Kad

Realizing 5% control more then the last time, allows for less ´disasters´ in a large accumulation of actions. It doesnt eliminate all of the risk involved in actions taken, but the chance gets reduced, which gains us a higher net control value over the last time we pursued a certain outcome, thus lowering the risk. -JustBeingReal This is pretty awesome way to look at it and a good motivator to keep trying!

I'm sorry you are having some rough times at the moment. Great job on trying to find the positives and moving forward. One of my favorite quotes during tough times and someone uses it on their tag. I have it on the fridge. "If you are going through hell, keep going." by Winston Churchill.

Thanks for sharing your win! I like that in spite of your rough start of the day you were going to keep your word and help others too.

Day 97 Rather an even day full of those nice quiet activities. Studying for re-certification boards in Oct., nap, started reading The Slight Edge and it sounds interesting. Nicely sore from my hike yesterday. I am not a regimented person, I love the feel of ebb and flow. Work ofc puts me a pattern and I have one but days off are random. I still do pretty much most of the same things but it is my best days for thought and recharging. Still reading journals and so impressed with people. I love what people write and the feedback they get. I have some gamer friends trying to make the talk to Cris about real life not games. I was telling one yesterday about all these amazing people in this forum and they should join us even if still gaming to see how people are living life to the fullest better. The gulf is growing between where I was and where I am going. They have no interest in life outside of games and I just find that heart breaking. I remind myself I was once them and others left before me and I made that same attempt. So, I shared my days free of games with those that left wow and games before me and they are helping me stay on this side. Over time I have seen them pick up the pieces of their lives and build great ones. Get jobs, pay bills, fix teeth and some put themselves through college, married and some with kids. When they were tempted to come back to games it was so funny how we all said NO! You got free - stay there and don't come back and gamed on. One of our number called games his electronic crack. He was open about his recovery from alcohol, meth and pot. He said gaming and smoking were the next to go. He did it before me but had to move across country to build a new work and home life to do it. So I will fix my life to the best of my ability and wait to help those others of my group when they are ready if ever. Gratitude: The effort people make to tryThe people here doing their bestMe doing my best tooOur loved onesThe basics - food, shelter and clothingThe extras - computers, books, work, throws, musicThe icing - nature's beauty, art and healing our soul

Great job!! Congratulations on your success. I especially like this part "For the first time in 17 years I started to acknowledge my feelings instead of shutting them away and gaming." One of these days I am going to have to spend time and figure out the quote function. It is awesome to be on the other side of 90 but don't let slide all your gains and just let them keep on building!

The good stuff - finding a new trail to hike with my family - i am getting stronger and reversing 6 years of couch potato lifestyle! rabbits in the bush that did not run Laughing at dead pool instead of mindless gaming A steak and steam veggies - eating mindfully instead of between pulls etc Friends on both sides of the screen that I love

Your progress is amazing!

I just started reading journals and I am entertained by yours and impressed with how your are handling your situation. It is obviously tough and it hit you hard. You fall down you get back up. Never down for the count. You stepped up, faced it and coped! This is what no one wants in detox or ever and yet you are handling it the best you can and then you go on and freakin learn more about yourself and heal old wounds. I hope your recovery is smooth and all goes well. All I can do is be in awe at your strength and fortitude. You are living life in challenge mode and coming out on top.

I like how you share the quotes that mean something to you!

What about a tier system. I actually prefer the second in the initial days the 0-90 dats, then moving up to a second badge with a restart number with different appearance/color/name in the post detox - Learning to be free silver perhaps. What about those that have moved on from games and now are seriously changing their lives "Gold-life builder" and finally platinum-Lives life! because they are and they can teach. This seems like such a fluid process with so many stages. Your long-term view might have better ideas for titles and of course it will appeal to our earning mentality! Cris

Another day of a life free of games I feel like I am practically living on this site atm, I'm not but I am using a large chunk of time resources on it. I have identified a problem and generated ideas of resources to find solutions that I might use. Implement plan. I am looking at other post 90 day journals and their walks/struggles and mainly wonderful successes. I am building a great reading list, learning new sites, podcasts etc. expanding my knowledge base which I love. This pattern has worked for me lots in the my life and it is not mindless. I pick and choose those that fit my pattern of change and file the others for future when I am in a different spot maybe. I also know I am in charge of the time and when I feel it needs to be shifted it will be. All a matter of priority juggling. Gaming was blocking an area of growth ergo it was time to move on. The cost to benefit ratio was too high. My entire life is juggling priorities it seems. Cost-benefit ratios are second nature and I have learned over time that not all decisions require an instantaneous response. Some are so important that you need to time to weigh it logically, emotionally, long-term goals, philosophically and how it will impact those important enough to you that you let them shape your life to a degree by their opinions and needs and how it sits with your values. You will never have the right answer for 100%. At the end you do your best and go forward. That is life in action. It will take you unexpected places sometimes and other times it will go where you planned/hoped. Never expected to be here at day 96 and digging in deep to the bedrock. Had planned to get through my 90 day detox, be done gaming addiction and move back to my main goal. My biggest life lesson to date is that control is an illusion. I have a gamer bud and we have debate night, our drink of choice, vent, mindless grinding and hours of intellectual argument (still do this just less often and I now do a puzzle or something rote that needs doing). He takes the opposite stance so I am certain others will disagree with this thought. Anyway, back to my opinion that control is an illusion. We all want it, we do everything to get it and it will even look like we are in control for awhile. Then life shows you how little you control. You think you own your body-life throws you an injury or an illness. A disability even. Your mind-depression, fever, hormones, addictions, brain tumor. People and their actions and the impact on your life. Your life even could be over in a car wreck, murder etc. Happens everyday - we all say secretly not me, I live in a safe neighborhood, I meditate, take of myself etc. All an illusion. This illusion of control prevents overwhelming fear IMO. Embracing that concept is the moment you live the most. If I truly control nothing then I am so grateful for what is going on and you can roll with life more. You see so much more because you are not fighting to control life or its direction. You are experiencing it..in the moment..in its richness, pain, joy, sights, sounds, everything. I am not saying don't do your best or grow or try to direct your life. Just that I now know life happens in its own way and its frequently unexpected and many times it is even better than I had planned when I let go of my expectations. When unpleasant things happen..it just is. It is not a failure on my part. I do not control the color of the sky or people or anything...it just is. I am not saying I am not culpable or that my actions did not cause some of it. Cause plenty of times I have made my own problems and the outcomes are not unexpected. Life determines who pays the price of their actions though. We have all speeded without a ticket, dodged the moment of idiocy bullet. We know of others who got hammered by that same idiot moment. Life in action - talk about RNG. Let's see what is in store for us next! Will I rise to the challenge and prevail? Will I fall flat on my face and have "A learning opportunity"? Will it be riding the wave of peace today. Who knows & I'm ok with that most days. Grateful - Birds in the backgroundGetting to the root of the problem possiblyLeaning new ideas from othersSharing in the accomplishments of othersScented candles and soft throwsThat I have this moment to live

My 2 cents - I was tired and could not do the hobbies in the beginning weeks. I joined this site about 3 weeks into quitting because that was where I had always derailed before. This was my different way attempt and its working so far. I have journal-ed privately for some deep seated stuff and started a gaming one to get to the roots of the addiction and get it out completely more recently. I have discovered though I am quite happily not gaming, I have some hidden areas I'm not letting go of atm. Not a problem just a process. As I read and learn, I journal it. The emotions evoked and the thought patterns. I tried to just learn and not judge myself. It was information so I could choose what I wanted or needed to fix or know. I was tired at the beginning - frankly I needed to sleep. So, I listened to my body and slept. I don't know about you but I gamed long hours into the night and worked on no real sleep and then did it again. We have to be impressed with our stamina! My goal was to take care of me so I had what I needed to be successful, eat, hygiene, sleep. Your disinterest I would think is because you are in withdrawal from game stimulation. I went through it too. I could not read or exercise or anything, but knowing I had to be busy, I used that time to learn about my problem, what to expect, how others coped and that worked for a few weeks. From Cam's vids - 7 things to Expect after you quit gaming -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDpRDvFvImw **What If you Find Other Activities to be boring - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4q649mZfr0 The is the physical why of what is happening and moved me into the detox component, so I was in control of my own brain again. OMG, I have 750 wow pets, thousands of achievements, things you cant get anymore, Rank such and such on FPS leader boards or LOL, all these games on steam - how can I let it go? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5jnmwt5Q9w How the Sunk Cost Fallacy keeps you playing games. This really applies to a lot of life areas IMO. I also did not know what I even wanted to do from the hobby list that Cam has or the list the world has- what the hell interested me and I used my learning time to figuring that out also. You are so on the right track and I look forward to your posts!

Welcome to life! I love how you said you awoke! It is the truth in so many ways. I used Cam's respawn to help with the early phases of my detox and his vids are very helpful. I remembering thinking what if this is a scam (sorry Cam no offense) on the respawn but then thought, I spend way more than this on games and if I am serious on leaving games it deserves full resources. It was worth it and really helped those early days. Good luck!

Welcome! This is a great group of people and will help on your journey. Most of us have more than one attempt before we are completely successful with quitting. It is all part of the quitting process. Learn where you are going to have trouble, then make a plan and try again. Think of them as practice runs. The vids by Cam are great and a lot of people have committed to the 90 detox successfully. I spent a few hours just randomly going from vid to vid before I committed but it really gave me the impetus I needed. The 90 day detox is a great way to learn how amazing life and you are without games front and center.

Day 95 12 hour shift of work today and they are usually intense. I used to dread and hate them. That is a recent lesson i have worked on....negative anticipation and self-fulfilling prophecies. You anticipate a bad day and you get one. That cycle of thinking keeps you trapped in negativity. Mindfulness and staying in the task at hand really keeps clarity and focus and generates more efficiency instead of distracted and worried mind. Gratefulness practice really helps bring in the positives. What are you grateful for in that situation? I am grateful I have a job and I like the people I work with. We share the burden of a huge responsibility but we make a difference. How awesome is that? It works for me! I am reading other journals and poor Kortheo's is my first one. His walk is very inspiring and I am looking forward to others. I just got to the part where he "killed" his accounts (as did others from the comments) and EEK. I am apparently not ready, but, I have faith I will get there. It seems his self-definition changes here. Gamer to not gamer as a few others also mention. This brings up an interesting point of self-labels. We are who we think and circles back to we have the day we think. We are gamers therefore we game. We are not therefore we do not. How do you change a label? Where is the defining moment we went from child to teen to adult? We changed those labels and we can change this one. Is it a symbolic act of "killing" the games/accounts? Is it an attitude? A paradigm shift like how we view the day? We are constantly growing or most at least are trying to so self-definitions must be changing. Time and patience and walking the non-gamer walk perhaps. I like and admire how so many people on this forum put new activities into their lives as I am also doing. We are not only breaking a habit and building a more fulfilling life but crafting a new label/labels. Gratefulness: That I learned to enjoy my work most daysPandora for nice background work musicThat others share their journalsSleeping catsMorning coffee in bed

I would encourage you not to classify your past at "toothless, ugly and immature". There are probably things you regret and did not like. However, you made choices with the knowledge and skills you had at the time. You are imperfect as we all are and perfection is not required for a good and satisfying life. I too have those cringe worthy memories. It helps to look at them as look how far I have come and not I was worthless. We can be our worst destructive force on this journey with our inner critical voices. Patience and tolerance of who you are will take you far. I have always dreamed of learning the piano. Please share your journey on that!

My hubby normally gets me awake before full volume. Funny story on that...one time it was bad and my spouse covered my mouth to not wake the neighbors. I was still asleep so I bit him. It actually took him like 2 weeks to learn how to sleep with me not screaming. It was just his habit...I would start, he would shake me and go back to sleep. We are just both glad now it is in the past.

Day 94 Feel much better since I sorted out what was in my psyche and causing issues. Not going to be easy but it is now a familiar problem and I know how to work with it. Reading other peoples journals to "see" their walks and how they dealt with things. Thanks Kortheo for the suggestion. The title of the podcast gives one pause, but, I will try most anything at least once. Downloaded the slight edge to read. Seems this has been inspirational for many. We are 3 people short at work and we can not have vacation or days off. My free time is limited at the moment and studying does claim a large portion of what is available. I balance that with activities for me like this forum, relaxation (doing puzzles at the moment for stress) and some activity. I like the tactile nature of handling the puzzles and the beauty of the colors and pictures. There is the satisfaction of when it is done and its nice that is not critical to do or has a deadline. Gratefulness: Coffee,That I live rural and a deer lives in my yardI have a job, my family is awesome I can readI am aliveThat I can self-improve

Edited

I look forward to celebrating you guys success and your thoughts on the journey!

Welcome to the group and the walk. I second the journal comments by everyone. I have been journaling for last few years and never made the change to post here. I have a gorgeous tooled or artistic journal. Write everything...good, bad and my growth and when full. I get a new one and ritualistically burn the former. It is cathartic of old pain and memories and I get to start new on the next phase of growth. It is good you have a plan and list of activities and I would recommend Cam's workbook. It is money well spent and outlines personal growth to help with the tools to leave gaming and his videos are helpful for the knuckle biting phases.

Reached 90 two days ago! Longest I have been off gaming since 2010 when I discovered WOW with all my other attempts only reaching week 2-3. From what I have read, my years on game are small potatoes to many. I did game more than my full time job each week. There have been some easy parts like at day 57 the cravings really reduced just to come back full swing at the moment. Success sabotage? idk, I will get through it. What I learned and what helped me more or less in the order I dealt with it: 1. Keep moving - both physically and mentally. Time passes quickly when you have stuff to do and it keeps the cravings and relapse potential down. The first month was the hardest. I was so agitated that I could not read, study or anything. I could learn about what was going on in the head and body though. Cam's workbook was worth every penny, his videos are rather simplistic but perfect in that initial raw state. The forum was good and read of other people going through the same thing. The sunk loss fallacy and the dopamine effects had the most impact. 2. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. All those years of avoidance, I had/have some serious life issues to work on and fix. It was overwhelming. I tried to make some realistic plans with small doable forward steps. Guilt - I had to learn to forgive myself for my actions. Own them, accept and move on. I think my family forgave me quicker than I have forgiven myself. It amazes me how busy I am doing life's stuff that needs to be done and what I want to be done that I ever had time to game. 3. Having fun IRL and being connected to people. This was honestly one of the best things about my recovery. I have fun memories of games and now I am making fun ones in real life with people in my life. Learning to balance work and fun at the moment as it is easy to do nothing but work stuff and chores. I have some dreams now and am trying to put them into my life. It is scary, excited and I feel alive. 4. Self care: I have more sleep than I have ever gotten in my life and its still under the amount I need/recommended. I am learning to eat healthier and trying to squeeze more physical activity into my life. I already have way more than I had while gaming. My changes have started a nice slow weight loss of about 18 pounds so far. Learning you have value even if you are not downing a raid boss, best gear etc. Learning that value is still there - even on the days that are not working out as u intended. 5. It is not over - I am learning who I am without games and where I want to be. I feel it is really hard to lose your identity as a gamer even with all the stigma. The loss is real and I was rather surprised at the pain of rejecting it that I dealt/deal with. It is what you know and I was good at it. I had a social network and place there. That is no longer true and I am in transition to something else. Not sure where it will end up..but life is the best game! Not sure if I will ever game again or not only time will tell and when I am in control of them and not the other way around. I feel like mmorpg's are done for me. They do not fit my life plan of short segments of mindless entertainment. My 90 detox actually is only the beginning of the journey in my opinion. Thanks for all the support yawl!

I recently reached 90 days and my cravings and emotional agitation are actually similar to what I had in the beginning of my detox. I had not yet decided whether to game again or try the moderation thing. I feel like mmorpgs are over for me as that is my lost life game of choice and maybe I can do some consoles games. In my opinion nothing is inherently wrong with games if used for entertainment and do not interfere with life. Obviously, I am here cause that was not true for me. Anyway, I am choosing to not game at this time of my recently over detox because I am not in control of my emotions. Not entirely sure what is happening in my head, the double down effect though true does not resonate. My thoughts are that somehow the 90 day detox was a goal in my head but not a permanent life style change and I am now grappling with the the fact that serious gaming is not coming back in my life.

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I had already seen that and it does not seem to address the emotional issue. Although it sounds like a good idea.