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Ikar

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Everything posted by Ikar

  1. Oddly enough, my English is where it's at thanks to gaming and related activities. Probably one of the very few good things about it. As for slacking on other activities, depends on how you prioritize. Better prioritization comes with time, as you plan your days more and more, you make better assessment on how much time you spend doing things. I prefer not to overwhelm myself, so I don't end up lying in bed, paralyzed by stress. Airsoft was actually one of the things I thought in the past as well and I think I even did it once, great suggestion! Good idea with the dollar for masturbating too often! I think my wardrobe could use some new clothes too...
  2. Hi Dahankus! Talking to people well will come naturally, all that's needed is a hobby, passion and a community! Myself, as I consider my English pretty damn good, I teach English. Having that base confidence in my skill, it helps me stand up, present the topic and engage my students in a conversation! I'm introverted by nature, but when I teach, I HAVE TO be extroverted and be the first one to initiate and be the first one to help out if a student is lost.
  3. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 3: In the morning I did groceries. Then I had to make a call regarding my school project and regarding my temporary post job. School call went fine. I've been basically fired from my temporary post job as I've made it possibly more temporary than they had planned. I decided to take it like a man and not make a big deal out of it, as I know precisely why it happened. I really couldn't give two damns about it. If I said I was gonna show up on Tuesday, I showed up on Tuesday. Main thing was that before, I felt bad because of stealing time from gaming to steal time from schoolwork/personal development. Didn't feel bad from stealing my jobtime however, as that kind of work didn't really interest me. My job as English teacher is still ongoing however and I enjoy it very much! After the call, I went on a little bit of a panic mode and sought jobs both at home and on Iceland, both to decent effect. Afterwards, I prepared for English teaching, one TED talk and a few notes. I also worked out after about 9 months, reading some 4HB beforehand and sent a few videos of me working out to my (ex)girl, as I knew she'd be happy for me (and also because INSTANT GRATIFICATION, there, I wrote it). After that, I went on teaching. In the evening, I talked with mom, showed her the "Game Over" documentary, so I could introduce her to my new situation. After that, I watched the documentary as planned. Feeling thoroughly tired from the workout; in my book, this day was a solid 8/10. I noticed myself trying to fret three times during the day. Before job call, after job call and before workout. Realizing there's no gaming to run back to helped me stay on track, losing a few minutes to pick myself up compared to giving up a few hours gaming/watching streams with uncertain effect. Overall, today went just as planned! I even did more than I had planned! ?
  4. Good! Hope it works out for you and you'll do something you like. You make a great point with this: Exactly this, I have the same objective.
  5. Ikar

    Journal

    Nice! Half a month without all this digital content is worth the admiration! Even the masturbation, if it was your addiction too!
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Thanks for sharing the experience! I can relate to that, so that's why I am keeping a schedule, or just a list of activities to do. I'm not really a fan of schedules, but to live my life as I want it, it seems necessary, as my ability to do anything else than gaming/watching streams was heavily paralyzed. After all, a regular person spends 8 hours a day at work - also according to schedule. So yes, gaming is the first challenge but turning computer time to something else goes hand-to-hand in my case!
  7. As a former memer who had his own FB page dedicated to making fun of his former university, I agree that this thread is so good and yet so bad at the same time! Already got a Morpheus in here, but who cares. I also saw a bit of Matrix yesterday before seeing this thread, coincidence? I think not!
  8. Hi TtWA! To start off, I read your story in Introduction, as well the whole diary and damn, some of the metaphors you use are powerful. Here are my thoughts: As for ghosting and not being "present"; there's a great book by Eckhart Tolle called "The Power of Now", I think Cam himself might've mentioned it in his videos. It's available online in pdf as well. Reason I am writing this is it was actually my (ex)girl who gave it to me, even though at that time she was already thinking my case was lost. I can't say I understood most the book, I can't say I understood even half the book, but it gets you thinking in the correct way. Working out is great, I'll do it tomorrow for the first time after a long hiatus too! My (ex)girl tried to get me into it after I quit the army, but I just spent too much time gaming and watching Twitch. I had the wrong mindset, took it personally as an attack on my manhood and justified it by the fact I'm not gonna do it just because SHE wants; more so, when she doesn't work out herself! Second flaw I had was with my mindset. I desperately struggled to get an hour or two outside of my computer, instead of questioning the fact I daily spent literally 16 hours on a day off there. Since I ask the better question now, gaming and Twitch is the first thing to go, but my second goal is to cut down on computer time itself. Today, after I started yesterday, I got enough enough courage to contact my (ex)girl way ahead of time since the ex-com we were having for a few weeks. She's been my single most important achievement in the past year. She showed me her support and I am grateful for that. I'm unsure if we'll get back together, but I'll be seeing her in June, so she'll be able to compare whether all this was just talking or acting. Talking (and writing) is one thing, doing a whole damn different other thing! You seem to be keen on joining the army, but as a former soldier myself (maybe a future one too, who knows, but not until I graduate from the university), I ask you one thing: do NOT underestimate the # of people serving solely for the paycheck (and paid gym time). Make sure you're not wasting your potential there, stuck in the 9-5. Put meaning into your work and try to make your passion do the work for you. Going into the army won't automatically make you a better person. This is my army experience from the CZ army, being an "ordinary" soldier. Feel free to PM me, if you wish to know more about my experience there. As a last point, here's a great TED talk I stumbled upon a few days ago. I tried to dodge it by the title, but after several dodges I gave it a go and it's great and his presentation screens are super easy to follow and apply.
  9. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 1 addendum: I was mostly studying Cam's YT content, got on the forums and commented Cam's YT content. I was on Twitch a little bit too. After lunch, I went for a walk around the village with my dad. After that, grandma came in the afternoon for a barbecue. In the evening I watched some Simpsons. I thought of some activities to fill... uh, basically my whole day. Scheduling seems like a good idea, having already good experience from one of my exam terms on the university. Day 2: Studying some more of Cam's YT content, I decided to perma-block Twitch. I also decided to order a book from university's library he recommended in a reaction on my comment. I also removed all of my Discord servers, except mine, where I would get notified when a streamer went live on Twitch. Contacted several people on Discord regarding my Twitch absence to inform people, in case they ask if I died or what's wrong with me. Brother came over for lunch and I also played Scrabble with my mom. What a nerd I am! During the day, I noticed some anxiety and more sweating than usual. After a few weeks of no communication, I decided to inform my girl of my decision to drastically transform 95% of the free time I have. During the conversation (and after sending her my journal I wrote ever since we separated), I felt supremely anxious, I even wanted to cry and relapse... but in the end, she told me she still likes me and that she would support me and I could feel tears of joy immediately running down my face! 1 day at a time, 1-2 main objective(s) at a time, and a few optional ones. Rest of the day will be used to celebrate the achievements that truly matter and relaxation. Sometimes more of a thought-map rather than a schedule, I'll make sure to collect all the ideas I have scattered throughout my room, on desktop and in my head. Schedule: Tue: ICELAND JOBSEEKING + school project setup, basketball/workout, watch a WWII documentary world at war ep. 1 Wed: LOCAL JOBSEEKING (event) + school project finish, read some 4HB from Ferriss Thu: WORKDAY SCHOOL PROJECT 1&2 + visit grandma Fri: SCHOOLDAY (pick up books from library) + walk outside TBD: Sat: drum? get good morning/evening routines? Sun: find out more to start own ENG business?
  10. Hey goodbill! I empathize with you on a personal level, as my girl had to persist my gamer identity for quite some time. I told her (and myself, even before I got to know her) I would do things like working out, reading and educating myself more. Unsurprisingly, after several smaller red flags she gave me (that I failed to recognize as the beginning of the end, as my social IQ is probably horrible due to my gaming past), she snapped and said she wouldn't like to see me anymore. I failed to acknowledge even that fact for a while, but eventually this ongoing ex-com we're having really got me thinking about my time usage. I'm not doing this to impress her and to have her back (which would still be awesome), but to inspire myself to chase passions I'm after. Glad to have you on the same boat!
  11. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Hi Taichi, welcome to my logs, thanks for the support! I might be a genius, but it's not gonna be any good if I don't use it! The "0/12" concept I came up with came to me after watching Cam's video on "mindlessly browsing the Internet"; I don't want to replace one devil with another and I need to fill this time with something sensible. Point is to use the computer as my servant, not my master. 100 days is awesome, great work! I'm already slightly nervous, as I know this isn't a week on holidays, when I knew I'd be coming home and continue living like before. By the way, are you OK with spending 8 hours a day on YT, or not? It's great you're feeling a lot better nowadays!
  12. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Hello goodbill, thanks for your post! Indeed, those several attempts at breaking away from gaming during the years are a good proof to get away. In the past, I experienced this weird attitude, where if I had to travel or wait somewhere for a longer period of time, I was happy I could just take a book with me, as I knew that would be highly unlikely if I was just at home. I think that also points in the way of the addiction. To not make everything black and white however, I owe my English capabilities to the time spent on the Internet. I decided to block Twitch as well. My point is not instead of 6/6 hours gaming/watching to have a 0/12 scenario, start massively watching YT or see whole series in a few days. I think I'd like to make an IRL stream explaining what's going on, but I'll see about that. My attempts at moderation have not been as successful as I would've imagined. I have the resources to do without spending half my day on gaming and gaming related content.
  13. Hello there! My name is Martin (Ikarases on the net) and I am 21. My backstory is that approximately from the age of 12, I spend most of my free time either playing games or browsing the Internet. I've even tried full-time streaming professionally recently, however I realized my gaming taste just doesn't drag enough attention, even though I still sometimes stream nowadays a few hours a day. I'd attribute my desire to stream to a lack of social connection IRL, at least back then when I started out streaming roughly three years ago. Not until several months ago, I started uninstalling some games just to fall into the clutches of another one. In the years before, I felt burnt-out on games, but the recurrent theme always was "What the hell am I gonna do anyway?" I also started alternating playing myself with watching Twitch and even streaming myself occasionally, which helped with diversification, but didn't really solve the core issue. What I did with Twitch recently as well was to setup LeechBlock on morning hours to spare myself some time on other things like school, reading and other priorities I have in life. However both uninstalling games and LeechBlock are only in effect as long as you want them to be in effect. Reason I am writing this is that I feel gaming/watching streams suppresses my passions and impedes work on other projects and that they are my number 1 go-to activity when idle. Main recent impulse I am here is my very first (and former?) girlfriend told me she needs to take a break from our relationship about a month ago (not on the "I hate you for LIFE." side of things though). After even struggling to acknowledge her current standpoint for a few weeks, I shifted my focus inwards; I started watching TED talks, got a new bike, deactivated my FB and started reading more. I think I'm a nice guy, but that only goes so far if about 12/16 hours of my waking time is spent behind a computer screen. I even started writing a diary on my own, mapping my thoughts and feelings every now and then, as I feel there's some "unfinished business" between the two of us and I plan to show her my diary and the posts on this forum too. Spending time with her was better than spending time gaming or watching streams! I'm past the point where I'd HAVE TO spend my whole day behind computer, however I do it regardless for lack of motivation to do other things. I know my other hobbies are geography, English teaching, modern history, I even considered making models of WWII tanks among other things. I know I have several papers due to hand at the university, where I study geography, but mostly I just procrastinate that until there's just a few days left. Creating a commitment on the Internet to cut down my Internet time seems paradoxical, but I'll give it a go regardless. I'll say this is my 1/90, because even though I watched a bit of streams today, I didn't game myself. I think it's about time to change my habit and take my life back. Thanks for reading this and all the support is very appreciated! I consider this to be my day 1 entry. MY GOALS: 1. No gaming/Twitch for 90 days 2. Beginning 1st June, consciously spend less time on PC to avoid falling into other digital traps (YT, series-binging etc.) These are likely the easiest ones to fall into for me because of the proximity.
  14. Hello there! My name is Martin (Ikarases on the net) and I am 21. My backstory is that approximately from the age of 12, I spend most of my free time either playing games or browsing the Internet. I've even tried full-time streaming professionally recently, however I realized my gaming taste just doesn't drag enough attention, even though I still sometimes stream nowadays a few hours a day. I'd attribute my desire to stream to a lack of social connection IRL, at least back then when I started out streaming roughly three years ago. Main reason I am here is my very first (and former?) girlfriend told me she needs to take a break from our relationship about a month ago. After even struggling to acknowledge her current standpoint for a few weeks, I shifted my focus inwards - I started watching TED talks, got a new bike, deactivated my FB and started reading more. I even started writing a diary, mapping my thoughts and feelings every now and then, as I feel there's some "unfinished business" between the two of us. Spending time with her was better than spending time gaming or watching streams! I'm past the point where I'd HAVE TO spend my whole day behind computer, however I do it regardless for lack of motivation to do other things. I know my other hobbies are geography, English teaching, modern history, I even considered making models of WWII tanks. I know I have several papers due to hand at the university, where I study geography, but mostly I just procrastinate that until there's just a few days left. Creating a commitment on the Internet to cut down my Internet time seems paradoxical, but I'll give it a go regardless. Thanks for hearing me out! EDIT: I am planning to make a job-trip to Iceland during summer holidays, inspired partly by my girl and partly because I will know it'll be better for me than sitting at home.
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