope to go for a run and then cook myself rice. It would be nice to plan out the next section of my novel after that, but I might just watch TV and not pressure myself with "should"s.

Thanks both 🙂 Today I left the house and got some chores done that I have been putting off for a while, and also had some good conversations with my housemates that made me feel connected, so it's been a good start. I've also installed TickTick on my phone (a to-do list/habit app that I used a little before), more as a guide than a strict to-do list, to remind me to explore various hobbies etc. One prominent motivator for quitting games is that I want to commit myself to writing fiction. Writing is tangled up in a lot of complicated feelings so it's not a primary goal right now (I want to focus on "foundational" routines - eating properly, exercising, leaving the house), but in the long term there are so many unfinished projects that I want to return to, and gaming has been a major blocker to actually focusing on them.

I'm a 34yr old woman and I've been addicted to computer games for probably two decades now. When I was 13 I used to skip lunch every single day at school to go to the IT suite and play games. Gaming has a knock-on effect on so many elements of my basic functioning - eating enough food, sleep hygiene, leaving the house, and so on. I'm inclined towards depression, and my gaming has largely hindered my attempts at getting better (with occasional exceptions when I have been at my lowest). I haven't even stuck to one game (although I always hope to find The One that will satisfy me) or one genre, I just play a heckton of different games. A lot of the games I play are also very niche - I'm not going to find anyone else in real life who also plays them, so my gaming habit isn't even something I can bond over! I've actually posted on here before, or perhaps a previous version of it, back in 2015 or so. I managed to stop gaming for a whole three weeks. That's still probably the longest period in 20 years. Earlier this month I uninstalled Steam and lasted three days, but then a housemate was really getting into a narrative game that I also own (but haven't played), and I thought "Well a good narrative game can be my brief exception..." The same day I installed that, I also re-installed a bunch of incremental games, and just went back to gaming for hours a day. Even with the narrative game, I obsessed over it for several days, doing little else with my time. The frustrating thing is, whenever I've tried to talk to friends about being addicted to games they kinda pooh-pooh it. The usual argument is "Well you enjoy it/it relaxes you/you need downtime". They don't seem to really understand that 90% of the time I'm playing games, I'm not having fun. I'm doing something I feel compelled to do. If I have Steam installed, then I can start playing a game without even properly realising it. When I'm not employed, spending 70-80 hours in a week gaming is fairly normal for me - even if it was relaxing, in what world is that normal?! I once spent 100 hours on a game in seven days - a game that I haven't even touched since that week. If I want to chill out, there are so many other ways that don't ruin my concentration, my physical health, and the way I process the world. This year I have been trying to get into new/old hobbies alongside gaming and it has worked to some extent, but it's time to give up the crutch.