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KrazyFace

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About KrazyFace

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  1. I like what you said about punishing myself with bad habits. Helps to think of it that way. Im starting to be more open about all this with those around me so they can try to be more understanding. Ive never been interested with breathing exercises and always thought they sounded kinda lame but that seems to be a recurring suggestion on the internet with in-the-moment stress. Hey, this is a time to try new things right? Also, I used to read the wheel of time (fantasy series) and am gonna pick that back up for my down time.
  2. Congrats to commiting, you just made the hardest step!
  3. Day one... Again Yesterday was day 6 and I didn't quite make it. I feel so guilty and ashamed that i relapsed, especially because I was so confident this time. Had a really stressful day yesterday at my in laws and my wife and I ended up getting into a heated argument. All that stress combined with a weakened willpower from drinking too much really made me want that escape. I reinstalled some games I used to play a lot on android (vainglory mainly) and indulged for a few hours. Upon waking up I immediately felt guilt and shame and uninstalled everything. This is hard for me to admit here because i feel like Im dissapointing you guys. Im not gonna give up tho. I was really inspired by another journal entry here where someone relapsed and immediately got back on the horse so Im going to follow suit. Since we all know alcohol inhibits our judgement I've decided to give up drinking during my 90 day detox and I would recommend this to others as well. This won't be too difficult because I only drink 2 or 3 times a month anyways but commiting to not drinking will solidify my decision. -Alex
  4. Congratulations on being a dad, having children is one of the greatest gifts God has given us. When you are trying to change a habit for yourself it is challenging, but when you know you HAVE to change the habit because someone else is depending on you it can be scary. Try to remember that what you are going thru right now, as hard as it seems, someone has been thru it before and succeeded, and they are no better than you. You can do this man! Take it one day at a time, that is all you can do.
  5. Day 4 of my detox. Sooo glad I am finally home! Had a very busy day at work today and got off and hour and a half late but I'm excited to journal and I'm excited to eat this Burger King! So I realized today that without video games I have no outlet at work. I'm a paramedic and that used to smoke but I quit 30 days ago (yay) and I played a ton of video games on my tablet in between emergencies. But now I don't have either and like I said today was very busy and the stress piled up quick. I got very grumpy (nice word for fucking pissed) at the smallest things that are normally just annoyances. My partner (who is an awesome coworker) has a lot of quirks that have always kind of bothered me but today I really had to fight the urge to bite her head off. I managed to get thru it by saying some prayers and thinking of other journals where people struggled in the beginning but near the end of their detox were quite happy. BTW I'm having very little issues with urges. I'm using a nicotine patch and for whatever lucky reason I don't miss playing that much. My issues are handling stress, mood swings, and combating feelings similar to depression. So quick question...Any suggestions for on-the-go stress outlets? (Most of my work day is spent in an ambulance) Well, thanks for letting me vent (ah, much better) I'm gonna chow down on this BK, watch an episode or two of Trigun and hit the sack. PS: I installed some habit tracking apps and set some goals today. Maybe more on that tomorrow. Good night!
  6. Yeah I think so too! I actually told myself I'd try to make it out to that trail once a month, and do some cardio training in between. My goal is to hike all 5 miles of it in one day before the end of my detox.
  7. Hey Sarma Im new here too! Lets beat this thing together!
  8. Today is my third day without gaming and my first full day off work since. I had a very rough start, but today is the first day I have felt truly alive in months! I had plans to get up early and work out, followed by going over to my in-laws to help them paint their house. Well that didn't happen... Ended up sleeping a full 3 hours more than I was supposed to. I hated myself when I looked at the clock. I just wanted to roll back over and tell the world to cancel the day because I might as well just give up now. Sleeping has always been a problem for me since I was 16 (I'm 26 now). It's upsetting to realize I haven't had a real sleep schedule for 10 years. On days of work or school I would go to bed early and on Friday and Saturday nights I would stay up until 3 or 4 or... sometimes 7am! I stared at the wall for a good 10 minutes, feeling paralyzed, not wanting to get out of bed. After a few mental debates with myself I got up and realized I don't have time to work out and need to go straight to my in-laws (something I was not looking forward to). My wife's family all have a lot of problems... One's an alcoholic, another is always depressed, another has a lot of anger and control issues, you get the point. Not very good people to be around when you're trying keep stress levels down. So I call them and tell them I'm about to head over and best news ever... They tell me they aren't going to paint today and it will have to wait for another time! The reason this is such good news is I have been dying to get outside and go hiking (something I used to enjoy a lot). I was given a second chance, I was given back the day and I knew exactly what to do. I threw on some old (and very unused) running shoes, grabbed my dog and started driving to a hiking trail I had never been on. This is getting long so I'll try and wrap this up with the main points. It was an hour long drive on country roads and it was somewhat depressing. It was depressing because there were trees all around me and scenery I recognized and knew to be beautiful, but I felt nothing. I'm hoping this is all because of how out of whack my dopamine levels are and soon I'll see beauty in things again. The upside to this whole story is once I got on the trails and into the woods I started to feel. I could see the beauty in the wilderness, I could feel my heart beat in my chest, I loved seeing how happy my dog was with all the new smells and other people on the trail. Today gave me hope. Hope that I would be able to get a lot of excitement out of real life again. Hope that I can get in shape, and get out of the house more. I'm reading back on this post and realize it all has a kind of somber tone to it and I'm sorry about that, but I feel happy, I really do. I'm already looking forward to the next time I can get out there again. It's nice to have a win
  9. I really like the badge counter on the sub where it shows how many days its been. I use this app called quit smoking that has a whole bunch of achievements that could apply here too. You get achievements for time (1 wk, 1 month, etc), and for money saved based on how much you smoked and price of a pack. You could ask how much people spent on average every month on games to show them how much they saved. Also time would be awesome to track in terms of how much you play. If you used to play 8 hrs a day it would at up fast. So after 3 days of abstaining you would be able to see you got a full 24 hours of your life back. Hope all that makes sense, sorry for long post. Heres the link to that app if youre interested https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.EAGINsoftware.dejaloYa PS a GQ app would be cool to access forums and videos PPS I like the second one
  10. Wow thank you Kad! Thats exactly how i feel. Right now the only thing i seem to be motivated in is reading posts from other ex gamers and related articles. I fortunately have a lot of hobbies i used to like but i guess the withdrawal makes them seem boring. I think ill try to pick up some OT at work and on my next day off just force myself to play guitar for 10 minutes or something. Trying to get on a regular sleep schedule is a good goal too. Thanks again man!
  11. Thanks for the support guys! I did something similar where I started reading articles about this a week ago after a few late nights of gaming. I decided i could play for a little while longer before im ready to quit (compromise) but after a few more nights i had enough of that self loathing feeling to uninstall all my games at 1am. The next day i started posting on the subreddit (Im MedicFord over there) and today im here! Im excited about the future with all this, but to be honest i feel so tired and disinterested to pick up other hobbies. Any ideas how to overcome this or does it just go away over time? What kind of journalling do you do that helps?
  12. KrazyFace was my gamertag when I created my first xbox live account in 2006. Since then I have used that name for every gaming account I have ever created. I am using that name here on the chance I relapse and start gaming again. My hopes are when I go to login and type this name it will force me to think about this website and hopefully prevent me from continuing. I was 16 then and this is where my gaming addiction really took off, except at the time there was no such thing, I was just hanging out with friends. I played games long before that too and as a result missed out on a lot. I never participated in sports in high school and often times feel my social skills are underdeveloped. I have played many types of games, primarily MOBAs, MMORPGs, and FPS. I quit playing video games once before and sold my xbox and uninstalled all my computer games. It was in late 2015 that I started playing mobile games on my smartphone and tablet thinking they would be harmless but I was wrong. I found that I was playing those games just as much and now realize I cannot play any type of video game without risk. I decided to take to the internet and search for help and found this website. I feel confident with this help I can quit for good.
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