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Captain_Pilz

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Everything posted by Captain_Pilz

  1. Hello again! My morning routine today almost worked as intended. I simply forgot to meditate before going to work. This would have helped me because my focus was all over the place. It has been for the last couple of days. I watched lots of martial arts videos instead of doing the things I have to do. The thing is that exams are still coming. They will be covering the content of my last two years so I'd better get my practice for school down to the point. It all is a big struggle. The only way I can imagine to cope with these road blocks is to distance myself from YouTube. That would be a healthy decision. Accordingly, tomorrow, I will stop watching YouTube and start working!
  2. Hearing that from someone who has struggled a lot but never ceased to improve really gives me hope. Thank you for that. I have clearly lost some of my momentum. Coming back is hard and of course I have doubts but I am on it and dedicated to succeed. I really need to tighten up my morning routine and set a specific time for my evening one. In addition, I procrastinated a lot today, so tomorrow I have to improve those exact parts of my day, the first and the last. I want to make them optimal. Today, I am grateful for the impact my hobbies have on my life and my consciousness that keeps me going, as otherwise I would be in pain.
  3. I have been inactive for a few days now, the reason being that I relapsed. For more info, please read the post down below. Luckily, I had some time to schedule my future action. I have worked on a morning and a night routine I will start tomorrow. I am quite optimistic as I have already gathered experience in this area and know some pitfalls from experience. Also, no sheets of paper flying around because I will do a counter right here. I am grateful for: All my anchors and my dreams that keep me going. See you tomorrow.
  4. All right, let's face it, I relapsed! After I had finished my exams on Monday a vacuum appeared. I got ill, I didn't know what to do since my short term goal was accomplished and due to COVID school is closed. These are the reasons, I relapsed. I had no purpose, nothing to wake up for and to be honest, even going to school in the morning works to set me up. However, this is not going to stay like that. What am I supposed to strive for when all of this is finished in 2 months? To summarize, I relapsed because I don't have any long term goals. And this is not the only thing I learned. Relapse after relapse, they become shorter and shorter and shorter. The last one was two weeks. This one was three days! I am improving. In addition, while watching YouTube, which I did a lot, I realized that content creators spend a massive amount of time making their videos. I would love creating the things they are creating but it would cost me an abundance of time and dedication. I better spend this time growing and not investing it into video games.
  5. Hey mate, I can relate to that. Both of us know that growing is better than playing video games but we still relapse. I just relapsed, too. I wish you the best of success for you next try. Keep going.
  6. Day 12: My cold is better now. I have not been feverish which means it is most likely not Corona. I still watched YouTube today. However, I managed to study for my upcoming maths exam. Furthermore, I have an idea on what skill I want to learn over the next weeks, as I will have lots of spare time. Over the last few years, I have developed the dream of becoming a professional speaker, so I have decided it might be time to dive into storytelling. Tomorrow, I write my last exam in the morning. When I come home I am going to sleep a bit and then develop a solid idea of what I want to do with my time. I might also study for my Physics class.
  7. I know what you are talking about. When I study for exams I always feel like I could do more and more and more. A similar situation occurs when you have become really good at something. Then, for one thing you learn five new ideas come to your mind. And this happens all the time. In the study environment, this notion is simply more subtle. Of course, you can never do something perfect and in the case of an exam you can never be prepared for every eventuality, cause that's what life is like. I am currently learning to accept this feeling. Now, I am focusing on working more effectively which basically comes down to getting myself into a realistic scenario if I have the opportunity and building my intuition. Find your own ways and get the balance right.
  8. Day 11: My writing over the last few days has been quite spare, so I‘d like to catch up to that and tell you about my current state. It has been quite a standard Saturday. Saturday has often been an unproductive day for an extended period of time. In addition, albeit I didn‘t play any video games, I have consumed a solid amount of gaming related content, especially on Youtube over the last couple of days. Also, with the release of Ark Genesis some good memories got to the surface. Today, I watched a lot of Pokemon videos. This is strange as I never played the game in my life. I even had the craving to throw all this and just start my console and... well you can guess the rest. What I have noticed is that I cannot do anything about the fact that I find certain things appealing. Those feelings of nostalgia and those cravings will always be there, even years into the future. I guess, what also makes YouTube and TV and other things appealing right now is that I am ill and simply don‘t have the abundance of energy I usually have. In the past this often helped me out of difficult phases. Conclusively, in the meantime it is all about prevailing. By contrast, I would really love to start training again and work on my discipline and my work ethic. Now that school, in terms of going to classes, is over, I get the awesome opportunity to use much more of my time. I get the really challenging opportunity to have the whole day at my disposal and still not fall back into my old patterns of behaviour. I have fear. Fear of the pain of failure but fear of the pain of discipline and boredom at the same time. That is just my state right now. I guess the only way to amend this is to expose myself to the latter. This forum is truly an anchor to me. If it weren‘t for you, I would have relapsed by now. I have decided to start a gratitude journal in which I profess... things I am grateful about, obviously. 1. As I already mentioned: All the amazing support on these forums. 2. The support of my parents. 3. The support of my teachers. One of them actually called me yesterday to notify me that we will write the last pre-exam on Monday. 4. The fact that I have developed into who I am now, that I have found my inert will to change two years ago. Tomorrow, will again be about surviving and consuming less entertainment media than today. David
  9. Struggled a lot today and fought with a lot of cravings. I am actually getting ill right now and I just hope it is not Covid-19. After Monday, many schools here in Germany will close until after eastern and so does ours. These are quite some times we are in right now! Tomorrow, I will try to concentrate as well as I can and get healthy.
  10. Two days later. Yesterday, I focused on preparing for my Physics exam, so I didn‘t write here. It just got too late. Today worked quite well for me. Learning for that exam definitely helped. Now that it is basically finished, although I still have one in April, a little void appears. I took the afternoon off, maybe even did a little too less. My task for tomorrow is setting long term goals I can actively work towards.... And also watch less YouTube. David
  11. Day 7 and one week in: I will not write much today. My day was really bad, a massive fallback compared to the progress I made over the last few days. Did not work, did not go to my training, watched a whole lot of YouTube. Of course, I also feel bad about myself, but mainly I feel exhausted and frustrated and ill. It all started off with porn and it is the second time that I notice it making me regress. Last time was a big relapse. I must be careful about this. What are your experiences? Tomorrow, it‘s just about doing better than today. Honestly, this is all I want!
  12. You are damn right. Take your time with it, especially since it is a sensitive topic. Still, I am excited to read it. Please share a link as soon as you post it. I was never remotely attracted by Reddit but from what I saw there you have a point. I even think it is not only the haters who post there. It is also the decent people who would never consider sharing anything in that shit storm.
  13. Day 6: Today, I wrote a 5 hour long English-exam. It was exhausting but also kind of fun. Our teacher let us analyze an article about Mark Zuckerberg and comment on the impact of social media on the present generation. Just consider what we do here for a moment. This was an absolute jackpot for me!🥳 After school, I visited my grandparents for lunch. I hadn't seen them in a while, too. Back home, I did not manage to work much more. Obviously. I mean who does after such a straining morning? I still did a simple but comprehensive experiment evaluation we had for homework. Other than that, I played some drums listened to some music. Thanks to all of you for rooting for me. Posting here really helps in comparison to trying to quit on my own. When I struggle throughout the day, I feel that sense of obligation. Strangely, it doesn't add pressure at all but rather pleasantly gives me another reason to live a good day. Apart from that, I cannot thank @Alexanderle enough for your tips about morning routines. As soon as I get this Physics exam out of the way, I will dive into it... deeply. Tomorrow, even though I cannot stand the thought right now I want to work a whole lot for my Physics advanced course in order to succeed at the upcoming exam on Thursday. In gratitude David
  14. My first gaming free week is over and it is Day 5 of my journal. Today was intense. I worked a lot and my A-Levels really keep me going right now. As I wanted, I finished the most arduous topic for my Physics class: The Schrödinger equation! Furthermore, I wrote another text as a practice for my English-exam tomorrow. The rest of the time, I watched a lot of keynotes about presentation which is a fascinating skill I definitely want to elaborate on once I finish my final exams. Also, it is Sunday. Obviously. Accordingly, I would like to share either a small fact about myself or something that influenced me deeply each week. Let me talk about my username. It clearly has a gaming background and I first used it when playing Clash of Clans a few years ago. After this, every single avatar of mine was named „Captain_Pilz“. However, I am now officially a committed non-gamer and this takes away its identity. Its significance is still to high because it always stood for the dream of becoming a YouTuber, especially in the early years. Therefore, I decided to make it part of my journey and make it a symbol of growth and hope in my life. As I have a long and important exam tomorrow I will just attempt to be mindful and keep myself occupied throughout the afternoon. In focus David
  15. Thank you for tuning in here and sharing your progress. I like your focus, how you really try to develop the best work ethic you can. Honestly, this is a great place to start off. I am just interested in what your other goals are. Do you plan to go into fitness or music, do you want to improve you relationships? Life has an abundance of fun and purposeful activities to offer, now more than ever, and these can massively help you leave gaming behind. Again, your focus is enviable. I also encourage you to explore a little bit. @Alexanderle: I am grateful that you keep stressing the importance of identity. It is an awesome support for me and others.
  16. Seneca On the Shortness of Life I can really relate to stoic philosophy. This book is extremely short and I have finished it a week ago. Still, I keep coming back because there is so much you can get out of it.
  17. Another day without games has passed. It was by no means perfect but I am content with what I did and learned today. As Alexanderle talked about mornings, let me speak about my morning. During the week, I have no difficulties waking up early and being efficient. By contrast, I often struggle with weekends as there is no plan and no (apparent) need to get done. Today was basically the same. I could not force myself to work. Before noon, I even ended up on YouTube where I noticed something strange. Watching videos became unbearable. I knew I was procrastinating and my mind would not stop circling until I actually started to work over an hour later. On the other hand, I felt this intense aversion towards studying that kept me from doing so. You probably know that awkward, agonizing in-between-space. I also experienced lots of brain fog that immediately disappeared when I wrote. In the afternoon, I managed to write two medium sized texts in preparation for my English-exam on Monday and I played some drums to James Brown recordings which is really fun. And I called my grandparents, something I do not do often enough. @Alexanderle: Thank you for your tips concerning mindsets and morning routines which I will definitely consider. How do you start free mornings? Tomorrow, I really want to finish that Physics topic I am onto right now. Thanks for all your amazing support. David
  18. Things did not go as well as I wanted today. I got home later in the afternoon than expected and I was quite exhausted. Dealt with some serious cravings and did not have the power/ did not feel like I have the power to push through work. Accordingly, I played a lot of drums which works extremely well against cravings for me. Tomorrow is a new day. What I can accomplish comes down to how my morning looks like. So that is my focus: Getting a good morning and breaking through the initial aversion towards work. @ceponatia: This is serious and something I would definitely like to avoid. How did you feel when you realized this fall? Did quitting gaming change your outlook on your current situation? In hope David
  19. Here we go again! It is Day 2 and I am on fire! My goal for today was to beat my procrastinating behavior and to learn for my exams next week. In the morning, I was lucky to have some free time since a few teachers were missing. I informed myself on breaking procrastination with an episode of Jay Shetty's podcast and I managed to get going with Physics. After lunch, it still took me an hour to start working again but nevertheless, I managed to finish every single task on my ToDo-List. I checked and it is the first time I accomplished this feat in 2020! Now, I really want to keep my head down and conserve my momentum. Tomorrow I will focus on: Repeating what I did today! @BooksandTrees: Thank you for your tip to check out diaries. Over 500 days without gaming is a massive accomplishment which is even more impressive considering you struggled to quit for 8 years! I am grateful for you support. @Amphibian220: Great, thanks! They really listened and I could tell them everything. I feel like I trust them, which is awesome. It also seemed to be quite relieving to them since they clearly recognized I was off lately. This is the podcast episode: It was helpful to me. It might be to you. https://jayshetty.me/6-reasons-we-overthink-4-steps-to-break-down-your-procrastination-pattern/ In pride David
  20. That depends, I believe you will always have nostalgic moments. During my last try, I read a book about architectural psychology and then I just felt nostalgic about Minecraft! It was not the critical cue for my gaming behavior but I am sure it got me closer to the idea. And what is SubRosa for you may be Cities Skylines for me. And right now in this moment I experience cravings! 😂 I totally agree with @DaBest that finding activities and projects you love and creating purpose cannot erase nostalgia but make it easier to overcome. And I did not realize there was a second page! I should get some sleep!😅
  21. Understandable, but still: I find no word. I guess sad is not enough to express what I am feeling. Now that I have read this, I would not even see the point in giving up.
  22. Hey fellow Game Quitters, today is Day 1 of my personal journal in which I share my process throughout the 90 day detox and further. To make a short note on yesterday: I went to martial arts training the first time in two months and immediately managed to set a realistic goal for the future. If I had to rate this day on a scale between one and ten, I would give it an ambivalent five. In the morning, I was quite motivated at school. I had a few nice chats and I especially loved my religion class. Coming home, I faced a trial and I failed: I did not watch YouTube, I did not play video games but I „sneaked in“ two hours of Netflix. This is due to a bad habit I formed over the last few years, where I would watch YouTube and TV when I ate alone. I cannot stress how important it is to adress this habit! Luckily, I managed to catch myself and I had the late afternoon at my disposal to study. The one thing I could not be more proud of today is that I gathered the courage to talk to my parent about my issues and be totally honest with them. And I am grateful that I can count on their emotional support. Tomorrow I will focus on: Breaking through my procrastination cycle. In gratitude David
  23. @Alexanderle In my experience, having things to do outside of your home really gets you back on track if you had a difficult day. As for the tweaks at home, maybe even small improvements to the cues you get might be impactful.
  24. Eye opening, absolutely eye opening! I am grateful you shared this. Right now, I ask myself the honest question: "What about my life makes it like the rat cage?"