Arthur

Quick update - I'm doing fine, in a couple of hours I'll be having an exam. This week is crucial. Fingers crossed. But I won't have time for my journal until Friday.

Day is still not over but I feel like writing my entry, so here I come: Entry 5: Got out of bed: 07:30 made coffee, spent half an hour on forum made breakfast, had an hour long talk with my grandma about parenting spent more time here on the forum, listened to some music had another talk with grandma about the first marriage of my uncle, I feel sorry for him hanged out with my brother for half an hour, watched him play Magic the Gathering, I'll make sure to avoid it in the next couple of weeks because I want to limit my triggers. studied for 2 hours did laundry started worrying about the professor that didn't answer my mail, he is on sabbatical sent e-mails to secretaries and administrators, got quite flustered I took a shower (with an idea to meditate after) but instead, I sent another mail to the professor and obsessively checked if I got a reply got quite anxious about the whole thing, adrenaline and everything (didn't get a reply) another professor contacted me (the one I sent 14 answers). Turns out she wanted to ask another short question and as far as she was concerned, she thinks that I researched the field well and that I deserve an A if I answered adequately even without further skype-call-type examination. Spent some time on my answer, sent it, I think it should be an A this calmed me down then I got contacted by administration, they said they'll contact the professor for me so I guess I'll get my reply tomorrow/soon felt spent, hanged some more with my brother, we watched some youtube and joked a lot I'm here writing this entry now After this I'm going to meditate, take a shower and prepare for tomorrow's rough day of study edit: did what I intended, went to sleep around 23:30 Time wasted: Around 6 hours, mostly by trying to avoid obsessing over not getting an answer First I took it easy which was OK, but then anxiety got the best of me. I probably wouldn't even get that anxious if I started studying right as I woke up. This subtle things make my problems resurface. Second professor saved me, and the last portion of the day can count as a good battery-fill that will prepare me well for more study. Daily gratitude: Grateful for finding even more new good ambient music (link), also grateful for the 2nd professor that saved me from further fruitless worry @Erik2.0 It's difficult to answer what would my favorite topic be, because I'm interested in "everything" more-or-less, but if I focus on what I researched the most - more hard-science topics would be psychometrics, neuroscience (frontal lobes, endocrinology and neuroplasticity) and literature and research about IQ. More philosophical side would be Jung. I read around 4-5 Freud's books before I started getting into Jung, and it was hard at first but I grew to like him way more than Freud. He has a strong spiritual bent which I share, so I found a lot of useful material in his writing. Last book I read that was explicitly about psychology was V. Frankl's "Man in search of meaning", where he outlined his Logotherapy. I loved the book, had some questions after it regarding logotherapy, so I'll likely research it further when I feel like it. Btw, what type of patients are you going to work with? I was interested in psychopathology and personality disorders (such as bipolar and borderline) but I wouldn't want to work with those people, too energy consuming. I would enjoy working as a career/relationship counselor more than a therapist. Edit: Also, a few months ago I started researching about Maslow. I always disliked "his" pyramid and I wanted to write an essay on it, but then I started reading about the whole thing and it turns out Maslow also critiqued his early work and started developing "trans-personal psychology" which went beyond the pyramid scheme (haha) and is in line with what my critique of Maslow would look like. So I'm hyped to read his later work soon. Edit 2: Wish me good luck tomorrow, adrenaline will start kicking again.

Hey man. I read through your story and I sympathize with your situation. I also stopped gaming once before and managed to stay away for about 3-4 years before gaming again started to creep in my life. That period started great, I was achieving as never before and going forwards in my life. But times got tough, my parents went through a terrible divorce, my family all got mentally unstable, financial situation wasn't great, my university became highly politicized and galvanized, I was disappointed in some of my colleges with whom I organized student events, et cetera. I got depressed and anxious, and gaming was back on the menu. And I wasted the next 3 years of my life because of it. It's really good you are here. Take my story as a warning. Try to cut in in the root, while it's still just a sapling. You are awesome guy. One bad interview will not leave a lifelong stain, do your best and it will eventually feel like nothing. Good luck. Hope I'll see your entries here.

@royal panda I like your choices. I applied for psychology as well, and got accepted but I had bigger interests. Besides, in the meantime I read SO MUCH academic psychology (I often read research papers), psychotherapy (Gestalt, Carl Rogers, behaviorism, cognitive-behavioral therapy), neuroscience, psychoanalysis (Freud, Jung, Jung's students primarily), psychometrics (MBTI, Jung's typology, Big 5, enneagram), evolutionary psychology, biological psychology (such as endocrinology), et cetera, that I can discuss psychology with people who have masters degrees in the subject. But I am not interested that much in doing science research in the field, nor would I want to become a psychotherapist (I have certain reservations towards that whole profession). Can you see yourself in HR or as a counselor one day? Those are often the jobs people end up with when they get psychology degree. Anyways guys, I took it easy this morning, listened to music, talked with grandma about my father and my aunt. I've been enjoying my atmospheric black metal lately. (it's much less "metal-ly" than you think, quite uplifting, give it a shot)

I remember when I was at the start of my journey, I had moments I would write similar things in search engines - "twitch" for example, and then closed my tabs. It's just the unconscious wiring we need to get over. It stopped happening after a month or so. Don't overthink your "I focus on others except on myself", because - paradoxically, that's a bad type of self-focus. Be kind to yourself, we all have our faults we need to work on, and try to channel your energy on your obligations and goals first. Good luck in school.

I feel you on the "want a girlfriend to share affection with" part. I spent a lot of my 2019. feeling that way (and as you know, I had a phase 2 months ago when those feeling resurfaced again). I don't have any good advice, I just wish you best of luck either finding that soon, or finding your peace without it for a time. I recommend Valerian tea to make you sleep better. It's kind of stinky, but it does wonders (so effective its often prescribed by doctors these days). About your studying - most of us who are "all or nothing" are guys who have a rough time starting, but once we do we do a lot of work.

Entry 4: Got out of the bed: 06:15 made coffee, washed dishes studied for an hour made sandwiches, listened to music a bit studied for an hour took a shower meditated for 30 minutes spent an hour and a half finishing up my mail with 14 answers. I needed to do additional research for one of them that took longer than I thought. did laundry got replies for my mails - spent some time replying back with formal gratitude had a bike ride to the city center library to return a few books and borrow one took almost 2 hours getting there and back, good cardio, good exposure to sun on the way back I went to the gym to pay my membership fee It took me an hour to unwind after an intense bike ride had dinner reorganized my to-do list after a couple of changed plans resulting from replies I got from professors Met at a coffee shop with Steven, spent 2 hours there. We had a good talk and he returned one novel to me. Studied for 2 hours listened to some music And here I am writing this entry After this I'm going to take a shower and go to bed Time wasted: around 3 hours Daily gratitude: Grateful that all professors showed good will towards me and organizing my exams. Grateful that it seems very likely I will be able to go for a double major if I continue with my efforts. P.S. My toe seems to be healed. Time will tell. @Erik2.0 Yeah, double major would lead to more job opportunities. But one of my biggest motivations, besides learning about the history and theory of literature for it's own sake, is to be able to say and write about literature with credibility.

Thank you @Icandothis, my morning started well and I managed to get good sleep.

Apparently I was 9 days away from this forum. Time flies extremely fast for me. It feels like 5 or 6 days ago. Anyways, I'm going to write today's entry and then I'm gonna rant a bit. Entry 3: Got out of bed: 09:00 made coffee, made breakfast took a shower meditated for around 40 minutes watched youtube videos about haircare did laundry organised my to-do list regarding exams studied for 3 hours had launch/dinner studied for 3 more hours went to nearby library (short bike ride), studied for another hour Back home, I ate a bit, and "rested" until now, scrolling through instagram (around half an hour) I'm writing this journal entry now Later I'm going to send emails to professors regarding my exams (for 1 exam I needed to answer to 14 preliminary questions) Gonna take a shower and go to sleep, hopefully I will be able to fall asleep bcuz my adrenaline is elevated Time wasted: About an hour. Daily gratitude: I'm grateful of having pretty decent focus and relative peace of mind once I start studying. I'm not going to recap my missing week. Right now I cant even remember the way I spent first 3-4 days, but I was procrastinating. Last 3 days I was getting accustomed to the fact there is no possible way I will be able to pass all the needed exams to finish my 4th year, and graduate next year. I had 2 months time to prepare, and I wasted them on introspection and reading books that are not for my exams. Less than a month ago it was still possible to get it all done, I can't believe how i managed to delude myself, distract enough to let around 3 weeks time fly by, those 3 weeks of distraction will cost me another year. But, I need to keep today's pace of study and pass as much exams as I can. If I keep this pace, I will have a manageable amount of exams left for my winter exams: Right now, I am hoping I can find a silver lining in my failure, and use this extra year until graduation to get a double major (philosophy and literature) instead of only philosophy major. But that depends on my ability to pass required exams in the next 2 weeks to be eligible to enter. Wish me good luck guys, I need it. Edit: Just to make things clear, I needed to pass a bit over a year's worth of exams to be able to finish my 4th year. That's really a lot. I am not overestimating myself, you can read in my last journal that I knew I needed around 2 months of study for it. But somehow I managed to... forget it in the meantime? This is an enigma to me. I am disappointed in myself.

Go enjoy the sun and talk to people in person.

Had pretty distracting 3 days, but I'll be back tomorrow with my entries. Take care guys, hope you are all doing fine <3.

One of the first problems every person that quit gaming encounters is this issue of boredom, feeling unfulfilled or maybe even thinking nothing can compare to gaming. In some minuscule twisted way you are correct, but in a wider picture you need not fear. What am I talking about? Well, in a twisted way you are correct that, for an addict, at first nothing compares to what he is addicted to. His brain got "hard"-wired in such a way that it is motivated primarily by engaging in that single activity. Brain needs time to rewire. First, it needs to notice that this crave is unessential, it is not like food, water or sleep. It needs time to get accustomed to lower dopamine levels - addicts have too much of it in their chemistry because our neuro-synapses got used to a loads of dopamine so they need more and more to get a same response. They got resistant to dopamine. Let's take a simplified scenario and imagine our reward systems in a gamified way: Let's say your brain needs around 50 "packs" of dopamine (dp) spread out throughout the day to be okey with the day, and a 100 to happy about it let's also say that going for an hour long walk gives you 20, good day at work gives you 60 packs of dopamine and eating a tasty dish gives you 20 when you are really hungry This means if you do those 3 activities successfully in one day, your brain will receive enough dopamine stimulation to make you feel satisfied, happy and and pumped, unless you have some things happen to you that will give you "negative dopamine points" (this doesn't exist, but cortisol functions in a similar way, stress, failure, fear) To be more precise: because we need dopamine stimulation throughout the day, (and we are awake around 18 hours a day), an activity needs to give us around (100/18)= 5,55 packs of dopamine in an hour for us to be really into doing it. Hour long walk = 20 dp/h, = "I really wanna go for a walk", successful work day (lets say 8 hour) = 60/8 = 7,5 packs dp/h = "I am looking forward to today's challenges at work, hope everything goes fine", a tasty (takeout) meal = 20 packs in a really short time = "I REALLY want to order take-out right now" But what happens when we get addicted? At the beginning - we find an activity that gives to us a big amount of dp/h. When we first start gaming, I wouldn't be surprised that playing a new game would give us as much as 30+ dp/h, with diminishing returns of course - first hour would give 30, second hour would give 15, third hour 10 etc. This means that eventually, we will want to switch activities because other activities will give as equal or more amount of dp/h and will also allow us to avoid negative points ("if I do my homework, my mom will not be mad at me") Still, this 30+ packs of dopamine in the first hour is really satisfying and this slowly starts being our favorite activity in a day So we start to play every day, and as we get into this crazy and complex world of gaming we encounter: 1) new social opportunities; 2) amazing stories; 3) new opportunity for competition, etc. Because of the variability of gaming experience, we lower diminishing returns and slowly associate other aspects of our lives with gaming - After a game we brag to our friends about the crazy move we did, giving us 10 dp; later that day we watch a youtuber making a theory about what will happen in the next sequel of our favorite franchise; or we start playing ranked games in an FPS and maybe find out we are better than 90% of players, and we feel proud, potent and strong. This leads to getting as much as 200 dp per day, "gaming is the best thing in the world" we think to ourselves. Because of this we are less likely to seek to compete in other activities, like getting good grades, or getting a promotion, or playing sports We are also less likely to have a social circle outside of a gaming community, because you want to share your deep "love" (which means getting high dp/h) of gaming with others Slowly, your brain notices it is overstimulated with dopamine, and it increases dopamine requirement for synapses to get a response. Now, you require 100 dp per day to be ok with it, 200 to be happy about it, or 11,1 dp/h. BUT going for a walk and working still give 20 and 60 dp respectively. All of the sudden, going to work (which gives you 7,5 dp/h) is not stimulating enough to be happy about it, still enough to be ok with the day. But when you get home you need your fix of high dp/h to get to your wanted 200 dp in a day. 30 dp/h now gives you half as much pleasure as it once did. This leads us to a point that we are going to work not because it is satisfying in itself, but because it provides resources for our addiction - "In 2 months I'll have enough to buy a new PC, I can't wait.") Ok, I'm sure you get the point. Now, when we stop playing games we need time for our brain to lower dopamine requirements back to normal. In that transitional period it is likely we will feel bored and think that noting can compare to gaming. But if we give it enough time, it will get fine, we will also find new opportunities for competition, working on ourselves, socializing and having fun, and after a while gaming is now a part of the past. @Ikar I think you will like this.

I highly, highly recommend you start your daily journal here. It is a maaajor help.

@ceponatia @Ikar I'm a philosophy major and decently well read in post-modern philosophy. I wouldn't discourage you from reading this book because it will prove useful and thought provoking, but just keep in mind it is flawed. It simplifies to a point of un-recognition. Hicks fails to read properly both the pre-modern and the so-called post-modern philosophy, he looks at both from a simplified and prejudiced enlightenment perspective. But, to be honest, if someone is to write a book that wouldn't be simplified and prejudiced about these topics it would be completely incomprehensible to laymen. A youtuber who is both a communist and a postmodernist did a good video critiquing the book. Btw guys, I am neither a communist nor a postmodernist, I'm into ancient greek and roman philosophy and a traditional hindu, heavy conservative in my values, so I have no "horse in the game", but his video is recommendable (after you are done with the book) link to the video Edit: I watched the video and got reminded how poor some aspects of the book are. Especially his account of Kant and Hegel. I read both extensively, and both are obvious modernist thinkers, both obviously pro-enlightenment, so Hicks' account of them as "counter-enlightenment" and "anti-reason" (my gosh), shows that he just didn't do the proper work and failed to understand their work. I held similar views when i was in high school... that is, before I managed to understand what are they actually talking about.

@Ikar Nice day you had! Tomorrow is day 500, so nice. Congratz in advance

Entry 2: Got out of bed: 04:40 made coffee, washed some dishes, tidied up the living room a bit researched (from 05:15 to 06:15) needed literature for one of the exams and finding where can i borrow/read it spent an hour on the forum, writing replies to @Ikar made sandwiches, fed the fish, watered the plants took a shower totally butchered my toe with a recently ingrown nail, making it worse spend an hour and a half on my bike, going to several public libraries for my literature Studied for 1 hour meditated until 13:00 Studied for 2 hours my toe started to hurt badly, I was losing focus because of it decided I'll take ibuprofen so I can focus on studying; It made me really sleepy instead slept until 16:30 still felt tired and dazed had dinner and went with my father to my families doctor, he had an appointment our doctor is out in the suburbs when we had to drive home, our car's windshield wiper didn't work and it was raining heavily we broke the law and drove back home anyways, it was wild even driving 35 km/h, we could see only maybe few meters ahead came back around 19:30, and I've been watching youtube I decided I'll study for half an hour more and go to bed soon Time wasted: I would say around 4-5 hours. Toenail and ibuprofen did me in. Daily gratitude: Grateful of waking up today with same pumped up mentality as the day before. Grateful for the coming autumn, I love autumn. @WhoCares @Ikar @Erik2.0 Thanks for all the support.

I read this from start to finish, and I instantly like you. Your writing style is very mature and level headed, but I bet you are boiling inside non-the-less. Welcome. Try keeping a daily/weekly journal to drill into your head this level 8 lifestyle you are going for. I love seeing older people here, it is useful for us younger guys to see cumulative consequences of our habits in the long run. Gladly, you seem to be in a pretty good place regardless of your terrible addiction. Your wife is a blessing, go make up for all those time she was patient and understanding. 40 000 hours spent on games, yeah... I mean, what to say... I'm 27 y.o. and I maybe spent between 15 000 and 20 000 hours gaming, or watching others play. Considering I'm "highly gifted" when it comes to IQ, so I learn pretty damn fast, with that amount of time I could've been a college professor by now in any field and speak a couple of more languages fluently. But no, I had to be top player in LoL and have a guild in WoW, and I have not graduated still. I know for a fact there is absolutely no way I am going to become an author with that type of lifestyle. I lately found my strength in God, and I'm slowly shedding away my craves for approval and doing what society wants me to do. I focus on the best examples, reading holy texts, epic literature, keeping my spirit high. I decided I want to be the strongest man in my bloodline (in mind and spirit primarily, although fitness is high priority as well) and do my absolute best to hand down a better world for my children and my nation. I'll do without societies encouragement, it is what it is. Anyways, enough about myself. Once again, welcome. I wish you all the best.

Yeah, my parents didn't teach me anything regarding dating. It's just crazy how "hands-off" they were raising me, all they did was argue with me, or punish when I did something "bad". Overall I had a more successful experience than you in both elementary school and high school. In elementary school I was quite popular, at least before i started playing games like crazy (that happened when my parents started to have crazy fights, they almost divorced). I was physically fit (I trained handball, played a lot of basketball and was on rollerblades everyday, doing jumps and tricks), and I was one of the popular kids (my best friend was the most popular guy in school), so I had actually a lot of girls who had crushes on me (even had a couple of stalkers). In high school I isolated myself to gaming and reading because I was depressed (I lived in terrible conditions) until the last year of high school when my love life started again. Interesting how different our experience is. Me studying philosophy and literature has got me surrounded by a lot of people who sleep around, take all sorts of drugs, drink a lot, et cetera. I was like that for long. Realized, in my case, that I was motivated to do it for several unflattering reasons, besides compassion. Sometimes it was a distraction from my faults, sometimes it was an ego boost to be a helper, sometimes I just wanted to learn about human psychology, but ultimately - it was about indirect bitching to the universe, saying "why can't x and y and z and all the people just be better? Little poor helper me, always there for others but none can really help me..." I basically stopped doing it, mostly because holy texts and people I admire say that I should first fix myself and then teach by example. I asked myself - from what part of me does my "zeal" come from? I could speak about this for hours. But let's just say I agree with him to a point. I think you can "force" or "push" someone into starting to change themselves, but you need to have real power over them, otherwise you are just an annoyance who attacks their defense mechanisms and worsens their day. They either have to admire you (to want to be like you and please you), or love you (romantically), or fear you, or something similar. Best if it is a combination of all those 3, then you could dictate to someone the way to live, at least to a point and for a while... BUT, most people seriously overestimate their grasp over the real issues and what to do about it, especially if they fail at certain aspects of life themselves. Well, if they are on the pill (you can always insist that they show you that they have them) you can be sure that pregnancy won't happen. But ONS often happen when people are drunk, with strangers, and they don't ask a thing. I think it's just stupid doing anything drunk. I think the number of ONS would plummet if people stopped drinking, loool. Yeah. I mean... most of what our society does these days is trying to support anyone in whatever they feel like doing. "Don't let them tell you what to do" is the mantra of the century. People are intellectually driven to muddy the waters and find some weird argument, or statistic, or philosophical theory to justify anything. False equivalence like this one you mentioned is so widespread. ❤️❤️❤️ Ty That's tough. I understand now! Thank you for sharing.

Entry 1: Got out of bed: 04:50 Washed the dishes and made coffee, had a chat with grandma Fed the fish, watered the plants Finished creating this thread around 07:00 Made myself eggs with avocado Translated for an hour took a shower and meditated until 9:30 Translated for 5 hours straight (finished my chapter) vacuumed the 2nd floor Went for a half hour bike ride Went to my mother for dinner in 16:00, asked for the recipe Spent time with my family and my sister's boyfriend Got back home around 19:00 spent an hour checking my translated chapter for mistakes and inconsistencies watched youtube for half an hour ate some watermelon and here I am I'll be going to sleep soon Edit: just took a shower, and I'll listen to LotR audiobook until I fall asleep, good night guys Time wasted: 00:00 (I feel utterly spent, in a good way) Daily gratitude: Grateful for today's concentration.

Congratulations on being over 90 days free of videogames! Also, your working ethic is inspiring to read about. I'm just starting my serious efforts to become a properly hard worker. I wish you a good day!

Hello forum. 4 months ago I started my successful journey of overcoming my gaming and porn addiction here, with your help. I knew I won the battle even 2 or 3 weeks in, I just felt I am not coming back to those false substitutes for a life not lived. Quickly my first journal came to be about my daily struggles, emotions and thoughts; about creating healthy, beneficial habits, such as: getting up early, avoiding useless socialization cleaning around the house learning how to cook meditating each and every day, et cetera And I succeeded in those things I mentioned, as well as others. Now I am making this new journal because I want to completely revamp the way I write my journals and change the direction of it. I got my peace of mind I was aiming for, now I want to get a life. I want to become a fully functional, self-reliant, hard-working man who gets things done. So, instead of all the inner musings, long tangents about inner struggle, philosophical thoughts and dreams I have when I go to sleep, this journal will be primarily about actions made, goals attempted, stepping stones crossed. In the following months my goals are: passing as much exams as will be possible getting a part-time job after exams working out like a beast again, not only gym but getting into jiu-jitsu getting my driving license eventually getting back to my youtube project And each day shall be measured in accordance to those goals and none other. Wish me luck, and I hope some of you will accompany me on this ride. I feel pumped and ready.

Edit: Just noticed this is a loong dead thread. Well, I've been on my gradual NoFap journey for a while now. For two months I've been masturbating only once a week (down from a couple of times a day). Then i did a couple of rounds of masturbating only once every 14 days, and now I'm trying to go for the full month of NoFap. I am not a part of Nofap community so I don't know about all the ideas they are spreading around. Some of those are obvious wishful thinking. You will not get a woman to drool over you simply by retaining semen. Do you have any important skills? Do you have money? Self-confidence? Influence? Are you good looking? Or funny? If you have none of these, semen retention will not get you far on its own. I'll defend Nofap from my personal experience with it. Masturbation wastes a lot of my time and my energy. Also, it basically disables a potential drive to improve myself to get a real woman, because masturbation (especially with porn) is just a more convenient enterprise for someone who struggles with anxiety. Every time I ejaculate I feel depleted and I go take a nap. After that I feel lonely, and pretty damn soon I have another urge to masturbate. I defend "Nofap", because "Fap" is useless, wasteful, childlike and, yes, pathetic. I'm a 27 y.o. man, I shouldn't be a pathetic masturbator. For me, NoFap means stop pretending, stop imagining that you are with someone. Build yourself up and get with someone.

Entry 66 (day 118) - sorry for repeating myself so much, this is the last time i promise. everything will change Ok guys, as you can notice I have been going back and forth with my ideas, being inconsistent with my daily journaling, been focusing more on talk and musings other than goals and the process. I need to reinvent my journey here so I can remain active on the forums and to rekindle my desire for improvement and success. I'll start a new thread with re-envisioned focus and narrative. As I see it, these 4 months ended up being mostly about my journey of: keeping away from games and porn significantly helping around the house consistently getting up early working out study for my university keeping up a consistent daily meditation practice and deepening my spirituality fighting my anxiety learning to cook getting my head straight regarding dating (especially feelings towards Veronika) getting my head straight regarding my friends (ended up deciding that i will find a different crowd eventually. At the moment, I am only close to my brother) rekindling my passion for art (especially music and movies) reducing frequency of masturbation (attempting a month of nofap at the moment) getting new philosophical clarity, and reading a ton. I've made serious progress. Highlights (for me) would surely have to be my deepened spirituality and my vastly improved relationship with my father because of those healthy habits. I am also really glad I've distanced myself from Veronika. *An unplanned braindump regarding Veronika bellow* On the other hand, I have failed to deliver on a few of seriously important goals I've set for myself, and when you look at the list you can notice a commonality: I haven't studied as much as I needed for university, so I didn't pass a lot of exams. 50% of my reading and study is not for tests. I haven't found myself a part time job, not even for a month or two. (coronavirus didn't help, but I haven't tried enough) because I didn't work, I of course couldn't pay for my driving license (I am 27 y.o., just to remind how behind I am on a lot of things in life) getting into top shape (I was inconsistent with my workouts, corona didn't help). I was on a proper trajectory around a month into this journey, started slipping after my exams All of them, especially 1.-3. are about getting past my point in life, about going forwards. Getting over with my education, getting the pieces set so I can finally become totally self-reliant ASAP, consistently living healthy, strong, being productive. To become a full grown man. You can say that all this time was preparation, building my spirit up so it can raise to the challenge. Well, challenge is here. I worked more on my inner posture than most have, I've built up some resilience and willpower and now I just have to get out of my bubble and confront the world without any hesitation. I need to trow myself into the world completely, take out any opportunity for escape, and just fight my best fight. You guys, especially @Ikar, @GrainSiloEnthusiast @BooksandTrees @Erik2.0 @Icandothis have helped me along the way by your kind words and support, and by your criticism and by the attention you've given me. Thank you, deeply. I hope you will accompany me on the new thread I'm going to start tomorrow morning.

I bet you talked about it in your journal, but can you tell me why are you living with your mother? Also, would you like to live by yourself? I live with half of my family, but I plan to live on my own in a year from now. I mention this because the reason why I ever eat sweets is because my diabetic father actually buys a lot of them so I sometimes mindlessly take a cookie or something, but I never overindulge. When I'm going to live on my own I think I'll end up not eating any sugar other than an occasional fruit. Also, guys, sorry for not journaling. Imma be back to writing my daily journals tomorrow.

Hey Tjohnson, I also played Fortnite a lot in one period of my life. Now I am completely clean of gaming for 4 months. My suggestion is - always try to find something to do, especially something constructive and healthy. Occupy yourself, but avoid other destructive behaviour like overeating, drinking, watching porn or too much youtube, et cetera. When you feel like you don't have any energy for anything smart or constructive, and you feel depleted and bored - go take a nap. Sleep for 2 hours if you need, whatever. Better to waste your time looking at your wall bored, then to succumb to your addiction again. In time, cravings will subside, it will get better. First month is the most difficult. Don't expect too much from yourself. Just keep to your priority - avoid your addiction and don't form a new one.