GrainSiloEnthusiast

I wanted to share a few posts from my personal art blog, which I find relevant to the topic of digital minimalism: http://arioctober.art.blog/2022/07/12/my-sketchbook-system-4-is-the-magic-number/ "I have to attribute a lot of this success to my change in lifestyle choices. I have not been playing video games for 42 days now, and over the last several years I have been working on cutting down on my internet consumption and overall screen time. Forcing oneself to allow for a healthy dose of boredom works wonders for increasing creativity and productivity, at least in my personal experience! Now I find drawing to be fun, a time for play and exploration, when previously it mostly felt like work and a chore compared to the instant gratification of the digital world. Obviously technology still serves me, as I am currently writing this blog post on my smart phone. It has just become more of a tool than an entertainment device! I am currently very satisfied with my relationship to my tech and my art. It’s such a pleasure to be able to deliver such news!" http://arioctober.art.blog/2022/04/29/why-you-cant-find-me-on-instagram/ "I’ll give you the TL;DR up front: I spent a large chunk of my youth on social media and I have experienced for myself just how damaging it can be. It is only through leaving, rejoining, and leaving again that I have come to see clearly what these sites do to me. I find myself much happier and less stressed now that I no longer participate on these sites."

I've been going to Internet and Tech Addicts Anonymous, ITAA, and I really recommend it. I am a tech addict in general, not just a gaming addict. I'm an addict in general really, you name it I've probably compulsively done it. Just bringing it up since I see you quoting 12 step literature! It might not be for everyone but it has absolutely worked miracles in my life. (And I'm extremely agnostic!)

You're off to a great start! Wishing you all the best, and I'm excited to hear about your progress! Drawing is an awesome activity to replace gaming with. I really enjoy drawing mandalas as a type of meditation, as well as drawing things from life as an act of visual journaling. It's good for the soul!

Thank you so much Paul, really appreciate your kind words!

It's true, this stuff is designed to keep us hooked. Same with social media. All in the name of profit... 😕

Today is day 40! My wife is having a hard time understanding why I want to quit gaming. So I wrote this on paper to her. I am now transcribing it so that I may post it here. ... I don't want to play video games anymore. The "why" feels quite simple to me really. When I compare my life during video game detoxes to my life when I'm gaming, I find that I simply like myself and my life better when I'm not gaming. Unfortunately for me explaining this to others isn't quite that simple. Personally, even if I have 30 - 60 minutes of time that is not being taken up by anything else, not arts and crafts, not baby care, socializing, blah blah etc. even if I'm so bored I want to die... I still would prefer to not game. But why? I know why. It's simple to me. When I game I do not only game for 30 - 60 minutes, maybe for a short time right after ending a detox, but in my experience it never stays that way. When I game it quickly becomes the thing to fill all voids in my life. My easiest way to escape. It's designed to be good at this. Gaming is a fully immersive experience. For me personally such things are addictive. It is very similar to why and how I used drugs. I saw this happen with RCT. All dull moments quickly were filled with my game and I felt fatigued by this. Our brains are not designed for constant simulation. I need true downtime and video games do not allow that for me. My intention here is not to judge others and dictate how others should live their lives and spend their time. I just want to do what works best for me. I have found through trial and error that not gaming seems to work best for me. I have noticed a dramatic difference in my overall behavior and mood when I am not gaming. The most obvious is that I can't be irritated by having my game interrupted if I don't do it in the first place. I also do not get angry at games (which have the power to enrage me quite easily) if I don't play them either. My attention span I have noticed is also improving. I have more desire to be social, active and creative. Gaming is very reclusive and sedentary for me. Oftentimes it does however allow me to be creative, I won't forget that! But I can be creative in so many other ways, many of which give me a physical item as a result, and therefore feel more productive to me. My joints also thank me for not gaming as well since I overuse my fingers and wrists less and move my whole body more. There are so many other ways in which I would prefer to spend my time, money, attention, etc. that now gaming feels unnecessary to me. Why game when I can draw, read, write, listen to music, swim, go on adventures, play with my daughter or cats, watch a movie, call someone, go to a meeting, do chores, even just think or daydream!? When I game I seldom leave time for these other activities. I even enjoy chores more when I don't game! I genuinely dread them less! That's huge for me. And I enjoy my hobbies and social activities more too. Not just gaming though... Compulsive overuse of technology weighs me down. Keywords: compulsive, overuse. Technology still serves me, still has a place in my life. It is more of a tool now though, not 80% of my life. If I didn't feel such a stark difference from not gaming, I'd still be gaming. But I do. It's undenial to me. This isn't even my first detox. I have done this three times prior and each time I noticed the difference I always returned to gaming with a strong intention to not let it take over my life again but unfortunately it always does. It is actually easier for me to not play than to moderate. It's so much like trying to only eat one potato chip, to only have one hit of weed. Moderation is so hard for me. It feels genuinely so much easier to just abstain instead. Again, this is all very personal and I have no intention to try and make anyone else quit. I just want to live my life the way that makes me the most happy and contented overall. That's it.

You're off to a great start! I look forward to your entries.

Needless to say, I did of course unsubscribe from their mailing list! Had a dream about Animal Crossing that filled me with nostalgia, but watching my wife browse through games looking for something to play really reminded me just how Not interested in gaming I really am right now. Minimizing screen time has also been going quite well. Podcasts are very helpful for this. It's hard for me to overconsume podcasts or any audio really because I get overstimulated after a while and want to give my ears a break from wearing ear buds. Plus, with an 8 month old who loves screaming, sometimes I just want to embrace moments of quiet with my full attention.

EA sent me an email about a new addition coming to The Sims 4, triggering but I'm grateful to know I won't be wasting more money on their half baked products

Day 34! Made it past 30 days. So far so good.

why I am quitting video games: >to save the money I would otherwise spend on games and equipment >to spend less time looking at screens >to make time for the things I want to be doing more, like drawing and going on walks >to be a good example for my daughter >to be angry less often >I don't enjoy gamer culture >I'm a pretentious hipster

Attended an ITAA (Internet and Tech Addicts Anonymous) meeting, through zoom ironically of course, really enjoyed it.

I really am starting to feel like the party is over for me, and I don't want to go back to gaming after my detox is over. I've proven to myself that I can game responsibly, but there's just so many better ways to use my time! I feel so much better in general when I'm not gaming and minimizing my screen time. I started listening to the game quitters podcast, specifically the "Gaming The System" one (as there seems to be two separate ones) and I've found it very illuminating, helpful, and entertaining. Since I'm trying to minimize my screentime I'm also trying to use my phone in more "wholesome" ways. I've never really listened to podcasts before but I think they'll be perfect for this. Not only do I lack the time and energy for reading actual paper books because of my daughter, (plus she's a destructive little monster lol) it's harder for me to process them because I'm dyslexic. I actually use a screen reader on my phone because of this, when I want to read large bodies of text, including here on the forum. Audio books are a gift from the heavens for people like me! Podcasts remind me of audio books, but they are different of course. Both of them have you focusing on one topic for an extended period of time though, which is good for building your attention span back up. I have found that I actually really enjoy just sitting around and taking everything in. No distractions necessary, just sitting with myself and the physical world around me. I especially enjoy doing this in the bus or the car. I see a lot of people spending their entire commute on their phone and to me that actually sounds more boring. There's so much to see, so much to hear! Even on airplanes, I spend most of the time looking out the window. But I've always been this way in vehicles, even in the height of my addiction. Something about them just makes me want to be present. I also suffer from chronic wanderlust, so I guess it's not really much of a surprise. Even when it hurts I've been relishing in going on long walks, because I spent a few years in a wheelchair I just can't take my ability to walk for granted. Sitting all day every day hurts so much more than my hip or knee getting irritated from a long walk, and I recover so much faster now too. I'll always be disabled, I was born with this condition and there's no cure, but I can ease my symptoms and I have been. For me and my type of EDS, exercise is the best medicine. Video games can be physically painful for me to play because of my joints anyway, I'd rather be using my wrists and fingers to draw or write instead.

Today I woke up to pee at like 5:30AM, and it was so absolutely gorgeous outside I couldn't resist taking my daughter out there to show her the magic of a sunrise's light. (She woke up when I woke up so I had to take her with me to the bathroom which is clear across the house.) Well we actually ended up staying up all day, despite the fact that I didn't fall asleep until 1 or 2am last night. (Not for lack of trying, we laid down at around 11:30, I just have insomnia.) My wife woke up early too as a result of us being up already, must have felt our energy or something. Little one is actually taking a well deserved stroller nap at the park where we bussed to right now. We decided to spend the day here where there is plenty of shade, grass good for sitting on, and and people for her to watch. Later we will go eat Chinese food at a sit down restaurant, that will be our last activity before going home since there will inevitably be leftovers. It's quite hot today, 90 degrees Fahrenheit, and I've been doing a fair amount of the stroller pushing, so I'm definitely burning a lot of calories. Despite eating I have been hungry ALL DAY. I'm breastfeeding and still have ~30lb of baby weight to lose, (down 20 though!) so it comes as no surprise I'd be struggling with constant hunger. Hard to eat enough calories just to be in the HEALTHY weight loss range, let alone the absolute bare minimum. It really is such a beautiful day. Trying to soak it all in and just be present.

Sounds stressful but exciting, so proud of you!

Sunk cost fallacy kicking my ass tonight, feeling so dumb for having bought The Sims 4 and nearly all of it's expansions. That's a LOT of money. At least I bought everything on sale? Still over $500 USD. That's like an entire month of my SSI. At least maybe if I quit for good I will be saving a lot of money in the long run...

I most often have dreams about gaming when I'm not gaming... how ironic. In this dream though, I realized I had forgotten I was detoxing and had started playing a game on autopilot, but when I realized it I shut the computer off and walked away from it. It was difficult to pull myself away but I did it anyway. I've had dreams about drugs like that too. Dreams about relapse, but also dreams about stopping myself before a relapse, or stopping after a small relapse instead of going all-in. These dreams feel powerful, these dreams feel important. Sometimes if I know I'm dreaming I'll just keep gaming or using, because I know it's just a dream. But I think it shows my dedication and change in mindset for me to walk away even when none of it is really real. I had cooler dreams after that gaming dream, so it was definitely worth it! Something I know will always be better than gaming is swimming. I love how swimming is inherently incompatible with electronics (at least for now...) and it forces me to be fully present at all times while doing it. Swimming is my happy place, water is my sanctuary. I really want to go swimming.

Your daughter will be so proud of you, when she knows about your struggles and can understand them. I know I'm proud of you that's for sure!

Today I took our daughter out on the bus by myself for the first time. I am physically disabled (EDS) and I am not very strong or fit, but I managed!! It was incredibly exhausting but fulfilling nonetheless. I'm very glad I was able to do it, I feel like I was able to prove something to myself and my wife and gain back some of my independence. I really want to be able to drive. I am petrified of doing so though, I have extreme car anxiety even as a passenger. The bus feels safer somehow (we're the bigger car, I guess?) and I really enjoy bussing. I just turned 26 and have a goal to be driving by my next birthday. Even if I just drive to the park and ride and still use the bus, it would be very helpful. It's just a life skill I want to have, even if I don't make much use of it. My wife learned to drive about 3 years ago, and she was also really anxious about it, so I think if she can do it so can I. She also loves bussing and because of the gas prices we have been trying to ride the bus more often since we go out almost every day. I went out today because she and her dad were replacing the breaks in our car and I did not want to be stuck at home alone with our daughter for 4+ hours (ended up being 6!) and I do not regret it. Even the parts that were difficult and exhausting were still better than dealing with her when she's bored lol. She turns into a little grumpy monster when she's bored. (I relate!) Our daughter loves the bus too, much more than the car because she doesn't need to be strapped down, and she can see out the big windows. Feeling really grateful to live in a city with a decent bus system. It's a smaller city so it's not the best by any means, but it gets me places, and being disabled gives me even cheaper bus fare. It gives me independence I wouldn't have otherwise. Instead of filling my time with video games, today I took my daughter on an outing. I got lots of exercise (walked a lot too! pushing her stroller even burns extra calories!) as well as time to just sit and live in the moment. I am exhausted and think I will sleep well tonight.

My wife does help with the chores, it's just that we try to split everything evenly, and we both still have a lot on our plates even then. We have 3 cats and I do the litter in exchange for her doing the dishes, etc. No nanny or daycare, yet. Neither of us works because we are both disabled and on SSI, not enough money for a nanny. We live with my wife's dad, his girlfriend, and her 3 teenage children. They sometimes take her upstairs for a few hours at a time which is lovely, but so often I end up just vegging out during those times because I'm so exhausted! That or my wife and I have intimate time, since it's our only window to do so lol. We did however, sign up to try to enroll our daughter in a free daycare program for low income families. Still haven't heard back from them and it's been a few weeks so we might have to call. Really hoping that goes through, our daughter LOVES people and would probably have an amazing time playing with other kids her age!! And we could really use the break. Luckily she does do well with my wife most of the time, but she very much prefers when she has both of us. She's deep in that separation anxiety phase, it'll pass eventually, but right now it is exhausting.

My father is about your age, he's been addicted to gaming my entire life. Definitely not just young people. It's never too late to quit and start living your life! Just remember you need to find new healthy hobbies to fill your time with. Best of luck!

League ruined my relationship with my first girlfriend, she was seriously addicted, so I have a giant bias against it. Makes me happy to hear you're deleting it. I'm very proud of you, best of luck!

I gamed because I didn't know how else to fill my time and I fear boredom. For me, boredom brings with it existential dread, suicidal ideation, longing to be anywhere other than where I currently am, rumination, and general malaise. I'm feeling that feeling right now because plans fell through and I have no idea what else to do in their place. I ugly sobbed and genuinely wanted to die because I am bored and the plans I looked forward to are no longer happening. I think this feeling is what led to me gaming again before, I must have felt like "well if I want to die so bad might as well just play video games since at least I enjoy doing that." But just like drugs it's an unhealthy coping mechanism and I don't stop once I have better things I could be spending my time on. Instead it's all consuming and I no longer want to do anything else, my whole life revolves around that one thing. I don't know what to do when I don't want to do any of the things I have to do and can't do the things I want to, which is SO often since I have a very needy 8 month old. I can't even do chores half the time when I feel like doing them because she'll scream the entire time I'm gone, let alone draw or paint or read. I can only listen to audiobooks now, and sometimes I don't want to listen to anything I just want to enjoy the brief moments of quiet. I'm also trying not to spend an ungodly amount of time on my phone so that even further limits what I can do, I don't want screens to rule my life, that's a large part of why I don't want to game anymore. I'm so restless I just want to be content. I can't outrun this feeling. No matter where I go, there I am.

Day 22 I have absolutely no desire to game currently, and for that I am incredibly grateful. I've noticed my YouTube consumption dropped drastically when I stopped gaming, because a lot of the content I was consuming was video game related. My screen time, also something I've been dealing with, is also drastically lower in general now that I'm not gaming. My "worst" days my screen time gets to be 4 hours, but compare that to how I used to average between 6-8 on my phone alone (not counting any other devices because I don't know how to keep track of those. Is there a screen time app for smart TVs?) I have removed nearly all "junk food" apps from my phone, and it's been that way for quite a while actually. I will link to what I'm referring to when I remember what the site is called, I think the comparison is spot on. I also keep my phone screen in greyscale the majority of the time, to keep me from getting hooked on the pretty colors lol. I'm getting better at not opening my phone and scrolling through the app drawer mindlessly, it's like mindlessly opening the fridge or pantry and looking around even though you're not hungry! I think the greyscale helps with that aspect. I started using a mandala drawing app so I can doodle to fill in the time I'd otherwise be web surfing. I also write entries for my blogs on my phone. I like to use it as a tool for more "wholesome" activities and not brain numbing entertainment. I deleted my reddit account finally, which I wasn't really using too much anyway. Now I only go on topic specific forums such as this one and I write for my own WordPress blogs. I haven't used Facebook in years, Instagram in over a year, and Twitter for several months. I'm trying to only check this site once or up to twice a day, don't want that to become it's own addiction.

Well that was a rollercoaster. Amazing what you forget in only 2 years. I remember that I did get through my 90 days but I know at some point I started gaming again and now I don't even know why. Probably emotional distress or extreme boredom I didn't know how to cope with otherwise. I gamed a lot in the first few months of my daughters life because they were awful. I had severe postpartum depression and ended up having an emergency c section that I had to spend weeks recovering from. I also had to have her in my arms in just about all of my waking hours (she wanted specifically me to hold her and would scream for HOURS when she wasn't being held by me.) and that made everything else nearly impossible. Gaming saved my life back then, but now the situation is different. My daughter needs my full attention now, not just my presence. She loves to play and she is very curious and mischievous. She started crawling early, now she is very fast, and has been pulling herself up to stand for some time now. Everyone is expecting her to be walking by 9 months, 10 at latest. She is certainly a lot more fun now, and I prefer spending time with her to spending time on gaming. When I do get a moment of peace I want to draw, color, write, or read. Sometimes I just sit and enjoy the silence. Gaming no longer suits my lifestyle. My wife still games, but again, it's never really been a problem for her. More often she finds herself unable to play because it feels like too much effort and she gets bored of things quickly. We've been going on walks almost every day, we drive around and run errands, we bring our daughter to parks and other play areas for children, we have started going to the gym again too. I'm filling my time with more fulfilling activities and I just don't leave time for gaming. I wonder if I really could go a full year without gaming. Only time will tell. I tend to game mostly in the winter when I'm stuck inside anyway... But who knows, maybe this winter will be different?