Amphibian220

Welcome back, I don’t think you’ve found a replacement activity yet from your mixed feelings towards video games. just to give you an example: I had a English flat mate during my undergraduate degree who was totally obsessed with getting ripped. To me he looked very fit. His shoulders, chest and biceps were well developed and in the right proportion. But on so many occasions he was discussing this subject with me. He thought there was a lot of improvement to be made on that! There was so much banter with other guys who were in the bodybuilding game. He was all over it and totally addicted to the fitness game (starting with food, sleep and rest, cardio and all the heavy lifting). As for me, i do get the occasional memory of games, but I suppress that and ever look at how I can get more fit. I just need that frame of reference that he had, because he was totally going after it. I’d say a gamer quits on real sports cause they require some discipline, sweat and tears whereas games have gotten him used to an easy win.

How are you doing? Did you follow up on your running commitment?

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it seems your days have a good deal of balance at this point because you are maintaining connections with your family. This should be helping you in getting the necessary breaks in between your studying/work. Wish you to have a safe journey. Absolutely go there man, you will have a lot to share with James Good who has been on a trip to Yukon. You get to learn so much by visiting new places. If i get to work from morning until night, i can’t go to bed straight away, but I want to shadow box in my bedroom. I will just remember my last sparring session in the winter of last year and try to repeat those flurries of straight left and right punches. I really am finding office work hard to bear, but i’ve got no alternative. If only i could find a part time opportunity in something else. I am sort of concerned about internet on the whole, because it gets you used to short attention spans and negatively affects memorization ability. I finally got a new book on Commercial law for myself which means I’ll get more structured knowledge from now on. edit: what sort of a game is desktops?

This is very comprehensive Booksand trees, far more so than I expected. It actually does help me in reflecting on my own relationships with people. I’d say your concern about SO not expressing her feelings enough is frequently the shortcoming of men in relationships (but it may apply to women too). At least I notice that women tend to express their feelings far more than men. I lack emotional intelligence as a result of the gaming past and need to work in this field, will probably have to research some books. You mentioned the importance of her having interests and goals in life. This is key, in fact it develops many other aspects of a spouse’s character and makes the relationship much more meaningful. Your SO by definition is ever faithful to you and the thing that will attract this type of person in your life is you being very focused on moral principles and following the right thing. This is as much as i was able to gather from your post on first reading. Will come back later

To the extent that you feel it right to share, what qualities in women are you attracted to (apart from the good looks which is true for everyone)? I am talking in terms of character and way of life mostly.

Ikar, I have not seen the film so I may be missing some context. i think your realization is well founded because in my opinion a community as a whole may have to retrace steps when it goes in the wrong direction. I cannot connect that much with either men or women at the moment. I think that in many communities men have surrendered their roles and forced women into certain jobs which aren’t making them happy. Also, the entertainment technology is neutralizing many great personalities both male and female in their adolescent years. Society is being fashioned in a way to prevent anybody from questioning the values on a more fundamental scale. Something propounded with a great deal of honesty is viewed as archaic and menacing. I read from one speaker that there is this message that truth doesn’t really matter and there can be many truths. This is a throwback to pre enlightenment years in Europe when people lived in very dire conditions and with no guidance. An example of people that are making militant claims: everybody in the media questioning the purpose of modern video games. My feeling is that it took some bravery on their part to say that.

It is great you are using night for rest now. So many people do stimulating activities at night that they don’t get to rest properly. I will try to incorporate this useful tip too. Get this into a habit and your strength and self awareness will grow in the coming weeks.

Natalie, can you say if the fiction stories that you read actually help in self development ? Did you take away valuable tips from the characters in your stories?

It actually dawned on me that as somebody based in a country where Czech is the native tongue, you don’t get to speak as much English personally as you’d like. Did this friend of yours speak about thr psychological side of teaching? I taught English for one semester at my University and as I had no prior instruction as a teacher, the atmosphere felt very relaxed and lacked the discipline of a school room. I used to attend an English speaking club in my city too and we had some interesting venues with native English speakers. It was a breath of fresh air for me, because I tend to think in English, so speaking in it enables me to develop this sense of self awareness..

@Phoenixking do you like the feeling of completing a ridiculous number of tasks in a day? I think that working on making your plans more balanced is a good sign of setting priorities. I think the clarity issue that you talk about in your latest posts is connected to getting tired and burnt out. By prioritizing, you will be able to perform with less stress of worry and at a higher quality level. It will be interesting to see if the need for games completely disappears then.

Hello, may I ask if game creation causes a cycle of impulsive thinking after you are finished with that activity or you forget it and it serves as a healthy stimulating activity for you? in my case, after I got off the games I would work on game designs just on paper but it would induce uncontrolled impulsive thinking over the game. So i avoid this activity nowadays.

I want to put forward this reasoning that will bring back your fighting spirit. It has helped a few other members here, but Dabest and other members have mostly fleshed it out. First off, you are not starting over. You are still continuing from that time when you started on this forum and discussed your career aspirations. Every time you relapse, look at clues like an investigator does. If you examine the whole cycle, your thoughts, emotions and actions prior to going back to games you will hopefully detect that clue (I like to refer to it as the culprit). You can then makes simple changes to counter ambush the culprit. So you simply disallow yourself from interacting with something or doing something that brings you back into the habit of gaming. I will give an example that is a nice illustration of this approach. I read that in the Russo-Japanese war, Japanese used a number of superior tactics in naval battles. They managed to sink two Russian major ships in one battle, but the Russians were able to observe and understand these tactics and soon after they sunk a Japanese ship. So while they were initially defeated, they didn’t let this get in the way of collecting intelligence.

Books, Can you give some feedback about where this recent stress is coming from? from your last two posts it looks like you don’t know the source. Are you still attending therapy? I am always doubting as to how much discussion of an issue can help in overcoming it. Sometimes it can have a counterproductive effect. I think this is determined by the type of person that is listening and advising you. I think on a number of occasions I frustrated you in the way that I approached the issue, hope it wasn’t too bad. But over time you should develop skills in knowing how to discuss an issue that is concerning you in a delicate way.

Good stuff Martinof, how about the sport activities? They are natural replacements because they can combine any or all of the following: sense of challenge, progression and development, socializing (member of a team etc.). I am doing daily exercises and have increased the reps and quality on nearly all of my exercises. I get a clearer mind because physical fitness improves blood circulation and endurance. I was attending a boxing group before quarantine set in and I am looking forward to restarting training sessions as the virus epidemic is overcome.

I want to say that you have helped me a lot in understanding my psychology and the reasons behind failures. When I saw how committed you were in continuing the search for solutions to a range of problems it made it more convincing that I have to fight the very core thinking patterns and intentions in me to change. Before the self-accountability that started with Game quitters forum in 2019, I tried to maintain old thinking patterns while looking for “on the go” fixes to daily failures. I think from rereading your posts and other members posts, that you’ve had successes because you kept coming back and programming yourself to change. Human beings are creatures of repetition. They essentially become what they keep repeating in their daily lives and what examples they hold in honor. You also gave very valuable advice on what attracts women to men. Even today, I still don’t get a lot about how my mind works and what influences it. But I don’t remember any time before in my life that I acknowledged and addressed issues as straight up like this year. edit: just one more thing I wanted to say for a long time. Cameron Adair and all his respected team members that are putting their effort into this meaningful project including members on this forum such as you. You are working on a greater agenda than just video game addiction. It is in fact lack of control and measured use of media outlets which everyone here is aware of. We can objectively see that things such as pornography are harmful and should be criminal under the laws of the countries where we live. Other types of media like video games, music and films are supplied to people in a way that makes them heedless of their lives. In my fathers youth, television stopped broadcasting at 9pm. Today, there is needless distracting information anywhere you go. So I believe this has to be regulated because so many people are at risk of falling prey to this.

@Dirac I have the same question: how do you put pressure on yourself to go the extra mile when your brain is switching off and you just want to fall down on the couch and watch a series? The craving I think is to get distracted. That has been conditioned by internet and tv. Correct me if that is not the case with you. How did people get distracted before that. I guess personal communication and spending time in the nature? Can you give more examples Dirac? What would your grandparents do to get distracted after a long day’s work. If I will enploy Duhigg’s terminology, the cue for it is tiredness, the response action is to watch a series or other content. I remember in my teenage years I would knock on my neighbour’s door and we’d chat about things, goof about and retell funny stories. We would carry on until dusk and say our goodbyes with recharged spirits. As I am remembering this, if you ask me: what is better, Internet or interaction I’ve had with my friend in the past? Absolutely it is personal communication with him. But I cannot talk about the things like I used to at school. I moved to a new country and people just don’t seem to have the interest to talk with me about anything except if I’ve got some business with them. So many things have to be right with a counterpart before this channel of communication gets established. He must be in the same kind of position as you (school, university or in the same sports team) and have similar interests. Ironically, my neighbour was a gamer so that games movies were frequently our subject of discussion.

Okay, from your post I can see that you want to be a part of a community to discuss a common subject of interest. Internet game forums served that purpose for you in the past. Another aspect is the anticipation of upcoming new game releases. That is one of the strongest magnets for any gamer. It elicits a lot of excitement from curiosity. These are your particular needs which still need to be accommodated. I firmly believe from the reading I have done, that you just have to find a healthy replacement activity that will meet these needs. The suitable replacement activity depends on your character and circumstances in life. Cam Adair mentions the types of gamers and what they are looking for in games. I for example, started working on my back because of bad posture and now it is like a whole journey. Every step of the way I am learning new things and improving my mental and physical state. As you progress, you only find there is more and more to do. It isn’t as easy as a video game at times, but if you are consistent and don’t overexert yourself, your habits transform over the months and change you as a person. Habits can be transformed by acknowledging who you are in the present, how people react to you, what do they think of you. If you find out that, you will know your strengths and weaknesses. Then as you become aware of what you have to do to become the greater version of yourself that will stun the critics, there will be so much fuel in the way of desire that your priorities will change.

Books, may it be that the anxiety is caused by the pressure of the exam? 12 hours revision is something I don’t think I have ever done. That would be hard for the brain to process. I’d revise 5-6 hours per day at most before my final exams. I can suggest cupping your hands at night and just addressing God by the attributes that you naturally perceive. Ask him for peace in your life and to cure you of any illness. If this gets emotional for you, so much for the better. Your sleep can improve I think.

Welcome to game quitters Forum Martinof! Some questions to clarify: what emotions and thoughts did you experience in the past when you decided to go back to gaming? If you can acknowledge these emotions and thoughts you will be able to see how you have been misled a number of times. You are already a fighter because you chose to target a culprit that has been hidden for a long time. There are many cynical grown up people in developed countries who believe they can combine work and family with gaming 2-3 hours per day. They carry on and everything seems to be on track, until their attitude causes a serious crisis. In fact, many of us were like this until we confronted ourselves. I’d say it is a good idea to visualize who you want to become and strive for this new identity. This will open many roads for development and give you a recovery. Abstinence on its own is not recovery because a person can still be longing to play games. Recovery is when you don’t see any point in playing because there are so many more important and interesting things in your life.

@Ikar , when you say that you meditated, do you mean by that sitting down and reflecting on things or spending time in the nature to empty your head.? When I have a hard day, I try to watch some instructional/educational videos because they calm me down. I don’t know why I’ve got that pull. Re: dating, I remember that you made a good point that getting close with a woman prevents you from seeing how suitable the potential spouse is, because intimacy is too emotional to be able to keep a cool head. This is actually remarkable, but the NMMNG book has instructions that can cause you to take rash decisions. There are good suggestions on stopping the inferiority complex and desire to look good in the eyes of others , but this can backfire if you get entangled in a relationship out of an attempt to prove your masculinity. So I think the book can move nice guys to act rashly in certain situations.

Great to see that when you had your free time, you did something that was new to you and counter to your old patterns. This is the only thing that opens new perspectives in life. Otherwise things just stay the same. If there is a feeling of loss, (cause you have forgone your usual harmful activity) there is always an answer that cannot be challenged: you are on a path to a new way of life and and everything is subordinate to this endeavor. I have read in the “power of habit” that old habits can only be rewired into something new and healthy. If you simply drop a habit and abstain, its very tough, maybe even impossible. I wish that more important things are coming into your life that will make this bad habit of yours redundant and you will better see how it undermines you. I think it feels this way to you already.

It is great reading your posts, i can see how you started seeing new opportunities in life after you successfully proved to yourself that you can. Usually, success shows that there is a lot more work to be done. And this you also reflect in your post. You literally have to put in the time into your activities, identify your needs and serve them correctly without exhausting yourself. One indicator of good dynamic is that when you look back at yourself 3 months ago, you are surprised at how little insight you have had. I hope that before 2021, you will completely replace youtube and twitch with healthy alternatives, in other words you will be doing activities that will serve your relaxation purpose but without any negative effects. What is my opinion of Internet sites like twitch and youtube? They have capacity to control you, make you lose track of time, become forgetful, become confused and lazy. Of course, there are people who when they access internet, only access it with a targeted need. But opening internet just for entertainment can have pitfalls.

What if you completely remove music and observe how it changes your well being? It has helped me and I don’t even want to go back to listening to it. i am totally guessing here, but things like punching a boxing bag everyday or stretching your back muscles can do amazing things in cutting back stress levels. Some years ago I was living in london and studying to become a solicitor. That is about 20 exams in the span of one academic year (about 8 months). Stress was immense. My eating habits weren’t helping either. I felt too ill to even start any serious exercise. But with some attempts I discovered a training routine that was helping me a lot.

I agree with you that staying away from scraps increases your energy. I just count so much on the value of distractions Matt. Brian talked about how willpower is limited, which is why the cunning is in distracting your thinking with the right kind of thing at certain moments in the day. I am following a journal of RB1, and he said that he went to a skatepark and skated a bit despite not feeling it. Upon coming back home he felt invigorated and safe. The physical state absolutely affects the mental state which is why I like that you look after yourself and turn away from the scraps. I am not good socially, but I try to speak to people more than I did before and this helps me to be less absent minded. I also found that this encouraging type of anger helps me to bear embarrassment and unpleasant feelings and proceed with doing the right thing.