Talby

Sounds like you've got your routines sussed quite well even before Covid! You're at a place I'm working towards 😁

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-51907663 Now this might divide opinion and I know that Cam's approach, probably the best way of looking at it, is that gaming isn't inherently bad... But I find news articles like this, that actually appeared on the HOME PAGE of the BBC website, not just the news, entertainment or newsbeat section, but the root page...incredibly irresponsible. I guess it's more aimed at people who might otherwise have control and not spend hours upon hours gaming, or be trying to quit. But surely this outbreak is the perfect time to discover something new, something you haven't already tried or done. Spend more time with your family. I'm worried that people who do have control and aren't addicted might just end up gaming for hours because they have nothing to stop them, then struggle to make the transition back to everyday life after weeks at home used to not having any routines. I mean...the writer even uses the word obsession to describe how they feel about the new CoD. C'mon. I guess my message to people would be to not let things like this be the permission you have to slip back, give in and blame a major world event as an excuse to break your word to yourself and those around you. Stay strong, be vigilant and write about everything you've learnt about gaming, yourself and the world around you since you started this journey.

Signing off with life's good is a great feeling. Glad the business has started brightly.

Congratulations on the achievements everyone! 😁 For me February was a transition month. Moving through a process and from the darkness of the tunnel towards that pin prick of light. I reached my own personal milestone of 1 month off gaming, finally got a pay rise should have come last year and started looking for new jobs again. The lump sum I got helped me pay off my overdraft and have a bit of a buffer on my finances and it's nice to know I have more income going forward. I had a job interview that ultimately ended in rejection but was an important step in developing my confidence and some more strategies for getting out into the market again. I also started to let go of feeling that all my spare time had to be channeled into running and started writing much more frequently, paying more attention to my mind and working on that relationship. Doing yoga and core strength work more consistently has helped deal with this mini break and develop more focus. I'd like to keep that going for as long as possible. If I had to summarise February, it was when I started to let go of making all my decisions based on an expected outcome, realising there are very few instant rewards for doing things in the real world and made more connections with the process of learning/training.

So after a few weeks going back and forth in my mind about whether I wanted to tell them or not, I finally got the courage to do it last night. They were so loving and supportive we actually managed to chat for hours, although I did most of the talking. I think what made the decision to tell them was that this has affected me since I was a child, therefore I wanted them to understand that I realise how bad it was back then and that I'm kicking it now. I'm glad I did because ultimately they had no idea that this was a problem. They thought I'd kicked it when I left home because I was portraying that everything was fine when I used to see them. It was really liberating to be honest about it, even to the extent that I was able to talk about the times that I'd lied to various people about what I was doing. That was as hard as opening up to my fiancée about it all. They were pleased I'm over halfway through the 90 days and made me aware that I can talk to them about it. I also started thinking about getting counselling just to help me discuss it impartially and also to chew up some time in the detox. They seemed quite keen that I do that so it was good to have their full support. So I'm celebrating taking a risk and being willing to make myself vulnerable to potential criticism or a telling off, neither of which came even remotely close to happening!

@Xgamer that's a good one. Very appropriate for what we're all going through I think. Having a bit of a dark sense of humour can actually help with this if you can learn to laugh at some of the sillier stuff you might have done. I don't really like my job, there's good bits and it pays me enough to clear my debt and save for my family future, but it's pretty dull and I dislike the commute. It gets in the way of lots of things I'd like to do with life. Deep down I know that feeding my family and getting rid of debt are priority goals though. Maybe write down what you want out of your job, what are your goals for quitting and why do you want to do it?

Your gratitude is more than enough and very welcome. It's brave of you to share and I hope to help any way I can, even if that means being silent and letting you be 😉 What's your favourite idiom so far?

500 days is amazing 😄 I think the last time I went that long was back when I first went to University and just threw myself into any new activity I could. Such carefree days! Good going mate, and the post was really insightful. Made me think a lot about my experiences.

HI @Xgamer Nice to meet you and thanks for sharing your progress. I just wanted to pitch in and say I think you’re doing a great job, despite the fears and concerns you’ve been raising. In fact, I believe that those very fears and concerns are one of the most important parts of quitting something addictive. I know that I got lost in addiction because I didn’t feel capable of facing my fears, that it was easy to make progress and feel like something. But as I got older, I became more aware that those feelings were false and fleeting. I see it as a crap day off gaming is just another day off gaming, whether I achieved lots or relatively little. Like the others on here have put so eloquently, we’re only human and need downtime. I think for a lot of us addicted to something, our minds and bodies are sometimes out of sync. When one or the other gets too fatigued, it’s time to rest and that might mean a couple of hours in front of Netflix or watching some daft YouTube videos. Cam has a couple of good videos about relapse, about how sometimes it’s an important step forward because if it happens and you feel negative about it, that reinforces that you believe in the detox and believe in your broader choices. He’s also got some good stuff about losing yourself in the processes of hobbies to replace gaming, rather than focusing on the outcomes. One thing gaming has trained us all to do is obsess about reaching that next goal, hitting that next level and receiving the rewards. In real life, with sports, music, art, science etc…there are no instant rewards, there is only the process which might not make you feel better than you did when you started out. Where these activities really shine are in giving you ‘tangible’ things to write about. I find it difficult to do this often because it feels like the rest of the world doesn’t seem to care that you’re trying to improve in an activity. We’re competitive creatures at heart, no matter how much we like to project otherwise and judge others for being the same, so it’s sometime difficult to avoid the criticism of how good you are at something. A classic example is when people try to twist inclusion and participation in sport into a narrative about making everybody soft and destroying elite level performance. That kind of attitude has driven me away from running, something I love with all my soul, so many times because I’m only ever trying to get better than the person I am now and lose myself in the process. Luckily I’ve started learning how to process that kind of narrow minded drivel 😉 You can feel detached when you quit gaming because it seems like everybody is doing it at the moment, but stepping back and applying some rational thought will help you to see what it does to people who can’t control it and start to rise above those behaviours that you want to change. Finally, with regards to looking back and not feeling anything about your previous gaming habits…I’m right there with you. I sometimes look back and feel very guilty, that I could have made so much more of myself if I hadn’t had it. But there’s a big part of me now that’s accepting that I can’t time travel and do anything about it, so I’m actually grateful that I have all the experiences I do because they’ve made me the person I am now, the person who wants to make changes and get this under control. I hope some of this helps, more so because I feel right there in the wars with you. Treat each day like a battle. You won’t win them all, people rarely do, but you can win the war by learning from each slip-up and step-backwards. That’s what we’re all here for 😊

Day 44 So I've not been writing much, which is because I'm busy. And I've been writing more in my private journal, which really is just long rambling swathes, stream of consciousness stuff. A bit like my last couple of entries which feel like they belong more in private than out in the world. But I've also been busy, super busy. The first 30 days or so I ploughed all my time and energy into fitness, work and job hunting. The last couple of weeks I've had a bit of a crash, some bumps and am currently waiting to hear back from a job interview I feel really confident about. To cut a long story short, I crashed and burned a little bit after having a few explosions in anger and poor judgement. Safe to say I worked through it with the people involved, no harm done. But now I'm into a phase where I'm reflecting a lot on all the shit I've been running away from. It's hard, but pretty good. I also realised I was increasingly watching more TV and spending more time online whilst not gaming, so I'm now working to keep that down. Christmas was also pretty unhealthy in terms of alcohol and sugar so I'm making small tweaks to my diet, nothing major...just enough so that I'm not using eating as a coping mechanism for poor mental health. I know that it's individual to everyone, but does anyone have any advice as to what to expect from this point on? I'm still keeping up all my health goals and feel like I'm making the right choices when it comes to responding to mistakes, however I'd like to know whether you start to notice a marked change in mood once you get to around halfway. Does it really take the full 90 days to really 'feel' differently, or is it mostly about how you interpret the changes you're making?

Day 34 This one is about being honest around some of the more negative stuff going on. I haven't really spoken much about the here and now of stuff, I'm struggling with, more the stuff I know lurks in my past that I don't want to go back to. But of course it doesn't work like that. Crashed and burned a little this week. As I've mentioned I've plowed a lot of the time I'd spend gaming into being out running or at the gym. I have spent more time with other people as a result of quitting, but I still need the endorphins and adrenaline rush gaming used to give otherwise I'll sink into a depressed state. Been there, done it all before. But I have to admit I've probably sunk a little too much time into it and not focused as much as I wanted to on the mental side of things. It's a tough balance because the physical side is important for my self esteem. I don't need to look ripped and impress the ladies, but I'm a skinny guy and running just burns away the muscle and fat so I've been trying to maintain a body shape I'm comfortable with whilst I train harder. Turns out when you ignore your mind and just keep pushing it deeper onto something when you know it needs attention, it snaps back at you eventually. This week I've been a ball of unpredictable, excitable and angry energy which culminated in me nearly losing my shit with a client and some colleagues at work. I didn't, but I could feel something was wrong deep down. Truth is I've been expecting a lot of myself after admitting the addiction. This time is different, this time I'll feel better... Etc etc. But truth hurts, and I know I'm suffering in exactly the same way I have all the other times I've quit but eventually given in. This time I know what I'm fighting against and have brought other people on board so there's no out. I've been honest with my mind and not approached it as a gaming ban cause I read somewhere that the best way to overcome a desire for something is to allow yourself the option, but be very clear about what the consequences are of making that choice. That way whatever you're trying to give up has less of a temptation around it. Less of a forbidden fruit vibe. Anyway, yes it hurts again. Yes the need for instant gratification is there, yes I've tried to replace it with other stuff so I know I'm on the right track... But I've also been a bit of a self righteous arsehole about the whole thing, projecting my high expectations of my recovery and change onto others. It's my first really big negative point of the whole process so I'm not too down about it. Guess there's a beauty in accepting it's a bumpy road, that you might take a few steps back in order to move forward. I think what this has made me realise is that the detox period isn't just about giving up the gaming. It's about facing up to all stuff that made you retreat into game worlds with such intensity. Trying to find a balance between putting your time and energy back into the activities you used to love that you know will give long term satisfaction and actually stepping back from constantly doing things and taking the time to work on how your mind is doing. Anyway, I'm going to leave it there. Had a lot on my mind and had to get it down. It's nice to just get the bad shit out sometimes. I'm doing well. This is progress 😁

Going well dude, keep moving forward. I'd say one thing about the anxiety. It was always there (as it is in all of us), but the addiction was just masking it and keeping it from being able to release. The hardest part of this is allowing it to be a part of you. It's your mind trying to protect you, and that's a good thing so try to avoid beating on yourself for it. I know it might sound counter intuitive but thank your mind for trying to protect you, trying to look after you and keep you safe...but then gently remind it that you are safe, you aren't in immediate danger and that you're not going down that road of self-destruction again. Hope that helps a little. All the best mate.

Day 31 Wow. Where does the time go. I can't believe it's been about a month since I quit. There's been times when I've been tempted to go back, even little blips where I've nearly replaced it with something equally as addictive...however I've always managed to haul myself back from the brink. I also decided a couple of weeks in to give a few other things up that went hand in hand with gaming, things I feel more inclined to use and obsess about if I game. That's actually been harder than the gaming, as I've been tempted to fill the void with those activities. All in all though it's gone as well as I could have expected. I'm starting to rediscover my mojo for life, am much easier to be around and am pouring a lot of my time and effort into exercise, relationships and work. Don't get me wrong, there's been ups and downs. Certainly the first couple of weeks were rough, and there's been times when I really haven't been myself due to the cravings and mood swings. Plus I know that my intake of sugar, fat and alcohol is certainly more than average when I maybe gamed. At the moment I'm managing to keep those things to moderate levels that don't waste time or even add value to my life because they're part of social situations. As a runner, my health and diet are important to me...however the best advice I've read is to try not to cut out too many things at once, and I'd rather focus on getting my training mojo back consistently before I look at making marginal gains through improvements to diet. All in all going pretty well. I have a job interview next week at an organisation whose values appear to align to my own, and who would be a lot closer to home with a higher salary and more career development. Fingers crossed for that. I've also started listening to some mental health podcasts, such as The Naked Professors (Seriously, check it out.). One of the most useful things that they reinforced was that the mind is designed to protect you from harm and keep you safe, called negative bias. That's why when you have time to think, it's mostly negative or scary. But it's not an inherently negative thing. It's actually good for you as a healthy human to have this. What's important is your relationship with your mind and general identity. Imagine if somebody else spoke to you in the way you think and speak to yourself sometimes, you'd walk away or lose it with them...probably decide never to see them again. Well we all need to be kinder to ourselves. I've tried meditating on and off, it does seem to help in small doses, but this feels different. Every time I get lost in thoughts now and I realise it, rather than stressing and worrying about whatever is going on, I just tell my mind that I'm grateful that it's trying to look after me and that I'm happy it's aware of danger, but that in this moment, I'm safe. Unless obviously I'm really not safe! BUt most of the time it's just whirring away when I'm travelling or trying to do mundane stuff like chores. Then I just gently tell it that everything is fine, that I'm safe but that I'm not cross with it for thinking that way. So be kinder to yourselves, accept your mind for what it is and be thankful that it's trying to protect you, but understand that a lot of the things that go on up there don't reflect reality. Gratitude journal Today I'm grateful to everybody on this forum trying to support one another, and particularly for being able to meet so many people who are willing to share their stories and open their hearts. I know it all sounds cheesy and tacky, but I mean it 100%. I spent a bit more time on here the last few days, responding and reading comments. It's helped me to feel like I'm not alone and that I'm not pathetic for having these issues. I'm still eternally grateful to my finacee and friends for accepting all this, accepting me for who I am. It makes such a huge difference. I'm also grateful to be part of a running community again, it means a lot. Take care all. Remember, your mind is trying to help 🙂

Cheers mate. Running has been such an important pillar in my life for over 10 years now and there's been huge moments in my life where I've said to myself "it's either running or gaming, you can't commit to both and hold down your job, relationship, friends etc" Sometimes that decision has gone either way and it's that bouncing around I'm trying to finally stop. It's now not even a choice I have anymore, I see it as "it's running and tons of other exciting stuff, including job, relationship, friends etc". It's such a liberating experience changing your perspective of something that you struggled with for such a long time, particularly as there's still people I know/knew and in the media trying to tell me that I'm not addicted, that's an unhealthy way of looking at it blah blah blah. People see what they want to see. The way I see it, it's my life and I decide whether it's a problem or not. Which gives me control over my behaviours and what I say. As I said, liberating. Thank you for your reassurance and to everyone on here for opening their hearts and minds 🙂

I love the idea of an itch that gets easier to ignore. I'm playing with a fly buzzing around my head, eventually landing on my shoulder that I just flick away and crack on with life.

Great start @A Single Step, you're looking at all the right things to make small changes to. And you're amongst fellow addicts here who want to heal 🙂 As somebody who felt very similar to you at 25, I can vouch that wanting to turn things around and not feeling like you've unlocked your potential is very difficult to process emotionally. As others have said really well, it really is about the little stuff and looking at making improvements to yourself every day. Other people, even your closest and dearest, will always be moving in their lives, whether forwards or backwards and comparing yourself to them is just one of those things we humans naturally do. The emotional growth comes from being able to accept that feeling like that isn't right or wrong, it's just a feeling. In time, we can train ourselves to not let the feelings determine what our behaviours are. One thing I do want to really emphasis is that you haven't messed up ANYTHING beyond repair, and this process won't be just about salvaging what's left because you've got SO much time left. When I was 25, I was in an abusive relationship with a fellow gamer and hating life. I started volunteering, spending more time out of the house and eventually qualified as a Teacher. The important thing about my point here is that I didn't even make it in that career, it didn't work out for me. I ended up having to face down a lot of the issues from my past. honestly and without deceit. The challenges involved in that career weren't the ones I wanted in life, but I learnt more about myself from making real, everyday human mistakes than I ever did from achieving level 60...;) Time is the great healer if you start with forgiveness of yourself. Focus on one day at a time and let yourself be vulnerable. We're all here for you whenever you need reassurance.

I'm celebrating finally admitting to myself and those closest to me that I have an addiction and that I have a plan to do something about it. I've been here so many times before but given up when things got too hard. I'm celebrating nearly 3 weeks game free (and all the associated mindless browsing and YouTube watching that substitutes it). Struggling with some withdrawal and still getting in touch with a lot of the emotions that have been repressed, but my relationship with my fiancee has been better and we've made loads of plans to do stuff in the near future. I'm also really happy with my commitment to fitness again, particularly getting back up to 30+ mile weeks running and putting in some strength training. I'll soon be ready to start learning some new skills that gaming kept taking over. Finally I'm happy to have joined this forum full of amazing people making huge commitments to change their lives and that of those around them.

Keplaris, Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine, particularly as I did an MSc in Geographical Information Systems. Whilst studying after a period of absence I started convincing myself that playing civilisation, Simcity or anything that was essentially a fantasy of what my degree could be was going to be helpful. It got worse and worse, put enormous strain on my relationship, work and education. I got through it but at a huge cost to my mental and physical health. Studying and working is difficult anyway, introducing addictive gaming sessions in just makes it like trying to survive the apocalypse. As somebody has mentioned earlier, as soon as you bring it back in it can take over and the cravings just get worse and worse. Once that starts, it’s a slippery slope and in my opinion it starts to take much more mental strain and physical effort trying to contain the cravings and moderate than if you’re just feeling a bit empty from missing the sessions. This scenario for me was 2-3 years ago, and I’m STILL suffering from the ramifications. I’ve only now admitted the addiction and took the decision to abstain, deleting all games and promising to my loved ones that I won’t go back. I have a distinction in my MSc but if I’m being brutally honest, I’m in a job I really don’t enjoy and could have done a lot better for myself if I’d have stayed focused to the important things. Success is never guaranteed from any education, but you can put yourself in the best position to gain employment or move forward with what you know is right. Without judging myself too harshly, because judgement and self-hatred really isn’t the goal here, the question I ask myself is “Did I do everything I could and that was within my control to succeed at that endeavour?” Obviously the ‘within my control’ bit is important because there’s a ton of stuff that can halt you in your tracks or upend your life. For me, I was going through some stuff that was a little out of my control…and I’ve used that as an excuse for not achieving what I thought I could during that period. But I CANNOT honestly answer that question with a yes, knowing what I do about how much time I spent gaming when I had my studies…and the decisions that led to me embarking on my studies…and the decision to study in the way I did etc etc. Gaming comes into a lot of my decision making over the last few years and I regret not getting it under control sooner. As TwoSidedLife said, people in control don't have an issue with it, their lifestyles and probably don't stress too much about whether they're out of control or not. If you're thinking about it and it's having a negative impact on your studies and lifestyle, it's most likely a problem. My advice is don’t regret it. Take control of it now and don’t make excuses to yourself. It can be very liberating, which comes with it's own anxieties and fear...but they're far more interesting to get to know than the isolation of gaming addiction 😊 Let me know if you want to chat more about it.

Day 7 It's been a week since I last gamed but not since I made the decision to quit. There's a been a lot of ups and downs since I came clean and talked it over with close friends and loved ones, but people are starting to understand my behaviour over the last 10 years or so and supporting my decision. More important than anything else, people are understanding why it's a problem and how it develops. Thank god the WHO is taking this seriously now, maybe we can put the pressure on the industry to start funding research and support for addiction. I'm starting to feel the light again, that association with all the things I loved doing when I went to university is breaking through now that I've made the decision to leave it all behind and push through with more positive choices. Gratitude journal Today I'm grateful for having a good friend who came out for a hike with me and chatted about everything I'm going through (he had a similar experience with addiction that I helped him through). I'm also really grateful to my beautiful fiancee who is supporting me and works hard so that we can live in a nice home. I managed to get in a decent hike and then fit in a good Yoga session, which I don't normally manage to achieve on a weekend. Going to keep it short but this week I want to continue this momentum forward. I want to keep running, doing yoga, having a positive attitude towards those I love and adore, and have hope that I can change the circumstances I don't like given the time and opportunities.

Hi Kevin, Your post reminds me very much of my own journey with gaming. The constant time sink and losing yourself in the progression when you were younger, then the self-realisation and research you do around it with attempts to stop, before you decide that it can be controlled and then you let it back into your life and it takes over again until you don't want anything else. I share your vision to cut it off completely, with no celebratory gaming sessions because I've achieved something tangible in the real world. Your comment about running a mile made me smile a lot. As a runner I understand how much patience and dedication it takes to develop your fitness and train, but do get frustrated about how you don't get that instant feedback like in a game. What I've found with anything that isn't developed to be addictive like gaming, you have to enjoy the sense of identity it gives you despite what you might be feeling. If you're training for a race, visualise yourself smashing it at the Olympics, if you're learning an instrument and nail a tune/song, visualise yourself in front of a cheering crowd. It sounds daft and obviously it isn't real, but I find that stimulating my imagination in this way helps me achieve my goals and be more creative with life. Good luck with it all 🙂

Hey dude, Thanks for taking the time to read all that and respond 🙂 It's interesting to get a take from somebody who works and has experienced a good portion of life, yet had this as an issue in the background. For me, it's always been something that I've never really been proud of but always thought "I've got the rest of my life to worry about other bullshit, and things will work out fine in the end". But now I'm at the stage in my life where I'm more about taking action, trying to punch through barriers and do more things that challenge me, to keep going back to that abusive relationship (there, I said it) just seems totally counter intuitive. Like, I absolutely adore and love running, trekking and generally being outdoors. Trying to fit that around 'normal life' (relationship, work, friends) and keep crowbarring gaming into any bit of free time I get is like trying to force the two north poles of a magnet together for the rest of your life. It's mentally draining and puts an enormous strain on everything. So many of those points above strike a chord. The dog one in particular makes me a little teary as we had the most beautiful German poodle when I was a kid, and although I gave him attention, a lot of the time I couldn't be bothered with him because of gaming. He died not long after I graduated from university and I always regret not focusing more on him. I've spent years moaning about how wrong things keep going for me, well now I'm taking back control of a huge portion of my life that keeps sending me into a spiral of self destruction.

Hi everyone, I’m currently in a tough period of reflection where I’ve had to be really honest with myself about my addiction to gaming. It’s difficult because from the outside to people who know me, it might not seem like it, but I know it’s there. Let me explain a bit more. I’ve had a games console since the original mega drive back when I was a kid. Since then it’s always been a big part of my life. When I moved up to secondary school and then college the addiction really started when I discovered RPGs (Final Fantasy and Fallout were the culprits). Although I made it through both school and college with ok results, I’ve always felt like I could have done better and used games to cope with all sorts of negative feelings that come from being a skinny, geeky kid with glasses and curly hair. Eventually this all culminated in the mother of all addictions: World of Warcraft. I remember playing through days and nights. I remember skipping college to play. I remember it being all I could think about whilst I was trying to study. I bombed my first year of college so dropped 3 A levels and took up an AVCE in ICT. This went well, but deep down it caused longer term problems because I became associated with a lot of people who played videos games…a lot. I fell into playing a lot of online gaming, mostly from the comfort of my bedroom at home in our small village. Connecting with other people but not really building any solid, dependable friendships with anybody who wanted the best for me. This was a very lonely time for me, I started working full-time because I didn’t know what to do after college and wanted to carry on subscribing to WoW. In the end I made it to University, saw that nobody else was doing this stuff and managed to kick it for a few years. I swore off MMORPGs and only rarely played anything. The problem was as soon as I met anybody who did play, I was instantly sucked back in to that world, to what they were playing. It was like I wanted to leave it all behind, but as soon as I had permission from somebody else that it was ok, the floodgates opened. This has been the case up and down for the last 10-12 years now, through multiple career changes and studies. I’ve always moved forward and tried to escape from it, but found myself getting sucked back in as soon as I felt that I deserved it or had permission to. Even downloading MMORPGs again. At one point last year I had 3 on the go, which feels much worse than simply going on WoW and raiding with a community. I’ve read a lot about the psychology of addiction and have tried various things to quit. The problem is, I want to have it as an escape every now and again, as part of a healthy, balanced lifestyle. I want to be able to sit down on the couch, boot up something fun on the ps4, play for an hour or two and then move on. The problem is with the history I have with it all, the enjoyment always comes with a huge cost. It has such enormous feelings of failure attached to it because as a reflective 33 year old, I look at my situation now and associate all the things I believe I’ve failed to achieve as being a result of being addicted to gaming. Of course the gaming is not to blame, it’s just the biggest coping mechanism I’ve had for my social anxiety, insecurity and depression. There’s been periods when I’ve not gamed much but drank more so I understand the reasons behind the way I feel. I tried a year teetotal, but I just played more PC games to fill that void. I do feel very lonely, not in that I don’t have anybody because I have a wonderful fiancée who I’d be in big trouble without, a loving family and some really good friends. But it’s so hard sharing this with any of them because they just do-not-understand. I barely talk about my gaming with them, I’m ashamed of it as a hobby. I met them all through a running club I joined when I eventually found something else to be addicted to, so it’s a real mixed bag of interests…however we all share that addictive personality. I think the vulnerability they feel to certain vices that they’ve escaped from makes it hard for me to be open about it. Sorry this is getting a bit long-winded for an intro, but I’m in a position that maybe I feel not a lot of people might be in. I discovered my addiction, kicked it, replaced it with something else…only for it to creep its way back in as I approach a pivotal time of my life (getting married later this year). Thank you for bearing with me, I had a lot to get off my chest and needed a first step.